Should I be okay with the guy I'm dating going to another girl's prom?

[lexitroyer]

So I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months, and last night he even talked to me about having a talk with my dad to make our relationship official.. Well today while I was sitting in church, he texts me randomly asking if I know a girl he is apparently good friends with. I say I do know her, and he tells me that she asked him to her prom and he said yes. He didn't even ask my input in it really, it makes me kinda upset that he just automatically said yes to her. I played it off acting like I was okay with it, telling him that I trust him. But in reality, it makes me really upset. I am a freshman in highschool and he is a junior as well as the girl. He told me he "couldn't say no" to this girl because of how close they are. I have no idea if this girl has feelings for him or not, I don't even know her very well, but apparently they are just friends and have been for about 2 years. What should I do? Is it wrong of him to be going with this girl when he is dating me? Or am I overreacting? I am also going with this guy to our school's prom.

**note that this girl used to go to the same school as us and she got expelled for drinking at a party and lying about it. (we go to a private school.) there were also rumors that he and this girl had sex which he denied when I asked him about it, trying to assure me they are friends and nothing more.

[Capricorn3]

Unless I'm missing something, I think seeing as you have only been talking to him for 2 months you are not "officially" a couple or dating so he is free to go to the prom with anyone he wants to. You guys are friends, nothing more.

[ParisPaulette]

Well, given that just the day before he wanted you to become exclusive? Then no, you should not be okay with it. I think maybe he's been a whole lot less honest with you than other people have about this "friend" and he's seeing who he can add to the harem. Fine if you want to be stuck up on a shelf while he gets with other women, but come on. He's testing you to see what your boundaries are and how much you'll let him get away with.

 

If it were me I'd tell him he is free to do what he wants, but you aren't going to be part of a harem and if you both are NOT official. Then go get another date for the prom and find a guy who respects you and knows better than to pull the whole "she's just a friend" routine on someone he's taking on a serious date right after he wants you to be exclusive to him.

 

I'm sorry, but you need to value yourself more. This is total crap he's pulling. How come he didn't just tell her, "Sorry, I'm taking my girl and we're about to be official." Any guy who really wanted to be with you would have done that, especially if the other girl really is "just a friend."

 

I'd dump him in a heartbeat. The nerve of him to pull that on you and why on earth did you even think you had be like, "Oh, okay." Prom is a date, he's dating another girl, he accepted a date with another girl. What part of "exclusive" does he not understand or you either. No, no, no. I would not be okay and I have no idea why you or he would think you even should be. He'll roll right over the top of you on other things if you let this one slide, sorry good guys that are into you do not pull crap like that.

[Billie28]

^^^

Ignore the above!

Everyone knows that people take their friend to the prom if they haven't got a date to take.

This guy is doing a friend a favour.

However, you and him are only dating for a short two months. You are still just getting to know each other. Slow down!

[lexitroyer]

Thank you for your advice

[ThatwasThen]

If you want to end up in a good relationship with a guy that has the same boundaries as you (which is a pre-requisite to a healthy, happy and long lasting monogamous union) then you will not be with a guy that is used to doing one-on-one date like activities with an opposite sex friend. I'm disappointed that you would pretend that you were okay with him doing such a thing instead of telling him that he's free to do what he wants but don't call me again if you do and that you won't be sitting at home alone while he goes on a date with another woman. Period. Its totally disrespectful to you what he's doing and by you pretending that you're okay with it when you're not, you've just taught him that he can date other women while you wait at home alone while he does.

 

Having an opposite sex friend is fine but the dynamic of that friendship should change in that one-on-one date like activities are saved for the primary couple.

 

*Looks in crystal ball* I see them getting drunk together and much crossing of platonic friendship boundaries going on.

 

Don't be afraid to let him go (and by that I mean break up with him) because; if he's "unable to tell her no." What else won't he be able to tell her "no" to?

[ParisPaulette]

Everyone knows that people take their friend to the prom if they haven't got a date to take.

 

Right, true. Except he has a girlfriend already, the OP, who he'd just asked to be exclusive the day before, telling her he was going to talk to her dad so they could be "Official." So why didn't he ask the OP to the prom then? Why wait, rush to lock her down, then the next day spring on her, "By the way, I'm taking somebody else to the prom, not you. Who asked me after I just told you I wanted us to be official."

 

So he ask her the day before to become "official" to him, but then seems to have no problem turning right around and accepting dates with other women?

 

Love the whole, "I have no say in this, because she asked me instead." Total lack of spine or lack of honesty if you ask me, and neither of those make good boyfriend/girlfriend material. If the guy was sincere about making them official as a couple then refusing other invites and asking the OP to the prom would have been the way to go. And it's what most people who are being honest and genuine would do. Prom is a massively important event, most people I know want to spend it with the person they're dating and want to be exclusive with, they don't accept invites from other people, even friends, instead.

 

Sorry OP, I just don't think this guy is being honest with you. Talk to your parents and your friends and get their input too though, strangers on the Internet don't have the whole story--they do.

[Heather Dawn]

^^^

Ignore the above!

Everyone knows that people take their friend to the prom if they haven't got a date to take.

This guy is doing a friend a favour.

However, you and him are only dating for a short two months. You are still just getting to know each other. Slow down!

 

Never ignore ParisPaulette's advice!

[ThatwasThen]

If the guy was sincere about making them official as a couple then refusing other invites and asking the OP to the prom would have been the way to go.

If I recall correctly, the Op and her boyfriend are going to her prom together but the boyfriend is going to the female "friend's" prom with the friend who goes to a different school/different prom.

Sorry OP, I just don't think this guy is being honest with you. Talk to your parents and your friends and get their input too though, strangers on the Internet don't have the whole story--they do.

Yes... totally agree.

[ParisPaulette]

If I recall correctly, the Op and her boyfriend are going to her prom together but the boyfriend is going to the female "friend's" prom with the friend who goes to a different school/different prom.

 

Oh, good point about that. I missed that, but still his timing is...off. Something just doesn't add up to me, maybe because I know how huge proms are having a teenager myself in the house. OP is clearly not all right with this or it wouldn't be coming up and she was already uneasy about his friendship with the girl to begin with.

 

Too much drama, I'd bail but yes she needs to talk to the people closest to her who can see this from a view of knowing the people involved.

[nutbrownhare]

Everyone knows that people take their friend to the prom if they haven't got a date to take.

This guy is doing a friend a favour.

 

I think this is right. I think this guy doesn't consider that he has a date to take, and this says something about how he sees his relationship with the OP. Who should, incidentally, be heading out of there with a fairly fast nonchalant stroll - and finding someone who wants to take HER!

[Doc Blaze]

I did not like any of the Proms i went to, but people never want to go alone. last resort people ask friends..it happens ever year. My gf back in the day took a friend because i was at a sport tournament out of state, plus it wasnt my prom. i did not care. She didnt like the kid, she just didnt want to go alone. nobody does it they really want to go.