Do guys say"I love you" that they don't mean it?

[RainyCoast]

My confusion is, when I questioned he only wants sex, he would say stuff like " I truly love you; I know I said something in the past, but I do really love you"..

If I were a guy, I would just say "I love you" only, not the like " I truly love you, I do really love you"

 

how are you confused??? when people who are only after sex see you're so hungry to believe you are loved you will put out at first mention of the L word, they will continue to take you for an idiot and tell you whatever you want to hear to get into your pants. it isn't rocket science.

 

you state clearly his behavior illustrates that he has reduced you to a vagina, and that there isn't any "relationship-like behavior" on his part whatsoever.

 

nothing is confusing here. you are offering sex in exhange for having sweet nothings wispered into your ear. this far, you have also been accepting the cost of your behavior, in the form of disappointment over being played and emotionally malnourished and taken advantage of.

 

how badly to you want to keep hearing a lie?

 

 

no offense but...are you VERY young?

[lilymay]

Wow! This guy goes to great lengths to keep you hanging around for sex! He is a compulsive liar.

His "roommate" who you never met because your guy never deemed you important enough after 6 months to meet is now taking it upon himself to tell you that your guy is in hospital with injuries so bad that he can't text you himself yet well enough to respond to the same roommate that he doesn't want you to visit.

 

Of course his roommate is him.

 

He is a freak! And you are the butt of some freaks sick actions.

 

Yes you could ignore his emails but to date you haven't. You even reply to an imaginary roommate.

Why do you want to receive such crappy messages from a freak?

 

If you don't block him, you are allowing yourself to be used, laughed at.

 

I suggest you seek counselling to build up self respect.

 

He has been pretending his roommate for a couple of months.( I will call him J, his fake roommate C)

When we started to see each other, he texted me sometimes, but with different numbers

Then he created a big lie back in March this year, claiming that he texted me like 20 times and I all ignored, because I didn't respond(I never got anything that day). Later he told me that his phone had a problem so he wasn't able to text me. A few days later I got a text from "his roommate C", and C said he is J's roommate, and J just emailed me so I should check my email. From that day on, C would text me here and there, asked me to check my email, what happened between me& J, etc...

 

I agreed that he is a freak

[lilymay]

This thought crossed my mind too, it surely sounds like on top of not wanting more than casual sex with her, he is also hiding something.

 

 

He is hiding something from me for sure. He never admitted he has a girlfriend, and would even say "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". I kinda believe this

Maybe he is dating several girls or he has a fiancée.

[ThatwasThen]

He is hiding something from me for sure. He never admitted he has a girlfriend, and would even say "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". I kinda believe this

Maybe he is dating several girls or he has a fiancée.

Its rather mind boggling that you would continue to eff this guy when you don't even know if he's married or where you can reach him should you break out in herpes or something. Goodness woman, it's time to stop responding to J or C and ignore any unknown numbers and do a little background checking on this guy so that at least you know his story and you can begin the mental process of forgiving yourself for being so naïve and available to a man you don't even know. Do you at least know the last name of the man you are playing sexual Russian roulette with?

 

It's very, very foolish of you to have had sex with him before you were even invited to his home to ascertain if he is single or not. Time for you to start the process of going cold turkey withdrawl so that you can get over your addiction to having sex with him. Your obsession with him is not love. It is lust and a need to win.

 

Did you meet this guy online?

[Wiseman2]

If it's just hook-ups, it's not a relationship where people share much about or with each other. There is no expectation of exclusivity or interaction beyond sex. If that is not what you are looking for, end it with this guy and find a guy who wants more of a dating/relationship type situation.

He is hiding something from me for sure. Maybe he is dating several girls.

[ThatwasThen]

If it's just hook-ups, it's not a relationship where people share much about or with each other. There is no expectation of exclusivity or interaction beyond sex. If that is not what you are looking for, end it with this guy and find a guy who wants more of a dating/relationship type situation.

 

"If that's not what you want?" I think its pretty clear its not what she wants. The question is: Why does she keep allowing him to have free reign of her physically which she mistakenly mistakes the physicality as some sort of emotional connection when that emotional connection is one sided. He does not reciprocate emotionally, Lilly. That is what YOU need to accept and once you do, you'll be able to stop this nonsense you allow. Accepting that you've been foolish and naïve is the first step to being able to get over your limerence. Google that term and read the Wiki link. You're deep in that state and knowing what you have may help you out of it.

