I'm learning love has to find me

[limichelle]

So I have been this mad woman and going on dating sites. I joined Eharmony a month ago. I went to a singles church group and found out how lonely I have been. Not in romantic relationships but with friendships.

 

It took a lot of courage to even go tonight. It was a group of really nice people. Most were married with kids. There was a single guy, not sure if he wants to date. I got his email from him he is four years younger. I emailed him about how I was wanting to join a group and to let him know I'm interested but that it's okay if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. That it's nice to have a friendship regardless.

 

I think I need to stop looking so hard for love and have it find me.

 

I'll leave my eharmony account open if anyone wants to contact me they can.

 

I'll start off hopefully a new friendship and friendships.

 

I know dating will come and love will come because my heart is open to it.

 

 

 

Lisa

[Chocolate25]

that's a good way to put it Lisa that love has to find you. Sometimes a man would unexpectedly find you on a dating site too. Yeah I feel you too. I honestly prefer love to find me. It drives me crazy if I spend my time and life thinking about dating and love. At the same time, you should enjoy yourself. Enjoy being single. I watched on the real Talk show featuring Brandy the singer.. They mentioned that you should enjoy being single before getting married. I'm not saying to stay single forever but also enjoy singlehood as much as you can.

[jujusamples]

The moment I let go of "looking" for the right one, I found my husband! I'm not joking, that is literally and figuratively what happened.

 

In fact, I was so jaded with past relationships when I met my husband that I didn't even give him much thought. We just talked and hung out as friends for while. Point is, when there are no pressure, the relationship blossoms in a good way and you build a good foundation. We just hung out and took it slow and things turned out great! After 3 years of dating, we got married!

 

Good for you for taking this route, I wish you luck!

[SherrySher]

Love is funny like that, the moment you stop chasing so hard and focus on something else, it will appear when you least expect it.

Try and focus on friendships and finding your happiness in other ways right now, love will come along when it's the right time.

[Matt3939]

I wish it would show up for me. Yes it gets tiresome searching. If you are burned out take a break. Go a bit slower. At least you are a woman I hear they get a lot of people getting in contact on OLD. For us guys it's rare.

[Sportster2005]

So I have been this mad woman and going on dating sites. I joined Eharmony a month ago. I went to a singles church group and found out how lonely I have been. Not in romantic relationships but with friendships.

 

It took a lot of courage to even go tonight. It was a group of really nice people. Most were married with kids. There was a single guy, not sure if he wants to date. I got his email from him he is four years younger. I emailed him about how I was wanting to join a group and to let him know I'm interested but that it's okay if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. That it's nice to have a friendship regardless.

 

I think I need to stop looking so hard for love and have it find me.

 

I'll leave my eharmony account open if anyone wants to contact me they can.

 

I'll start off hopefully a new friendship and friendships.

 

I know dating will come and love will come because my heart is open to it.

 

 

 

Lisa

 

I don't agree. If you want something, you have to go after it. It's hard work, and sometimes it's frustrating. If you're not having any luck, by all means take a break. But if you expect a great man to fall from the heavens and fall on your lap, I'll think you'll be disappointed.

 

There's exceptions of course. Many people have met serendipitously. But I suspect that's a small minority.

 

When I lose my car keys, I don't sit on the couch expecting them to come to me.

[katrina1980]

I don't agree. If you want something, you have to go after it. It's hard work, and sometimes it's frustrating. If you're not having any luck, by all means take a break. But if you expect a great man to fall from the heavens and fall on your lap, I'll think you'll be disappointed.

 

There's exceptions of course. Many people have met serendipitously. But I suspect that's a small minority.

 

When I lose my car keys, I don't sit on the couch expecting them to come to me.

 

Car keys are tangible things. Love is NOT tangible, so there's a difference.

 

And I don't think she meant that she expects her prince to appear out of nowhere on his white horse whisking her away.... or fall from the sky.

 

But often times love does happen by accident, when you're not looking for it and when you least expect it.

 

You can't prepare for it, you can't be ready for it.

 

It just happens.

[UnchainedSoul]

This is a tricky one. Lisa you seem like you stressed yourself out for a long time. By all means take a break, but since you have your Eharmony open why not just browse? I mean it doesn't hurt to look right? Maybe your dream man is there just waiting for YOU to message HIM! I mean I understand you're waiting for love to happen but I think it takes some effort on your part too.

 

I have to say I was in the same exact place you were 7 years ago, and even though I am still single, I gained a wonderful friend that will always be my lifelong companion. And I met him on Eharmony! So life has a way of showing you things. I am not sure, but I think I messaged him first too. You spent the money. Eharmony isn't cheap so utilize it. But again if you need the break to focus on friendships by all means pursue that for now.

[abitbroken]

It took a lot of courage to even go tonight. It was a group of really nice people. Most were married with kids. There was a single guy, not sure if he wants to date. I got his email from him he is four years younger. I emailed him about how I was wanting to join a group and to let him know I'm interested but that it's okay if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. That it's nice to have a friendship regardless.

 

Its odd to me to focus on the one single guy in a group because he's single and express feelings to him when you are not dating him or have had no one on one at least. If he was in charge of the group and you expressed wanting to join it - that's a great start. If you are in a regular group, the topic that you are single will come up - people will ask if you have kids, etc, and you will say - no, i don't, I have never married, etc. Expressing intentions with someone like that just comes off as desperate or at least uncomfortable.

