90 Days No Contact Log

[Fracturedheart]

The fact that she let this guy pick up your call to her and talk to you like that shows you exactly the type of girl she is.

 

I can guarantee you this guy is a douche and will end up hurting this girl. Trust me once that happens she is going to try and come back to you but......

 

You won't give her the time of day because you respect yourself. Best thing you can do is heal and move on and find a woman that respects you and wants to be with you.

 

Your ex made her decision and guess what she did you a favour

 

You'll be fine buddy.

[EternalOptimis]

She had the guy answer the phone and they basically laughed at me. That was the most hurtful thing I ever went through. I wish I could call her and cuss her out but I'm better than that. I'm better than her. I always stayed faithful and never hurt her. All her other boyfriends cheated on her and they are always drugged up losers that she goes with and immediately says that she loves them.

 

That says everything right there about the type of girl she is and the type of guy you are. You ARE better than her. Believe it. The first few weeks are the toughest but you sound like the type of guy who'll definitely get over her and in a few years you won't believe you were with her. You should be with someone with the same integrity you have.

 

My therapist said something which helped. My relationship was "Toxic". And it sounds like yours was too. Toxic relationships aren't devoid of good times and happy memories, but they don't last and one or both parties end up getting hurt.

 

Hang in there. We're here if you need to sound off.

[Tynn]

Dear all,

 

I stumbled upon this forum while googling about the 90 day NC. Sorry for jumping into this thread and hope Andrew you are feeling much better.

 

My story is rather peculiar and might be boring to you guys, hope you bear with it.

 

He and I first met in June last year when he came to enquire about my company’s products. I replied to his enquires via email, no further contact thereafter. We only met up say 3 or 4 times over the 6 month period at the events organized by my company and exchanged brief greetings.

As I was facing few hundred enquirers in a year over work, I didn’t pay any special attention to him over anything.

 

Things took a change when he attended the last company event this early Jan, he actually asked if I’m keen to attend a lights festival the next day as he had extra invitations. I accepted gladly since I thought it would be a nice show. He insisted on picking me up though I could make my own way to the venue. After the show, we talked about having a dinner and I offered to buy the meal since he invited me. We proceeded to a good restaurant which he frequents and he refused to let me pick up the tab. Throughout the session, he was nervous and very shy that he couldn’t look at me in the eye, leaving me wonder if I had done anything wrong or offended him.

 

A week later, I texted him to ask him on some retail opinion on the products my bestie is marketing. He suggested dinner which we could discuss over the products. It was another pleasant session of discussion and he did his best to make sure I had a great dinner.

 

As I’m independent and do not take treats for granted, I thanked him by sending him some health supplements.

 

We didn’t keep in touch much except exchanging thanks and he was travelling to visit his family during the Chinese new year. During then we sent seasons greetings and on his

day of returning to the country (beginning feb) he texted me if I would like to catch a movie. I said yes since I have no other pastimes other than work.

I thought he was being nice based on how he took care of me when we were out but I dared not think much as he is in late 20s and im in mid 30s. I even jokingly told him “Do not treat me too well or I might end up liking you. He replied: then I will do much better.

 

I ever asked him that there are so many ladies of his age range who would love to be with him given his calibre and he said he couldn’t connect with them.

Fast forward to Valentine’s day, I was surprised that he got the florist to send over a dozen roses and apologized that he couldn’t have dinner with me as he’s overseas.

I said its fine and we could catch up when he’s back. Actually I had this dread feeling that my days with him are coming to an end as he was relocating to another country. It’s a known fact when we first got to know each other last year.

 

We met up for dinner post Vday and I gave him a pair of cufflinks to thank him for the flowers, lavish dinners and great movie treats, im happy to see he has been wearing it for work.

 

Early march, he got the florist to send me flowers again for my birthday. I was surprised that he remembered as we talked about horoscopes, bdays and of course age difference, only once.

I was feeling scared that im opening my heart to him as future with him seems bleak. He’s a successful young individual with good upbringing with a significant disparity between our family backgrounds.

Our last meetup was in mid March, he said “I know I should focus on you 100% but Im not sure if I can give you even 80% of it now. He was referring to his work as he is busy focusing on his new career in the new neighbouring country. I said its okay, focus on your career first.

