Right this is it - NC starts today

[rich46]

Yes, she is playing with you.

 

Honestly, if I was to write a book entitled "How not to win your ex back" then I would be cutting and pasting your posts for inclusion in it.

 

Grow a pair and cut her out, completely.

[jonnyboy12]

Yes, she is playing with you.

 

Honestly, if I was to write a book entitled "How not to win your ex back" then I would be cutting and pasting your posts for inclusion in it.

 

Grow a pair and cut her out, completely.

 

lol thought so. Don't understand it at all. Told me she loved me etc. You don't play games with someone you love.

[jonnyboy12]

Question I have is she playing me or putting my insecurities to the test? I kept saying "you're trying to test me" and she was like "you're doing well".

 

She also said "i would be unhappy if you went back to any people you've been with before, I wouldn't do that, if you did it would well and truly be over" BUTTTTT I thought you just said it was over???? Make your mind up?

 

She also says she wouldn't get with people because she feels uncomfortable and other boys are not the reason we split it.

 

She says she just doesn't want to have anyone breathing down her neck when she is out, because she is actually loyal to me. Which is fair enough. So maybe this will work out....she won't do anything with anyone or date anyone etc but she wants to feel that I can not be insecure and trust her (its a bit harder when she is actually single as she can do whatever she wants technically)....I mentioned we can then start doing stuff with each other and get that flame re-lit and she did agree....think I'm going to go with it....at the end of the day, if she does actually go off with someone else it will just confirm she doesn't love me and never loved me like she said and I'll swiftly move on.

[rich46]

Question I have is she playing me or putting my insecurities to the test? I kept saying "you're trying to test me" and she was like "you're doing well".

 

She also said "i would be unhappy if you went back to any people you've been with before, I wouldn't do that, if you did it would well and truly be over" BUTTTTT I thought you just said it was over???? Make your mind up?

 

She also says she wouldn't get with people because she feels uncomfortable and other boys are not the reason we split it.

 

She says she just doesn't want to have anyone breathing down her neck when she is out, because she is actually loyal to me. Which is fair enough. So maybe this will work out....she won't do anything with anyone or date anyone etc but she wants to feel that I can not be insecure and trust her (its a bit harder when she is actually single as she can do whatever she wants technically)....I mentioned we can then start doing stuff with each other and get that flame re-lit and she did agree....think I'm going to go with it....at the end of the day, if she does actually go off with someone else it will just confirm she doesn't love me and never loved me like she said and I'll swiftly move on.

Are you actually listening to any of the advice given here?

 

All your confusion and questions and insecurities and panic all stem from the fact that you are in contact with her.

 

If you want this to continue, and for more and more unanswerable questions to fill your mind, then please continue to keep in contact with her.

 

If you don't, then for the last time (from me, anyway) - NO CONTACT.

[boltnrun]

What happened to "Right, this is it-NC starts today"?

[hrb23]

Question I have is she playing me or putting my insecurities to the test? I kept saying "you're trying to test me" and she was like "you're doing well".

 

She also said "i would be unhappy if you went back to any people you've been with before, I wouldn't do that, if you did it would well and truly be over" BUTTTTT I thought you just said it was over???? Make your mind up?

 

She also says she wouldn't get with people because she feels uncomfortable and other boys are not the reason we split it.

 

She says she just doesn't want to have anyone breathing down her neck when she is out, because she is actually loyal to me. Which is fair enough. So maybe this will work out....she won't do anything with anyone or date anyone etc but she wants to feel that I can not be insecure and trust her (its a bit harder when she is actually single as she can do whatever she wants technically)....I mentioned we can then start doing stuff with each other and get that flame re-lit and she did agree....think I'm going to go with it....at the end of the day, if she does actually go off with someone else it will just confirm she doesn't love me and never loved me like she said and I'll swiftly move on.

 

She is telling you what you WANT to hear to keep you in her life. Truth is she doesn't know what other options lay around the corner, and just because she hasn't met someone yet, it doesn't mean she won't. Unfortunately for you she does want to explore other options. The twist is that you are the backup option.

 

This was your choice. By not cutting contact and doing everything on her terms you have given her the power and you have given her a fallback option.

 

You need to stop using the fact she "says she loves me" as an excuse. She may very well love you but that doesn't mean she has to or wants to be with you anymore. She doesn't!

[Dominique]

She doesn't love you. She loves manipulating you.

 

Move on.

[jonnyboy12]

She is telling you what you WANT to hear to keep you in her life. Truth is she doesn't know what other options lay around the corner, and just because she hasn't met someone yet, it doesn't mean she won't. Unfortunately for you she does want to explore other options. The twist is that you are the backup option.

 

This was your choice. By not cutting contact and doing everything on her terms you have given her the power and you have given her a fallback option.

 

You need to stop using the fact she "says she loves me" as an excuse. She may very well love you but that doesn't mean she has to or wants to be with you anymore. She doesn't!

 

But she has explicitly said she doesn't want anyone else. Why would she lie, would just make her look stupid.

 

She text earlier aswell and said "btw i was kidding about the players in a game" I said haha thought so. Then she said where she was going at the weekend and I said enjoy, i'll catchup with you next week

[rich46]

So frustrating to read how naive you are, but you are young and will learn from these mistakes you are making. Hopefully.

[hrb23]

But she has explicitly said she doesn't want anyone else. Why would she lie, would just make her look stupid.

 

She text earlier aswell and said "btw i was kidding about the players in a game" I said haha thought so. Then she said where she was going at the weekend and I said enjoy, i'll catchup with you next week

 

She can do whatever on earth she wants (including lying) because she has worked out the pattern and that pattern is that you will be there waiting for her regardless. She might not want anybody else now but what she does want are options. Right now you are an option and as long as she lies to you and you believe it you will remain an option. Is that what you want to be?

