Long distance partner has unreasonable demands, unable to cope up

[doody1000]

OP, other opinions aside, the only thing you should be concerned about is why YOU are choosing to remain in this toxic situation, and I say that only because it has become quite clear that you and this woman are about as incompatible as two people could be!

 

Just end it for chrissakes.... what 's preventing you from doing this?

 

This "relationship* is on the fast track to nowhere.

 

I know you are right, I really do. But there are issues, like these:

• I have social anxiety, and can't even make friends, let alone approach women
  
• I am 30, and have this far of being alone forever because approaching women is a nightmare for me.
  
• I am a severely flawed individual, so I am scared that if I let her go (although I will have to do that), I won't be able to earn the affection of any woman again.
  
• Before I met her, I had been single for over 5 years because of my social issues and general fear of women. Even my previous relationships happened because the women showed interest first.
  
• I belong to the race of men considered worthless, ugly and perverted by women all over the world. My race is my biggest disadvantage.
  
• I am very lonely here, with no one to even talk to. And due to my issues, I can't put myself out there. She's the only one who talks to me, so I'm kinda not able to let go completely.
  
• 
  

 

Due to these reasons I am holding on to her longer than I should, but I can see things ending very soon. And it'll actually be good for me, I can just live my life in solitude without any stress. I wasn't even looking for a relationship, things just happened with her spontaneously anyway.

[catfeeder]

I know you are right, I really do. But ...

 

The word 'but' simply means, "I'm not listening to a word you've said."

 

I have social anxiety, and can't even make friends, let alone approach women

 

I'd start with this issue and change the word "can't" to "won't," for accuracy.

 

Changing this sentence negates all other barriers to working toward what you want.

 

It's a decision.

[doody1000]

The word 'but' simply means, "I'm not listening to a word you've said."

 

 

 

I'd start with this issue and change the word "can't" to "won't," for accuracy.

 

Changing this sentence negates all other barriers to working toward what you want.

 

It's a decision.

 

No, it's NOT a decision. For me at least. I have had these issues ever since I was a teen. I did seek help back in my home country for years, and although it helped me remain functional, my social skills never improved. If things haven't improved until now, chances are, they never will. Sometimes it's better to just accept our flaws, rather than fight a battle which we'll likely lose anyway.

[Wiseman2]

What race is that? What about women in that race?

I belong to the race of men considered worthless, ugly and perverted by women all over the world. My race is my biggest disadvantage.

[doody1000]

What race is that? What about women in that race?

 

I'm an Indian man. I'm ashamed to admit that because the world sees us as ugly, dirty, perverted rapists who smell like curry. I definitely do NOT fall into any of those stereotypes, but I can't change my appearance.

 

As for women of my race....since I am in a different country, they almost always prefer white (or other) men. I see so many Indian women - other man couples on a semi-regular basis, but hardly any Indian man - other woman, or even couples where both are Indian (unless they were already married or in a relationship before moving here).

 

I have heard the same from people I know in other places like the US and Europe. Indian men are loathed and despised everywhere. The stereotypes are there for a reason, and they just don't go away.

[catfeeder]

Nothing you've stated is a reasonable justification for continuing to involve yourself with a toxic woman. You're throwing irrelevance at a problem to rationalize holding onto it. You can do that if you want, it's not against the law, but over the course of this thread, you've moved away from problem solving into problem hoarding. That makes no sense.

[abitbroken]

"If we do it my way, I know it will work. But you want to do it your way, so now it's up to you to make it work".

 

Don't let her bully or control you.

 

I know you are right, I really do. But there are issues, like these:

• I have social anxiety, and can't even make friends, let alone approach women
  
• I am 30, and have this far of being alone forever because approaching women is a nightmare for me.
  
• I am a severely flawed individual, so I am scared that if I let her go (although I will have to do that), I won't be able to earn the affection of any woman again.
  
• Before I met her, I had been single for over 5 years because of my social issues and general fear of women. Even my previous relationships happened because the women showed interest first.
  
• I belong to the race of men considered worthless, ugly and perverted by women all over the world. My race is my biggest disadvantage.
  
• I am very lonely here, with no one to even talk to. And due to my issues, I can't put myself out there. She's the only one who talks to me, so I'm kinda not able to let go completely.
  
• 
  

 

Due to these reasons I am holding on to her longer than I should, but I can see things ending very soon. And it'll actually be good for me, I can just live my life in solitude without any stress. I wasn't even looking for a relationship, things just happened with her spontaneously anyway.

 

Your race is not considered ugly and worthless - whatever that may be. People of your group have procreated and your culture has lived on for hundreds of years - right?? So your argument is dead wrong. Your social anxiety is something that tricks you into blaming your race when its really something entirely different - some of which you can change, learn coping mechanisms or seek treatment.

