I'm pregnant and I have found out that he has slept with someone on a stag do

[Stacey1052]

So me and the ex were together for 2 years, unfortunately in January he finished it but changed his mind a few days later. He said he doesn't know what he was thinking and made a mistake however he told me he's planning on going travelling with his friend for a year. This was something that wasn't happening till later this year and he has planned it behind my back. So I decided we will make another go and deal with the travelling when it come.

 

After a week of being back together I was late for my period, turned out I was 5 or 6 weeks pregnant. Unfortunately again he ended it and said he would be there for the child but is not ready for the whole family thing.

 

After abit of time we started talking again and being as if we were still together like going out on dates staying in and still sleeping with each others . We still argued but I know most of it is my hormones.

 

I knew we wasn't properly in a relationship and the past few weeks he's made me feel that he doesn't have them feeling for me anymore, But deep down I still love him and hoped that he just needs time.

 

So this weekend he went on a stag do and slept with someone else, he doesn't know that I know. Im really hurt that he's done this but also feel that we aren't in a relationship so I can't really say anything.

 

I text him asking if he been with anyone else and he text saying no but I'm seeing him tomorrow, what should I do confront him and tell him I do know (but I can't tell him how I found out) even if he does confess to it do I have a right go mad at him? He's never been this guy before he's even admitted to me that this is not him how he's been.

 

So tomorrow we are actually going baby shopping for the first time together and my question really is do I tell him that I know he slept with someone or do I see what happens between us first (in time) I know he's a good lad deep down and these past few months have been so out of character of him. And if I do tell him do I do it before or after shopping, this will be a great experience for both of us and I don't know if I want to ruin the by starting an argument.

 

Any advice would be great

[musicman777]

Did he sleep with someone when you two were broken up? If so, well, there's not much you can say about that. Even if he rebounded, he technically wasn't "with you". If he was with you then, well, you have some serious concerns to think about. Do you want to have a guy around your child that has cheated on his mother?

[Man with Dog]

Simply don't sleep with him. He is not "yours" and you are not together. Let him take his share of the responsibility for co-parenting but, otherwise, dissociate yourself from him.

 

It is hard and your heart may rule your head but please stand firm!

[SapphireNoir10]

I'm sorry you are in a really tough position. You want to be with the father of your child at a vulnerable time in your life but he isn't interested in settling down.

 

please don't sleep with him, he may be putting you and the baby at risk of STD's if he isn't using protection

 

In order to co parent successfully I think you need to establish proper boundaries. Either you are a couple, or you aren't, you are co parents with a civil relationship for the sake of the child.

 

I can't imagine how much it must hurt but you need to do what's best for you and that isn't being with this guy at the moment.

 

If he comes to you and says he wants to be in a proper committed relationship and you want to give it a go, thats up to you, but right now he is only messing you around.

 

And you can't have a go at him unfortunatley as you aren't in a relationship. No matter how much it hurts he is allowed to sleep with other people.

[greta96]

"After abit of time we started talking again and being as if we were still together like going out on dates staying in and still sleeping with each others"

 

Based on this, the way I'm reading your situation is that he is having sex with other women while you two are "seeing" each other and having sex with one another, is this correct? If so, heck yes you have every right to be mad! Stop telling yourself that he's free to sleep around because you are not in a relationship, because although theoretically yes, if the words "relationship" and "committed" weren't said, you are both free to do as you please, in practice things are completely different. You are exposing yourself and your unborn child to STDs that can affect his/her whole life forever, and really - why would you settle for being just one of the women he's having sex with?

 

You are carrying a tiny bit of the blame too, for allowing him to keep you in limbo and for sleeping with him even though he's been treating you like garbage and not wanting to commit to you and your baby, so it's time you stopped this extremely unhealthy situation and focusing on yourself and your child.

 

You need to have a face to face serious talk with him, tell him that you know he's been sleeping around (you don't have to tell him how you know), and that he has the choice of being either in or out. No more sex with you, no more date-like get togethers, if he wants other women he can go be with other women, and when the child is born you will be in touch to make the necessary arrangements - if he wants to be a part of the child's life. If he wants to work things out with you, he needs to change - no more other women, and he needs to act like a man in a relationship - although it looks like he wouldn't want that.

 

I realize you love him, but you need to be realistic here and not let him use you for sex when he can't find anyone else. Now it's not only your own health at stake, you have a child to think about, so you need to put an end to this dysfunctional situation.

[DoF]

Get STD test ASAP

Stop sleeping with him

ONLY do so and proceed with him IF he wants a committed relationship. It doesn't sounds to me like he cheated, you guys never had the talk/discussion of commitment/relationship.

 

Let go of your resentment, it will only stain your relationship going forward. And trust me, you do NOT want that. Your child NEEDS a father, so you do whatever it takes to get along with him and build AT THE VERY LEAST a good co parenting relationship.

 

You do NOT have to be together AT ALL. As long as both of you are big part of this child's life, kid will be just fine!

[Wiseman2]

How do you know he slept with someone if he didn't tell you? Does he acknowledge the child is his? Make sure you go to court and get child support. He ended the relationship and wants to play the field, so you may want to get tested for stds. Sleeping with him or getting pregnant will not reestablish the relationship, if he does not want to be a committed couple.

me and the ex were together for 2 years. I decided we will make another go and deal with the travelling when it come. I was 5 or 6 weeks pregnant. he ended it and said he would be there for the child and still sleeping with each others . So this weekend he slept with someone else. do I tell him that I know he slept with someone.

[bulletproof]

Unfortunately again he ended it and said he would be there for the child but is not ready for the whole family thing.

 

In my opinion, this is the only thing that matters. He's made his feelings clear. If you feel as though he's wavering on that decision, then the two of you need to sit down and have a discussion about what parenting is going to look like going forward.

 

Right now, you are both muddying the waters by sleeping together and not communicating about what this relationship is.

 

I think that him sleeping with someone else is honestly the least of your problems. All focus at this point should be on the child and what's best for that child. Go shopping and approach it pragmatically–it's a shopping trip that's supposed to be about the child, not about you quizzing him on who he slept with or the two of you trying to sleep with each other.

[lukeb]

It is difficult not to get to the conclusion you got pregnant by him on purpose just because you seem to think that he somehow owes you a relationship because you are carrying his baby. Well he doesn't owe you a relationship and he made it clear he is not interested in a relationship or marriage. We are not living in the 1950's anymore. I'm not sure what else he needs to do to make that clear to you. Relationships aren't things your kinda default into, you enter into relationships through positive affirmation. You don't get that through implied messages and wishful thinking. Welcome to the fastest rising demographic, that is single motherhood.

[annie24]

How far along are you in your pregnancy?