How would you react to this?

[Unreasonable]

If you are often acting like a wet noodle and wanting her to hold your hand over such simple inconsequential stuff I can see how that would get incredibly irritating and how her solution would be to avoid and in this case, actively encourage just to handle it already. It would get old really fast.

What is "simple and inconsequential" is subjective I think. If I take time off work, it is automatically consequential because I am a contractor and make money by the hour. Every minute that passes by I see a dollar sign floating off into the sky. It's certainly more consequential to me than postponing trampoline jumping for an hour, but well, that's just, like, my opinion, man. And things I do for a living that i find simple are incomprehensible to others. Asthetics are not my strong point. At all. They are for my wife. Often? I don't know. Is once a year often? Because that's about how often I involve myself in multi-thousand dollar decisions. And those are generally the only times I request my wife get involved.

[ThatwasThen]

Well as a mother, I would have much rather been jumping with the kids then sitting a kitchen table talking estimates. Why did you take time off of work? You could have easily gotten an estimate when you were not expected to be at work. I find that most contractors will come if it means work when its MUTUALLY convenient for BOTH me and the contractor.

[Unreasonable]

I guess I just need to shut up and remember "happy wife, happy life." Trampoline jumping > Estimates. Got it.

[Wiseman2]

Completely agree...that is not cool. It disappointing and poor communication. If you agree to whatever it is and it gets dismissed that will indeed cause resentment so can you make your convo with her about that at some time?

It's about a pattern of being blown off when I have specifically asked for help. That's just not cool. If I ask for help and there's agreement to help and I get blown off, repeatedly, that's a problem.

[ThatwasThen]

I guess I just need to shut up and remember "happy wife, happy life." Trampoline jumping > Estimates. Got it.

 

I'll ask again: Why did you take the time off work and I'll add another question: Why do you change the complaint every time you get an answer to shows you how *unreasonable* you're being?

 

First it was that she wanted a deck but wanted to wait but you went ahead because You thought it couldnt wait.

Then it was the so called "blow off"

Then it was about the chronic broken promises

Then it was that you resented taking time of work

 

You're just not a very happy camper in this union at all or so it would seem.

 

So... what are you going to do about that?

Stay and change yourself so that you're not always upset...

Leave, grieve the ending and find someone who you won't resent so much...

Get more marriage counseling so that you BOTH learn to change/compromise/be more accepting ...

Stay and do nothing which just means you're going to continue to be resentful???

[Unreasonable]

ThatWasThen, if I want to argue, I already know where to go to get my fill. I asked opinions, I got them. They have caused me to realize I was probably too harsh on her and I plan to apologize.

 

Mod, feel free to close. *Unreasonable* has left the building.

[ThatwasThen]

if I want to argue, I already know where to go to get my fill

Sadly ~ That I don't doubt.

I asked opinions, I got them. They have caused me to realize I was probably too harsh on her and I plan to apologize.

Well, you didn't mention that until this last post so how was anyone to know?

[Ms Darcy]

No, not at all. In fact, it was me that encouraged her into getting a career, because boy, we needed it. I also have encouraged her to get and go out with friends, because I literally could have no life outside of her. We have had tons of problems in our marriage with her being depressed and non-productive. I'm not upset about that at all.

 

I'm making her "the bad guy" cause there is a pattern of her blowing me off. This was not a one time occurance. I also want her active input into this because wether she "trusts me" or not, I don't necessarily trust my own taste when it comes to decor and asthetics.

 

We've gone to marriage counselling, within the last year. It very quickly got to a point of diminishing returns.

 

You guys are fundamentally incompatible. She cheated emotionally, you took her back. You guys have tons of built up mutual resentment. I'm not saying you can't stay together. But you just have to learn to go with the flow more and accommodate her if you want to stay with someone who you are incompatible with.

[Ms Darcy]

Okay, thanks everyone. I still think I have the right to be upset that she repeatedly breaks promises, but whatever. I'll just have to come to terms with that.

 

I think this sums up the marriage. You both are so focused on being "right" that you lose sight of being happy.

[Rubix]

Some times just pulling someone aside and keeping it real with them (respectfully) gets the response or answer you want.