How did I get myself into this

[JoyceVib]

Good evening!

 

I'm dealing with a problem lately, and I just don't know what to do. I'm here to ask for advice, perhaps someone who had a relevant experience and who knows what's best to do. Because I can't figure it out.

 

Since I had a very bad break up with my ex (very, very bad) I started to see my other ex, just because of a thing that happened and I needed to see someone else. The reason I choose this ex, is because he was always very distant and I wanted to keep this distant, on the other hand I'm not easily attracted to people and I was to this ex.

 

The thing with my ex is, when we see each other (mostly twice a week) it's so amazing. We can talk forever and it's not at all about sex. It just feels so great and amazing, every time I'm looking forward to this meet up. He's very sweet to me. Asks me out to stuff where his friends will be, insisted to bring me to the airport when I left for a month, kept in contact when I was there.

 

Now the bad part. Like I said before, I did this because I didn't expect anything from this guy. I didn't text him after the first meet up, but he tried hard to keep in touch with me. I was very distant at the beginning, because of our past. He is a player. He had about 200 girls I guess. Seemed like a nice guy at the beginning, but nothing like I expected him to be afterwards. He was an . Cheated on me in our relationship (twice). Searching for girls everywhere. Didn't contact me, but I was attracted to him and did the contact-thing. Really sad actually. He wasn't a good guy at all.

 

Because of this, I was sure he would act the same, but now it's different. He tries hard to stay in touch, while I didn't at all. When we're together it's amazing and he always tries to chat with me, about nothing, clearly just to have a conversation.

 

This all started more then two months ago. I'm just so afraid the past will repeat itself after three years. There is a big change he is seeing other girls. I was ok with this, when the feelings weren't there yet. But now they are. And because of the person he was before, I'm afraid he will ditch me for a better girl when he finds one, like before.

 

The problem is that everything is different then before. He really tries hard to see me and when we see each other, it's always so good. Even when it's just for an hour.

 

I really didn't expected this to happen and didn't wanted to get sucked in to this, but it happened anyways.

 

I'm just so afraid to get hurt again, that I consider dumping him and to try to move on. It's just so hard, because every time I speak to him or see him, it feels so good. I just don't know what to say or do, I don't even know what he's doing and it's making me confused. Perhaps it's better to quit now, but because I don't know what he's thinking, it's making it hard for me to quit. I really notice the difference, but I'm still afraid he didn't really change (he didn't prove anything to confirm that he's still an ).

 

 

Any advice, perhaps? The way I read it it's best to quit, but when you're in love, this is such a hard thing to do when someone threaths you like he loves you back.. All of a sudden. And I feel a bit depressed since two days because I started to think it might be better to quit but I just don't know.

[Gary Snyder]

It sounds like you are getting sucked in by the player again. Don't go there girl.

 

At the least, you should multi-date.

 

Not all people are cheaters - find one of those.

[ThatwasThen]

Even though I doubt you'd ever be able to be totally trusting of him I still think you should have a talk with him about exclusivity (should have done that the minute you got sexual anyway) and if he's not willing to do that and to commit to you, then you should get yourself out of this before he strips away your self-respect one schtuup at a time.

 

Do you know if he brings the other girls (he's probably seeing) around his friends as well? Does he do anything with you like an actual date or does he just chat you up before he gets bizzy with you?

 

I don't think you do yourself any favors by going back to a player that treated you the way he did either. You'd do well to work on being able to let go of people who did you wrong instead of going back to them for sexual comfort.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are on the rebound so just looking for a familiar place to feel good right now. The catch is that while familiar you also know the history. Take it as a good for now scenario since rebounding can be up and down.

because of the person he was before, I'm afraid he will ditch me for a better girl when he finds one, like before.

[JoyceVib]

Thank you for the replies!

 

Actually it's not about sex at all, which is kind of weird. We both like different types of sex, which we don't really match in (I like dominant man, which he is not in bed). It's really more about "chilling" together, sex isn't the main reason why we meet.

 

No, as far as I know he doesn't bring other girls to friends. But, I do know these friends as well (from long ago), and they know me. But, they are familiar with him "hunting" girls. I don't know if this is still the deal. I believe he's still a player but doesn't really (?) want to be one. It's like he can't help it. Which sounds strange.

[dearanyone5717]

honestly if you know how he was in the past then i would just keep my guard up so that I couldn't get hurt again. if you're having fun with him and there's no pressure at the moment then keep it that way. I would see other people along with him so wait for him to come out and say he's ready to commit

[ThatwasThen]

It's like he can't help it.

THE worst type to fall for because even if they want to marry you, they will still be on the hunt since they "can't help it."

