Middle aged women out there - I need your help

[speed racer]

Hello,

 

I am a middle aged 40-50.

I met a woman a 4 months ago through a social group we have joined.

She had a tragic few years and has now gotten back into a social environment to meet people.

 

We haven't had an "official date yet," but we have been to quite a few lunches, dinners -

We have done some things that people do on dates -

It's usually me texting her to find out if she is interested in doing something....

 

Some people call it baggage, but I don't - I don't consider your kids or family baggage -

We both have a child and hers is over 20. They having a hard time with their mother dating again...

So she wants me somewhere and then go out together... I can completely understand this -

 

I don't want to scare her off by seeming like I want her to dive into a relationship to quick but we do get along

great and I really like her very much and she brightens my day when I'm with her...

 

We started off by chatting - that went well.

We then started hanging around each other and dancing a lot at the events we attended.

We seem to get along great.

 

I wanted the relationship to go further if possible so I asked her if she was interested in going to a comedy club with me.

She texted back and said she was busy all weekend and thanked me for the invite. The next day she texted me and asked if I had seen

a movie and then suggested we go to a movie. After that, she started inviting me to go biking with her.

Another time she had an emergency (real emergency I have no doubt) and couldn't go with me to a friends birthday party, but then texted me to go biking with her the next day.

 

Here is the deal, it always seems like it is me that is contacting her - I'm mean she answers, and makes suggestions on things we could do -

She mainly communicates through texting - once she actually had me call her directly (two weeks ago)

Sometimes there is no response for days, and then out of nowhere she will text me - Use happy emoticons and tell me to have a good day?

 

Up until 2 weeks ago, I felt that things were going along well - I thought that as middle aged people, the relationship was developing as

it should?

 

Here is the big question to you

I know every situation is different, but can any of you middle aged ladies give me some advice for this...

What are some some signs she is interested in me... It is not like she is calling me or texting me. She is not outwardly making eye contact with me.

We do talk a lot when we go out - we have a great time.

 

The confusing thing is that when she does text me out of no where, it is when I least expect it

and it is to suggest a way we can do something - (that is just with us - not the social group)

 

 

Oh yes, One more thing, this is going to sound weird, but yesterday while we were riding, she ask me where all the rich guys hang out?

I don't know if she was kidding - It was quite strange....

 

 

Thank you ladies,

Speed

[LaHermes]

Yeh. It was strange all right.

 

This sounds like friendship mode to me, only.

[tattoobunnie]

Sounds like you're in the friend zone.

[Wiseman2]

make sure she's not viewing you as a male-girlfriend. Move this forward to dating mode. That may mean initiating and planning dates, treating, more romantic stuff, etc. Also start holding hands or put your arm around her or something more date-like. If you like her don't be this passive or friendzony. Text here and there but don't be text buddies or phone pals.

The next day she texted me and asked if I had seen a movie and then suggested we go to a movie. After that, she started inviting me to go biking with her.

[LaHermes]

You beat me to it, Wiseman lol.

 

"make sure she's not viewing you as a male-girlfriend. "

[sara-pezzini]

Ouch middle-aged............

Agree with previous two posters....

Initiate some hand-holding and see how she responds...

Maybe she put you in the friendzone because she doesn't know you're romantically interested

[LaHermes]

Are you rich, Speed?

 

If you are, then tell her. It may improve things......

[Fun Boater 1]

When you say she's had a "tragic few years", what specifically do you mean by that?

 

I agree with Wiseman. You need to be more aggressive and direct with her about expressing your romantic interest in her. Make sure she knows you are interested in her in that way. Have you kissed her? Did she kiss you back?...etc..e.tc... The others are right in their suggestion that she just may not know what your intent with her is if you havne't assertive yourself with her romantically.

[speed racer]

Thanks everyone,

 

Not to sound like a moron, but I have not been in the dating game in over 31 years -

I'm kind of numb to the whole "signs of interest" from women... Especially middle aged women - (they are different from the 20 years right?)

 

Any suggestions on signs that she maybe interested? - If a woman is not interested, why would they even continue

texting or going out with you in any sort of way?

 

I know that I would never give a woman the idea that I was interested if I wasn't - wouldn't be right -

There are obvious way to let them know you like them, but not romantically without saying it..

