Ex cheated on her new boyfriend with me

[TheUMan]

Okay. Here goes nothing.

 

Me and my ex dated for about three years. We went through the ups and downs of a relationship. Started out great. Hit rough patches here and there. Broke up a couple of times. Got back together.

 

She's 21 and I'm 24. We were each other's first real relationship. We lost our virginities to each other. Did a lot of firsts together. Like traveling together, holidays. Etc.

 

So long story short. Back in September. We broke up because we both had busy work and school lives and failed to put any effort into the relationship. It was a rough breakup. Basically I saw her. We started making out that night. And she told me she wants to have a real relationship again. Where we put each other first. I told her that I want to be with her. But that she isn't always fair with me in the way she sets unrealistic expectations out for me.

 

She broke up with me and said it was because I don't seem to care about her anymore in terms of romance and effort. Within days she starts dating another guy that she's been friends with for weeks. I get pissed off about it. But ultimately respect her decision and stay friends with her.

 

This is where it gets tricky. We see each other here and there. Like twice a week. Movies. Dinner. Etc. Nothing serious. Just hangouts. She keeps her distance for the most part. For the next four months she moves incredibly fast with him. Talking about moving in, marriage, telling me about how amazing he is. Granted we reached a point where things like that are cool. I'm totally nonchalant and reacted totally cool. Even though it bothers me here and there.

 

She basically keeps this up for months. No sign whatsoever of wanting to get back together with me. Until this past week......

 

So on Friday. We hang out the whole day. We go to this really nice city. And instead of getting out the car she wants to stay in and just chill. We're just laying there and she gets really close. I kind of push her off and play it off. Her boyfriend is texting her and they're having some sort of fight. I don't really pay attention. That night I go home and she texts me "Hey. Why did we break up? Can you tell me the reasons. I just want to know."

 

I respond with. "I think it doesn't matter anymore. And we shouldn't bring it up." She doesn't respond.

 

So three days later. She asks me to watch a movie. Nothing is out so she downloads something on her laptop and suggests we watch it at a nearby coffee shop. I agree. But the place is too crowded so we decide to watch it in my car. While watching it she's texting her boyfriend. And eventually. He calls. They talk playfully and she tells him she loves him. Ends call.

 

By the end of the movie she tells me her back hurts. I offer to give her a back massage. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex in the car. She initiated it by moving my hands around her body and getting really up close and person to my face.

 

Before she leaves she tells me that we're not going to talk about it and hasn't texted me going on four days.

 

Some other tidbits:

 

Her boyfriend is super insecure about us hanging out. His last GF cheated on him. She made out with someone while being drunk at a party.

 

She's dated another guy for a month during one of our longer breakups. Same thing happened. Cheated on him with me.

 

She's a genuinely great person who has strong morals.

 

Questions:

 

Am I the rule or the exception?

 

Does she have feelings for me?

 

Does she have feelings for him?

 

Is this worth pursuing?

 

Should I tell the guy?

 

I do want to try things with her again because time part gave me a fresh perspective.

[Dahl]

Could you please elaborate on the fresh perspective you hold now, after the time apart, as well? (*think I said that poorly - I don't want to mess up the flow of your post/background; I would like to understand this aspect better - that's what I meant by 'as well')

[TheUMan]

I started seeing old friends again. Found out I'm graduating this year. Planning to move out. Got a huge position at work.

 

I learned that there's more to life than a single relationship. And I was using the relationship to form an identity. And that I put all my happiness eggs in one basket.

 

Also that I was a a lot of the time. Didn't put effort in. And want to do a lot of the things for her that I negelected. Basically. I could hve been a better boyfriend.

[boltnrun]

"She's a genuinely great person who has strong morals."

Lulz

 

Except for that pesky little cheating thingy.

 

If she wants you so badly, why doesn't she break up with him? Or does she like having two boyfriends? Does she plan to tell him she wants to date the both of you?

[TheUMan]

No idea.

 

We haven't spoken since that night. Not sure if they're together, if she told him, etc.

 

Giving her time. And definitely not opening that can of worms first.

[boltnrun]

Well, you do know there's a high likelihood she'd cheat on you with one of those other guys if you two got back "together".

 

She seems to like "ex sex".

[randomer2000]

I think you owe it to the other guy to either tell him, or stop meeting up with her. You need to understand thing from his perspective, he should know that his girlfriend cheated on him.

 

And you need to ask her if you two will ever be a thing or not.

[Wolfshook]

"Her boyfriend is super insecure about us hanging out. His last GF cheated on him. She made out with someone while being drunk at a party.

 

She's dated another guy for a month during one of our longer breakups. Same thing happened. Cheated on him with me.

 

She's a genuinely great person who has strong morals. "

 

She is not "great person with strong morals",she has issues man, serious issues. And if you're hoping to get back with her this way, well,good luck because this kind of people dont change. You will be played with.

 

Btw unless you have some evidence about her cheating,dont bother telling him, she will most probably manipulate him making you look like crazy ex.

[boltnrun]

Well, since he's the one she cheated on her boyfriend with I'd say he has a strong case.

 

But I can't imagine what's so attractive about a woman who habitually cheats on her boyfriends.

[MissCanuck]

She's a good person with strong morals?

 

No, OP. Not anymore. Not by a long shot.

 

She cheats, and uses you for attention and sex when her she's on shaky ground with her boyfriend. You and he are both being played like fiddles, and you're very much in denial. Notice she's gone back to ignoring you? Sorry to burst your bubble man, but she isn't the good person you think she is and she's not spending time with you for the right reasons.

 

Tell her new boyfriend what she's been doing. And then block her. Don't allow yourself to be treated like a doormat anymore.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like she's using you as a pawn for revenge sex to get back at him for something. Why be in the friendzone or her backdoor man?

 

What do you want to see happening here? If you reconciled and had an argument one day, would she be having sex in a car with him while texting you ILYs?

She broke up with me and said it was because I don't seem to care about her anymore in terms of romance and effort. Within days she starts dating another guy. For the next four months she moves incredibly fast with him. Talking about moving in, marriage, telling me about how amazing he is.

We see each other here and there. Her boyfriend is texting her and they're having some sort of fight. They talk playfully and she tells him she loves him. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex in the car.