Feeling used

[Dorry Puppy]

Hello I'm 36 and my boyfriend is 35 but have known each other sense junior high school. We have been in a relationship 4.5 years and let me tell you its not really happy. He's an alcoholic for one and he works 2nd shift. When he can't drink beer before work he goes and buys some mouthwash and drinks it, but then tries to hide it from me and I know about it. Our sex life used to be fun until he found out he had Hep C . We occasionally have sex but i used his phone one time and seen that he has been watching free porn. We have different schedules, I have to wake up st 6:00 a.m. to take my daughter to her bus stop and he doesn't get off work till midnight. So it has changed sense he started his new job. But I know, I have caught him before watching porn in the past and he has swore up and down that it won't happen again. But he's a lier and I can't trust him . he's been caught last weekend he went to the bar when he thought I was asleep, I noticed him gone so I walked down to the bar and he was sitting at the bar w/ a few friends that are neighbors. He's been caught going to the bar in the past. I have love for him but not in love w/ him anymore. I feel he has never loved me even though he says he does and has shown me he sorta does, but when I think of the past I know he doesn't. So you tell me is he a good catch or is there better fish in the sea? Sorry this was long and I can't make paragraphs I'm on my phone. Thanks for reading!!

[ThatwasThen]

I'm very concerned as to why you would subject your daughter to an alcoholic man who you obviously do not love but are too codependent to leave. Do you want your daughter to think drunken liars are good men to be with? Do you want her to suffer the way you have been with this man? Surely you do not so get your codependent self to al-anon so that you start to realize that what you have is what you will always get until YOU heal yourself enough to get the guts to leave.

 

You cant change him and trying to micro-manage him the way you are doing is just causing you to feel even more out of control when you fail at seeing any positive results to your nagging and stalking and snooping.

[Wiseman2]

You are playing cat and mouse games. There is so much contempt and resentment that familiarity is all that's left. Get help for this enabling behavior and throw him out.

Hello I'm 36 and my boyfriend is 35.We have been in a relationship 4.5 years and its not really happy.

1) He's an alcoholic for one and he works 2nd shift.

2) he goes and buys some mouthwash and drinks it

3) Our sex life used to be fun until he found out he had Hep C.

4) he's a lier and I can't trust him .

5) he's been caught last weekend he went to the bar when he thought I was asleep,

6) not in love w/ him anymore.

7) I feel he has never loved me.

[Hollyj]

How can a lying alcoholic be a good catch? Do you really think that this is a positive environment for your child?

 

BTW, you are not being used. You have been aware of his behavior for a long time. You are not a victim, but an active participant.

 

Look into co dependency.

[reinventmyself]

So many people ask . . Are they the one. . or is some one else better?

Why don't they see there is a 3rd option?

To be on your own.

As if being without a partner isn't something to consider and staying with neglectful alcoholic is better than nothing.

[DancingFool]

He is an alcoholic and has hepatitis C ( you do know you can become infected too by having sex with him, right?) Oh and an addict lying about his addiction......

 

And you are asking if he is a good catch? ......I think you meant to say, have I sunk as low as I can possibly go? The answer is yup, I honestly think that it would be hard for you to find a worse catch even if you tried really really hard. Like seriously, you have hit the bottom of the barrel here and pulled out a stinking rotten one. Throw it back and disinfect yourself. Not just rotten but disease carrying one. Be single or if that is terrifying for you, seriously just pull any stranger off the street and you are pretty much guaranteed to do better.

[Dorry Puppy]

Thanks ever for your responses even if a few were hard to read but straight to the point where I'm in the wrong for putting up w/ this. I'm going to start taking the steps I need to to get rid of him, its like I don't even love him anymore. I mean what's to love anyways?

[IAmFCA]

Love yourself. Let every act you do be a reflection of your love for yourself.

 

The right relationship is easy because loving ourselves and supporting the relationship are the same thing.