 

Adding 6564801]He is hiding something from me for sure. He never admitted he has a girlfriend, and would even say "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". I kinda believe this

Maybe he is dating several girls or he has a fiancée.

 

This ^ is what is most concerning of all regarding what you are allowing for yourself. You admit that you are sure that he is hiding something but you go ahead and keep allowing him in you pants. Do you not care that he is likely married, engaged or has a live in girlfriend? Do your personal boundaires not niggle at you that what you could be doing is wrong?

[IAmFCA]

He is hiding something from me for sure. He never admitted he has a girlfriend, and would even say "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". I kinda believe this

Maybe he is dating several girls or he has a fiancée.

 

Who cares.

 

I mean. We care about YOU. Who cares what his deal is.

Seriously.

 

Look, as long as you think about him, why he lies. When he lied. Why he said I love you. What did it mean. Etcetc

 

As long as you think about that, you are avoiding thinking about yourself. The deal is (1) you know what you want, and (2) you know what he offers.

 

They don't match. End of story, move on. It really is that simple.

 

When it isn't that simple, it means you have attached to something that is destructive. You are making a self destructive choice by remaining involved with anyone who is counter to your goals, and to him in particular.

 

That is where you need to put your thinking: why am I involved with this man? What part of me thinks it is gaining something from this? How is it like an addiction that serves an emotional need?

 

Figure that out.

[IAmFCA]

He is hiding something from me for sure. He never admitted he has a girlfriend, and would even say "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". I kinda believe this

Maybe he is dating several girls or he has a fiancée.

 

Who cares.

 

I mean. We care about YOU. Who cares what his deal is.

Seriously.

 

Look, as long as you think about him, why he lies. When he lied. Why he said I love you. What did it mean. Etcetc

 

As long as you think about that, you are avoiding thinking about yourself. The deal is (1) you know what you want, and (2) you know what he offers.

 

They don't match. End of story, move on. It really is that simple.

 

When it isn't that simple, it means you have attached to something that is destructive. You are making a self destructive choice by remaining involved with anyone who is counter to your goals, and to him in particular.

 

That is where you need to put your thinking: why am I involved with this man? What part of me thinks it is gaining something from this? How is it like an addiction that serves an emotional need?

 

Can I meet my needs in a healthier manner?

Figure that out.

[Chloe23]

tbh a lot of guys (and girls) do say i love you and dont mean it....its a shame but its true some people do really mean it though, its just trying to figure out which is which the guy you're talking to doesn't sound genuine.....but there are good guys out there

[ThatwasThen]

tbh a lot of guys (and girls) do say i love you and dont mean it....its a shame but its true some people do really mean it though, its just trying to figure out which is which the guy you're talking to doesn't sound genuine.....but there are good guys out there

Its not hard to tell who means it and who doesn't. You just have to go by their actions to understand the truth.

[ParisPaulette]

His "roommate" who you never met because your guy never deemed you important enough after 6 months to meet is now taking it upon himself to tell you that your guy is in hospital with injuries so bad that he can't text you himself yet well enough to respond to the same roommate that he doesn't want you to visit.

 

Of course his roommate is him.

 

He is a freak! And you are the butt of some freaks sick actions.

 

This.is.the.biggest.clearest.loudest.red.flag. EVER!!!!

 

Seriously, WT???? I'm sorry, but no. Don't you think if a roommate was worried about his bro to the point of texting the girl his roomie supposedly loved that he'd be telling you what room number he's in? I know men, if they're going to go to the lengths of contacting you about "he's in the hospital" they're not doing it for the sole sake of telling you, "No, you can't visit and know where he is."

 

Honestly, I would be furious anyone thought I was that stupid. Block and delete this guy. He's a pathological liar and a lousy one at that.

 

Definitely not someone you want being part of your gene pool. Dumbest excuse...oh wait, no not the dumbest, that would be the guy who told his girlfriend he was dying of cancer when he wasn't, but yeah this is a close second.

 

He reminds me of the sociopath I dated briefly who didn't show up for a date one night then kept insisting he'd come by to knock loudly at my door for ten minutes, but I never answered. Only problem is I was sitting on the front porch the whole time waiting for him, he then accused me of lying and nearly had me in tears doubting myself. Until the guy's roommate overheard it all and called me up afterwards to tell his roomie was there playing poker all night with them and told them he wasn't going to pick me up.

 

I got a heads up on a total lying weirdo that I dumped, the kind roommate got revenge on the guy who stiffed him $50 on the rent that month.