 

Is there really strategies women use? I've read in other post - where women reply by saying "even if you like him, you need to keep a distance to

keep him interested in you." Is that true? or is that only in the immature relationships?

 

She has to know by now that I am interested in her.

Do middle aged women look for rich men? Do they look for the ultimate security?

I'm not rich and I'm not poor - but man, that was a strange thing for her to say - (I couldn't tell if she was joking and didn't know how to pull

off a joke) Never the less, who would ask where the "rich men hangout" - This seemed out of her character, but then I have only known her for 4 months...

 

I don't text her everyday or even every other day cause that would be annoying, but I do text her to during the week to see if there is an opportunity

for us to do something together on the weekend. I'd like the relationship to grow without putting pressure on her -

 

How do I know if she is just being nice? Should I wait to see if she initiates any contact? - If I wait to see if she initiates contact, how will I know

if she takes it like I have lost interest - (don't want that to happen)

 

What do you think everyone? (ladies i'm curious to what you think as a woman)

 

Thank you again,

Speed

[speed racer]

Fun Boater,

 

She lost her H about 6 years ago -

They never stopped loving each other - they just got the short end of the stick.....

Life can change in a moment

 

Speed

[LaHermes]

I'm telling you Speed what I think as a woman.

 

You say (again):

 

"Do middle aged women look for rich men? Do they look for the ultimate security?

I'm not rich and I'm not poor - but man, that was a strange thing for her to say - (I couldn't tell if she was joking and didn't know how to pull

off a joke) Never the less, who would ask where the "rich men hangout" - This seemed out of her character, but then I have only known her for 4 months...

"

 

You ask re this:

 

""even if you like him, you need to keep a distance to

keep him interested in you.""

 

That is daft teenage stuff.....

 

I fear I am a right cynic, but you know, seen a lot, heard a lot, done a lot in my day.

 

Yes, there are middle-aged women who look for rich men. Although 40 is no longer middle-aged. Now, if you said 60 for example.

 

Just keep your eyes and ears open, Speed, and often "hearing" what is not being said is more valuable than what is verbalised.

[Wiseman2]

Not the way you are going about it acting like a friend. The problem isn't age or culture or rich men. The problem is she talks to you like a girlfriend because you act like one being this passive waiting for her to do all the work.

She has to know by now that I am interested in her.

[sara-pezzini]

Although 40 is no longer middle-aged..

 

Amen! Thank you lol

[speed racer]

LaHermes:

 

What did you mean when you wrote:

"Just keep your eyes and ears open, Speed, and often "hearing" what is not being said is more valuable than what is verbalised?"

Could you elaborate a little on this?

 

Thank you,

Speed

[LaHermes]

Mmmmm Speed. Keep your ears open for those "off" remarks. They can tell you a lot.

 

I suppose it is a talent or a gift to be able to hear what is not being said, so I can't explain. People often give away a lot more in what they are not saying.

[speed racer]

I didn't want to offend by the whole "40-50" middle aged -

I agree, it's 60s now. I've just been conditioned to say that....

 

Sorry

[speed racer]

I haven't had any other off remarks accept the whole "rich men thing." She has let me in on a lot of personal information -

 

I'm pretty good at reading people or hearing what is not being said - when I'm with them....

Texting throws me for a loop - She does use a lot of exclamations and smily faces - ?

 

Speed

[sara-pezzini]

Smiley faces and exclamations are not a sign of attraction, learned that the hard way....

[Wiseman2]

Stop texting and start dating. Why are you friendzoning yourself? Are you afraid of her?

I'm pretty good at reading people or hearing what is not being said - when I'm with them....Texting throws me for a loop - She does use a lot of exclamations and smily faces -

[Fun Boater 1]

Thanks everyone,

 

Not to sound like a moron, but I have not been in the dating game in over 31 years -

I'm kind of numb to the whole "signs of interest" from women... Especially middle aged women - (they are different from the 20 years right?)

 

Any suggestions on signs that she maybe interested? - If a woman is not interested, why would they even continue

texting or going out with you in any sort of way?

 

I know that I would never give a woman the idea that I was interested if I wasn't - wouldn't be right -

There are obvious way to let them know you like them, but not romantically without saying it..

