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  1. Perhaps being a little more open-minded would help. I agree that we all have the qualities that we'll like/dislike, and some know their absolute dealbreakers in a relationship, but some of the best connections I've had with people are the ones who categorically would not fit my 'type' at all! In fact, it's actually made me even wonder whether I do have a type after all
  2. This is basically everything I would say. I can't unfortunately see any good coming out of this if you stay. Very hard to walk away from someone you've been with for 10 years, but you are only enforcing to him that the behaviour is ok if you stay. It's like when a parent constantly cautions a child but never follows through with the sanction- the child then becomes of the belief that the parent won't do anything so they can just do whatever they want, and the behaviour only persists or worsens!
  3. I get the vibe that this girl may like the attention she's getting. Perhaps her fiance is currently not giving her as many compliments, or showing her any infatuation. Sometimes it can be new and exciting when someone new is showing some attention/interest in you (that doesn't make it right though as she's with someone else). Sounds to me like she's enjoying being 'wanted' by more than one guy. I know you've said that you don't want to overstep any boundaries as she is engaged, but I wouldn't go out of your way to text her or initiate stuff, just because it could be perceived inappropriately. Also, as you have recently come out of a relationship, it sounds like you're also liking the attention she is giving you as you currently have a pretty recent void in your life. I don't know if you were dumped or the dumper, or if it was a mutual breakup, but just bear that in mind that that could be having an effect on how you're perceiving this situation. Not saying any of that in any type of negative way, I just know having come out of a recent relationship myself, that I immediately went on to dating apps and enjoyed getting attention again, just because of the recent void I was experiencing. Hope this helps šŸ™‚
  4. This. It's a hard pill to swallow, but this is ultimately so true
  5. It sounds like she might not know what she wants here. Could explain the hot and cold behaviour. I agree that there is certainly not a high level of interest there, or at least an interest level that you deserve to receive from a potential partner. I've made the mistake of going onto apps like Tinder when I am very fresh out of a casual or committed relationship, as a means of distraction. It's never ended well for me as I have felt like I am leading people on who are wanting more of a commitment when in reality I'm just not ready. It's likely I've also given people some of this hot and cold behaviour because I just haven't been in the right headspace to put myself back out there at the time. She could have maybe just come out of something and as a result just doesn't know what she wants, and if that's the case, it's a good idea to steer clear as she could end up just (perhaps unintentionally) messing you around
  6. Just sent you a message- check the envelope icon in the top right corner
  7. This is usually done out of guilt. It's more for them to soften things in their eyes. Perhaps he isn't entirely happy with how he handled the breakup and said this so that he doesn't feel as guilty. My ex said the same to me. I wouldn't take his word for it or try to be friends in the future. When he broke up with you, he was aware that this could mean losing you forever, and that was not unfortunately enough to stop him. I really don't mean to say this with such pessimism or to make you feel down, but these are some things you will come to realise over the next few months. Do message if you want to chat or vent! ā¤ļø
  8. No contact is very difficult, I empathise with you. When my ex broke up with me a couple of months ago, I had to keep in communication about a money exchange we'd already paid for for a trip, and I had to liaise with him about giving this back (we didn't talk about the breakup though). I hated speaking with him in such a practical, formal, almost business-like manner, as I just wanted to shut myself away. Once a 30 day period had passed, I tried to initiate some sort of conversation about the breakup via text (with the hopes of chatting in person as he'd broken up with me over text). Whilst waiting for that response, it was horrible, and the reason I share this brief account is because breaking no contact can bring you lots of stress, anxiety and worry. As much as you may want to, you could regret your decision soon over pressing the send button, or if your call goes unanswered. And Erika0819 also mentioned what they found out when they broke no contact. My ex didn't even respond to my initial reach out, but he did to my second time. It's now been about a month since I had any communication with him, and it's getting easier day by day. It's tough, but you will thank yourself with each passing day. I also recommend watching Youtube videos related to this topic, there's lots of good tips šŸ™‚
