I don't understand dating anymore..

[snoopygal]

I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site for about a week. We were talking frequently throughout the day, and a lot every evening when we both got off work (like so much that it would have been difficult for either of us to be talking to other people). The conversation seemed to be extremely easy on both sides, and we both were upfront about being interested in the other. Then, suddenly, mid day, I stopped receiving any texts and haven't heard from him since. I sent one followup text, and haven't contacted him since. This was 4 days ago. I noticed he hadn't logged into the site since the day before I last heard from him, then I saw that he's been on 2 other dating sites since then. (I don't think he knows I'm aware of the other sites he's on).

 

I understand, he's clearly not interested in talking to me anymore, for whatever reason. I'm not wondering if he's still interested, if he were, he'd make sure I knew that. My question is why do people put so much effort into talking to someone and getting to know them, then suddenly disappear? I mean, he sent a text saying "I really enjoy talking to you, you make me laugh." then a couple of hours and a couple of messages later, nothing.

[dave_1966]

All sorts of stuff happens out there, his ex may have turned up again. It could be anything, just truck on.

[FlashEng1]

I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site for about a week. We were talking frequently throughout the day, and a lot every evening when we both got off work (like so much that it would have been difficult for either of us to be talking to other people). The conversation seemed to be extremely easy on both sides, and we both were upfront about being interested in the other. Then, suddenly, mid day, I stopped receiving any texts and haven't heard from him since. I sent one followup text, and haven't contacted him since. This was 4 days ago. I noticed he hadn't logged into the site since the day before I last heard from him, then I saw that he's been on 2 other dating sites since then. (I don't think he knows I'm aware of the other sites he's on).

 

I understand, he's clearly not interested in talking to me anymore, for whatever reason. I'm not wondering if he's still interested, if he were, he'd make sure I knew that. My question is why do people put so much effort into talking to someone and getting to know them, then suddenly disappear? I mean, he sent a text saying "I really enjoy talking to you, you make me laugh." then a couple of hours and a couple of messages later, nothing.

 

People get bored. Flake out. Move on. Get reconnected with their ex. Met someone in person. Have life-changing events occur. Have life occur. Many reasons why other priorities rise above communicating with a potential interest. I'm guilty of doing this far too often than I should. It doesn't take much effort to connect with someone and reply.. It seems to take more effort to keep the ball rolling, or to pursue things further....or they could very easily be a catfish keeping secrets.

[Clinton]

As has been said, the reasons are too myriad to list. It's just a part of dating unfortunately.

[Wiseman2]

Texting/talking is not effort or dating. Making the effort to meet in person is dating. if they are not moving toward meeting stop investing in texting/talking.

 

These people multidate then like shopping on ebay, another bid comes along...poof they ghosted. That's precisely why texting/talking is not effort. Meeting is like putting your money where your mouth is.

My question is why do people put so much effort into talking to someone and getting to know them, then suddenly disappear?

[Why9]

This is what terrifies me my relationship of 3 years just ended 5 day's ago and I am just so terrified of the dating scene it seems like genuine people just don't exist anymore I only hear horror stories from friends and Co workers. And especially the way society is today it's almost like I would rather be alone

[snoopygal]

This is what terrifies me my relationship of 3 years just ended 5 day's ago and I am just so terrified of the dating scene it seems like genuine people just don't exist anymore I only hear horror stories from friends and Co workers. And especially the way society is today it's almost like I would rather be alone

 

I'm sure not everyone has had these problems, and I've definitely met some nice guys, we just weren't compatible, decided we weren't interested, or whatever. It took me a while to be ready to date again, 5 days after my relationship ended I would have been too overwhelmed and saw the whole idea as doom and gloom.

[missmarple]

When someone just texts for a week, without arranging a meeting, is a time-waster in my book...but I only came to that conclusion after I had what happened to you happen 2-3 times in a row. Nowadays, someone texts/messages 4-5 times and doesn't mention meeting? I block and delete.

[Why9]

Oh I'm trust me im not think about dating right now. I'm still in love with my ex even though she no longer is in love with me it's just the way she used to talk about wanting to marry me and how happy she was that we found each other I never thought about dating again she was it I was with the girl I would spend the rest of my life with. And now to try and picture a future without her is just devistateing

[snoopygal]

I know, I'll never actually know the reason. It's just frustrating. I'd feel like I wasting someone's time. I've just stopped talking to people as well, but its been after talking to them for a day or so, not everyday with tentative plans to meet soon.

 

Wiseman2, I agree. We hadn't met in person and didn't have specific plans to, but he mentioned "wanting to meet next week" because I was going out of town for father's day weekend. By effort, I meant taking the appropriate/expected steps to get to know each other better.

[snoopygal]

When someone just texts for a week, without arranging a meeting, is a time-waster in my book...but I only came to that conclusion after I had what happened to you happen 2-3 times in a row. Nowadays, someone texts/messages 4-5 times and doesn't mention meeting? I block and delete.

 

Its so frustrating, isn't it!? I think I'll definitely take your advice and do that from here on out.

[Ms Darcy]

I know, I'll never actually know the reason. It's just frustrating. I'd feel like I wasting someone's time. I've just stopped talking to people as well, but its been after talking to them for a day or so, not everyday with tentative plans to meet soon.

 

Wiseman2, I agree. We hadn't met in person and didn't have specific plans to, but he mentioned "wanting to meet next week" because I was going out of town for father's day weekend. By effort, I meant taking the appropriate/expected steps to get to know each other better.

 

MEET IN PERSON several times BEFORE you start texting more frequently. Before you meet, keep the conversation minimal.

 

You're welcome.

[Sportster2005]

My question is why do people put so much effort into talking to someone and getting to know them, then suddenly disappear? I mean, he sent a text saying "I really enjoy talking to you, you make me laugh." then a couple of hours and a couple of messages later, nothing.

 

Initially they are interested then they change their mind. It's very frustrating but that's the way it is. Dating is very simple. It's people and their motives that can be perplexing. Best to try not and analyze why people do what they do. Just accept it and move on.