Advice much appreciated!! Am I in the wrong???

[jojo24]

So, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now, lived together for a year. I moved to be with him last year 350 miles from all friends and family. This year he decided to buy tickets to go to a festival, just me and him for a weekend away. I was very excited so I told my sister, but she has decided to book the same tickets. I told my boyfriend this as I was a bit upset as it was for us, but he is so mad about it! Like to the point he's threatening to sell the tickets and our hotel reservations. Now I don't really want her too come but I was thinking it wouldn't be too bad as I never see her any more so would be kinda nice. At first she was just looking at tickets ( that's when I told him) but about a week ago she booked them proper. We went back home last weekend for a couple days and I was so scared of telling him. He couldn't come to my mum's because he said in his own words that he wouldn't be about to control what he said. (This is about my sister!) We've just had a huge argument because I just seen him enquiring about selling tickets. But he making it known as I was laid on bed after a nap and he came Sat next to me and enquired. Anyway . I just don't know whether I in the wrong for still wanting to go. Or what to do if he does sell the tickets because how can I tell my sister? I can't say he's selling them because 'it was OUR weekend' because she'll think what a control freak and probably try convince me too move be back. Any advice welcome! (Sorry if it doesn't make sense head is a mess) many thanks

[Wolfshook]

? He behaved like a douche in this one. You should talk to him about it.

[jojo24]

I have tried. I have tried telling him it's not going to be as bad as he thinks it is and I'm not going to just ignore him all weekend but he's having non of it. I wouldn't mind but I always put him before anyone anyway, it's not like I'd just ignore him all weekend . I just don't know

[notalady]

He's being a jerk about it. What's the big deal if your sister also comes to the festival? What is he, 12?

 

Does he not want you socialising with your family? If so, why?

[Wiseman2]

If it was understood that it was a special get away for just you two, then inviting people along wasn't the idea, especially without running it by him. However he handled it very poorly. Ask him if's still on so you have some definitive answers, explain that you thought he would be ok with meeting up with your sister there and it was a misunderstanding.

just me and him for a weekend away.

[melancholy123]

He's an idiot. Anyone can go to a concert if they can afford a ticket, he's acting like a big baby. He should give you his ticket and you can take a friend and he can stay home and sulk like the big baby he is.

[notalady]

If it was understood that it was a special get away for just you two, then inviting people along wasn't the idea, especially without running it by him. However he handled it very poorly. Ask him if's still on so you have some definitive answers, explain that you thought he would be ok with meeting up with your sister there and it was a misunderstanding.

 

She didn't invite her though, the sister just decided to go. She said she was upset about her sister wanting to come. I'll tell you how my boyfriend would react, he would smile and say, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal at all! It will be fun! Not throw a tantrum and threaten to cancel the trip Not normal reaction I say.

[jojo24]

Sorry, I didn't explain very well. I told her and she has invited herself, I didn't ask nor did I expect her too invite herself, but I can't really tell her not to go because it's a festival

[Wiseman2]

Explain that to him though he's being stupid about it. Try to make the best of this and enjoy!

I told her and she has invited herself

[FlashEng1]

If I went through the trouble of trying to set something up for just my girlfriend and I, I would be upset as well if one of her friends, sisters, family, anyone invited themselves and came along with what should have been **our** getaway.. and I'd get over it as fast as the thought hit my head.

 

But his behavior says a bit more, as there's a million ways to handle a disagreement or situation when upset, and his way seems to be more douchy/vindictive. Did he guilt you into moving away from friends and family to be with him more? If you two are living together, do you not spend enough time together for him to shake off this one event where someone else is now included? Does he have something against any of your family members?

 

Your analogy into what would happen if you told your sister may have some weight to it as well.. Do you believe even the slightest that he is some type of control freak? Is your sister that opinionative to where she would immediately demand you come back home and get away from him? If you're thinking or imagining it, perhaps that is what's going on, and this is one of the many times he has thrown such a tantrum over something that could handled many other ways.

[j.man]

Yup. I'd say his heart's in the right place, or at least not a wrong place, but he's going about his disapproval all wrong. You say "just me and him for a weekend away." Was that how he worded it to you?

