So do I just wait till she contacts me?

[Lumos]

I think I've made some decent progress with my ex.

 

She contacted me a couple weeks ago so I told her that I'd love to meet to catch up and she quickly replied "I'm definitely up to catch up".

 

She told me she was going home at the beginning of next month, so I asked her to get in touch when she does.

 

I know this isn't much to go by, but am I doing well?

 

It must be a good thing she's willing to meet.

[Wiseman2]

Do well which way? Getting back together or dealing with the break-up?

I think I've made some decent progress with my ex. she quickly replied "I'm definitely up to catch up". It must be a good thing she's willing to meet.

[Lumos]

Not focusing on get back together. I just want us to have some fun and go on some dates. Wherever it goes really - steering clear from the friend zone of course.

[Wiseman2]

If you don't want to get back together why are you dating her ? Are you hoping to make her think that to get lucky?

Not focusing on get back together. I just want us to have some fun and go on some dates. Wherever it goes really - steering clear from the friend zone of course.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, you are in the friend zone because you are broken up and just going out to catch up. If you don't want to be in the friend zone then let her know you are interested in getting back together when you hang out.

[Lumos]

If you don't want to get back together why are you dating her ? Are you hoping to make her think that to get lucky?

 

She broke up with me and contacted me first, it's up to her if she wants us to get better. I assumed she wanted us to meet when she did contact me after a year, so I told her I'd like to meet. Seems like she accepted.

 

That's the way I'm rolling. I'm not going to bring up the break up when (if) we meet... That's not my job.

 

I'm not playing with her, if that's what you're thinking.

[Lumos]

Well, you are in the friend zone because you are broken up and just going out to catch up. If you don't want to be in the friend zone then let her know you are interested in getting back together when you hang out.

 

Not quite. If I was in the friend zone we would be "just friends" right now. Luckily I told her I didn't want to be friends when she ended it, and I intend to keep it that way. If she tells me she wants to be friends I'll let her know that's not what I want and tell her to get in contact if she changes her mind.

 

She broke up with me, so that's her job. I'm not going to bring the break up up, I'm going to enjoy the fun and her company when (if) we meet. If she brings it up then we'll speak about it.

 

I'm not going to play with her.

[Clinton]

Not quite. If I was in the friend zone we would be "just friends" right now. Luckily I told her I didn't want to be friends when she ended it, and I intend to keep it that way. If she tells me she wants to be friends I'll let her know that's not what I want and tell her to get in contact if she changes her mind.

 

She broke up with me, so that's her job. I'm not going to bring the break up up, I'm going to enjoy the fun and her company when (if) we meet. If she brings it up then we'll speak about it.

 

I'm not going to play with her.

 

You told her you didn't want to be friends when you broke up a year ago? And no contact since?

 

Could be she assumes you're over it and wouldn't mind a friendly catch up. I'd be very careful here.

[Lumos]

You told her you didn't want to be friends when you broke up a year ago? And no contact since?

 

Could be she assumes you're over it and wouldn't mind a friendly catch up. I'd be very careful here.

 

I'm aware of that.

 

If she mentions she just wants to be friends, I'll tell her I'm not interested and ask her to contact me if she changes her mind.

[Clinton]

I'm aware of that.

 

If she mentions she just wants to be friends, I'll tell her I'm not interested and ask her to contact me if she changes her mind.

 

I wouldn't phrase it like that. Why indicate to her that you'll be at her beck and call if she ever decides you might be worthwhile??

 

If you must go, go. But I'd make it clear that if she doesn't want to give it another go, you're done here for good. Don't be a doormat. She's had a year to think about things. She knows what she wants from you. At this stage if it's only friendship, that's never going to change.

[Clinton]

PS

 

People always think that if they actually say what they want, that it will somehow scare off the other person.

 

I'd say to you that if she's put off by you voicing the idea you want to reconcile, the possibility was never there to begin with.

 

Life's too short to play cat and mouse games.

[Wiseman2]

Why can't you tell her that now before bothering to get together to "catch up"? Be clear that it's reconciliation not just two old friends getting together.

I'll tell her I'm not interested

[DancingFool]

Honestly there is nothing to go by here to begin with. You asked to meet, she vaguely said that catching up would be cool (because what else can you possibly say to that without being totally rude - it was a boiler plate response) and then promptly told that you she won't be available for a long long time.

 

I kind of suspect that you are getting yourself all hopeful over nothing and doubt she'll contact you once she is back. At the very least don't hold your breath.

[Lumos]

I wouldn't phrase it like that. Why indicate to her that you'll be at her beck and call if she ever decides you might be worthwhile??

 

If you must go, go. But I'd make it clear that if she doesn't want to give it another go, you're done here for good. Don't be a doormat. She's had a year to think about things. She knows what she wants from you. At this stage if it's only friendship, that's never going to change.

 

I don't think it indicates that. What would you say instead?

 

I feel like it's quite passive. It's like leaving the door open, but I obviously wouldn't expect to hear from her again if she wanted just friendship. By telling her that I'm not interested in friendship and to get in touch if she changes her mind, it should tell her that that's it: if she wants more she can contact me if not, then I don't want to hear from her.

 

I hope you understand.

[Lumos]

Why can't you tell her that now before bothering to get together to "catch up"? Be clear that it's reconciliation not just two old friends getting together.

 

Again, it's not up to me to mention reconciliation. Bottom bar is she knows what she wants - she knew what she wanted when she got in touch in the first place. Whether it's just friendship or she's genuinely getting in touch because she's been having second thoughts, I will find out through the "catch up". It's simple.

[reinventmyself]

I'm aware of that.

