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Why is this app more judgmental than helpful?


kparrow12

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When I downloaded this app, it was in hopes to be able to "vent" to outside perspectives and get mature and helpful FEEDBACK on past, current and future situations of all topics. It was not to be judged, interrogated or put down for my feelings or concerns on certain things going on in my life. It was not to be told I'm a bad daughter, a bad mother, or a bad fiancé. And my first post was incredibly helpful. People genuinely took time to explain what I could do differently, what they thought I was right and wrong for, respectfully. And every post after that I've been interrogated, put down, disrespected and just down right talked to in a nasty, negative way. I've also read other people's posts where I've read people's feedback and I've been appalled at the way people feel is okay to speak to people who are just looking for some help. I would not recommend this app to anybody. The hopes people had and I myself had downloading it were to gain perspective on our struggles, not to feel worse about ourselves from judgmental, close minded, and self centered people. Very disappointed in what I thought I'd gain from this app. 🤷🏼♀️

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Sadly, you'd get this on any advice / support forum. Some people aren't aware of the "tone" of their posts, some forget they're actually talking to a living human being, and some may not even care. I think the one thing that becomes a common occurrence is that, after a while, the more regular members get sick and tired of repeating themselves either to an individual or a topic in general.

 

Plenty of decent people on this forum who offer sound words, even if at times they can come across quite blunt / aggressive. I'd look past how they're saying it and focus on the why.

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I think that in many cases people are taking what they see as the "tough love" approach. If they think that what you're doing is wrong or that you are being foolish, they are going to tell you so, and they aren't going to sugar coat it for you, either. As for "interrogation" I would think people are just trying to understand your situation better.

 

Let's say somebody posts something like "I've been cheating on my wife for over a year, but I think lately she's been getting suspicious. Anyone have any advice on how to throw her off my trail so I can keep getting away with it?" Do you think most people here are going to actually give him exactly what he is asking for? Of course not, nor should they. And if he responds "Hey, I didn't come here to be called a bad husband" well...sorry, I don't have a lot of sympathy.

 

It has to be a certain type of personality that chooses to take time out of their lives and weigh in on strangers situations on this forum. But for me, unless someone is trolling I have always appreciated anyone and everyone who has taken the time to weigh in on my posts. I've also given them the courtesy of considering what they are saying, even if I ultimately disagree, and even if they are basically calling me an idiot. More often than not they are right. Sometimes you need someone to tell you that you are screwing up.

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I went and looked at your posts and I agree that some people were way over judgemental. I thought the comments about your parenting especially was uncalled for - and as far as I know, some of those people don't even have children.

 

May I suggest starting another journal just about your day to day life, and maybe that will attract different type of interaction. If people were to make comments such "your parenting is crappy", ask them to not post in your journal.

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If people don't like the advice given, it's only because they want the advice that they like. You can't win sorry.

 

No I respect appropriate constructive criticism. We're adults here we can handle it. We post on here to get just that. I don't appreciate disrespectful interrogations. Which is what I've mostly gotten from here. And the people who haven't interrogated me and actually gave me reasonable feedback that wasn't rude and inappropriate I have taken the time to thank each and every one of them.

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I went and looked at your posts and I agree that some people were way over judgemental. I thought the comments about your parenting especially was uncalled for - and as far as I know, some of those people don't even have children.

 

May I suggest starting another journal just about your day to day life, and maybe that will attract different type of interaction. If people were to make comments such "your parenting is crappy", ask them to not post in your journal.

 

Thank you I appreciate that a lot. And I will try and make a post of my day to day life maybe you're right that will trigger the right people to my posts. Thank you again

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If people don't like the advice given, it's only because they want the advice that they like. You can't win sorry.

 

Jagger Jim, part of it is the way people choose to express their advice. In some cases, it's quite obvious from other comments posters make that they are "acting out" their own baggage. Their purpose in posting is not actually to give "advice to provide supportive guidance" but to use the poster as a punching bag for the perceived crap that happened in their own lives. They haven't chosen or managed to deal with that stuff "in the real world" but they come online in an anonymous or semi-anonymous identity with their aggression/passive aggression. I will say I've been on other sites where I've see. It worse than here, much much worse.

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