scaredpeanut Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Im scared and not sure whats happening He is 7 years younger than me, we are both in our 30s. We have been together almost 5 years. Its been great, ups and downs. We have been living together for 4 years. The lease on our place is up and he says he is unsure if we should re-sign for another year. Back in January after a fun weekend together he randomly breaks up with me, he was unsure what he wanted to do with his life (go back to school and other things, and felt starting from a 'clean slate' would help him, an ongoing theme that has come up before but not this level) this escalated quickly, he wrote a check for half our joint, I got very upset and defensive, I started looking for a place right away, he went to a buddies, we calmed down and made up a few days later. He said he was upset and confused and didn't know how to deal with this so he thought breaking up would be best, but that he was happier with me in his life. We went to a counsel session, but never followed up (busy, scared, busy) A week ago we had tiff while at a show, he really seemed he didn't want to be there, I had avoided buying tickets early as I didn't think he wanted to go, I would have understood had he just told me he didn't want to go. I got upset when he was obviously not having fun, we left and walked home (he wanted a cab, but I was upset and needed the walk, he refused to let me walk alone) All I wanted was for him to tell me he didn't want to go. He said he went because I wanted to . Normally this would be a silly after a few drinks thing, but with January, it seems to be lingering. We have off and on talked about getting a house, he seems right into in, but then when he gets doubts, he shys away from talk and considers it 'pressure' He has moved around alot, worked many different jobs, these last 3 years have been his most stable. He says somedays he loves me and never wants to let me go and other days he wants to run away and not be bothered by anyone, somedays hes wants to spend his life with me, others he wants his own place. He is confused with the break up in Jan is reluctant to sign for another year. He works a busy job and our hours don't always match nicely, I know he needs some space and some "him" time, but we can't seem to get the groove on this, he thinks its silly for him to get the second bedroom as a 'man cave' to himself. I love him and Im committed to us for the long haul, I don't share these doubts, but I also stress when he needs his space that at anytime he could just break it off again. I want to make plans and a future with him, counseling was his idea, we talked and both are on the page that its to strengthen the relationship. He says he needs to talk about he doubts, bounce ideas off a neutral party. I have never been so scared. I don't know what to do or think. After this next session we each have one booked on our own. Its a chance to talk about what we want/need/feel so they can help us be on the same page. But I am still so scared, I feel our relationship can get passed this, we do love eachother and have way more good times than bad, and I want him to have his needed alone time as that is important. Im scared of his "not knowing how he feels", and Im scared that it scares him too. Link to comment
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