Madman1373 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I apologize beforehand but this is gonna be long and I need to get this off my chest. So I dated this girl that I met at a regional contest, that was last year. We hit it off immediately, having completely the same interest, getting along so easily, complementing each other in good and different ways. We were so good together, and we barely hit any bumps. We only had one rough patch where we ended up losing contact for the most part for about a month. We dated for almost 11 months, and out of nowhere, she breaks up with me!!! Because she believed things were not the way they were supposed to be, and I agreed with her, but I wanted to work on it and fix it, but she didnt! Over the course of the next 2 months, it try to get her back, and she still had feelings for me, but the more I tried the more she would push me away and eventually she said she hates me and that she will never be with me. At this point I was hurt....wounded from the breakup and I decided that if she didn't want to see me, then so be it. So I had NC with her. It's only a month later that she sees me, but all I do is walk away. I go home and go to sleep, and I wake up to 3 text from her the next morning. She continues to try to talk to me and I give in...I want to know what she wants, and she says she didn't like the way she treated me..that she wants to be friends because I was the only true friend she had...and I say okay, just friends. Well over the next few months she gets more and ND more frequent with stuff...texting me all day, sending me snaps, calling me twice a day, maybe facetiming me.....so I'm like "what the h*** is going with you"? She admits that she may have feelings for me...and I tell her that she already made her decision. Just friends.... Come around another month and I go out with a female friend and we are real close. Well the ex finds out and starts crying and calling me because she wants me!!! I ask her then why don't you just want to get back together and she says she just cant...no freaking reason why! Just cant! A little while passes by and she goes out with a guy...gets to go on a few dates with him does a few stuff and comes whining to me about it because she never got a feeling or spark out of it like she did with me.. a week later I try to talk to her about it and she told me that she wants to be friends with me....shes tired of getting hurt with people ( in my mind I'm like what the f**k, what people??? There only ever been like two guys beside me and shes been with me the longest). I say okay... I'm fine with it! I go on a vacation and she starts seeing that I'm away...she ask me if I'm having a good time and I say yeah! Then she ask, why are you done with me?? I tell her I never said anything that indicated that and that I'm her friend..she gets all back to calling me and messaging me... Just today, I tell her she can't come and see my sick father because he's not feeling well, and now she's all pissed now.....is it just me or is she crazy???? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 She wants to keep you in her back pocket, available to her at any and all times she wants you to be. But you're not supposed to bug her about getting back together or anything. Oh, and you're not supposed to date because then you won't be available to her when she wants attention. She's not crazy, just really immature. The real question is, why do you allow her to do this? If it's driving you nuts, just stop communicating with her and stop responding when she contacts you! Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 I honestly don't know why I keep on talking to her!!!! It's like a black hole...I just get near it and It pulls me back in and crushes me....... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 You have control over what you do. You're choosing to leap into the black hole. Are you hoping to get back together? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 She's doing a good job of wearing you down, but by the same token you're choosing to participate. We teach people how to treat us, and she certainly has caught wind of that fact. Your call... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 She likes the attention. It's her ego! Period!! She doesn't want you, but she also doesn't want anyone else to have you. You should have blocked her long ago. She is a complete waste of time. Pick your self esteem up off the floor, and go NC. Forever! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I honestly don't know why I keep on talking to her!!!! It's like a black hole...I just get near it and It pulls me back in and crushes me....... You are an active participant. Time to get off the hamster wheel, Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 She's an EX. You are no longer together and should be going your separate ways by now. If she drives you nuts then stay away. Go no contact and mean it. YOU keep allowing contact so you only have yourself to blame. YOU have all the control here. Use it. Link to comment
lindy2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Have you ever read anything about commitment phobia and/or emotional availability? You might want to Google the terms and see if any of it fits in regards to her. What all the others have said sounds like what I was thinking too: NC and move on healthier and wiser. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Then help me.... what's the best way to get away from her...the best way for no contact. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Block her phone number, delete her as Facebook friends, then block her, stop following her on Instagram and Twitter, block her email. And delete her friends and family members too. And tell your friends you don't want to hear what she's doing. Also tell them not to be messengers from her to you. You'll probably get some kind of response from her telling you you're being "immature" or being "mean", or that she doesn't understand why you two can't be "friends". If she finds some way to get a message to you, delete it and do NOT respond. The longer you let her drag you into the black hole, the longer it will take you to get over her. And you could be getting yourself to a point where you're ready to meet someone new who is much better for you! Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Thanks..any other advice to deal with her would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment
Itsme2033 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 We only had one rough patch where we ended up losing contact for the most part for about a month. That seems like a fairly long time to lose contact in a new relationship. Since you didn't say that it was your responsibility for losing contact, I am assuming that she stopped contacting you for a month. This may or may not be significant to what happened. We dated for almost 11 months, and out of nowhere, she breaks up with me!!! Because she believed things were not the way they were supposed to be, and I agreed with her, but I wanted to work on it and fix it, but she didnt! Over the course of the next 2 months, it try to get her back, and she still had feelings for me, but the more I tried the more she would push me away and eventually she said she hates me and that she will never be with me. At this point I was hurt....wounded from the breakup and I decided that if she didn't want to see me, then so be it. So I had NC with her. Some people do a great job communicating in relationships and some people don't. Some people notice a problem and speak up about the problem in an attempt to get it fixed. Other people put up with the problem until they just can't stand it. If someone has put up with something until they just can't stand it, they will not want to work things out. They will simply want to get out. In that case, everything the other person does to try to fix the problem just causes more resentment. That might be what you're dealing with here. Another reason a person suddenly wants out and doesn't want to work on