Hollyj Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I think you are right, there are others out there. Since we've been broken up, I've been on 5 dates with 3 different girls. I sometimes compare them to my ex but I'm trying really hard not too. I can't say I'm THAT interested in the one I am seeing now, but it keeps my mind busy and we never know who I could meet. That's what a lot of people told me to try and I'm hoping you guys agree with them. So it is decided. Tomorrow, when I see her, it will be either black or white. If she doesn't want me in her life as her boyfriend, I just can't be there and that would mean the start of minimal contact (until we sell the apartment) and then the NC for whoever long it might take before we want to see each other again... You should not be using others to get over your ex. Selfish! Deal with the issues on your own, until you are in a better place. Link to comment
Krankor Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 You should not be using others to get over your ex. Selfish! Deal with the issues on your own, until you are in a better place. OP, I do agree with this. I'm actually a big believer in "getting back in the saddle" and not waiting forever. However, in your case it may be a better idea to wait at least until you're done with the apartment business. If you're not into this girl you've been dating don't string her along. Link to comment
Brinstar Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 Hi all - OP here. I am seeing her in a couple of hours. We have visits lined up for the apartment and we both need to be there because there are so many. The downtime between visits will likely be super awkward as we both know we will talk once the open house is over. I am now pretty confident in what I tell her: she broke up with me and the day she decided to cheat and break up, she gave up on the emotional support she could have received in these trying times for her. I can't be there as a friend (at least not right now) for her after having been involved romantically for 3 years. I actually cannot believe I just wrote that but the truth is, I was starting to feel better last week before she started writing to me again early this week. If that doesn't explain what I should do for ME for once - not for her - then I don't know what is. As for dating other people, I guess I didn't see it as being selfish but realize now I may simply not be ready for that. If I settle the apartment and get my own place and start feeling good again, then maybe I'll come across someone who I want to invest time and effort into. Any last minute advice before I head out? Thanks! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Regarding the dating: you should not date until the feelings have subsided for her, as your heart will not be open to another. I am a former Realtor, I don't understand why both of you need to be present for an open house? Either of you can bring a friend, and you can do alternate shifts. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 "I feel you have been cold and distant lately." That's hilarious. You should have just sent a text back that said "lol." She's cheated on you. She's dumped you. You need to shake yourself out of cuck mode because even if she wants more than a cuddle buddy to vent her daily frustrations to, it won't last. This is like folks who take advantage of the downtrodden dumpee for sex except here you don't even get the benefit of cumming. You just get humiliated. You're Keep it strictly business and get the apartment sold. I laughed at your response. I agree conpletely. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Hi all - OP here. I am seeing her in a couple of hours. We have visits lined up for the apartment and we both need to be there because there are so many. The downtime between visits will likely be super awkward as we both know we will talk once the open house is over. I am now pretty confident in what I tell her: she broke up with me and the day she decided to cheat and break up, she gave up on the emotional support she could have received in these trying times for her. I can't be there as a friend (at least not right now) for her after having been involved romantically for 3 years. I actually cannot believe I just wrote that but the truth is, I was starting to feel better last week before she started writing to me again early this week. If that doesn't explain what I should do for ME for once - not for her - then I don't know what is. As for dating other people, I guess I didn't see it as being selfish but realize now I may simply not be ready for that. If I settle the apartment and get my own place and start feeling good again, then maybe I'll come across someone who I want to invest time and effort into. Any last minute advice before I head out? Thanks! How did it go? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 GF breaks up but now needs emotional support I'd skip that. When someone dumps you, you won't win them back by playing amateur therapist. Link to comment
Blackchapter Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 What you need to see, and a lot of people fail to realise is that this pain of breakup can lead to one of two ways. Either you can work on yourself, or you can ease in to being this person who is heartbroken. Trust me this advice comes from playing around like this for 2 plus years. I met a wonderful girl and we dated for another 2 years before things went downhill again. Right now I'm still getting over it, but these days I'm much better than I was in January. Trust your inner strength. Believe me when I say that those long hallway walks or that journey to work will give you a lot of introspection. And slowly you'll realise that you don't need her. Everyone is here to support you. Don't fall into the trap of feeling like you owe something. She lost that right when she left the relationship Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I think you are right, there are others out there. Since we've been broken up, I've been on 5 dates with 3 different girls. I sometimes compare them to my ex but I'm trying really hard not too. I can't say I'm THAT interested in the one I am seeing now, but it keeps my mind busy and we never know who I could meet. That's what a lot of people told me to try and I'm hoping you guys agree with them. So it is decided. Tomorrow, when I see her, it will be either black or white. If she doesn't want me in her life as her boyfriend, I just can't be there and that would mean the start of minimal contact (until we sell the apartment) and then the NC for whoever long it might take before we want to see each other again... You are soooo not ready to be dating. I hope you are making it clear to them things won't be serious. Link to comment
johnnydanger Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Not even slightly. She wants the comfort of what she had while you were together while she looks for new guys to build that with. This is a trap with a bright neon THIS IS A TRAP sign sat right over it. Once she gets what she wants, she will be gone. If that's true (and seems to be as others have stated the same), then I can't understand how anyone could be that low. I would never be able to do something like that with an ex, unless I felt something for her as more than friends. Women really are unusual creatures. Link to comment
Brinstar Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 The meeting last week went... OK. I told her about my black and white scenarios: either she wants me in her life as her boyfriend or she doesn't want me at all. Obviously, none of my scenarios suited her and she asked for a grey zone where she suggested some rules. For example, we can see each other, but not more than once a week. We can call each other to share good news, but not when we're feeling down to get emotional support from the other person, we can go on one last date together, etc. I'm seeing her again tomorrow as I took the week to reflect on if her "list" is what I want to do. The last 7 days have been very hard for me and it is becoming more and more clear that while I COULD agree to what she suggested, it is not what I WANT to do. I'm working on a letter that I plan on giving her tomorrow night to say goodbye, for good. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I agree, accepting this grey zone is an utter waste of time. She would have just used that until she met someone else to date full-time. It would hurt you more in the end to agree to it. Link to comment
GeekLover Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Nope. Run far away from this BS. She's looking to use you to comfort her as she detaches. Sayonara sweetheart! Go take care of your own heart now... Link to comment
Brinstar Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 Thanks for your input, I am for sure telling her tomorrow night that our conversations from now on have to be strictly about selling the apartment and nothing more than that. Still, I am convinced she will come back sooner or later. I've given up hope that it can work out between us right now (and I have told her that) but I am certain that one day, she'll wake up realizing what she gave up. It could be months or years from now and I don't want to wait around forever, but at the same time, I know I'll never be able to fully get over my feelings for her and what we had was really special! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Grey zone = i don't want to get back together but want to use you for some emotional comfort. Link to comment
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