is he still interested ? or juz being polite

[hopehigh]

hi all.

 

im new here and would like to ask an advice

ive got to know this guy tru a dating and we texted for 3 weeks, almost everyday.

we went out for a lunch and ive invited him for a movie the following weekend.

we had lunch and went for movie on the second date.

he did walk me to the carpark and even paid for lunch though i offered to pay.

i think ive been reserved during the chat.

however there was radio silence after that

2 days later ive recieved an accidental misscall from him and ive texted him.

he did explain and went on asking me how am i doing.

i initiated the conversation and we went on conversation back and forth.

after tat its been few days since we had conversation.

 

is he still interested and ned some time to consider? if yes how long should i wait? or he is juz being polite?

im puzzled as he could actually end the conversation after explaining the mizcall and would not even ask me questions during the conversation. should i initiate and talk to him ?

 

hopinghigh

[Batya33]

He just enjoys chatting with you but is not interested in asking you on a date - he hasn't yet asked you on a date -you met once and then you asked him out. Please don't take it personally - you might be right that he prefers someone more extroverted and while you were chatty on text, dating in person is different and whether you connect on text often is irrelevant to in person interactions. It's only 2 dates -dating is tough so just keep on moving.

[hopehigh]

thank you for ur advice.

both of us are quite a distance apart. i did hint that im coming over to his town and he ask me out for the 1st date.

could it be tat he is scared off as i told him to let me know if he is coming over to my place for a day trip ?

really? no hopes? any turning point if i texted him next week? btw he will be having exams early next month.

[Andrina]

Let the guy make most of the effort at the beginning. That way, you can clearly see his interest versus you asking him out and the possibility he was too cowardly to decline. It usually takes dating a boatload of guys before finding a potential longterm partner. I did online dating for several years and went on dates with about 30 guys before meeting my future husband.

 

Stick with dating locally, no more than 50 miles apart. Commuting is straining and eventually, 1 person would have to move.

[IAmFCA]

Sometimes we maintain connections just to feel we have company, with no intention of developing them further. None of us know what his intentions are, nor his motivations. Nor do you, nor do you need to. Rely on Do I have what I want? You don't, so you keep moving. This is not your bus stop.

[Wiseman2]

How did the second date go? You are both multidating at this point, so unfortunately some people flake out.

 

What do you mean "reserved during chat"? What did he "explain"? The ball is in his court, see if he asks you out again but don't continue to text.

ive got to know this guy tru a dating and we texted for 3 weeks, almost everyday.we went out for a lunch and ive invited him for a movie the following weekend. we had lunch and went for movie on the second date. he did explain and went on asking me how am i doing.

[Batya33]

thank you for ur advice.

both of us are quite a distance apart. i did hint that im coming over to his town and he ask me out for the 1st date.

could it be tat he is scared off as i told him to let me know if he is coming over to my place for a day trip ?

really? no hopes? any turning point if i texted him next week? btw he will be having exams early next month.

 

He suggested a first meet, you asked him out for the first date. If what you wrote "scares" him then he is not that into you or not available to date anyone. I would not text him again -you've already asked him out, planned a date, and texted him after -and given him the privilege of chatting without him having to put in any effort to plan another date. He knows 100% how interested you are.

[IAmFCA]

People say, let the man chase you. I hate that.

 

A similar behavior results when you calibrate your interaction to reflect his interaction. Its like making a new friend. Its weird if they ask you to do stuff all the time, text you too much. It feels out of balance. Think of this like that - keeping in balance. You've done what you can. Now leave it alone and go put some other relationship in balance. A friend, a project, whatever.

[hopehigh]

thanks for your advice.

he did most of the talking during the lunch. i am kind of reserved in expressing myself since im new to this dating stuff, giving generic answers which turnout to be bit monotonous.

he juz explained that he accidentally mizcall me in which he is not aware bout it.

[HeartGoesOn]

hopehigh...Please spell out your words, and avoid posting in netspeak.

 

Thank you.

[Batya33]

thanks for your advice.

he did most of the talking during the lunch. i am kind of reserved in expressing myself since im new to this dating stuff, giving generic answers which turnout to be bit monotonous.

he juz explained that he accidentally mizcall me in which he is not aware bout it.

 

Nothing to do with dating. If you were out to lunch with a friend would you give generic answers if she asked you a question -even with a new friend? You are 50% responsible for keeping the conversation going and if it's someone you think you want to see again why not put in an effort.

[foolish1985]

thanks for your advice.

he did most of the talking during the lunch. i am kind of reserved in expressing myself since im new to this dating stuff, giving generic answers which turnout to be bit monotonous.

he juz explained that he accidentally mizcall me in which he is not aware bout it.

 

If someone was giving me generic answers during our first date, I would consider them either not attracted to me, or not interesting to talk to altogether.

