Sad I will never settle down because of my habit of impatience and bad temper.

[Swan89]

I have never once been in a happy, healthy relationship. 4 girlfriends and they've all ended in disasters.

I'm a 27 year old man now, and while I have my looks, I regrettably SUCK at relationships. I try my best to be a good guy,

but at some point, my guard goes down and I occasionally turn into an a-hole.

Most people think I'm a nice, down to earth guy. But when it comes to relationships, they bring out these terrible qualities in me that rarely show up outside of romantic scenarios.

I feel I function best being single, because it is then that I feel in complete control of myself.

I have wondered whether these women have just been wrong for me, but I've come to realise at least 90% of the issues arise from me.

In the past, I had therapy for anger management because I was once in a relationship tainted by animosity and relentless arguing. The therapist basically told me to get rid of the problem causing the anger (AKA- my girlfriend).

I like to think I am a good guy for the most part, being kind to others, etc. But there's always been this dark side that sometimes rears its head.

I feel like I am a leopard that cannot change its spots, trying as hard as I do to overcome my flaws.

 

I've come to notice I have quite the entitlement complex and a big ego. Its amazing how much you can learn about yourself in your twenties, especially being single for long periods of time.

 

If it makes any difference, I am also on ADHD medication, and recently got medical/psychological screening for it because I had always suspected I was different, such as being impatient, overly emotional, easily stressed and distracted.

 

Does anyone else relate to this frustrating feeling?

[Capricorn3]

In the past, I had therapy for anger management because I was once in a relationship tainted by animosity and relentless arguing. The therapist basically told me to get rid of the problem causing the anger (AKA- my girlfriend).

But there's always been this dark side that sometimes rears its head.

I feel like I am a leopard that cannot change its spots, trying as hard as I do to overcome my flaws.

 

I've come to notice I have quite the entitlement complex and a big ego.

How long ago did you go to therapy?

 

I would strongly advise you try another therapist and more anger management. It seems your previous therapist didn't cover ALL the issues at all and didn't have much understanding of all of your issues (unless of course you didn't inform them of everything and only gave them a small part of what is really going on).

[Swan89]

For a handfull of months

[Ms Darcy]

Therapy for a few years would be more instructive/helpful for you.

[itsallgrand]

I do relate. I relate to a lot you have shared.

 

In my late twenties, I felt much the same way you do. I'd had several relationships and plenty of interest, but I decided to take a time out and be single after a really rough ending to a serious relationship. I got a proper diagnosis and began treatment for a long standing issue- PTSD in my case. Being single felt good and safe and I did stay single for a good long time. I took time to really work on me.

 

People generally thought me to be a sweet kind person too, if quite opinionated. But in my relationships , when they got more serious, sometimes even before, I was repeating a pattern of not treating them as they deserved. Even at the time I knew there was something wrong with how I relating. But I didn't understand why or how to change it.

I thought it couldn't get better, there was something wrong with me.

 

I want you to know it can get better. And it will if you work on yourself. It's a personal process and I can't tell you how long or exactly how you will get there, it's choices and learning all along the way. But you aren't doomed. Humans are highly resilient. We can grow, learn, change our responses and entire paradigms we live by.

 

I'm in my thirties now and in the happiest healthiest relationship - one I dreamed I could be part of, years ago, before any of the set ideas about myself had gelled in my head. I'm happy and as much as I love my boyfriend - this never would have happened and us get this far had I not taken the time to get me straight. To have the health and self awareness that I do now.

 

It's really ok . Give yourself time to process and work with the new information you've learned about yourself. You are beginning a great journey - where you face and work with all of you, good and bad, and readjust to be the healthiest you can be. It's painful but also empowering, this is the point where you can start to enact real change. For yourself first.

 

Sorry for the long post. But I want you to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it's hard to see that when you first are seeing the tunnel for what it truly is. Keep going though. It's just a matter of taking it a step at a time, one challenge at a time, and you'll get there.

 

By the way, everyone can be an a hole at times. It's a matter of degree, and how often. The goal isn't perfection but healthy interactions and a healthy relationship. I know you can get there and have that

[limichelle]

My exes brother was a lot like you. He couldn't be in a happy relationship the woman would love to get him rallied up and push his buttons. Then he found somebody he married and has kids with and is very happy. This girl knows how to treat him and know when to back off. The key is finding someone who can work around your issues and you can work around theirs.

 

Lisa

[Hermes]

Perhaps, Swan, this is really what's at the heart of the matter:

 

"I've come to notice I have quite the entitlement complex and a big ego."

 

The anger you describe is really only an off-shoot of this underlying problem, and not the real issue at all.

 

At least you have some insight, and echoing others here, perhaps consult a therapist again, long-term, on the personality problem.

[catfeeder]

What do you believe is the underlying cause of you anger?

[cherubrock]

Try not to beat yourself up about your dark parts, because we all have them. Maybe date someone who is different from these girls in the past? Be angry, but try to learn that at the moment when you're going to EXPRESS this anger...try to make it more humane, get around it, make it less damaging or severe, but still express it, because you aren't gonna just change yourself completely. Also find other ways to express these impatient, angry feelings. Make art, or do a sport, I don't know what you like just suggestions.

[ShatteredMan]

Go back to therapy and explore the "control issues" that you have. I had to do this. It has made a world of difference in my decision making, my relationships with others and my healing after a breakup.