  9. Sorry you're experiencing this! I have experienced something similar recently, although my relationship was shorter than 10 months. It's really difficult when things seemingly come out of the blue. If you watch YouTube videos and read articles about this type of thing though, you will find that this has probably been brewing with him for weeks, if not months before he pulled the trigger on it (and he basically told you that as well). I believe you did the right thing though in voicing your concerns about his growing distance from you- you tried to communicate. I also agree with some of the comments above about him potentially being emotionally unavailable. I'd recommend not trying to beg for this guy or try to force your way into his life- if he wanted to be there, he would be. It's so tough to get to grips with and I totally empathise! Coming here should help to get things off your chest though, and time is a great healer! Stay strong šŸ™‚
  10. In my experience, if someone is really interested in seeing you, if they were unable to make the date you suggested, they would be doing more to ensure another date could be confirmed, and that means by suggesting specific dates and times, not just saying that it could be tried again later
  11. Firstly, well done for staying strong in the 6 months NC! It's difficult, I hope you are moving forward and healing šŸ™‚ I would add onto this that it's also incredibly upsetting, demoralising/demotivating to reach out and them not respond to you! I reached out to my ex wanting to just have a bit more of a conversation about the end of the relationship (I kind of had the rug pulled out from under me with my breakup, was quite sudden, and I wanted to talk about things from my side as I hadn't really gotten to voice it coherently). He ignored my first attempt, but responded to my second, which was now nearly a month ago. Something that keeps me from not contacting him up to this point is not wanting to experience the psychological upset you go through if you reach out to them and they don't respond (like with my first attempt). You get so nervous just waiting for that reply, and if it doesn't come, it can be really upsetting. I also completely agree that they should come to you too. I know now that I have done all that I can to provide my ex with a talking space, but if he chooses not to take this, then I accept that and move forward. Acknowledging that you have done what you can is helpful for your healing- knowing you at least gave it a shot or gave them the space, if they choose to still not come forward, then that is helpful for your healing. I wish you the best šŸ™‚
  12. Thank you for this. I agree with you. There's a part of me that has felt a rather 'victim mentality' mindset to all this. I do appreciate your honesty and hear what you're saying. I'm doing my best to move forward and am going to try to get that mindset out of my head as soon as possible, I agree that it's been getting me down in the dumps perhaps even more than necessary feeling as if I'm owed an explanation. The text breakup wasn't the best way to go about things, but I do need to stop 'expecting' a thorough explanation. We both just need to move away from each other at this point and continue on with our lives. I'll do my best to move forward šŸ™‚
  13. Just in terms of how it ended. Myself and everyone around me were really surprised. They knew how much he'd pursued me and they were really surprised to find out it was him who'd pulled the plug. I feel shut out in terms of how sudden it was, he didn't communicate that there was a problem until he ended it, and then was very stand-offish about providing me with an opportunity to at least talk it out in person when I was back. Whilst I know that's his right to stand back after a breakup, I was just surprised that he was so interested to then only leave me out in the cold šŸ˜ž
  14. Yes, I agree. I think I'm also struggling to deal with the fact I didn't see it coming, nor did I expect that that last time we spent together in person would be the last time I would see him when we were together (or potentially ever again). That's felt really jarring, everything seemed fine then. I think that's what I've struggled with most, it's just kind of hit me and I've struggled to pick up the pieces and have just felt very shut out. Everyone in my life has been very sympathetic and trying to support me when I have wobbly moments (which have started to happen less and less), but yeah. Just feel left out in the cold really. I appreciate your patience with my rambling šŸ˜†
  15. Thank you, Rose Mosse. I really appreciate your continued support and advice on this situation. It has been both honest yet sensitive. I think the reason I have wanted to seek those answers is because my hands have just felt completely tied in this situation, from when he advised I should go home during the pandemic to be with family, to then text me to end it when I couldn't get to him to talk about it face to face, to then not have that face to face when I was back, and then just try to freeze the conversation out altogether... it's just left me feeling really shut out. It's a horrible feeling and I feel like I couldn't have done anything to avoid it, really. I know that time is a healer, and I am glad I've taken some steps forward to getting his stuff out of my flat. The whole thing still just hurts. I'll come out the other side. Thank you again for your help šŸ™‚
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