 

Is there really strategies women use? I've read in other post - where women reply by saying "even if you like him, you need to keep a distance to

keep him interested in you." Is that true? or is that only in the immature relationships?

 

She has to know by now that I am interested in her.

Do middle aged women look for rich men? Do they look for the ultimate security?

I'm not rich and I'm not poor - but man, that was a strange thing for her to say - (I couldn't tell if she was joking and didn't know how to pull

off a joke) Never the less, who would ask where the "rich men hangout" - This seemed out of her character, but then I have only known her for 4 months...

 

I don't text her everyday or even every other day cause that would be annoying, but I do text her to during the week to see if there is an opportunity

for us to do something together on the weekend. I'd like the relationship to grow without putting pressure on her -

 

How do I know if she is just being nice? Should I wait to see if she initiates any contact? - If I wait to see if she initiates contact, how will I know

if she takes it like I have lost interest - (don't want that to happen)

 

What do you think everyone? (ladies i'm curious to what you think as a woman)

 

Thank you again,

Speed

 

You just need to directly ask her out on a date, Speed. ACT! You'll never be able to gauge her interest level in you romantically if you don't start asking her out on dates...and make it clear to her that you wish to take her on a DATE, in the traditional sense of the word. Stop worrying about if she is using some kind of "strategy". Most of that "strategy" stuff is complete and utter bullsh*t anyway. Women also DO tend to joke about meeting a "rich" guy frequently, so don't worry about that either. And when you ask her out - CALL her on the phone to ask her out! Maybe text her with "can I call you? I'd like to talk to you...etc.." Something like that. You need to show this woman that you are interested in her romantically. Women like being pursued, and they like it when a guy lets them know they are interested. I think you are way over-thinking this whole situation with her. Just be open, honest, direct, and express your interest in her. If you don't, you are liable to miss the boat with her when some other guy meets her and DOES directly express interest in her romantically. While you are being scared and wishy washy, she's most likely losing interest in you. How do you know she's not sitting over there on her end thinking "what does this guy want?"..."why isn't he asking me out of making a move"? Your lack of direct and clear communication may be causing her to lose interest. And from what you have told us, it would appear she IS interested, so GO FOR IT!

[LaHermes]

That's what I meant, Speed: "when you are with them".

 

Text is just that, text. I think you did ask her on a date, did you not?

 

However, perhaps what posters mean here is ask her out for dinner, the candle-lit variety, with, weather permitting, a walk in the gardens afterwards.

 

How does that sound?

[speed racer]

Yeah, you all are right -

 

I was only texting her because that seemed to be her way of communicating.

I prefer to talk over texting any day of the week...

 

I do need to move it up to an actual date - you guys are correct. I don't want to miss the boat on this one.

She seemed like she didn't want her 20 yr old to know she was meeting me when we went out... But

I will call her next time - I'd prefer it that way anyway... This will at least let me know one way or the other -

 

Please don't rip on me to bad, but do you actually have to verbally say "Are you available to go on a date with me this weekend?"

or is it Ok to ask her if she if available for a dinner and evening with me?

 

Thank you all again -

Speed

[sara-pezzini]

I would really call it a date, dinner can be just friends.... you need to make sure there is no doubt in your intentions

[SherrySher]

I'm a middle aged lady and here is my take on this.

I am getting the vibe that she is seeing you as a friend to hang out with. She should be most definitely initiating or being obvious flirty (where you have no doubt) maybe not at all time but at least once or twice since you've been out.

 

Has she or you not been romantic at all? Because it really does sound like a friendship you're describing.

I know taking things slow is the smarter thing to do, but she's barely showing any signs of being interested romantically. And her making the comment about "where do all the rich guys hang out", really is a killer in my opinion. No way would I be asking or joking about other men to a man I was really into.

My opinion is she see's you as a good friend but not romantic.

[LaHermes]

LOL Speed. Just ask her out.

 

As in:

 

"Would you like to have dinner with me X night?" I'll collect you at X p.m."

 

Why is she afraid of this 20 yr old. Not good to be sneaking out at her age to meet a man because her 20 yr old is controlling her.

 

She'll get the picture that it is a date when she sees the place you have chosen for dinner, so choose carefully.