Maybe, I'm just not meant to have any friends or don't know how anymore.

[coolgirl]

Last week I posted in the suicide section and thank you to those people who have responded kindly to me and gave me their support through out everything. I'm doing okay for the time being. I'm not gong to blame my diagnoses for my faults, but I do blame myself for not being able to get myself together. You see I have very big trust issues because I've been so emotionally drained through my past 12 years that I forgot how it feels to be normal. And built this wall around me not being able to let people into my life easily anymore. As soon as my wall comes down I get too sensitive and emotional towards anyone that walks into my life. I guess what it is I'm afraid and scared getting involved with either unavailable people or available people. With unavailable people once the walls comes down its hard to close it back up again. I just want to crawl back into my shell. Either I find unavailable people or unavailable people find me. Some are honest and some are not. You see I have issues with people in general. I just don't get along with anyone easily anymore. And when I do get along with anyone its only short term. I literally don't know what my problem with people anymore. The friends I use to have I kicked one person I knew sense middle school out of my life couple of months ago. the other friend i use to have well she has her own life with a kid on the way, we barley talk anymore, and now recently I had this really great awesome friend of mine that I've known for 9 months I had to let him go because he's unavailable. He didn't find me I found him. Even though I was reluctant at first talking to him I found my feelings were getting in the way. And I had to let him go and back off as well. maybe I'm just not meant to have anyone around me anymore. He didn't do anything wrong he was amazing towards me it's me. I just didn't want to get too comfortable around him and I ended up telling my feelings too if I didn't and would had gone on it would had been twice harder. I told him I would never ever act on it and wished him the best. If my d.........a............ feelings were getting in the way then I wouldn't have had this problem to begin with. Hopefully he'll forgive me and hopefully one day forget me that I even existed in the first place. So in general all I want to do is crawl back in my shell and not get the H........ out because I feel like a total idiot for mentioning it, I feel embarrassed, I think he's better off without me in his life. I'm fine I"m okay. Maybe it's for the best ! So the title say's it all.

[dias]

No friends. It’s not that big a deal. I have 1-2 friends I meet once in a blue moon and this is when I am extremely bored. I assume you want communication. I would recommend joining a club or a group or something like this(volunteering etc). It’s a good way to make new acquaintances. You also seem to get attached easily, you need to change this somehow. Glad you are doing ok

[RainyCoast]

i think the way you close yourself off, while i understand it, is counterproductive because you end up veiling the very best things about you. you are very honest on here, and come off as a lovely person when unveiled like that.

 

maybe you just need to get comfortable with yourself first. you get warm responses here, because you are a warm and interesting person. as you gain confidence through these types of reactions, you may come to see yourself better equipped for friendships.

 

it's sad that often the worst times in our lives are spent in isolation. it isn't permanent however, and in my experience, really has to do with accepting oneself before accepting others.

 

i'll follow back when i have more time.

 

you're in my thoughts. take care.

[RainyCoast]

also i am so glad to see you out of the suicide section.

 

stay on here. persist.

 

you'll get through this with support.

[Badboi629]

I posted here and got bad advice, so I'm going to give you a solid one, start to become friend's with your loneliness and everything will be fine, learn to live a life for yourself and your happiness, this way you become a leader not a follower also keep yourself fit through fitness, diet's, and get into all the old hobbies you once enjoyed, and learn some new ones, save your money and travel, get yourself a car, go out every morning this way you'll feel good even though your alone, whenever you get depressed leave your house and explore, I'm alone too but i have been this way since childhood, i don't drink, i don't like loud music and screwed up environmental places, i don't like approaching random girl's in the street like what most so called friends do, party sex and drugs i stay away from it, and try not to commit too many sins while I'm here spending m life on earth, you can join groups, online chat, forums, dating websites, gave it all a try and good luck

[Badboi629]

I've met people who have given me their phone numbers and wanting to hang out who were good people i save it on my phone and never call them to be honest

i guess is because we have been back stabbed, cheated, lied, and went to isolation mode for years we got used to being alone

[Dahl]

Hello, coolgirl - I'm so pleased to see you here, too! Good on you for continuing to fight for yourself - you are absolutely worth it.

 

As usual, RainyCoast's input is impeccable. I'm just posting to echo her sentiments, emphatically.

 

You have been and are going through such a tumultuous period. I hope you find ways to be especially kind to yourself and gentle with your expectations. You also sound to me like an interesting and unique person and the people who merit your attention in turn for friendships will be lucky to have your love and loyalty. I'm sorry that they haven't yet manifested and I realize that this is a time you could particularly use that support. You have my genuine empathy that you are having to overcome so much just now with an unfortunate deficit of support. I do believe that it is temporary and I certainly think it is a circumstantial effect and not a reflection of anything negative about you, as a person, only the situation that you are in.