 

If you met her - you can meet someone else - but the more comfortable you are about who you are - the more likely you will be to meet someone.

[journeynow]

I'm an Indian man. I'm ashamed to admit that because the world sees us as ugly, dirty, perverted rapists who smell like curry.

 

Wow, sorry to hear that, but it is not the case in my part of the world, I've never heard that stereotype. Maybe I live in my own world, but it's pretty nice here. Please let go of the idea that "the world" thinks as a whole and so negatively.

[abitbroken]

If you mention curry, than you must be Indian. There are many very attractive Indian men out there for sure. It's all in your head.

[abitbroken]

If you mention curry, than you must be Indian. There are many very attractive Indian men out there for sure. It's all in your head.

 

If so, the stereotype is that an Indian man will only marry an Indian woman, so non-Indian women tend to tread carefully to not get their heart broken. That would be the only real obstacle in my neck of the woods, and you get to know people and make sure they know that its not the case for you, so they should feel free to introduce you to sisters, roommates friends, etc.

[doody1000]

Nothing you've stated is a reasonable justification for continuing to involve yourself with a toxic woman. You're throwing irrelevance at a problem to rationalize holding onto it. You can do that if you want, it's not against the law, but over the course of this thread, you've moved away from problem solving into problem hoarding. That makes no sense.

 

Well....we are hardly talking these days, just a couple of texts a day and no phone calls. So yeah, looks like things are just fading away. A blessing in disguise for me!

[doody1000]

"If we do it my way, I know it will work. But you want to do it your way, so now it's up to you to make it work".

 

Don't let her bully or control you.

 

 

 

Your race is not considered ugly and worthless - whatever that may be. People of your group have procreated and your culture has lived on for hundreds of years - right?? So your argument is dead wrong. Your social anxiety is something that tricks you into blaming your race when its really something entirely different - some of which you can change, learn coping mechanisms or seek treatment.

 

If you met her - you can meet someone else - but the more comfortable you are about who you are - the more likely you will be to meet someone.

 

Several surveys/studies have shown that women all over the world do NOT prefer men of my race. Yes, I did meet her but it was kinda accidental and we just 'clicked'. And now I know that it was a mistake anyway.

[doody1000]

Wow, sorry to hear that, but it is not the case in my part of the world, I've never heard that stereotype. Maybe I live in my own world, but it's pretty nice here. Please let go of the idea that "the world" thinks as a whole and so negatively.

 

I appreciate your kind words, I really do. But unless you have been living under a rock, how could you NOT have known these stereotypes? I'm really surprised, it seems to be everywhere.

[doody1000]

If so, the stereotype is that an Indian man will only marry an Indian woman, so non-Indian women tend to tread carefully to not get their heart broken. That would be the only real obstacle in my neck of the woods, and you get to know people and make sure they know that its not the case for you, so they should feel free to introduce you to sisters, roommates friends, etc.

 

I know what you are talking about, and I have no racial preference at all.

 

And why would any non-Indian woman (or even Indian woman) prefer me when there are so many white men around? I mean...aren't white people the 'world standard' for quality (although I fail to understand the reason for it). The world is whitewashed, everyone wants a white partner. And Indian men though, they are at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to desirability. Several online surveys and studies have proved that. Women almost always rank Indian men as those they are least likely to date/marry.

[pippy longstocking]

oh doody hiya darling , I didn't know you where still about on here , I am a little bit shocked about what you said about Indians ... I have never doody , never heard anyone here say anything so horrible about an Indian man ..not ever ..I am stunned to read that , so please don't think that is how the world views you .

[doody1000]

oh doody hiya darling , I didn't know you where still about on here , I am a little bit shocked about what you said about Indians ... I have never doody , never heard anyone here say anything so horrible about an Indian man ..not ever ..I am stunned to read that , so please don't think that is how the world views you .

 

I often wonder if the world in general is devoid of good people like you, and they only exist on the internet or in my fantasy.

 

Well....you haven't heard anyone say that about Indian men, but it doesn't mean they don't think that way, right? I mean...most people don't say these nasty things out loud. Online forums and posts are filled with people expressing dislike for Indian men, for a myriad of reasons.

[abitbroken]

I know what you are talking about, and I have no racial preference at all.

 

And why would any non-Indian woman (or even Indian woman) prefer me when there are so many white men around? I mean...aren't white people the 'world standard' for quality (although I fail to understand the reason for it). The world is whitewashed, everyone wants a white partner. And Indian men though, they are at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to desirability. Several online surveys and studies have proved that. Women almost always rank Indian men as those they are least likely to date/marry.