 

I think its good to join groups to enrich different parts of your life. When we build to improve ourselves and feel more comfortable with ourselves, we are more likely to meet people. The more friends we have that are not potential dates - the larger our network gets to meet their brothers, sons, classmates, roommates - whatever. If you are the single woman constantly scanning the room for wedding rings - it will show!

[Batya33]

That is not how it worked for me or a number of my friends but I could have spun it that way. I wasn't proactive about finding the emotion of love - I was proactive about finding a husband with whom to start a family. You. Am feel as open as you want but if you are not out there meeting people and telling people you trust and respect that you want to meet appropriate single people etc no one is going to find you. On the other hand desperation is smellyband a turn off. Bring practice has nothing to do with being desperate or separate for love. If you do eventually want a happy marriage and family you likely will have to put on the time and effort.

 

Obviously some people meet their match easily or by chance etc. it reminds me of how I found my current job - on many ways a dream job. I searched for over a year and went to so many networking events and got in touch with many people and did informational interviews but last July I clicked on a generic weekly email I had. Even receiving for over a year that was usually irrelevant and the job was listed there. Had nothing to do with networking although once I stated the process it helped to know people who knew of the employer. So let's say that you're out there trying to meet Mr Right and Mr Right falls on your lap. I bet you'd still find it helpful to have a network of other singles and other people who helped you meet single guys to help you make sure he stayed securely in your lap. Good luck with your search! It can be hard and frustrating at times but I promise it's worth it.

[Sportster2005]

Car keys are tangible things. Love is NOT tangible, so there's a difference.

 

And I don't think she meant that she expects her prince to appear out of nowhere on his white horse whisking her away.... or fall from the sky.

 

But often times love does happen by accident, when you're not looking for it and when you least expect it.

 

You can't prepare for it, you can't be ready for it.

 

It just happens.

 

Did I not say it sometimes happens serendipitously??

 

Love just happening when you least expect it, is a trite, mean nothing, throw away phrase. It's said well intentioned, but it's simply false more times than true. No amount of Hollywood or anecdote is going to change that.

 

Intangible or not, you can't find something if you don't look for it.

[limichelle]

It took a lot of courage to even go tonight. It was a group of really nice people. Most were married with kids. There was a single guy, not sure if he wants to date. I got his email from him he is four years younger. I emailed him about how I was wanting to join a group and to let him know I'm interested but that it's okay if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. That it's nice to have a friendship regardless.

 

Its odd to me to focus on the one single guy in a group because he's single and express feelings to him when you are not dating him or have had no one on one at least. If he was in charge of the group and you expressed wanting to join it - that's a great start. If you are in a regular group, the topic that you are single will come up - people will ask if you have kids, etc, and you will say - no, i don't, I have never married, etc. Expressing intentions with someone like that just comes off as desperate or at least uncomfortable.

 

 

I think its good to join groups to enrich different parts of your life. When we build to improve ourselves and feel more comfortable with ourselves, we are more likely to meet people. The more friends we have that are not potential dates - the larger our network gets to meet their brothers, sons, classmates, roommates - whatever. If you are the single woman constantly scanning the room for wedding rings - it will show!

 

Abitbroken: Nothing against you personally, but why do you misunderstand what I'm trying to say and spin it into some negativity. I was not scanning the room for wedding rings nor was I asking who was single. The guy approached me on a verse in the Bible and introductions were made. There I found out more about him and I didn't show interest because he was single I showed interest in what he had to say! It's moot point anyway because that won't work out in any capacity as I learned today. That's completely fine. I just need a break!

 

I am still browsing on eharmony. I feel that I'm not quitting the search entirely I'm just not going to have it plague my mind 24/7 like it did before.

 

I want to be more casual and just let things flow naturally.

 

Lisa

[katrina1980]

Did I not say it sometimes happens serendipitously??

 

Love just happening when you least expect it, is a trite, mean nothing, throw away phrase. It's said well intentioned, but it's simply false more times than true. No amount of Hollywood or anecdote is going to change that.

 

Intangible or not, you can't find something if you don't look for it.

 

Geez bite my head off why don't ya lol, I didn't mean to offend your senses!

 

Your last sentence, that may be true for YOU (and more power to ya), but for me, literally every time I intentionally went looking for love, I never found it.

 

I found plenty of men to date, but not love.

 

The times I found it ..... I was not looking.

[Batya33]

"I want to be more casual and just let things flow naturally."

 

OK -that's fine - the downside is that it might take you longer to find the right person. You can be proactive AND let things flow naturally once you meet someone. Being casual - you need to be clear with yourself about what that means to you. Do you mean less time on eharmony, less time at singles events, less time going out socially, choosing not to ask men out on dates - get specific IF your goal in the not too distant future is marriage and family. If your goal is to date casually if you come across someone you like and you're not concerned whether you marry in the near future, 10 years from now, 8 years from now, etc then being proactive might not be worth the time and effort.

[limichelle]

I guess what I mean is. It was getting to the point with each rejection it was something I obsessed about way too much. I am more proactive so I see what you are saying. I'm very proactive on Eharmony now. It's also a waiting game on Eharmony. I just need to wait for someone I'm interested in to take interest and respond. In life I'll be looking as well. I just don't think obsessing about it or torturing myself is the way to go.

 

Katrina is right love takes patience and time

 

 

Lisa