 

Please don't give up on any part of bettering your life and please be as gentle as possible with yourself in making even more strides. You DO deserve to be happy.

 

I wish you the best of luck. Cheers!

[artsygirl]

I didn't see your post in the suicide section however I am glad to hear that you are doing ok at the moment and you read and took in the comments and advice people gave you. Opening up really helps and I'm glad you've shared as getting everything written down can be a great outlet.

I feel like we've all dealt with dodgy people and everyone will experience someone coming in and going out of their lives and I can understand if this has happened to you a few times it could damage the way you feel about forming friendships/relationships with others. My advice is to go out and do things as yourself, by yourself and do your own thing. It's once you feel truly comfortable with yourself that you'll feel ready to start letting people back in and forming those relationships as well. You did the right thing regarding the guy who you had feelings for, it's definitely better to get out of that sooner rather than later, so you sound like a rational person who is unfortunately experiencing what I would believe to be a temporary feeling, and that once you feel you have bettered yourself by having time to yourself, that's when these relationships will flourish. This site is also a great place to let things out and people will always be ready to comment and assist you, so if you are feeling worse or feeling like this ever again, you know you will always have an outlet. Onwards and upwards!

[Wiseman2]

It's ok to be introverted and have a lot of your own interests and activities. It's also ok to have boundaries. This creepy 'let it all hang out' Oprah-style trend has gone to far. No one wants to hear everyone's life story and all their drama. And that's a good thing. Sometimes friends are about shared interests and a bond and understanding grows through that..

[coolgirl]

Yes, the problem is my attachment issues. I know it's not a good thing. I'll be in therapy next week maybe she'll give me some sort of technique to use regarding this.

 

No friends. It’s not that big a deal. I have 1-2 friends I meet once in a blue moon and this is when I am extremely bored. I assume you want communication. I would recommend joining a club or a group or something like this(volunteering etc). It’s a good way to make new acquaintances. You also seem to get attached easily, you need to change this somehow. Glad you are doing ok

[coolgirl]

Aww, thank you for the complement. I always thought honesty is the best policy. Yea, maybe I do need to get comfortable with my self first. I'm not even comfortable in my own skin at the moment. Hopefully, that be the case. When I became friends with the last friend that ended for 9 months. it scared the hell out of me because usually these type of things barley happened to me as far as something ever good going on in my life. I was always use to being treated like crap. And I think I freaked out and I was just getting to comfortable around him and I just couldn't deal with it. going through combat of emotions. I knew what I was getting myself into. I think being isolated for a while is good for me.

 

 

i think the way you close yourself off, while i understand it, is counterproductive because you end up veiling the very best things about you. you are very honest on here, and come off as a lovely person when unveiled like that.

 

maybe you just need to get comfortable with yourself first. you get warm responses here, because you are a warm and interesting person. as you gain confidence through these types of reactions, you may come to see yourself better equipped for friendships.

 

it's sad that often the worst times in our lives are spent in isolation. it isn't permanent however, and in my experience, really has to do with accepting oneself before accepting others.

 

i'll follow back when i have more time.

 

you're in my thoughts. take care.

[coolgirl]

Thank you at least that's something I willing to do.

 

 

also i am so glad to see you out of the suicide section.

 

stay on here. persist.

 

you'll get through this with support.

[coolgirl]

My loneliness kicked in when I was a teenager or maybe earlier than that. I was always even shut people out even during that time. For me it's a bit difficult to hang onto something when it's going good. And I don't know where the root of the problem is coming from.

 

 

I posted here and got bad advice, so I'm going to give you a solid one, start to become friend's with your loneliness and everything will be fine, learn to live a life for yourself and your happiness, this way you become a leader not a follower also keep yourself fit through fitness, diet's, and get into all the old hobbies you once enjoyed, and learn some new ones, save your money and travel, get yourself a car, go out every morning this way you'll feel good even though your alone, whenever you get depressed leave your house and explore, I'm alone too but i have been this way since childhood, i don't drink, i don't like loud music and screwed up environmental places, i don't like approaching random girl's in the street like what most so called friends do, party sex and drugs i stay away from it, and try not to commit too many sins while I'm here spending m life on earth, you can join groups, online chat, forums, dating websites, gave it all a try and good luck

[coolgirl]

Thank you for the kind and sweet words. I just want to get to a place in my life where I'm happy again and it feels like I can never catch a break on anything. And hopefully going to therapy this coming week will eventually help it as well. Because I haven't been happy with myself in a long time.

 

 

 

 

Hello, coolgirl - I'm so pleased to see you here, too! Good on you for continuing to fight for yourself - you are absolutely worth it.

 

As usual, RainyCoast's input is impeccable. I'm just posting to echo her sentiments, emphatically.

