It's over now but wanted to know if she was letting me down or legit excuse?

[fmfan08]

We went out on two dates and everything was great, she'd initiate 80% of the time, be really into the conversation, send emojis and ask questions, etc. She was positive even after the second date.

 

We had a third date arranged, then she cancelled the day before saying she got an email off her tutor that she has to stay extra on her work placement (as a teacher) and attend parents evening so I acted aloof and was like okay maybe another time. She told me that was a really weird text from me, I guess because I acted aloof rather than my usual upbeat self. Then she suggested the following Wednesday, so I agreed.

 

Anyway, she seemed different that week, she wouldn't initiate much. We spoke a little bit a couple of days later, but when I text her she didn't reply straight away. Then I saw she posted on facebook that she got the job she applied for. So I congratulated her on her facebook post, THEN she replied to my text. It was like I had to "encourage" her to respond, yet the week before she was really eager.

 

Later that night, she drunk texts me (she's done this 3 times overall) that her friends want to invite me to their party on the 20th to meet me. The following morning I agree to it but she laughs it off saying she was drunk and told me not to book that day off just yet and she'll talk to me about it on our date.

 

So a few days later, on my birthday, she texts me "Morning What did you get up to last night? Can I ask you a serious question; as I'm new to this dating thing. Are you seeing any other girls besides me?". I did have a few facebook statuses of me tagged in locations and saying things like "enjoyed tonight", don't know if it came across as if I was dating others, but she knew I was with a friend as I told her when she asked.

 

I told her that "You're the only girl I'm seeing at this moment", so she wished me happy birthday and said "Okay, that's all I wanted to know". After that, she wrote on my wall saying "Happy Birthday xx".

 

We then texted a little bit and her response times were like 1-2 mins, back to how they used to be.

 

Then the morning of the date she calls me by my pet name and texts saying she's not well, been up all night being sick and not slept, she's having the day off work and going to try sleep it off and that she can't come tonight and that she'll try and make it up to me (second time she cancelled).

 

I asked when she was next free (probably should have left it) then she said Saturday. So I suggested 8:30pm as I was working before that.

 

She said "That's late on, you working during the day?".

 

Then she sends a second text saying "Can't do half 8, just spoke to my dad and he wants to take me out for a celebration tea for me getting my job. Sorry... I am just so busy at the moment, going back to my teaching placement and SATS coming up, etc. I might have to cool this off for a while. I don't want to be messing you around because you're a gentleman and I don't want to come across a , because I'm not like that. Hope that makes sense?"

 

So I just went in agreement and said a few things, wished her luck, etc.

 

Then she said "I don't think I can put the time in and don't want to feel guilty for putting my degree first. I enjoyed the time we spent together and just think it should stop there, so it doesn't get even messier. I sound so selfish 😞 just need to put me first and concentrate on 1 thing! And that's my degree. So sorry for being a and selfish, I hope you can understand where I am coming from."

 

It's odd how she goes from being really eager to being distant.

 

Is that just an excuse because she's not interested? As I believe even the busiest person makes time for someone they like. She does live 23 miles away and takes her 30 mins to see me though.

 

Girls I ask say even if they prioritise their work and it's really important to them and would rather focus on that, if someone is special to them they'll still make the effort.

 

So just an excuse to say she isn't interested or possibly legit based on her explanation? Why did she suddenly go from eager to distant? And why did it take her two weeks to finally send me something like that?

 

I'm just annoyed my time was wasted but I'm talking to other girls. Guess I just wanted a different set of opinions on this.

[Sportster2005]

 

It's odd how she goes from being really eager to being distant.

 

Is that just an excuse because she's not interested?

 

 

It's not odd at all. It happens all the time.

 

Take people on their word until they give you a reason not to believe you. Often the truth is in the middle. She probably is busy, but she's also no feeling quite enough to make time for you. At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Excuse or reason, she's done. Accept it and move on.

[fmfan08]

It's not odd at all. It happens all the time.

 

Take people on their word until they give you a reason not to believe you. Often the truth is in the middle. She probably is busy, but she's also no feeling quite enough to make time for you. At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Excuse or reason, she's done. Accept it and move on.

 

I do think it's lack of interest though or she doesn't like me in that way. I can work up to 70 hours in a week and still find time for a girl I like. If I focused on getting my career sorted, I wouldn't let a girl that I like disappear off into someone else's arms.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately at first a lot of people are multidating. Yeah, it sounds like she's blowing you off and that means you are doing the right thing to cease contact and move on to other girls.

We had a third date arranged, then she cancelled the day beforeThen the morning of the date she calls me by my pet name and texts saying she's not well, been up all night being sick and not slept (second time she cancelled).