 

Yeah, this guy is one of those. Seriously grow a spine and stiff middle finger in this one's direction and block and delete and run, don't walk, for the nearest exit.

[Blue Spiral]

The following is a (non-comprehensive) list of lies that men tell women in order to get them to sleep with them:

 

1. "I love you."

2. "I want a relationship with you."

3. "I could see us having a future together."

4. "I'm not married/I don't have a girlfriend."

5. "I don't have any kids from previous relationships."

6. "I want marriage and kids."

7. "I have a high-paying job."

8. "I own my own business."

9. "I'm on good terms with all of my exes."

10. "My exes are all crazy, the breakups were their fault."

11. "I don't have any STDs."

12. "I like your personality."

13. "I agree with you on religious/political/belief-related stuff."

14. "I'm not controlling or possessive, and I don't get jealous about really minor stuff."

15. "I'm a family-minded person, I get along really well with my family."

16. "I don't believe in casual sex."

[JamesT2]

It's not a word Ive used a lot and I've never used it to get a lady in my bed, only well into a LTR. I don't know nor care about other guys tactics. Obviously some will do. People can be gullible. But I don't think that older and experienced women will swallow the bait. Live and learn.

[ParisPaulette]

Blue Spiral left out another one.

 

17. I'm a nice guy or any line along that thread.

 

Good guys, good people, don't feel a need to trumpet a basic human standard of behavior that should just apply across the boards to everyone.

 

I would like to point out though that list of lies, yeah I've heard women say that stuff too.

[Blue Spiral]

Blue Spiral left out another one.

 

17. I'm a nice guy or any line along that thread.

 

Good guys, good people, don't feel a need to trumpet a basic human standard of behavior that should just apply across the boards to everyone.

 

Just speaking for myself, I don't go around saying "I'm a nice guy!", and I don't think that other guys do, either. We aren't saying it out of nowhere/unprompted. It's almost always in response to something another guy has done. "That guy treats his girlfriend horribly, but she stays with him. Meanwhile, I'm a nice guy, and women aren't interested in me. I don't get it."

 

Obviously, if nice guys really are nice, that sort of screws up the whole "the system works just fine for men" narrative, so nice guys must be bashed at all costs. "The confident, overbearing jerk that I'm in a relationship with is secretly sensitive, I'm just the only one that can see it! But you're polite and unassuming, and that means you don't have a backbone!"

[IAmFCA]

Adding to the list of statements said to create a false sense of safety:

 

"I'm an open book. Ask me whatever you want to know." I've heard that enough that it's proven itself a red flag. The good guy will offer up issues that might cause concern or otherwise be of import, and that I wouldn't know even to ask.

 

The nice guy never says he's a nice guy. Agree wholeheartedly. When a man claims he's a nice guy in the course of advancing the false dichotomy of nice=quiet and not nice=boor..then I know he doesn't get it and isn't nice. What he is is entitled and resentful, and that isn't nice.

 

When a nice man likes me, he makes it known in a kind way. Kind is not necessarily wallflower, by any means.

[lilymay]

This guy had lied too me a lot of times. Sometimes he was caught in his lie.

Yesterday he emailed me first and "his roommate"texted me at the same time telling me that he is home (from hospital. what a pathological liar!), and wanted to see me.

I refused to see him and he started to lie again. He said that his birthday is coming next Monday, but before he clearly told me it is in August.

I said "don't cheat, stick to your girlfriend", but he still insisted that he didn't have one and wanted to be with me. Bullsh1t!

 

Thanks everyone for your comments. Now I am very sure that this guy is not single. I was too stupid to believe him...He is the biggest liar I have met in my life and he made his lies sound so real...

[Theniceone]

You seem to imply that you knew he was lying to you, caught him in several lies in the past but yet decided to stick around? You believed his lies about being single when he showed you early what he is made of. You should ask yourself why.

 

Best course of action as mentioned to you yesterday is to block him and ignore, which I hope you have done by now.

[Itchy]

Yes some guys will say "I love you" to get what they want which is usually but not only about sex.

 

This is why I always tell men and women to keep their defences up! Lower them down when the other person's actions have aligned with their words. Words are cheap without the reinforcement of solid action.

[ParisPaulette]

Obviously, if nice guys really are nice, that sort of screws up the whole "the system works just fine for men" narrative, so nice guys must be bashed at all costs. "The confident, overbearing jerk that I'm in a relationship with is secretly sensitive, I'm just the only one that can see it! But you're polite and unassuming, and that means you don't have a backbone!"

