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90 Days No Contact Log

Andrew626

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Loralora Community Regular

Loralora

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What do you talk about (if it isn't too nosy to ask you talk about your ex or do you talk about you two and the possible future? Just wondering if she likes to talk about your ex and get you "through" it or not...

 

I think it's best you don't talk about you ex only if she's really interested to know what happened...or if you do, talk about it only for a short period of time only what she is interested in knowing and then get on with you two...

 

It's best you don't give the impression that you are stuck in the past and that you might still miss your ex..

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Andrew626 Community Regular

Andrew626

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I tend to think you're not ready to date if you're still counting the days you've been NC.

Lol I'm not really counting I just look at the dates on here. And as far as talking about my ex I haven't even bought it up around her. We just have good conversations and we go bowling and to movies and hang out.

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Loralora Community Regular

Loralora

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Lol I'm not really counting I just look at the dates on here. And as far as talking about my ex I haven't even bought it up around her. We just have good conversations and we go bowling and to movies and hang out.

 

Cool...good job 👍

I think you really like this new girl... I wish you luck! 🍀

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StuartM1 Apprentice

StuartM1

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NC DAY 24

 

ive met this really nice girl through an online dating website. We initially spoke 2 days on the phone before meeting up yesterday for a date in which it ended with her staying over at my house and we slept together. Shes over the 3 days we have been so open and honest with each other through deep conversation.. its as if shes the female version of me and its the type of woman ive always wanted and had lacked in past relationships, she shares the same morals/values, shes smart, good family backround, is motivated in both her work and social life, mature and has so many cool interests similar to myself. I could see myself being really happy with with this girl.

Theres a couple of things which is making me feel unsure about pursuing this further. I have no intention watsover with chasing my ex or wanting to be with her, in the month ive been away from her (full NC) ive realised that she has alot of issues that she isnt willing to work on. We are completely different on our outlook om life and she has alot of traits that i just dont want in a potential life partner which all ive only been able to fully notice once ive been away from her. In my eyes i feel im over her although she does still cross my mind everyday. Im not pining for her but just have thoughts about what shes doing etc. With this going on in the back of my mind from time to time plus a feeling of being slightly overwhelmed at this new situation and how different she is from my ex in A VERY GOOD WAY. I think another issue i have is that this girl is really pretty but shes a good bit overweight. Ideally i would prefer a slimmer woman but its really hard to just kill the situation straight away because i dont nesesscarily find her body attractive. Im just in limbo as to what to do because i really like this girl..we both know there is a great connection there, weve spoken on a level that you couldnt imagine only knowing someone 3 days. I just dont know what to do..its like my heart is saying go for it but my brain is producing some type of fear response around the whole thing. I just dont want anybody getting hurt, therefore i thought id come on here for a different perspective or advice.

 

UPDATE...

 

cut it off with this new girl on the 3rd night of seeing her. I just didnt feel right. I didnt want to lie to myself or her, so i told her how i felt and she was fine with it. Im just going to go back to focusing entirely on myself, and getting over this breakup the right way. Also when i was out with this girl last night, im near certain that a car drove past with the guy that had been given my ex the drugs and she was on the back..so if it was her im sure she seen me with this girl. How do you think she would of reacted or what will she be thinking?

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Blackchapter Apprentice

Blackchapter

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Wow. Unbelievable. Usually I'm drifting through forums and lending a helping hand wherever I can, but this is just amazing. A true motivational story. I have been in NC close to 60 days now, 3 months post BU. And I can literally say I am glad to have come across this.

 

Several stories I read about being dumped after ex lost someone, I can put my hand up and say that happened to me. The dynamic of this break up needs to be looked at in a way that can only potentially be seen as a no-return situation. (I can elaborate more if anyone needs it). Infact this is the reason for the BU.

 

Andrew's story is a very cliched and it happens to every romantic out there. Boy meets girl. Screwed up girl. Girl feeds off all this lovey dovey . When she's had enough she leaves. But as a narcissistic individual she comes back to feed off this behaviour. Such as changing and being different or all out poking. The f***?

