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90 Days No Contact Log

Andrew626

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willinm Rookie

willinm

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Right. I'll try taking your mind somewhere that may be uncomfortable, but in no way shape or form am I trying to make you uncomfortable intentionally. If you might get offended, insulted, or the most importantly if this makes you empathise with your ex then this has proven counterproductive. And you will be back to square 1.

 

Still reading? Ok so imagine you lost your brother/sister/mother/father like right now. Imagine getting a text saying they're gone. They're never coming back. That's it. Like never. How would that make you feel? You'd want to be kissy kissy and lovey. Would you allow yourself to do that?

 

Like that my friend the heart shatters. When you loose someone that part they had of you is literally gone with them too. That's why they say death usually shakes the foundations of everyone around those that grieve. The closer you are to the griever the more they'll push away.

 

With mine she buried it and never wanted to talk about it, then several months later she found herself in a state of emotional numbness and wanted nothing to do with or relationship anymore. It hurts when they promise you the world but the relationship was threatened by more than the loss of a close one. In my experience her loosing someone was just the spark that ignited, or more aptly, the wind that blew out the burning flame she had for me.

 

The ironic thing is same thing is happening to my friend. Her bf is getting close to someone who went through the same experience too, and things are not good. Remember though, if they push you away that means they aren't for you. She needs to find a guy that distanced himself from her when she grieves, and you will find someone that runs to you and asks you for support.

 

Like I said. I hope it doesn't shift your NC focus and allow your mind to bargain.

 

YES YES YES YES!!!

 

This is exactly my situation! My ex and me were travelling long OK. Been together for 3 years. Her dad was diagonosed with cancer back in August last year. Something slightly changed over the proceeding months but nothing drastic. I could feel her slightly detaching from me though. Then In Feb this year the time had come and her father passed away. I was there with her all day as we watched him slowly pass away. She was devastated. I helped her through the proceeding weeks with funerals and everything. Cleaning out her father's unit etc. She said she loved me several times through this period, saying I was her rock through this.

Then 6 weeks later after he died, I had noticed she was struggling with grief and seeking support from all sorts of people but seemingly not me, she came to me and said the dreaded "I'm not feeling it anymore, I don't think we are compatible". I immediately was shattered, she was shattered telling me. I could see if was causing her pain, and she said she did not want to hurt me. I immediately went into NC mode, as shattered and heart broken as I was. 2 weeks passed and I reached out to her only 2 days ago just to let her know, even though I'm grieving & now have a greater appreciation of what she was/is going through, that I still care about her. I didn't expect a text back, but she did reply only a few minutes later. We exchanged 3 or texts each, nothing too in depth, but she did say she is still struggling in her grief and feeling out of control of her life at the moment. I just ended the texts saying, I am here for her if she needs anything. She thanked me and said its good to deal with her healing alone with no pressure. So that's my story of my relationship having been tipped upside down by the loss of a parent. It has left me reeling in pain & hurting & confused. I have so many questions but have no answers. How can she go from loving me and a coupe, of weeks later ending it??? I can not bug her for answers as I shall respect her need for space & time. I just drift on through the days like a zombie trying to come to terms with my loss and broken heart.

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StuartM1 Apprentice

StuartM1

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In the grand scale of things do you guys think 33 days NC and counting is a lot or a good achievement on trying to put a 4 year relationship behind me? I know im still not over it as i was told by a friend that he bumped into her at a local bar and she was with a guy. He said she was trying to hide from him and when he asked why she was doing that she said she didnt know.. so to sum degree she was uncomfortable. When i was told this i felt sick to the stomach and it took me a while to get my head round and shift those feelings.

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Shadowbite Enthusiast

Shadowbite

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In the grand scale of things do you guys think 33 days NC and counting is a lot or a good achievement on trying to put a 4 year relationship behind me? I know im still not over it as i was told by a friend that he bumped into her at a local bar and she was with a guy. He said she was trying to hide from him and when he asked why she was doing that she said she didnt know.. so to sum degree she was uncomfortable. When i was told this i felt sick to the stomach and it took me a while to get my head round and shift those feelings.

 

 

It's a good milestone. There's a point where you end up stop counting the days.

4 years is quite a while, so it'll take time to heal.

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Andrew626 Community Regular

Andrew626

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Wow that's great...awesome job!

Two months down...one to go...👍💪

 

How are things going with that new girl?

Pretty good we talk everyday and hang out on the weekends. And to anyone that ever doubts the no contact rule I will tell you it 100% is the only way to go after a breakup.

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Shadowbite Enthusiast

Shadowbite

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Pretty good we talk everyday and hang out on the weekends. And to anyone that ever doubts the no contact rule I will tell you it 100% is the only way to go after a breakup.

 

Agreed, It's too bad i screwed up on it. However it did give me closure just not in the way I expected. Works for me though.

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mustlovedogs Veteran

mustlovedogs

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I definitely have off days...I don't think those go away when u really loved someone for a long time...you just learn to live with it.

 

They do go away.

 

I say this a lot, and I don't want to sound negative - but this indicates maybeeeee it's too soon to be dating... seriously at least.

 

I think about my ex maybe once every few weeks and it's just a fleeting thought.

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Andrew626 Community Regular

Andrew626

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They do go away.

 

I say this a lot, and I don't want to sound negative - but this indicates maybeeeee it's too soon to be dating... seriously at least.

 

I think about my ex maybe once every few weeks and it's just a fleeting thought.

I'm not ready for dating and I don't have much time to either

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GeekLover Rookie

GeekLover

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They do go away.

 

I say this a lot, and I don't want to sound negative - but this indicates maybeeeee it's too soon to be dating... seriously at least.

 

I think about my ex maybe once every few weeks and it's just a fleeting thought.

 

Yes. I completely agree. I am at the stage where I enjoy meeting new guys, but I am clear about my expectations. I'm not looking for anything serious-just the opportunity to meet new people and experience new things. I know that I am emotionally unavailable right now. I feel it. It's SO very clear to me. I explain I'm not looking for anything serious. It doesn't mean I'm completely closed off to the idea, but it does mean I'm not going to be needy and chase you to win your attention.

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Andrew626 Community Regular

Andrew626

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Take what slow??? You said you two are friends!

Well I like her too I explained everything to her and she understands that I'm coming out of a nightmare...she has a lot of guys that want to be with her but she really seems to wanna spend time with me alot

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