 

You have been and are going through such a tumultuous period. I hope you find ways to be especially kind to yourself and gentle with your expectations. You also sound to me like an interesting and unique person and the people who merit your attention in turn for friendships will be lucky to have your love and loyalty. I'm sorry that they haven't yet manifested and I realize that this is a time you could particularly use that support. You have my genuine empathy that you are having to overcome so much just now with an unfortunate deficit of support. I do believe that it is temporary and I certainly think it is a circumstantial effect and not a reflection of anything negative about you, as a person, only the situation that you are in.

 

Please don't give up on any part of bettering your life and please be as gentle as possible with yourself in making even more strides. You DO deserve to be happy.

 

I wish you the best of luck. Cheers!

[coolgirl]

Well, this last friend of mine did hear all my life story and drama's that I've been enduring. And I cannot begin to explain what a good soul he has. A wonderful human being that I have met throughout my entire life. I felt me bonding with him was getting way too much for me to even handle.

 

It's ok to be introverted and have a lot of your own interests and activities. It's also ok to have boundaries. This creepy 'let it all hang out' Oprah-style trend has gone to far. No one wants to hear everyone's life story and all their drama. And that's a good thing. Sometimes friends are about shared interests and a bond and understanding grows through that..

[Batya33]

Thank you for the kind and sweet words. I just want to get to a place in my life where I'm happy again and it feels like I can never catch a break on anything. And hopefully going to therapy this coming week will eventually help it as well. Because I haven't been happy with myself in a long time.

 

So how about this. Assume in a realistic way that you can never catch a break -not in a negative way. It just might be the reality that you have to work harder for things you want than other people do -or that is how you perceive it- because life isn't fair. Also realistic, not negative. So from that perspective - you will never be handed anything on a silver platter, it will never come easily to attain the goals you have for yourself - you can get the resentment/bitterness/self-pity out of the way. I did catch some breaks, I guess, but mostly I had to work my tail off for all the things I wanted and in my perception harder than many people. I'm glad you're looking to the future and things you can do to attain your goals. I think having at least one close friend is important but that's JMHO.

[coolgirl]

I understand we all deal with dodge people now and in then. these going in/out of people its been going on for 12 years. Mostly due to abandonment issues. going through the stress of it, anxiety of it isn't fun to deal with. I go into deep emotional depression, which takes me days or weeks to get out of. when i''m around people in general this is what i deal with on daily basis picking arguments over stupid little things. I freak out. I don't want too but I literally do. I wish I could control it. 12 years of damage has already been done. How long its going to take me to really start being out in the real world and trust again I have no idea maybe never. I feel safer when I'm not around people at the moment. I've built this big wall and not letting anyone easily in anymore. With my last friend it took months for me for him to break down that wall and to be able to trust again and saw right through me. And it scared the hell out of me.

 

 

 

I didn't see your post in the suicide section however I am glad to hear that you are doing ok at the moment and you read and took in the comments and advice people gave you. Opening up really helps and I'm glad you've shared as getting everything written down can be a great outlet.

I feel like we've all dealt with dodgy people and everyone will experience someone coming in and going out of their lives and I can understand if this has happened to you a few times it could damage the way you feel about forming friendships/relationships with others. My advice is to go out and do things as yourself, by yourself and do your own thing. It's once you feel truly comfortable with yourself that you'll feel ready to start letting people back in and forming those relationships as well. You did the right thing regarding the guy who you had feelings for, it's definitely better to get out of that sooner rather than later, so you sound like a rational person who is unfortunately experiencing what I would believe to be a temporary feeling, and that once you feel you have bettered yourself by having time to yourself, that's when these relationships will flourish. This site is also a great place to let things out and people will always be ready to comment and assist you, so if you are feeling worse or feeling like this ever again, you know you will always have an outlet. Onwards and upwards!

[porenn]

Last week I posted in the suicide section and thank you to those people who have responded kindly to me and gave me their support through out everything. I'm doing okay for the time being. I'm not gong to blame my diagnoses for my faults, but I do blame myself for not being able to get myself together. You see I have very big trust issues because I've been so emotionally drained through my past 12 years that I forgot how it feels to be normal. And built this wall around me not being able to let people into my life easily anymore. As soon as my wall comes down I get too sensitive and emotional towards anyone that walks into my life. I guess what it is I'm afraid and scared getting involved with either unavailable people or available people. With unavailable people once the walls comes down its hard to close it back up again. I just want to crawl back into my shell. Either I find unavailable people or unavailable people find me. Some are honest and some are not. You see I have issues with people in general. I just don't get along with anyone easily anymore. And when I do get along with anyone its only short term. I literally don't know what my problem with people anymore. The friends I use to have I kicked one person I knew sense middle school out of my life couple of months ago. the other friend i use to have well she has her own life with a kid on the way, we barley talk anymore, and now recently I had this really great awesome friend of mine that I've known for 9 months I had to let him go because he's unavailable. He didn't find me I found him. Even though I was reluctant at first talking to him I found my feelings were getting in the way. And I had to let him go and back off as well. maybe I'm just not meant to have anyone around me anymore. He didn't do anything wrong he was amazing towards me it's me. I just didn't want to get too comfortable around him and I ended up telling my feelings too if I didn't and would had gone on it would had been twice harder. I told him I would never ever act on it and wished him the best. If my d.........a............ feelings were getting in the way then I wouldn't have had this problem to begin with. Hopefully he'll forgive me and hopefully one day forget me that I even existed in the first place. So in general all I want to do is crawl back in my shell and not get the H........ out because I feel like a total idiot for mentioning it, I feel embarrassed, I think he's better off without me in his life. I'm fine I"m okay. Maybe it's for the best ! So the title say's it all.