 

You've played right into her hands and now she has the weekend to do whatever she wants and then decide on Monday if she even still wants to catch up with you. (Likely she will just to make sure you're still there which you will be)

 

She will continue to manipulate you because she knows she can and in a few days you will be making another thread just like this when you realize what is happening.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Please be smart. You have the weekend to figure this out.

[Whocares479]

Look I am an extremely empathetic and sympathetic person, I know how hard it is to get loose from their finger. However, you are completely disregarding every single piece of advice given to you. Then expect us to regive it to you after you get manipulated again. You are not dumb, you know what she is doing. You are just not ready to cut her loose so instead you make excuses for her immature behavior. You should take some of the blame because she only can do what you allow her. Until you wake up and smell the coffee, theres no piece of advice we can offer you that will help you.

 

 

I wish you the best. Hopefully, you'll actually listen to some of the good advice here.

[boltnrun]

I'm going to ask again...

 

What happened to "Right this is it - NC starts today"?

 

You know...the title of your thread.

[Loralora]

My head hurts from reading this thread.

 

This girl isn't ready to be commited she's playing the field..

 

She's immature

 

Nothing good will come of this...just read the comments I made on your other threads ...

[Loralora]

You need fo start looking at her actions and not listen to her words; then everything will start to become clearer...

[jonnyboy12]

I'm going to ask again...

 

What happened to "Right this is it - NC starts today"?

 

You know...the title of your thread.

 

It failed miserably.

[jonnyboy12]

My head hurts from reading this thread.

 

This girl isn't ready to be commited she's playing the field..

 

She's immature

 

Nothing good will come of this...just read the comments I made on your other threads ...

 

Ugh I know. I honestly get everything everyone is saying. Im hanging onto something when in my head I know Im better off letting go, its like im scared to lose what i dont even have!!! Would rather have something than absoluetly nothing, but I gotta realise having something halfway is way harder than nothing at all.

 

Honestly falling in love is much harder than I thought.

[jonnyboy12]

She can do whatever on earth she wants (including lying) because she has worked out the pattern and that pattern is that you will be there waiting for her regardless. She might not want anybody else now but what she does want are options. Right now you are an option and as long as she lies to you and you believe it you will remain an option. Is that what you want to be?

 

You've played right into her hands and now she has the weekend to do whatever she wants and then decide on Monday if she even still wants to catch up with you. (Likely she will just to make sure you're still there which you will be)

 

She will continue to manipulate you because she knows she can and in a few days you will be making another thread just like this when you realize what is happening.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Please be smart. You have the weekend to figure this out.

 

I totally understand what you are saying. Friends & family have said the exact same aswell.

[Dominique]

Ugh I know. I honestly get everything everyone is saying. Im hanging onto something when in my head I know Im better off letting go, its like im scared to lose what i dont even have!!! Would rather have something than absoluetly nothing, but I gotta realise having something halfway is way harder than nothing at all.

 

Honestly falling in love is much harder than I thought.

 

It is hard. Very hard. Some of your decisions recently are making this even harder ... I understand your confusion.

 

I am hoping that you move past this stage soon. Because at this point YOU are causing your own pain. You keep stepping out into the street of your ex knowing she is going to run your heart over with her car every single time. This is essentially YOUR OWN FAULT NOW.

[kbbcoop77]

Falling in love isn't hard, that parts easy..falling out of love is hard. You can only accomplish it with No Contact..but this thread is anything BUT no contact lol..

[hrb23]

I totally understand what you are saying. Friends & family have said the exact same aswell.

 

Listen to them. They see what you don't.

[Dominique]

Listen to them. They see what you don't.

 

At this point there is NO WAY possible that he doesn't see what they see and what we all see. From his own descriptions, he sees it. He just doesn't ACCEPT it or WANT it to be true.

[Heart of gold]

Listen to them. They see what you don't.

 

That's so true they see what we don't. They see that person for what they are without the rose tinted glasses that we have on and the emotional attachment we have. Also, we want to see the person at their best and they see the real them. If I'd listened to my mum last year, my ex wouldn't have taken another year of my life...😞

[hrb23]

That's so true they see what we don't. They see that person for what they are without the rose tinted glasses that we have on and the emotional attachment we have. Also, we want to see the person at their best and they see the real them. If I'd listened to my mum last year, my ex wouldn't have taken another year of my life...😞

 

My mother doesn't even live in this country with me and she told me that if she wanted ANY relationship with her moving forward It was her or my ex. THAT is proof of how blinded we can be that our closest family can be so hurt by our naivety that they simply cannot stand by and watch us get hurt anymore without stepping away completely.

[Whocares479]

I actually agree with Dominique. I agree somewhat with the statement above me. However, the OP knows what's going here. One can see this by his numerous threads, he basically writes them down. He chooses to ignore them, which is why most of the users who reply on this thread seem to be a lil fustrated. He's reaching out for help, but refuse to listen to any of the advice, but ask for the help again.

 

Fustrating indeed....

 

He has to want to help himself before we can help him.

[boltnrun]

My mother doesn't even live in this country with me and she told me that if she wanted ANY relationship with her moving forward It was her or my ex. THAT is proof of how blinded we can be that our closest family can be so hurt by our naivety that they simply cannot stand by and watch us get hurt anymore without stepping away completely.

 

My brother was in that situation. He basically had to choose between his girlfriend and his family (his girlfriend hit our mother during an argument and I jumped in to defend our mother). He chose the girlfriend. He didn't speak to us for TWO years. Sadly, it turned out we were right. The girlfriend (who he married) turned out to be an absolute psycho who did things like hit herself to cause bruises, then called 911 to report he'd hit her. He had to spend a lot of time mending fences with the family. It was NOT worth it.