 

If I were you, I wouls try contacting him once again just to make sure whether he wants something or not.

 

Speculating and interpreting the actions of others in such cases is stupid and unnecessary.

[Sportster2005]

Let the guy make most of the effort at the beginning. That way, you can clearly see his interest versus you asking him out and the possibility he was too cowardly to decline. It usually takes dating a boatload of guys before finding a potential longterm partner. I did online dating for several years and went on dates with about 30 guys before meeting my future husband.

 

Stick with dating locally, no more than 50 miles apart. Commuting is straining and eventually, 1 person would have to move.

 

The flaw with this plan is he might be thinking the same thing.

[Batya33]

The flaw with this plan is he might be thinking the same thing.

 

Well no, not traditionally. Traditionally, the man does more (most?) of the asking out in the beginning. Certainly there are exceptions, certainly things are changing but in this particular situation I think he simply didn't want to sit through another forced/pulling teeth conversation. And even if he is not a traditional sort, it's his turn to reciprocate -he never asked her out- he asked her to meet in person and she asked him out for the first real date.

[katrina1980]

The flaw with this plan is he might be thinking the same thing.

 

I actually agree with this believe it or not!

 

I used to think that guys should always pursue, at least in early stages, my ex pretty much chased me for six damn years, so got used to that.

 

My new boyfriend refuses to *chase* me, he expects at least equal effort and initiation from me. And expected it straight from the get go!

 

I admit, it took some getting used to on my part, but I like it now, feels more balanced and it feels good to be the giver!

[katrina1980]

Well no, not traditionally. Traditionally, the man does more (most?) of the asking out in the beginning. Certainly there are exceptions, certainly things are changing but in this particular situation I think he simply didn't want to sit through another forced/pulling teeth conversation.

 

 

**And even if he is not a traditional sort, it's his turn to reciprocate -he never asked her out- he asked her to meet in person and she asked him out for the first real date.

 

Stop the presses, Batya and I agree! Lol

 

At least the last paragraph... in *this* particular situation.

 

His turn to step up and indicate interest!

[Batya33]

I actually agree with this believe it or not!

 

I used to think that guys should always pursue, at least in early stages, my ex pretty much chased me for six damn years, so got used to that.

 

My new boyfriend refuses to *chase* me, he expects at least equal effort and initiation from me. And expected it straight from the get go!

 

I admit, it took some getting used to on my part, but I like it now, feels more balanced and it feels good to be the giver!

 

I asked men out, suggested many first meets. I wasn't pursuing or chasing. No one should. Asking someone out is not a big deal it's just that when I was dating it wasn't an effective way to find a man interested in a long term relationship leading to marriage- asking him out once, maybe ok - but doing more of the asking out - very flattering to the guy, and almost always an express or implied turn off where the guy would even wonder why it made him uncomfortable to have this awesome, strong seeming woman asking him out on dates and planning the dates.

 

Maybe things have changed over the years and of course not everyone wants to do traditional dating -or wants someone who is into more traditional dating. It's totally fine to ask people out - just certain downsides I and almost all the women I knew experienced (and still do -I just haven't dated in over 10 years so my experience now is vicarious and more anecdotal). I actually remember a major newspaper writing an article about a woman who was the one who did all the asking out and even proposed -he said yes! It was such a big deal -i knew of no happy lasting relationships where the woman did most of the asking out in the beginning.

 

I had no problem asking men out so for me it would have been easier had things not been traditionally as they were.

[katrina1980]

I asked men out, suggested many first meets. I wasn't pursuing or chasing. No one should. Asking someone out is not a big deal it's just that when I was dating it wasn't an effective way to find a man interested in a long term relationship leading to marriage- asking him out once, maybe ok - but doing more of the asking out - very flattering to the guy, and almost always an express or implied turn off where the guy would even wonder why it made him uncomfortable to have this awesome, strong seeming woman asking him out on dates and planning the dates.

 

Maybe things have changed over the years and of course not everyone wants to do traditional dating -or wants someone who is into more traditional dating. It's totally fine to ask people out - just certain downsides I and almost all the women I knew experienced (and still do -I just haven't dated in over 10 years so my experience now is vicarious and more anecdotal). I actually remember a major newspaper writing an article about a woman who was the one who did all the asking out and even proposed -he said yes! It was such a big deal -i knew of no happy lasting relationships where the woman did most of the asking out in the beginning.

 

I had no problem asking men out so for me it would have been easier had things not been traditionally as they were.

 

Well my second post agreed with you, with regard to me and my boyfriend, we have a bit of history as we dated back in February and I broke up with him.

 

So last month I asked him out, and we have been consistently dating ever since.

 

He initiates sometimes as do I! I will even plan sometimes.