 

Wow! I could have easily written this about myself. Especially two and a half years ago. I started going to counselling and that helped for a bit. It helped me understand why I have difficulty trusting and to be more gentle with myself. I still messed up this year even though I should know better. Knowing what's wrong and fixing it are two different things. I don't have any advice today. Just letting you know you're not the worst.

[porenn]

I understand we all deal with dodge people now and in then. these going in/out of people its been going on for 12 years. Mostly due to abandonment issues. going through the stress of it, anxiety of it isn't fun to deal with. I go into deep emotional depression, which takes me days or weeks to get out of. when i''m around people in general this is what i deal with on daily basis picking arguments over stupid little things. I freak out. I don't want too but I literally do. I wish I could control it. 12 years of damage has already been done. How long its going to take me to really start being out in the real world and trust again I have no idea maybe never. I feel safer when I'm not around people at the moment. I've built this big wall and not letting anyone easily in anymore. With my last friend it took months for me for him to break down that wall and to be able to trust again and saw right through me. And it scared the hell out of me.

 

I was wrong, I do have one bit of advice. You said that this friend "saw right through you and it scared you". I've been doing some introspection on this point this morning. Sometimes guards are necessary to keep out people who don't belong in your life. If you're guarded with someone then trust your instincts. It could save your life or your heart. Guards are not a bad thing. In every instance where I have thought that a person "sees right through me" it was because they were offering negative feedback to me which from my upbringing cause my head to interpret that as love. "You're so guarded and closed off, you need to trust more, you're never going to find anyone", yeah those are the words of the manipulator. Other people see you have issues but they don't need to mention it

[coolgirl]

I don't know what I want myself anymore let alone knowing what I'm looking for in anyone else. That's my issue.

 

 

No friends. It’s not that big a deal. I have 1-2 friends I meet once in a blue moon and this is when I am extremely bored. I assume you want communication. I would recommend joining a club or a group or something like this(volunteering etc). It’s a good way to make new acquaintances. You also seem to get attached easily, you need to change this somehow. Glad you are doing ok

[coolgirl]

Yea, in a good way not bad way. Once that wall came down I felt comfortable enough to trust this person with my life. He did nothing wrong. But I didn't think much of it when my feelings got in the way. I started noticing my feelings towards mid of March so it hasn't been that long. By no mean's I never wanted to hurt this person, I told this person I will never act on it and never will. I knew this person is unavailable but I got myself into it. We didn't talk much which worked perfect for me if we did than that would be another problem, but the amount of texting back and fourth mostly being initiated by me so I could had took control on that part I didn't. I'm not hurt by it. I brought this upon myself and I have to deal with it. And I will one day. Hey there just feelings they'll go away in time right ? I'm fine !

 

 

I was wrong, I do have one bit of advice. You said that this friend "saw right through you and it scared you". I've been doing some introspection on this point this morning. Sometimes guards are necessary to keep out people who don't belong in your life. If you're guarded with someone then trust your instincts. It could save your life or your heart. Guards are not a bad thing. In every instance where I have thought that a person "sees right through me" it was because they were offering negative feedback to me which from my upbringing cause my head to interpret that as love. "You're so guarded and closed off, you need to trust more, you're never going to find anyone", yeah those are the words of the manipulator. Other people see you have issues but they don't need to mention it

[coolgirl]

I know I brought this upon myself and I take full responsibility for my actions I just didn't think it would get to this point that I would have to deal with another thing while struggling in other area's of my life. Thank you for everyone to responding to my thread. I really appreciate everyone's support in this. It really means a lot.

[limichelle]

Hey coolgirl!

 

I'm in the same boat. It's easier to be guarded then to let people see the vulnerable you, but it's also easier to keep the good ones out as well. There is a time when you make the right choices and they are the toughest ones to make to not associate with those who you need to separate from. I get it!

 

I know my lonlieness all too well!

 

I also know taking it one day at a time to do something special for yourself will help you feel good about you.

 

I'm glad to see you moved on from the suicide section as well. You got this! I have faith the right people will come along and help you trust again.

 

Lisa