 

Andrew in your case I hope you've learnt your lesson. Do. Not. Message. This. Girl.

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StuartM1 Apprentice

StuartM1

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Wow. Unbelievable. Usually I'm drifting through forums and lending a helping hand wherever I can, but this is just amazing. A true motivational story. I have been in NC close to 60 days now, 3 months post BU. And I can literally say I am glad to have come across this.

 

Several stories I read about being dumped after ex lost someone, I can put my hand up and say that happened to me. The dynamic of this break up needs to be looked at in a way that can only potentially be seen as a no-return situation. (I can elaborate more if anyone needs it). Infact this is the reason for the BU.

 

Andrew's story is a very cliched and it happens to every romantic out there. Boy meets girl. Screwed up girl. Girl feeds off all this lovey dovey . When she's had enough she leaves. But as a narcissistic individual she comes back to feed off this behaviour. Such as changing and being different or all out poking. The f***?

 

Andrew in your case I hope you've learnt your lesson. Do. Not. Message. This. Girl.

 

When you talk about being dumped after ex lost someone are you refering to my situation? Can you elebarate further for me please..would love to hear from someone who has maybe experienced this or understands why it has happened.

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Blackchapter Apprentice

Blackchapter

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When you talk about being dumped after ex lost someone are you refering to my situation? Can you elebarate further for me please..would love to hear from someone who has maybe experienced this or understands why it has happened.

 

Right. I'll try taking your mind somewhere that may be uncomfortable, but in no way shape or form am I trying to make you uncomfortable intentionally. If you might get offended, insulted, or the most importantly if this makes you empathise with your ex then this has proven counterproductive. And you will be back to square 1.

 

Still reading? Ok so imagine you lost your brother/sister/mother/father like right now. Imagine getting a text saying they're gone. They're never coming back. That's it. Like never. How would that make you feel? You'd want to be kissy kissy and lovey. Would you allow yourself to do that?

 

Like that my friend the heart shatters. When you loose someone that part they had of you is literally gone with them too. That's why they say death usually shakes the foundations of everyone around those that grieve. The closer you are to the griever the more they'll push away.

 

With mine she buried it and never wanted to talk about it, then several months later she found herself in a state of emotional numbness and wanted nothing to do with or relationship anymore. It hurts when they promise you the world but the relationship was threatened by more than the loss of a close one. In my experience her loosing someone was just the spark that ignited, or more aptly, the wind that blew out the burning flame she had for me.

 

The ironic thing is same thing is happening to my friend. Her bf is getting close to someone who went through the same experience too, and things are not good. Remember though, if they push you away that means they aren't for you. She needs to find a guy that distanced himself from her when she grieves, and you will find someone that runs to you and asks you for support.

 

Like I said. I hope it doesn't shift your NC focus and allow your mind to bargain.

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StuartM1 Apprentice

StuartM1

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Right. I'll try taking your mind somewhere that may be uncomfortable, but in no way shape or form am I trying to make you uncomfortable intentionally. If you might get offended, insulted, or the most importantly if this makes you empathise with your ex then this has proven counterproductive. And you will be back to square 1.

 

Still reading? Ok so imagine you lost your brother/sister/mother/father like right now. Imagine getting a text saying they're gone. They're never coming back. That's it. Like never. How would that make you feel? You'd want to be kissy kissy and lovey. Would you allow yourself to do that?

 

Like that my friend the heart shatters. When you loose someone that part they had of you is literally gone with them too. That's why they say death usually shakes the foundations of everyone around those that grieve. The closer you are to the griever the more they'll push away.

 

With mine she buried it and never wanted to talk about it, then several months later she found herself in a state of emotional numbness and wanted nothing to do with or relationship anymore. It hurts when they promise you the world but the relationship was threatened by more than the loss of a close one. In my experience her loosing someone was just the spark that ignited, or more aptly, the wind that blew out the burning flame she had for me.