 

Text messages became sporadic and I don’t like to pester a person. I only text say once, every 2 or 3 days to see if he’s okay. He only replied he’s very busy with family and work. I know he’s trying to tie up the loose ends in the current company.

 

Messages from him became scarce and in early april, I asked him if he could still like to receive my company’s newsletter after he left the existing company. No response from him. I sent him a message that its okay even if he is seeing someone else, I only want the best for him and he be happy.

A week later, he responded, saying sorry that he was trying to settle down in the other country, he just came back and needed to admit his grandmother to the hospital. He said we could meet up if I want and if I have the time. For the last bit of dignity, I told him his grandma should be the focus now and not me. Later he became more quiet and his response became simple and short when I followed up on his grandmother.

Later in the week, I asked if he was free to catch up over a meal. He said he was on the way to the airport that he would be back the coming Wed and could have a dinner. I agreed but past the meeting day, I didn’t hear from him. I didn’t chase, thinking it is pointless to chase a guy if he is not keen. On Friday, he texted, apologizing that he was sorry to miss our appt as he was down with food poisoning. I expressed concern and we chatted a bit.

He didn’t suggest a dinner to make up for the missed one and I didn’t press for one either. Just keep it casual. He didn’t take the initiative to text and I think I should save this bit of dignity and let him go.

On the 30 april, I asked about his grandma again and he said “she is better now, thanks” that’s all I got. In order to cut down on the pain, I just sent the last note “ Glad to know her condition is getting better, as for you, though you are busy, remember to take your meals and look after your health. Take care”

I guess he also recognized it as a farewell note and no more reply from him since.

 

It is the 43 day of No Contact, though I am trying to be strong, somehow I’m feeling hollow and could only mask it by working non-stop. Coincidentally, his birthday is coming up the day shortly after the 90 day of No contact. Should I send him a birthday note? There was no argument, no harsh words etc. Now, I am treating this as a dream that I should wake up from and sober up. However there is a dull aching pain that refuse to go away…

What do you all think?

[Loralora]

Dear all,

 

I stumbled upon this forum while googling about the 90 day NC. Sorry for jumping into this thread and hope Andrew you are feeling much better.

 

My story is rather peculiar and might be boring to you guys, hope you bear with it.

 

He and I first met in June last year when he came to enquire about my company’s products. I replied to his enquires via email, no further contact thereafter. We only met up say 3 or 4 times over the 6 month period at the events organized by my company and exchanged brief greetings.

As I was facing few hundred enquirers in a year over work, I didn’t pay any special attention to him over anything.

 

Things took a change when he attended the last company event this early Jan, he actually asked if I’m keen to attend a lights festival the next day as he had extra invitations. I accepted gladly since I thought it would be a nice show. He insisted on picking me up though I could make my own way to the venue. After the show, we talked about having a dinner and I offered to buy the meal since he invited me. We proceeded to a good restaurant which he frequents and he refused to let me pick up the tab. Throughout the session, he was nervous and very shy that he couldn’t look at me in the eye, leaving me wonder if I had done anything wrong or offended him.

 

A week later, I texted him to ask him on some retail opinion on the products my bestie is marketing. He suggested dinner which we could discuss over the products. It was another pleasant session of discussion and he did his best to make sure I had a great dinner.

 

As I’m independent and do not take treats for granted, I thanked him by sending him some health supplements.

 

We didn’t keep in touch much except exchanging thanks and he was travelling to visit his family during the Chinese new year. During then we sent seasons greetings and on his

day of returning to the country (beginning feb) he texted me if I would like to catch a movie. I said yes since I have no other pastimes other than work.

I thought he was being nice based on how he took care of me when we were out but I dared not think much as he is in late 20s and im in mid 30s. I even jokingly told him “Do not treat me too well or I might end up liking you. He replied: then I will do much better.

 

I ever asked him that there are so many ladies of his age range who would love to be with him given his calibre and he said he couldn’t connect with them.

Fast forward to Valentine’s day, I was surprised that he got the florist to send over a dozen roses and apologized that he couldn’t have dinner with me as he’s overseas.

I said its fine and we could catch up when he’s back. Actually I had this dread feeling that my days with him are coming to an end as he was relocating to another country. It’s a known fact when we first got to know each other last year.

