Friendship with Ex possible at all ?

[vesper]

My story is that I am married and my ex from 20 years ago was on my social media and he contacted me after the wedding. My question is is it possible to offer friendship if he contacts me ?

[Wiseman2]

Possible but not a good idea.

[vesper]

Possible but not a good idea.

 

why do you say that Wiseman2?

[Hicham]

ok well i wonder why people share others views about important things but in my view if you did accept friendship of your ex after getting mareid mean he will also do the same before getting trough that just ask yourself do you want your husband to contact or become friends of his ex after he got mareid ? how will you feel ? why not to out yourself first into it and ask yourself is it right things to do after getting mareid about me the answer is no but how will be your answer ?

[vesper]

ok well i wonder why people share others views about important things but in my view if you did accept friendship of your ex after getting mareid mean he will also do the same before getting trough that just ask yourself do you want your husband to contact or become friends of his ex after he got mareid ? how will you feel ? why not to out yourself first into it and ask yourself is it right things to do after getting mareid about me the answer is no but how will be your answer ?

 

Yes, you do have a good point, but my husband and his ex have a daughter together and they talk on the phone almost every day. I just find it hard not to go into flirtation mode if I end up being friends with my ex.

[Hicham]

its easy to recognize his intention whether is good or bad i think before you got mareid him or when you were engaged did he call his ex everyday by phone have you noticed that he changed after marriage

[vesper]

its easy to recognize his intention whether is good or bad i think before you got mareid him or when you were engaged did he call his ex everyday by phone have you noticed that he changed after marriage

No, they have a daughter together so that is what they talk about. There are no other intentions in the conversations between my husband and his ex.

[reinventmyself]

Yes, you do have a good point, but my husband and his ex have a daughter together and they talk on the phone almost every day. I just find it hard not to go into flirtation mode if I end up being friends with my ex.

If you can write these words, then it's an absolute no-go.

Comparing this to your ex being friendly for the sake the daughter isn't the same as you just now striking out to be friends with an ex that you don't trust yourself with.

[Hollyj]

Ask your husband. I don't see anything wrong with it, if there are no feelings.

 

I take that back. Just read one of your comments. Are you an attention seeker? Is that why you would flirt?

 

If you do not think that you can have a convo that your husband would be comfortable with, then do not communicate . Do you really need to ask strangers this question, as it seems like common sense to me.

[vesper]

Yes, I see. Thank you everyone for your replies, Im really thankful for this place. thanks.

[Hicham]

why his daughter only live with her ex ? why not ask her to live with you ? his ex mareid or sinlge ?

[vesper]

why his daughter only live with her ex ? why not ask her to live with you ? his ex mareid or sinlge ?

 

His ex is re-married and lives 3000 miles away. She has another daughter with her new husband.

[vesper]

Holly,

I have known him for 20 years but never had a friendship. I wanted to try something new. Our chemistry if off the charts BTW.

 

 

 

Ask your husband. I don't see anything wrong with it, if there are no feelings.

 

I take that back. Just read one of your comments. Are you an attention seeker? Is that why you would flirt?

 

If you do not think that you can have a convo that your husband would be comfortable with, then do not communicate . Do you really need to ask strangers this question, as it seems like common sense to me.

[annie24]

Holly,

I have known him for 20 years but never had a friendship. I wanted to try something new. Our chemistry if off the charts BTW.

 

Why do you think this would be a good idea if you are recently married?? Unless you and your husband have an open relationship, I don't see what's the point of getting involved again with an ex from long ago.

[vesper]

Why do you think this would be a good idea if you are recently married?? Unless you and your husband have an open relationship, I don't see what's the point of getting involved again with an ex from long ago.

 

We do not have an open relationship. I see your point, thats why I am posting because this could be a possibility but probably not because I love my husband sooooo much.

[Iggy5129]

Not sure how many times people have to tell you to stop contacting exes and focus on your marriage for you to understand it.

 

Seriously you ask this question every week. You're obsessed with your ex but try to claim you respect and love your husband.

 

Move on, it was 20 years ago!!

 

Why do you insist on asking the same question 100 different ways? You keep getting the same answer: forget the ex and focus on your husband.

[annie24]

We do not have an open relationship. I see your point, thats why I am posting because this could be a possibility but probably not because I love my husband sooooo much.

 

 

If if you love your husband soooooo much, why are you doing things that could break your marriage?

[boltnrun]

Now, which ex are we talking about this time?

 

You have two exes you are obsessing over according to your previous posts.

 

You also said you were going to forget about your exes and focus on your husband, who you love so very much.

 

You also seem to change your mind constantly about wanting your ex, wanting your other ex, loving your husband, asking us how to get your ex back, saying you want to gain weight to look like your ex's girlfriend...frankly, it makes one's head spin.

 

Why did you get married to this man if all you do is obsess over your exes?

[HeartGoesOn]

Vester...I'll just say that you know this is wrong.

 

You've been here too long to fool me.

[Capricorn3]

Not sure how many times people have to tell you to stop contacting exes and focus on your marriage for you to understand it.

 

Seriously you ask this question every week. You're obsessed with your ex but try to claim you respect and love your husband.

 

Move on, it was 20 years ago!!

 

Why do you insist on asking the same question 100 different ways? You keep getting the same answer: forget the ex and focus on your husband.

I totally agree. You ask this same thing over and over again and get the same answers. Asking the same thing in different ways will not get you the answers you hope to get. No-one is going to condone what you want to do. No-one.

 

Side Note: Please note ENA Rules: Re-posting the same threads (even if disguised in different ways), is not allowed. Hopefully this will be the last thread on this topic.

[IAmFCA]

Holly,

I have known him for 20 years but never had a friendship. I wanted to try something new. Our chemistry if off the charts BTW.

 

Your chemistry is off the charts? Is? Or was?

 

No friendship. No contact. High "chemistry" - high level of attraction whether you want it or not - means no contact. Cease all contact. Break up with your ex -both exes. You are still attached to them. In your head, break up with them. Cold turkey no contact.

 

I think your threads represent your emotional cycle of anxiety and stabilzation. Thinking of your exes provides an escape. Turn that energy to address your own needs. Exercise. Make a goal and a plan. See your doc.