 

He usually pays as he makes four times what I make lol, but I will buy little "treats" for us and am usually the one texting or emailing first every day, which he loves and makes his day!

 

Again, this is all new for me as I am used to guys chasing, pursuing, initiating, but I like this better!

 

We are really into each other, so it's all good!

[Batya33]

Well my second post agreed with you, with regard to me and my boyfriend, we have a bit of history as we dated back in February and I broke up with him.

 

So last month I asked him out, and we have been consistently dating ever since.

 

He initiates sometimes as do I! I will even plan sometimes.

 

He usually pays as he makes four times what I make lol, but I will buy little "treats" for us and am usually the one texting or emailing first every day, which he loves and makes his day!

 

Again, this is all new for me as I am used to guys chasing, pursuing, initiating, but I like this better!

 

We are really into each other, so it's all good!

 

Yes, I was talking about the beginning of a dating relationship and most of all -once you're in a relationship it's whatever you're comfortable with. My sense is that since you broke up with him last winter he's more comfortable having you get in touch first because of that previous imbalance in interest level.

[Sportster2005]

Too each his own. I don't have the time of day for women that want to sit back and expect the man to do all the heavy lifting. Life's too short. Your mileage may vary. Not referring to anyone/thing specifically. Just clarifying my previous post.

[JaggerJim]

I asked men out, suggested many first meets. I wasn't pursuing or chasing. No one should. Asking someone out is not a big deal it's just that when I was dating it wasn't an effective way to find a man interested in a long term relationship leading to marriage- asking him out once, maybe ok - but doing more of the asking out - very flattering to the guy, and almost always an express or implied turn off where the guy would even wonder why it made him uncomfortable to have this awesome, strong seeming woman asking him out on dates and planning the dates.

 

Maybe things have changed over the years and of course not everyone wants to do traditional dating -or wants someone who is into more traditional dating. It's totally fine to ask people out - just certain downsides I and almost all the women I knew experienced (and still do -I just haven't dated in over 10 years so my experience now is vicarious and more anecdotal). I actually remember a major newspaper writing an article about a woman who was the one who did all the asking out and even proposed -he said yes! It was such a big deal -i knew of no happy lasting relationships where the woman did most of the asking out in the beginning.

 

I had no problem asking men out so for me it would have been easier had things not been traditionally as they were.

 

The problem with dating your way Batya is, it's such a small pool of interested men. You limit yourself to what's AVAILABLE at the time, without going out there and letting men know "I'M KEEN ON YOU, IF YOU ARE!"

 

I've had women chase me, and It never turned me off.

[foolish1985]

Too each his own. I don't have the time of day for women that want to sit back and expect the man to do all the heavy lifting. Life's too short. Your mileage may vary. Not referring to anyone/thing specifically. Just clarifying my previous post.

 

Same. It's much easier if the woman shows interest or clear intentions instead of me trying to decypher every single word, emoticon or action and search for meaning.

[katrina1980]

It's much easier if the woman shows interest or clear intentions instead of me trying to decypher every single word, emoticon or action and search for meaning.

 

 

Yeah obviously things have changed over the years, with men expecting more from women than in years past (as well they should IMO).

 

Men need women to indicate interest in them too (straight from the get go)... doesn't mean women should be chasing, no one should be chasing.

 

Ideally they should both be "pursuing" each other, making equal effort (in different ways).

 

Like my current guy makes plans for us to do something fun, like a weekend getaway or dinner out, a concert, etc., and I've cooked dinner a few times... or gotten tickets to a ball game, stuff like that.

 

I email him first every day and he keeps in touch throughout the day (except if he's super busy with meetings, hearings, etc).

 

Will often drop by my office and take me to lunch (he works next door).

 

It all should have an easy natural flow, no one should be "keeping score."

 

If one of both feels like they need to keep score, then it's not right and you should both move on, that is not how a good healthy, fun, sexy relationship is supposed to go down.

 

As far as men chasing women (or doing all or most of the initiating) in the early stages so women know they're interested, I am gonna call BS on that cause I know of many situations wherein a man DID pursue the woman heavily in the early stages, indicated strong interest, even told her he wanted a RL.

 

However, soon after they began having sex, he either faded, ghosted, or told her it wasn't gonna work out.

 

So you can throw that theory out with yesterday's bath water.

[SoulTaker]

The problem with dating your way Batya is, it's such a small pool of interested men. You limit yourself to what's AVAILABLE at the time, without going out there and letting men know "I'M KEEN ON YOU, IF YOU ARE!"

 

I've had women chase me, and It never turned me off.

 

JJ, I agree with what you're stating. The problem is that many of these women who initiate the request, are not good at handling rejection (which us men are use to). It gets in their head. And some men are not comfortable with being chased.

[JaggerJim]

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