 

I do think the ball was dropped, either with you not having conveyed to your sister that it was intended as a couple's getaway or with her for inviting herself knowing that. I understand people saying "anyone can buy tickets to a festival," but are we really kidding ourselves that the sister plans on buying tickets and simply being any other unknown face in the crowd as far as the OP and her boyfriend are concerned? C'mon.

 

As far as just how angry he's getting-- unless your sister has some sorta history as far as him and the relationship between you to go, I really can't understand it. I'd have to hope there's something exacerbating it.

 

The best I can think to fix it would be to let your sister know that you'll hang out with her during the concert itself, but she'll most likely be on her own for any time outside of that as you and your guy have plans on your own. Hopefully that kind of assurance will soften the blow for him.

[jojo24]

Explain that to him though he's being stupid about it. Try to make the best of this and enjoy!

Honestly I have. He knows I didn't invite her and he knows I was a bit upset at first .

 

I have said to him the way he's reacting is only punishing me I'm the one hurt by it all, if I didn't go I'm sure my sister still would. I can understand him being gutted about it, but I think he's overreacting. I was so upset that he's threatened to sell the tickets and been in tears numerous times now, tonight being the worst, but after a couple hours he came said he'd made tea and he was sorry. And I said you're really hurting me and just punishing me for my sister going even though I didn't ask her and he said she can't go dropping on on our plans. But it's not just the fact he may sell the tickets that hurts. It's more the fact he'd rather see me upset than go with my sister and it hurts the fact he resents my sister going so much. Also it's not like my sister is coming with us completely, she's driving up with her bf and getting there own hotel, so it's not like she'll be with us constantly. Anyway Thank you everyone that's taken time to reply! I must admit you've all made me feel better as I never know whether I'm in the wrong as have no one to talk to about this stuff! So thank you!!

[Ms Darcy]

If I went through the trouble of trying to set something up for just my girlfriend and I, I would be upset as well if one of her friends, sisters, family, anyone invited themselves and came along with what should have been **our** getaway.. and I'd get over it as fast as the thought hit my head.

 

But his behavior says a bit more, as there's a million ways to handle a disagreement or situation when upset, and his way seems to be more douchy/vindictive.

 

I'm glad you can acknowledge being a real human being who would actually be annoyed that things weren't going according to your plan. But what's more important is aside from naturally expressing disappointment, you would have the maturity to temper your response.

 

The problem is that he has blown this out of proportion and I would not want to date let alone marry someone who is so rigid and sort of controlling.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent...hopefully you can all go and enjoy. Talk about things with one another more, particularly joint plans. He acted like a jerk about this, but that's a good policy with anyone regardless. Is there a history that he and your family don't get along?

he came said he'd made tea and he was sorry.

[jojo24]

No they all like him and he likes them there hasn't been any arguments. He's just annoyed that she's invited herself that's all. Just maybe a bit too annoyed .

[jojo24]

But I wasn't happy she invited herself either. As he's gone to a lot of effort. Just not as unhappy as him

[Wiseman2]

Next time don't share as much with her. However you are both upset at her actions...but it's causing friction between you two. Think about that.

But I wasn't happy she invited herself either. As he's gone to a lot of effort.

[jojo24]

I won't be doing lol. Lesson learnt but I just didn't think she would do that but I guess you don't think people do that. Thanks for your advice

[catfeeder]

This is a combo plate of you being too passive with your sister and him being too much of a bully with you.

 

If I'd told my sister that BF booked a trip just for the two of us, and she said she'd like to go, I'd have said, "You may want to book time there for you and [someone else] but since [bF] planned on just the two of us, I'll need to get back to you on whether our agenda is open enough to meet with you there. If not, I hope you and [someone else] have a great time there."

 

Then I'd run the idea past BF in a non-committal way.

 

But the bigger issue is why BF doesn't get along with your family well enough to act like an adult. Really?

[SoulTaker]

I won't be doing lol. Lesson learnt but I just didn't think she would do that but I guess you don't think people do that. Thanks for your advice

 

But did you learn the right lesson? You could have avoided all of this. It's your side of the family (sister), and you knew that it was an event set up just for you and your bf. You could have told your sister this, and made it clear that she should bring a friend and go separately.

 

There was no need for you to accept her wishes. That is what your bf is upset with (not taking control of the situation).