Too needy?

[SydneyGirl]

My BF and I have been together around 3 years. We have ups and downs. He recently has been travelling a lot for work which has put a strain on things. We don't live together. I saw him last weekend for the first time in a week and we went out to watch a sports match together. It was in a bar so we didn't talk much. Afterwards we went to his house and watched more sport (he's sports mad). I assumed when the game was over we would have a bit of time to ourselves. After the game he started doing chores - he wanted to clean his skirting boards... I asked him to let them wait and sit with me for half an hour to spend some time together. He said he had other stuff to do and we have been together all day. I was a bit upset at this, hoping we could be a bit affectionate/intimate and told him this and he just kept repeating that he had stuff to do and didn't understand my problem. We ended up arguing and I left. I tried to talk about it but he has ignored me all week and is now travelling again. I didn't think I was asking for too much but now he says I was being too needy. I'm not sure.

[indea08]

There is a difference between spending time next to each other and spending time WITH each other. No, you're not being too needy. I would be upset too. And his lack of understanding, or even attempting to understand, would make me even more angry.

[SherrySher]

This man was being emotionally distant to you. How did it make sense to him to want to clean, rather than to have sex or even cuddle etc with his girlfriend whom he hasn't seen all week? Something seems up. And then he turns the tables on you and makes you feel guilty for being too needy? He's an a**. I would definitely be concerned about why he acted this way and maybe even perhaps if he is wanting an end to things or is already seeing someone else.

[Ms Darcy]

To be honest, when someone is this emotionally distant you have to wonder if they even like you let alone love you.

 

I've seen your past threads/issues. I'm surprised you are still together.

[Capttrae]

My .02 I'm gone a lot longer than a week at a time, when I'm home I find it extremely difficult to focus on one thing/person bc there's so much to do and so little time to get it all done. Maybe he's just in the same state. It's all just hardly controlled state of chaos trying to get everything done and everyone seen

[j.man]

Haven't kept up with the other threads you've apparently got, but I'm with Capptrae as far as this isolated incident goes. Spontaneously taking a half hour off to sit with your partner is a bit of an odd request and if he's out of lounge mode and into "doing ****" mode, then I can see why he'd rather not. Is it a bit insensitive? Sure, but about as much so as it was impractical to spring a 30-minute cuddle session on him. If you need something in order to feel intimacy, why not bring it up ahead of time? Suggest an actual date night, or an actual movie rather than sports. If he's not the type to just sit down and do nothing with you on demand, then find another guy who is. Certainly wouldn't be me, but I'm sure there's a guy like that out there.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like a lack of quality time.

he wanted to clean his skirting boards.

[Batya33]

Because intimacy doesn't require sitting and talking for a half hour unless both people want that/are in the mood/are in a 45 minute counseling session. Hanging out together and watching a show or a sporting event can be bonding/intimate too - you don't always have to talk or cuddle to be intimate and sometimes "deep talks" can be overwhelming or too much and impede intimacy. If you love someone set him free -if he comes back to you he's yours -that kind of thing.

[ChilliRed2013]

SydneyGirl: Thanks for the belated thanks

Could you log in via laptop again, check your PM privacy settings, and let me know that you're alive?