 

 

Oh, so you only want to date white women and won't consider Indian or Asian or mixed race women. You are limited yourself if you are focusing only on white women.

 

That's crap. I got my heart broken by an Indian man I had a mad crush on. He only wanted to date Indian women, or women who were white but they had to have very long black or extremely dark brown hair and if they didn't, then he wasn't interested in even coffee. But I will admit, Indian men born in India who do not share a similar faith as mine and plan to move back to India soon are not someone I would ever date. But a man who is Indian but born in my country (or immigrated at an early age and has no plans to ever move to India), shares a similar faith as I do, etc, then I would consider him just as anyone else if we were compatible at the mental level.

 

Anyway, this all boils down to anxiety and self esteem. Confident men that are happy in their own skin tend to meet women. Everyone gets rejected now and again and you have to just roll with it. So please do your best to see a counselor and also start to take walks outside or exercise. It helps with you frame of mind.

[doody1000]

Oh, so you only want to date white women and won't consider Indian or Asian or mixed race women. You are limited yourself if you are focusing only on white women.

 

That's crap. I got my heart broken by an Indian man I had a mad crush on. He only wanted to date Indian women, or women who were white but they had to have very long black or extremely dark brown hair and if they didn't, then he wasn't interested in even coffee. But I will admit, Indian men born in India who do not share a similar faith as mine and plan to move back to India soon are not someone I would ever date. But a man who is Indian but born in my country (or immigrated at an early age and has no plans to ever move to India), shares a similar faith as I do, etc, then I would consider him just as anyone else if we were compatible at the mental level.

 

Anyway, this all boils down to anxiety and self esteem. Confident men that are happy in their own skin tend to meet women. Everyone gets rejected now and again and you have to just roll with it. So please do your best to see a counselor and also start to take walks outside or exercise. It helps with you frame of mind.

 

No No! Please read the very first sentence I wrote, which you even quoted. When did I ever mentioned I prefer to date white women? In fact, I mentioned the opposite, that I have NO racial preference. I was referring to OTHERS preferring white people to date in general (irrespective of their own race or gender).

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is total cop-out. You are blaming something you can't change to avoid looking at the real and modifiable reasons.

 

Your studies/surveys is bogus nonsense.

 

Indian men are not an issue in the US and probably not down under. Perhaps your parents and the caste system beat this nonsense into your head?

Several surveys/studies have shown that women all over the world do NOT prefer men of my race.

[doody1000]

Sorry this is total cop-out. You are blaming something you can't change to avoid looking at the real and modifiable reasons.

 

Your studies/surveys is bogus nonsense.

 

Indian men are not an issue in the US and probably not down under. Perhaps your parents and the caste system beat this nonsense into your head?

 

Well....my parents always gave me full liberty, they were never the typical Indian parents. And caste? I shed my religion (and my caste) over a decade ago, and haven't looked back since. I now identify as an atheist.

 

I have known Indian men (directly or indirectly) in several countries (including the US), and most of them have a lot of trouble getting women interested in them, in spite of them being 'normal' humans. Second generation Indian men who are born and raised overseas have it much better though, due to the cultural assimilation. In my case, I'm the most mentally unsound piece of crap on the planet anyway, so my race only adds to my undesirability.

 

The Indian media has created this fear among women, of Indian men being rapists and perverts. So whenever I even try to talk to a woman, she'll likely be thinking "An Indian man! I wonder how many women he has raped/molested back in India. Better stay away from him". My height of just 170cm/5'7" doesn't help my cause either.

[abitbroken]

I have known Indian men (directly or indirectly) in several countries (including the US), and most of them have a lot of trouble getting women interested in them, in spite of them being 'normal' humans. Second generation Indian men who are born and raised overseas have it much better though, due to the cultural assimilation. In my case, I'm the most mentally unsound piece of crap on the planet anyway, so my race only adds to my undesirability.

 

The Indian media has created this fear among women, of Indian men being rapists and perverts. So whenever I even try to talk to a woman, she'll likely be thinking "An Indian man! I wonder how many women he has raped/molested back in India. Better stay away from him". My height of just 170cm/5'7" doesn't help my cause either.

 

Who wants to date a mentally unsound person? Why not seek medical and professional help?

Also, I doubt Australia, American, Canadian women, etc, even pay attention to what the Indian media says. I certainly have never seen a news report saying that Indian men are rapists. That's not how Indian men are regarded here. But its not worth arguing, because you will just come up with another reason why you have nothing to offer. Please end this relationship for good. its only hurting you - and seek some counseling.

[Capricorn3]

Who wants to date a mentally unsound person? Why not seek medical and professional help?

Please end this relationship for good. its only hurting you - and seek some counseling.

I was thinking the same thing. OP, get some professional counselling so as to help you overcome your issues.