 

If sex isn't the main reason you meet, then why isn't he taking you out to do things that committed couples do? At least you skirted the question so my bad if he actually does date you but you didn't mention.

 

The lovely chats may be your main reason for keeping this going but, from what you've written, and in my opinion, the main reason for him IS the sex. Unless you are doing bf/gf things together other then just chatting, occasional hang outs with mutual friends and he's not dating you. Texting you while you're away isn't a huge deal this day and age where everyone is texting just because they are addicted to being on their phone.

 

Talk to him if you want more but not sure why you would with your less then stellar history with him, his player ways and the incompatibility in bed.

[JoyceVib]

honestly if you know how he was in the past then i would just keep my guard up so that I couldn't get hurt again. if you're having fun with him and there's no pressure at the moment then keep it that way. I would see other people along with him so wait for him to come out and say he's ready to commit

 

Thank you Well there isn't any pressure, I'm actually playing it cool. But my guard is already down since I notice I'm in love with him again.. And I don't know if he really really likes me or if he's able to ditch me for someone else when he finds a better one. But I'm also afraid that if we talk, he will tell me he wants to be with me, but ditches me for another girls anyways when he gets the change because then it's a win-win for him. But that is my insecurity (and common sense as well I suppose) talking. On the other hand, there is a possibility that he's being real. Questions, questions...

[JoyceVib]

THE worst type to fall for because even if they want to marry you, they will still be on the hunt since they "can't help it."

 

If sex isn't the main reason you meet, then why isn't he taking you out to do things that committed couples do? At least you skirted the question so my bad if he actually does date you but you didn't mention.

 

The lovely chats may be your main reason for keeping this going but, from what you've written, and in my opinion, the main reason for him IS the sex. Unless you are doing bf/gf things together other then just chatting, occasional hang outs with mutual friends and he's not dating you. Texting you while you're away isn't a huge deal this day and age where everyone is texting just because they are addicted to being on their phone.

 

Talk to him if you want more but not sure why you would with your less then stellar history with him, his player ways and the incompatibility in bed.

 

Hmmm good point. Well the things we do together include: Going to festivals/concerts together, watch movies, hiking, talking a lot. I don't think sex is the thing for him. It doesn't feel that way and most of the times we just meet up outside because he's working when I'm free and vice versa, so we don't have a lot of time to meet up. We just talk then, no sex included.

 

There's just this attractive interesting thing about him. But I do have a feeling that he can make you (and anyone) fall in love with him and leave at the moment it get's too complicated.

[Gary Snyder]

There is an old story about a turtle and a scorpion. The scorpion is on the bank of the lake and asks the turtle, "Can you give me a ride to the other side?" The turtle replies, "But you are a scorpion, you'll sting me" the scorpion says, "I won't sting you, I promise". So the turtle gives the scorpion a ride. Halfway across, the scorpion stings the turtle. The turtle says, "Hey, you promised not to sting me!" The scorpion says, "I'm a scorpion, that's what I do".

 

A player is a player......... this is reality, despite your wants and wishes. If you try to go against reality, you will probably get stung.

[Wiseman2]

Players always have superficial charm, emphasis on superficial. It isn't just about the sex, that's a no brainer. It's about seduction. If you can have fun without catching feelings and this serves as a good rebound distraction, great.

There's just this attractive interesting thing about him. But I do have a feeling that he can make you (and anyone) fall in love with him and leave at the moment it get's too complicated.

[Jibralta]

THE worst type to fall for because even if they want to marry you, they will still be on the hunt since they "can't help it."

 

Yup. This^, and "It just happened." People who make these statements are not desirable relationship material. At the very best, they are irresponsible, out-of-control victims. But more likely they are just fishing for suckers.

[SoulTaker]

Thank you Well there isn't any pressure, I'm actually playing it cool. But my guard is already down since I notice I'm in love with him again.. And I don't know if he really really likes me or if he's able to ditch me for someone else when he finds a better one.

 

Op, the problem is more with you, than him. He is, what he is. You throw the word "love" around very easily. You chose this guy because you haven't gotten over him (based on your update). He is the worst person for you to be with, at this time.

 

I really didn't expected this to happen and didn't wanted to get sucked in to this, but it happened anyways.

 

You might not had known what was going to happen, but you definitely wanted it to happen. Nothing like this just happens "out of the blue". I do not know what you are trying to accomplish.

[JoyceVib]

You guys are right, thank you. It's true that I did not expect this to happen, but of course there where some feelings hidden away. Big change this guy didn't change, I will stop seeing him. Thanks for the advice!