 

The ironic thing is same thing is happening to my friend. Her bf is getting close to someone who went through the same experience too, and things are not good. Remember though, if they push you away that means they aren't for you. She needs to find a guy that distanced himself from her when she grieves, and you will find someone that runs to you and asks you for support.

 

Like I said. I hope it doesn't shift your NC focus and allow your mind to bargain.

 

Dont worry im fine after reading that lol...and i totally get what your saying ive sort if came to that conclusion in my head a few times ans its understandable but i just cant relate because ive never lost any1 close and felt the need to push a partner away because of grief. Can i ask what age you and your partner where when yous split and what what was her reasoning when things ended?. Did you go NC straight away and how did you fair with that. Im on day 29 and im really starting to over analise the whole situation, like it seems to be more in my head than it was in the earlier days. I thought by now she might of tried to initate some sort of contact and because she hasnt it make me feel more confused and anxious as to why shes being so cold about it. Its like me and our last 4 years have ment nothing to her, i just wish i new what was going through her head.

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Blackchapter Apprentice

Blackchapter

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Dont worry im fine after reading that lol...and i totally get what your saying ive sort if came to that conclusion in my head a few times ans its understandable but i just cant relate because ive never lost any1 close and felt the need to push a partner away because of grief. Can i ask what age you and your partner where when yous split and what what was her reasoning when things ended?. Did you go NC straight away and how did you fair with that. Im on day 29 and im really starting to over analise the whole situation, like it seems to be more in my head than it was in the earlier days. I thought by now she might of tried to initate some sort of contact and because she hasnt it make me feel more confused and anxious as to why shes being so cold about it. Its like me and our last 4 years have ment nothing to her, i just wish i new what was going through her head.

 

I've been in a few messed up relationships. I can definitely say that I'm better at picking up signs when someone is checking out of the relationship far better than all the red flags I overlook whilst I'm in the midst of it.

 

In my latest situation, she started to emotionally check out. It went from making me chase her when we fought to talking less and less and like random moments where her lips would tremble and she was holding back from crying when I would do something as small as reach for her hand. That's when I realised she was different. Then I asked her what was wrong and after a week or so of pestering she told me she wasn't sure of our future anymore. So I ended it. Regretted that and broke NC around day 17 and broke it week after week for 3 weeks with the same result of her being ice saying she needed space to think and to focus on herself. That she didn't even want to physically see me which was a first for her to say since we started going out. Then i just gave up. She recently took our FB pic down so she's moved on I guess. I'm 24 she's 22.

 

As for her initiating contact, it can happen in the next week or it can happen in a couple of months or worst it can be never. Right now the only reason you're feeling like you can't make progress is you're hoping.

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Knight2001 Community Regular

Knight2001

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hi, sorry to hear about your situation, but im not sorry to hear about your loss!

you are well rid of her. i agree 100% with loralora.

you have had a lucky escape.

she lied to you and now it seems like she's going out of her way to hurt you.

she isnt the person you thought she was.

keep your chin up, hold your head high and move on. there's someone for everyone and she's not the one for you, thank goodness.

who's this jerk she's seeing now "she loves me now"....he should say "she loves me for now".......

move on and good luck. you've been lucky.

stay lucky and be happy.

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Andrew626 Community Regular

Andrew626

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Wow so I re installed the app called Kik after not having it for months and I see a message from her on their from March 25th...really pathetic. I just ignored it.

Maybe she's just upset that I am moving on and don't need her worthless a*s!!! Maybe she heard that I'm meeting new girls and going to parties and having fun smh forget her.

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Whocares479 Community Regular

Whocares479

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Wow so I re installed the app called Kik after not having it for months and I see a message from her on their from March 25th...really pathetic. I just ignored it.

Maybe she's just upset that I am moving on and don't need her worthless a*s!!! Maybe she heard that I'm meeting new girls and going to parties and having fun smh forget her.

 

That's the most immature thing I've seen in a while. You have dodged a major bullet.

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