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artsygirl

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About artsygirl

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  1. This is basically everything I would say. I can't unfortunately see any good coming out of this if you stay. Very hard to walk away from someone you've been with for 10 years, but you are only enforcing to him that the behaviour is ok if you stay. It's like when a parent constantly cautions a child but never follows through with the sanction- the child then becomes of the belief that the parent won't do anything so they can just do whatever they want, and the behaviour only persists or worsens!
  2. I get the vibe that this girl may like the attention she's getting. Perhaps her fiance is currently not giving her as many compliments, or showing her any infatuation. Sometimes it can be new and exciting when someone new is showing some attention/interest in you (that doesn't make it right though as she's with someone else). Sounds to me like she's enjoying being 'wanted' by more than one guy. I know you've said that you don't want to overstep any boundaries as she is engaged, but I wouldn't go out of your way to text her or initiate stuff, just because it could be perceived inappropriat
  3. This. It's a hard pill to swallow, but this is ultimately so true
  4. It sounds like she might not know what she wants here. Could explain the hot and cold behaviour. I agree that there is certainly not a high level of interest there, or at least an interest level that you deserve to receive from a potential partner. I've made the mistake of going onto apps like Tinder when I am very fresh out of a casual or committed relationship, as a means of distraction. It's never ended well for me as I have felt like I am leading people on who are wanting more of a commitment when in reality I'm just not ready. It's likely I've also given people some of this hot and
  5. Just sent you a message- check the envelope icon in the top right corner
  6. This is usually done out of guilt. It's more for them to soften things in their eyes. Perhaps he isn't entirely happy with how he handled the breakup and said this so that he doesn't feel as guilty. My ex said the same to me. I wouldn't take his word for it or try to be friends in the future. When he broke up with you, he was aware that this could mean losing you forever, and that was not unfortunately enough to stop him. I really don't mean to say this with such pessimism or to make you feel down, but these are some things you will come to realise over the next few months. Do message if you w
  7. No contact is very difficult, I empathise with you. When my ex broke up with me a couple of months ago, I had to keep in communication about a money exchange we'd already paid for for a trip, and I had to liaise with him about giving this back (we didn't talk about the breakup though). I hated speaking with him in such a practical, formal, almost business-like manner, as I just wanted to shut myself away. Once a 30 day period had passed, I tried to initiate some sort of conversation about the breakup via text (with the hopes of chatting in person as he'd broken up with me over text). Whil
  8. Sorry you're experiencing this! I have experienced something similar recently, although my relationship was shorter than 10 months. It's really difficult when things seemingly come out of the blue. If you watch YouTube videos and read articles about this type of thing though, you will find that this has probably been brewing with him for weeks, if not months before he pulled the trigger on it (and he basically told you that as well). I believe you did the right thing though in voicing your concerns about his growing distance from you- you tried to communicate. I also agree with some of t
  9. In my experience, if someone is really interested in seeing you, if they were unable to make the date you suggested, they would be doing more to ensure another date could be confirmed, and that means by suggesting specific dates and times, not just saying that it could be tried again later
  10. Firstly, well done for staying strong in the 6 months NC! It's difficult, I hope you are moving forward and healing 🙂 I would add onto this that it's also incredibly upsetting, demoralising/demotivating to reach out and them not respond to you! I reached out to my ex wanting to just have a bit more of a conversation about the end of the relationship (I kind of had the rug pulled out from under me with my breakup, was quite sudden, and I wanted to talk about things from my side as I hadn't really gotten to voice it coherently). He ignored my first attempt, but responded to my second, whic
  11. Thank you for this. I agree with you. There's a part of me that has felt a rather 'victim mentality' mindset to all this. I do appreciate your honesty and hear what you're saying. I'm doing my best to move forward and am going to try to get that mindset out of my head as soon as possible, I agree that it's been getting me down in the dumps perhaps even more than necessary feeling as if I'm owed an explanation. The text breakup wasn't the best way to go about things, but I do need to stop 'expecting' a thorough explanation. We both just need to move away from each other at this point and contin
  12. Just in terms of how it ended. Myself and everyone around me were really surprised. They knew how much he'd pursued me and they were really surprised to find out it was him who'd pulled the plug. I feel shut out in terms of how sudden it was, he didn't communicate that there was a problem until he ended it, and then was very stand-offish about providing me with an opportunity to at least talk it out in person when I was back. Whilst I know that's his right to stand back after a breakup, I was just surprised that he was so interested to then only leave me out in the cold 😞
  13. Yes, I agree. I think I'm also struggling to deal with the fact I didn't see it coming, nor did I expect that that last time we spent together in person would be the last time I would see him when we were together (or potentially ever again). That's felt really jarring, everything seemed fine then. I think that's what I've struggled with most, it's just kind of hit me and I've struggled to pick up the pieces and have just felt very shut out. Everyone in my life has been very sympathetic and trying to support me when I have wobbly moments (which have started to happen less and less), but yeah.
  14. Thank you, Rose Mosse. I really appreciate your continued support and advice on this situation. It has been both honest yet sensitive. I think the reason I have wanted to seek those answers is because my hands have just felt completely tied in this situation, from when he advised I should go home during the pandemic to be with family, to then text me to end it when I couldn't get to him to talk about it face to face, to then not have that face to face when I was back, and then just try to freeze the conversation out altogether... it's just left me feeling really shut out. It's a horrible
  15. Thanks to those who have offered advice on my previous posts regarding my breakup with my ex. I like coming here and letting off steam as it means I don't end up reaching out to him 'seeking answers'. My ex and I spoke last week, albeit briefly. I acknowledged to him where I believe my behaviour could have fallen short (nothing serious, but just there were times where I felt I could have handled a matter differently in order to support him as a partner). He sent me a very respectful response, and assured me that he didn't believe I'd done anything wrong and that he hopes I don't think I p
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