Guidance Needed

[Shellykay]

My boyfriend and I met 10/11 months ago and it was truly love at first sight. We loved everything about each other and there was nothing more perfect than the time we spent with each other. Unfortunately, only about 3-4 months after we began dating, the fights began. He was never fair during fights and would call me all names you can imagine, would tell me that I'm an idiot and psychotic, and would say just about anything he could to break me. This really made me devalue myself. Before dating him I had just found healing from severe anxiety and depression, so my self esteem already was not what it could have been, so this just sent me further into not caring about my own feelings. When we fought, he would be so volatile and break up with me and do everything he could to hurt me. I would always try to mend us. I would always tell him how much I love him and beg for him to stay. I know now that this is pathetic. But when we were good he would say that I'm the love of his life, his soulmate. He would say that we would someday get married and have a beautiful life together. What a high it was to hear these things.

 

The point of all of this is the other night we were texting and I merely told him that I did not know what else to chat about. I could tell that this made him mad but I felt so drained from the constant fighting that I ignored it. The next day I was blocked on all social media and I'm assuming my number is blocked. I haven't checked because I don't want to give him any power by showing that I care.

 

I just want to know if he will ever feel bad? Will I ever receive an apology? Even more, I would just appreciate any guidance anyone could offer because break ups suck. I know I shouldn't care and I know most people wouldn't. When you're treated unfairly, no matter how terrible the other person is, you always hope that they'll have that "A-ha!" moment and feel shameful about their behavior.

[Betterwithout]

Sorry this happened, but don't hold your breath for an apology from him. It will probably never happen.

 

If he is calling you names and not fighting fair, he is not worthy of your love or your time.

Great that you have done the work on healing your anxiety and depression. Don't let an insensitive a$$hat take away your well being.

 

Move on and block him from social media and your phone and be glad that he is no longer in your life.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. If these giant red flags started 3 mos in it's time to cut your losses. Tell him it's not working, end it then go no contact and block and delete him.

 

Also google "gaslighting" and verbal/mental abuse red flags. Talk to your family and friends and therapist about this.

 

Do not attempt to fix, change or heal him or worry about how he feels. Run!

only about 3-4 months after we began dating, the fights began. He was never fair during fights and would call me all names you can imagine, would tell me that I'm an idiot and psychotic, and would say just about anything he could to break me. When we fought, he would be so volatile and break up with me and do everything he could to hurt me.

[SooSad33]

He was never fair during fights and would call me all names you can imagine, would tell me that I'm an idiot and psychotic, and would say just about anything he could to break me.

- So sorry you've gone thru this... but HE is reflecting himself onto you!

 

He is Toxic.. get out of it... No one needs this crap!

Take no more!

 

Get your self respect back.. he will not change. he is messed!

 

Right-- give him NO power any more... walk and do NOT take him back if he begs, etc. Someone like this is full of bs.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry, OP.

 

You are seeing his true colours. One of my exes was very similar, and no, they don't ever really feel bad in the way you want them to. They won't have that "a-ha!" moment. That's how they are able to emotionally and verbally abuse you, in that they don't care for your feelings. That's why when they're suddenly nice again, it feels like such a relief, and you think maybe they do care again. That isn't about you though; it's about the abusers need to control and manipulate, so they say whatever they think will drag you back in. They're not saying those loving things because they actually love you, though that's how it feels in the moment. But you know by now, that high doesn't last. And it's not worth the lows.

 

Please, stay away from this man. He will continue to emotionally terrorize you if you hang on to him. It will get worse. I speak from experience, and it's not pretty.

[Fun Boater 1]

What is your current status with him? Are you still dating? From your description he sounds like a first class emotionally abusive dou*hebag. He also sounds a little narcissistic. Do not allow him to treat you like this. It is all about him and he cares very little, if at all, about YOUR feelings...which of course is what should be most important to you. I'm curious? You said 3-4 months in the "fights started". What were you fighting about? Who would start them?

[Shellykay]

I really appreciate your message! I have been blocked on all social media for 3 days, and we have not communicated. So basically, we no longer exist to each other and we are broken up. In the beginning, the fights were started by me, I suppose! He never cared much for my opinions, my feelings, or for boundaries so if I felt safe in voicing an opinion, he would erupt. The actual subjects were petty and I can't even remember the cause of the fights anymore. Recently the fights have revolved around me speaking to friends, me adding people on social media, and me not seeing him enough.

[Wiseman2]

Yikes, yeah run. It seems he went form the usual put downs to the usual controlling possessive behaviors. You can do much better than this idiot.

The actual subjects were petty and I can't even remember the cause of the fights anymore. Recently the fights have revolved around me speaking to friends, me adding people on social media, and me not seeing him enough.