 

No, no, no. I don't mean truly good people. I'm talking about the person who brags about it or brings it up from the first without it even being prompted. Same goes for anyone who tells you on a first date, "I'm totally rich," "I am extremely smart and know it," blah-blah-blah.

 

Yes, I've had it happen. More than it should have. Both men AND woemn. That's the ones I'm talking about. People who really are nice see no point in announcing it to the world, why would they? A true good guy doesn't brag about anything, he just does. Same with women. My guard equally goes up when I hear a woman I've just met announce something to me like, "I am such a good friend, I always look out for my friends." When I barely know her and the conversation didn't even have anything to do with that. (Yes, this happened. It was the woman who hit on my husband behind my back at our engagement party. He told her off then told me what happened, we are not friends now. And she now goes around telling me what a bad friend I am. (Rolls eyes)

 

For some reason people who have something to hide will often let slip the very thing they aren't by bragging about how they are. Or they know deep down they aren't that thing, but don't want to confront that so psychologically they feel they have to lie, loudly, about it. Who knows?

 

I know it's confusing, and until you see and experience it it's really hard to wrap your head around. But it is there and it is a human trait. Just like my friend who was carjacked, shot and left for dead. First words out of the guy's mouth were, "Hey man, I'm not gonna hurt you, I need help. I'd never do something slimy like try to kill you," and that's what lured my friend in to open his car door up and get out. Something that looking back he says he found weird, because he wasn't at all suspicious of the guy or his girlfriend and had already stopped to help them. And then they shot him, kicked him into the street to die and took off with his car. Fortunately he lived.

 

THAT'S the kind of thing I'm talking about. People who do the human equivalent of the animal kingdom trying to show it's not a threat, you know? Right before it eats you.

[RainyCoast]

For some reason people who have something to hide will often let slip the very thing they aren't by bragging about how they are. Or they know deep down they aren't that thing, but don't want to confront that so psychologically they feel they have to lie, loudly, about it. Who knows?

 

i am reminded of a line from a novel- forgot which novel- but it has stuck with me always: "the louder he spoke of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons."

[ThatwasThen]

This guy had lied too me a lot of times. Sometimes he was caught in his lie.

Yesterday he emailed me first and "his roommate"texted me at the same time telling me that he is home (from hospital. what a pathological liar!), and wanted to see me.

I refused to see him and he started to lie again. He said that his birthday is coming next Monday, but before he clearly told me it is in August.

I said "don't cheat, stick to your girlfriend", but he still insisted that he didn't have one and wanted to be with me. Bullsh1t!

 

Thanks everyone for your comments. Now I am very sure that this guy is not single. I was too stupid to believe him...He is the biggest liar I have met in my life and he made his lies sound so real...

 

Why are you still responding to his BS? Just block and delete him and get on with getting over being played by him as quickly as you can so that you'll be open enough to find a guy worth having, sooner rather then later.

 

BTW: DO you know this guy's last name?

[Bejeweled]

I have seen a guy who is 8 years younger than me for almost half year. Basically we just hooked up and nothing else

We never hang out even though I had complained many times that I don't just want to meet in the bedroom, that I want to go out with him as well

But he never asked me out for a date. He even can't text me, just emails

I clearly know that this young guy just wants me for sex, nothing more

 

I have tried to break things off many times, and told him not to contact me anymore. I also insulted him sometimes.

But every time he would come back and put sweet things in my ears then I would give in and agree to meet him again

My question is, he had told me that "I love you" many times (his words don't match with his actions, I know), so a guy can say "i love you" so easy just to get into a woman's pants ? Last time when I told him if I am only for his bedroom fun I am not longer seeing him, he was like "no, you mean more than that to me, I love you, I truly do"... Sounds like he does care for me;I didn't take his words seriously, but it confused me a bit

 

This is a joke, right?

 

I am not going to repeat everything that's been said before, but I think you already know what to do. Put your boots on and do it. And don't look back. Not even to see if you left anything behind.

[lilymay]

Why are you still responding to his BS? Just block and delete him and get on with getting over being played by him as quickly as you can so that you'll be open enough to find a guy worth having, sooner rather then later.

 

BTW: DO you know this guy's last name?

 

He told me his last name, and I searched his full name from facebook and found his profile. But it looks like a fake one.

I guess he didn't even tell me his true name

[Bejeweled]

He told me his last name, and I searched his full name from facebook and found his profile. But it looks like a fake one.

I guess he didn't even tell me his true name

 

This story is just getting weirder and weirder! I am dying to know what his story is. Keep us posted.