[glitterfingers]

Personally, doesn't matter how much I like a guy, my priorities to my work or degree will come first much of the time. Especially early on (i.e. first few months) before you've built enough rapport/connection. Could be that the timing is off. Doesn't really say anything about you per se, just about the 'game' you're playing. If she'd known you for years before this she might be more inclined to make exceptions based on how she feels about you and not wanting to lose a great connection. As it is, what really have you done that would stand out to her to the point that she'd shuffle her life around if you don't fit into it that well right now? I ask this because you need to understand that someone not feeling strongly isn't necessarily a reflection of whether they could/would feel strongly about you, just of where you fit into their life right at this moment. Try not to take it personally.

[fmfan08]

Personally, doesn't matter how much I like a guy, my priorities to my work or degree will come first much of the time. Especially early on (i.e. first few months) before you've built enough rapport/connection. Could be that the timing is off. Doesn't really say anything about you per se, just about the 'game' you're playing. If she'd known you for years before this she might be more inclined to make exceptions based on how she feels about you and not wanting to lose a great connection. As it is, what really have you done that would stand out to her to the point that she'd shuffle her life around if you don't fit into it that well right now? I ask this because you need to understand that someone not feeling strongly isn't necessarily a reflection of whether they could/would feel strongly about you, just of where you fit into their life right at this moment. Try not to take it personally.

 

Suppose. We only went on two dates and there's a 23 mile difference between us. She knows I work a lot and I tend to work late too. I think if we lived within 5 miles then fine, but it takes her 30 mins to see me and 30 mins back. I wouldn't expect to be much of a priority, but if this was me and I was on a work placement, I'd still spend the time to travel to see her if it was just for ONE hour. Busy or not, I'd still make time if I'm really interested. This is why I doubt her excuse, sure she wants to put the degree and her placement first but she knows she has the job in september (unless her failing her uni degree stops that).

 

I asked my sister the same question and she said she doesn't want a relationship right now as she failed her last two university assignments due to them, but she told me if there was someone special she'd make time.

 

Maybe it's like you say, we haven't dated long and not enough rapport built (even though we did spend most days talking).

 

Can I ask one thing though? Why would she ask me if I'm seeing other girls besides her? Then two days later break it off saying she wants to cool it off and focus on her uni degree, etc. It doesn't make sense.

 

I even asked her that as a separate message over Facebook asking why she asked that as it didn't make sense, but got no reply. I also tried re-adding her on Facebook saying it was childish of me to remove her from it, but she rejected my friend request (in addition to ignoring the question I asked about why she asked me if i'm seeing other girls).

[SherrySher]

This is my take as a woman reading what this woman is doing or has done.

When you spoke aloof to her, she took it badly and didn't like it, she no doubt looked on your facebook page and wondered if you were interested in someone else, hence why she asked.

 

She then spent a bit of time back and forth wondering if she really did want to invest in you or if she didn't see a future. She went back and forth about it and she probably didn't like some things that were going on or how you two related (assuming) which is why she wasn't totally sure.

 

But then she finally decided that, no, this was not something she wanted to work at. And it would be some what work with her schooling, and starting a new position, etc.

But yes, you are correct, if she was really into you, she would most definitely find the time.

She has bailed and only you or she can say why. But she was fair to you and explained, (many people don't and you just don't hear from them again).

But this is done with.

[Throwaway85]

You're reading way too much into this and investing far too much emotional energy into someone you went on 2 dates with.

 

Stop wasting time and energy trying to figure out the meaning behind every little text or action with anyone. Focus on having a good time in the moment and don't worry about their motivations or intentions - be yourself and don't play games.

 

From personal experience as a guy who has dated many, many women - this happens all the time. Be courteous, be nice, and maybe sometime down the line reach out. You'd be surprised how many people re-enter your life down the line in some capacity.

[HeartGoesOn]

One can always make the time, and find the time for those they truly care about. I wouldn't take this personally, yet I'd opt to no longer waste my time, and move on.

[ParisPaulette]

It sounds like life has suddenly gotten crazy busy for her and you are simply not a sure enough thing to her yet, for her to put in the extra effort to keep you along while she sorts it all out.

 

And this happens in the first few months of dating. I've done it myself. It's a combo of bad timing and not a strong enough interest to override the insanity of life. So not your fault at all, just bad timing. And in a way this is a favor to you, because it sort of shows the cracks now before you got overly attached. You are right in that if someone is really into you, it won't matter what's going on. I've driven through a massive snowstorm two hours to see someone once, during the craziest "I have no time for myself" period of my life. But oh how I wanted to see him, so I did.

 

That's what you want, the girl like that who will make that extra effort no matter what. So pull back on this one, line up other dates, keep going.