 

If she mentions she just wants to be friends, I'll tell her I'm not interested and ask her to contact me if she changes her mind.

 

(Luckily I told her I didn't want to be friends when she ended it, and I intend to keep it that way)

 

So you need to meet up with her again in order to tell her the same thing you did last year?

How about you clarify why she contacted you before you agree to meet with her?

[Shane Falco]

I really don't see the point of meeting up first, then telling her what you want second. It's ass-backwards. Instead of probably wasting your time with the type of meeting you don't want to have, just let her know the score now. If she does follow up (not sure she will) then ask her "Why do you want to meet?" if she says "because it would be good to catch up" or "because I want to be friends" then squash it before wasting 2-plus hours of your time, plus the time you're wasting mentally trying to figure out where she's coming from.

 

If you were actually cool with being friends and didn't care if it evolved into something else, then your current plan would be OK. But you clearly want something else and aren't cool with "whatever". So why not be proactive instead of reactive? You say you don't want to be in the friend zone, but your current approach is the expressway to that.

[Wiseman2]

True. You'll see in person what's up.

Whether it's just friendship or she's genuinely getting in touch because she's been having second thoughts, I will find out through the "catch up".

[Lumos]

I really don't see the point of meeting up first, then telling her what you want second. It's ass-backwards. Instead of probably wasting your time with the type of meeting you don't want to have, just let her know the score now. If she does follow up (not sure she will) then ask her "Why do you want to meet?" if she says "because it would be good to catch up" or "because I want to be friends" then squash it before wasting 2-plus hours of your time, plus the time you're wasting mentally trying to figure out where she's coming from.

 

If you were actually cool with being friends and didn't care if it evolved into something else, then your current plan would be OK. But you clearly want something else and aren't cool with "whatever". So why not be proactive instead of reactive? You say you don't want to be in the friend zone, but your current approach is the expressway to that.

 

I will have no expectations when (if) the catchup happens, none whatsoever. She might give me some BS excuse if I tell her "Let's meet up at 7pm and go (such and such place)". She might even say "I just want to be friends" at that moment. Then I'll be certain 100000% that it won't go anywhere.

 

On the other hand, she could accept - no one here can predict it.

 

I'm literally doing myself no harm whatsoever. I'm ready for whatever response. Either way it goes, I'll be happy in the end.

 

Asking her "why do you want to meet?" When it's me who has asked for it sounds weak, imo.

[Lumos]

True. You'll see in person what's up.

 

I'd rather be in person to fully understand her intention rather than over text... Because in person I will be certain.

 

This could go either way.

[Lumos]

(Luckily I told her I didn't want to be friends when she ended it, and I intend to keep it that way)

 

So you need to meet up with her again in order to tell her the same thing you did last year?

How about you clarify why she contacted you before you agree to meet with her?

 

It could be that we meet and she explicitly tells me that it's platonic between us and it will remain that way, I'm not deluded, I can see that may happen.

 

But it could possibly work my way.

 

I told her to get in contact if she changed her mind. She did, a year later, so I'm right to assume she wants to see me.

 

She could have blown me off when I asked her... But she didn't.

 

Of course that could be because she thinks it's just a friendly catch up... But I'm going to have it in "date" fashion.

[Coldarmy13]

I see that you don't want to be just friends with her and plan to keep it that way. That youre hoping "catching up" will cause her to come back to you. Coming from experience, based upon your interaction about it, be ready for disappointment. I think she thinks youre ready for a friendship or is just being nice. Unless I missed it, she didn't try to set up a day and time yet, did she?

[Lumos]

I see that you don't want to be just friends with her and plan to keep it that way. That youre hoping "catching up" will cause her to come back to you. Coming from experience, based upon your interaction about it, be ready for disappointment. I think she thinks youre ready for a friendship or is just being nice. Unless I missed it, she didn't try to set up a day and time yet, did she?

 

She told me she was "definitely up for it" and was back on the 10th of next month. I told her to get in touch when she got back and we can plan something.

 

I don't think she's going to call out a date, especially since I'm the one who offered it...

 

I've told everyone here that I know that anything can happen. She could blow me off completely before we even meet up, she could blow me off when we meet up, but it could end up positive for me.

 

I don't have expectations. If it goes well, then great. If it doesn't or she blows me off, whatever, at least I know that it didn't mean anything that she contacted me after a year.

 

I will explicitly tell her I don't want a friendship if she brings it up.

 

I don't think the "catch up" will cause her to magically want me back lol.....

 

I expect it to be a nice and fun meet up so we can talk - mostly her though... I want to hear about her.

 

Whatever way it goes is fine and I can deal with it.

 

Remember she's the one who contacted me. I told her during the break up that I wasn't interested in a friendship... And she surely knows that.

[reinventmyself]

I don't think she's going to call out a date, especially since I'm the one who offered it...

 

Wait. . I thought this was her idea?

She reached out, but you offered the date.

I don't think those are you terms you suggested.

 

In the end if you can think you can meet up with her and not be disappointed no matter the outcome, then go for it.

People open themselves up for scrutiny when they contradict themselves That's all.

Good luck.

[Lumos]

I don't think she's going to call out a date, especially since I'm the one who offered it...

 

Wait. . I thought this was her idea?

She reached out, but you offered the date.

I don't think those are you terms you suggested.

 

In the end if you can think you can meet up with her and not be disappointed no matter the outcome, then go for it.

People open themselves up for scrutiny when they contradict themselves That's all.

Good luck.

 

Yeah she contacted me, I asked to meet up.

 

Yeah, we'll see how to the meet goes - if it happens at all.

 

She seems quite up beat, but we'll have to wait and see in person.