things is if they have found someone else they are interested in. NC is always the best option in a case like this. Relationships at this point can't usually be fixed, but if they can be fixed, NC provides the best opportunity. Usually continued contact causes so much resentment that there can be no recovery from it. It's only a month later that she sees me, but all I do is walk away. I go home and go to sleep, and I wake up to 3 text from her the next morning.... Come around another month and I go out with a female friend and we are real close. Well the ex finds out and starts crying and calling me because she wants me!!! I ask her then why don't you just want to get back together and she says she just cant...no freaking reason why! Just cant! ....she wants to be friends with me....shes tired of getting hurt with people ( in my mind I'm like what the f**k, what people??? There only ever been like two guys beside me and shes been with me the longest). I say okay... I'm fine with it! It's only a month later that she sees me, but all I do is walk away. I go home and go to sleep, and I wake up to 3 text from her the next morning.... Come around another month and I go out with a female friend and we are real close. Well the ex finds out and starts crying and calling me because she wants me!!! I ask her then why don't you just want to get back together and she says she just cant...no freaking reason why! Just cant! ....she wants to be friends with me....shes tired of getting hurt with people ( in my mind I'm like what the f**k, what people??? There only ever been like two guys beside me and shes been with me the longest). I say okay... I'm fine with it! I go on a vacation and she starts seeing that I'm away...she ask me if I'm having a good time and I say yeah! Then she ask, why are you done with me?? I tell her I never said anything that indicated that and that I'm her friend..she gets all back to calling me and messaging me... Just today, I tell her she can't come and see my sick father because he's not feeling well, and now she's all pissed now.....is it just me or is she crazy???? It's not you, but she's not crazy either. I think her behavior is very rational, even though it's not very nice. Just imagine that if you went to your job one day and your boss said "I have to cut back on expenses, so you're fired. But you are welcome to continue coming in and work every day because I know how much you like your work, it's just that I won't be paying you anymore." That's basically what we have here. She wants to continue having many of the benfits of having a relationship with you, while having a relationship with someone else. You are of course free to walk away, or you are free to continue to provide her with those benefits. It's your choice. Really her behavior is no different than if she were trying to pull a financial con on you. In this case, she's asking you to pay with your energy and efforts and time instead of your cash. Then help me.... what's the best way to get away from her...the best way for no contact. The first thing to do is to accept that you have really dodged a bullet here. She has been trying to use you and it sounds like you've been playing along. You need to fully accept that you will never get back together with her and that if you did it would be for just a while and that future dramas would be much worse. Then you just need to really go no contact. You know what you need to do to make that happen. I think the underlying problem here is that she got to where she was no longer attracted to you in the relationship. That could be because of something you did, or it could be that she gets bored in relationships. I encourage you to spend some time thinking about why this happened to see if there are things you need to work on before your next relationship. In addition, I think she uses people. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 I gotta ask.....for someone who was so on loving at one point...could they really go to the point for trying to use me??? That's what all of you are saying but that just seems, in a way, cold. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I don't think she made a conscious decision..."I'm done with him, but I'm going to USE him for my own benefit!" It's more like..."I'm bored and want someone to talk to. Who can I talk to? Oh, how about Madman1373? He always wants to hear from me. But I gotta make sure he knows we're just 'friends'." Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 I see what you mean boltnrun... also, I've never had a problem with her in our relationship except for the fact that she was selfish, in minor and big ways. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 If she's selfish that means she's not considering how her continuing to communicate with you could hurt you. She's just doing what makes HER feel good. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Trust me..I know about that, heck..one the worse things she didn't think about was telling me about her making out with a guy in three separate occasions ( btw..she's supposed to be an innocent christian girl..she's not at all). Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Trust me..I know about that, heck..one the worse things she didn't think about was telling me about her making out with a guy in three separate occasions ( btw..she's supposed to be an innocent christian girl..she's not at all). Good. The more things like this you remember the easier it will be to block all means of contact. I mean, do you really want to sign up for more of this? Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 At one point...yes I would have because I loved her. But honestly..it's like she's developed a darker personality with everything now and including all of the stuff she has done...now I wouldn't unless she somehow turned into the person I first met and everything was forgotten. I know I stick around because I have a stubborn loyalty and a very small part of me still cares... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Well, you know what you are in for if you decide to continue to allow her to use you for attention. If you do choose to continue, you have to realize she wouldn't be the only one who is "weird"...right? Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Well...just so you know...I have already made my decision....I'm not gonna get with her. It would not be worth it in any way except for more drama and pain. I know that for sure. Link to comment
Madman1373 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 If anyone still reads this....I blocked her on every front...let's see what NC does for both of us Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I understand your pain man. I was in a long term 6 year relationship. She broke up with me so many times. Did exactly the same thing that your ex is doing. I gave in all the time and boom! we always go back. This time she wrote me a long letter literally telling me all her feelings and saying how she will not text or call anymore because she does not want to use me as an emotional crutch. Which your ex is doing to you. I was so sure that she sounded so determined that is was literally over. about a week after that she texted me. I KNOW RIGHT? CRAZY!!! Guess what.. I'm more crazy to have even met up with her.... We don't have each other anywhere in social media. My point is that she might have feelings for you yes. However, if she wanted things to work and be with you then, she would. Woman, are very emotional and whenever they feel alone or any emotional feeeling that is happening at that moment they will call the person who truly will understand and satisfy her need for attention and re-assurance. I been there so many times and yet I atill am. I know what I need to do but I can't let go... If you did decide to let her go and literally not contact her then do it. Don't give in to anything. It will only crush you. I'm happy when I see her or talk to her but the day or week after I am sad. Link to comment
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