 

We met up for dinner post Vday and I gave him a pair of cufflinks to thank him for the flowers, lavish dinners and great movie treats, im happy to see he has been wearing it for work.

 

Early march, he got the florist to send me flowers again for my birthday. I was surprised that he remembered as we talked about horoscopes, bdays and of course age difference, only once.

I was feeling scared that im opening my heart to him as future with him seems bleak. He’s a successful young individual with good upbringing with a significant disparity between our family backgrounds.

Our last meetup was in mid March, he said “I know I should focus on you 100% but Im not sure if I can give you even 80% of it now. He was referring to his work as he is busy focusing on his new career in the new neighbouring country. I said its okay, focus on your career first.

 

Text messages became sporadic and I don’t like to pester a person. I only text say once, every 2 or 3 days to see if he’s okay. He only replied he’s very busy with family and work. I know he’s trying to tie up the loose ends in the current company.

 

Messages from him became scarce and in early april, I asked him if he could still like to receive my company’s newsletter after he left the existing company. No response from him. I sent him a message that its okay even if he is seeing someone else, I only want the best for him and he be happy.

A week later, he responded, saying sorry that he was trying to settle down in the other country, he just came back and needed to admit his grandmother to the hospital. He said we could meet up if I want and if I have the time. For the last bit of dignity, I told him his grandma should be the focus now and not me. Later he became more quiet and his response became simple and short when I followed up on his grandmother.

Later in the week, I asked if he was free to catch up over a meal. He said he was on the way to the airport that he would be back the coming Wed and could have a dinner. I agreed but past the meeting day, I didn’t hear from him. I didn’t chase, thinking it is pointless to chase a guy if he is not keen. On Friday, he texted, apologizing that he was sorry to miss our appt as he was down with food poisoning. I expressed concern and we chatted a bit.

He didn’t suggest a dinner to make up for the missed one and I didn’t press for one either. Just keep it casual. He didn’t take the initiative to text and I think I should save this bit of dignity and let him go.

On the 30 april, I asked about his grandma again and he said “she is better now, thanks” that’s all I got. In order to cut down on the pain, I just sent the last note “ Glad to know her condition is getting better, as for you, though you are busy, remember to take your meals and look after your health. Take care”

I guess he also recognized it as a farewell note and no more reply from him since.

 

It is the 43 day of No Contact, though I am trying to be strong, somehow I’m feeling hollow and could only mask it by working non-stop. Coincidentally, his birthday is coming up the day shortly after the 90 day of No contact. Should I send him a birthday note? There was no argument, no harsh words etc. Now, I am treating this as a dream that I should wake up from and sober up. However there is a dull aching pain that refuse to go away…

What do you all think?

 

 

This might sound harsh..sorry if it does but...

 

I think you should move on and not contact him again. It is very clear he doesn't want to have anything to do with you.

 

He has told you he can't invest not even 80%. He is traveling constantly. It's impossible for you two to have something and he made that clear also.

 

In my opinion he did what he did (the flowers, the dinners) so he can have a hook-up option everytime he is in town.

 

As soon as he realised that wasn't possible and saw you wanted much more from him he doesn't seem interested.

 

Don't waste your time even thinking about him. Find someone you really deserve for your self. Don't keep chasing after this jerk...good luck.

[Tynn]

Dear Loralora,

 

Thank you for your advice and I agree with you on this. Sorry for making you go through such a long post. Its almost 60 days NC and i'm more sober now.

 

More or less sorted out my thoughts and also made plans to go on a vacation with some girl pals. Hopefully by 90 days, I will ready to meet more new friends.

[Iamwellty]

I think this is a good idea. I will start tomorrow. I already made contact today. Thanks

[SleekAvocado]

Decided to sign up after being around here for quite some time. I read every single page that was on this thread.

 

Although my breakup story is not comparable to what some of you all have experienced, it still hit me hard as it was my first love.

 

On my 3rd day of NC now. It still pains me but I know if some of you all can get through it, then I will get through it too. Just need to have the strength to push through. When I feel like I'm weak, that's when I can come onto eNA and surround myself with like-minded people. I wish you all a great day ahead!