ovoxo Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Up until today, I hadn't seen my boyfriend in two weeks, due our opposite and busy schedules. I called out of work today to spend some time with him before he started work. I brought him food, and honestly just wanted to enjoy each other's company while watching a movie. As soon as I get there he's all over me. I tell him I don't wanna have sex until I'm back on birth control. For the past few months, we have been having sex unprotected, 9/10 times, if we use a condom, it breaks. So we stopped using them and he insisted he'd just "pull out." I know it isn't smart at all, and didn't wanna continue, so today I simply said I wanted to wait until I'm back on birth control. (My appointment is tomorrow). He got extremely mad, and kept trying to have sex even though I told him no. He couldn't understand, and didn't want to listen to my reasoning at all. So I got up and left. Now, I understand he's my boyfriend and that I should be pleasing him but this was literally the only time I've said no. Am I wrong? Or how should I go about this? I'm honestly so mad, and hurt that he didn't respect me enough to listen, but feel like it's my fault. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 How long have you been dating this guy and have you discussed what he would do if you became pregnant? As for your question: I don't think you are in the wrong for saying no when you have a fear of becoming pregnant. However: I probably would have just taken care of him (and hopefully he, me) in another manner without actually having intercourse. Win/Win! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 He's an idiot and not, you were not wrong and its not your fault. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Where in the world did you get that idea????? If you don't want to have sex, then he should respect your decision. His actions are very concerning and disrespectful . How old id this guy? He sounds like a jerk!!! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 How long have you been dating this guy and have you discussed what he would do if you became pregnant? As for your question: I don't think you are in the wrong for saying no when you have a fear of becoming pregnant. However: I probably would have just taken care of him (and hopefully he, me) in another manner without actually having intercourse. Win/Win! Really? After a man had acted so disrespectful, you would of satisfied him? I think he can survive a couple of weeks without sex. Link to comment
Waraqqa Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you withheld sex due to having a grudge against him or something. You had a very valid reason. Just because you are his girlfriend, it doesn't mean he owns you and your body, and you have the absolute right to have Protected sex! Even if he doesn't have any STDs or whatever, it is you who'd get pregnant in case of an accident (if you haven't already), and he's acting totally irresponsible. It was a jerky thing of him to do to not even wanting to listen. If I were you, I'd be pretty cross with him, and the next time he'd want to get close to me he'd have some apologising to do or at least explain his behaviour. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 He was horny, plain and simple. You two were at cross purposes on this particular day. He was being a , but he was full of baby gravy and it was clouding his judgement. It probably wouldn't have killed you to get him off in a way that wouldn't have risked you getting pregnant; women think they know what it's like to be horny, but they really don't. Blue balls are a real thing and they are honestly extremely painful. I guarantee you would have seen a personality change in him immediately afterwards. But he also has to realize that he's not always going to get his way and he needs to respect your boundaries sometimes. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Really? After a man had acted so disrespectful, you would of satisfied him? I think he can survive a couple of weeks without sex. No NOT AFTER he acted disrespectfully. Good gawd. The win/win would have taken place before and likely avoided him acting in anyway but glowing Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 No NOT AFTER he acted disrespectfully. Good gawd. The win/win would have taken place before and likely avoided him acting in anyway but glowing Sorry. I misunderstood. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 He was horny, plain and simple. You two were at cross purposes on this particular day. He was being a , but he was full of baby gravy and it was clouding his judgement. It probably wouldn't have killed you to get him off in a way that wouldn't have risked you getting pregnant; women think they know what it's like to be horny, but they really don't. Blue balls are a real thing and they are honestly extremely painful. I guarantee you would have seen a personality change in him immediately afterwards. But he also has to realize that he's not always going to get his way and he needs to respect your boundaries sometimes. How could he have had 'blue balls' if they had not even fooled around? Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 How could he have had 'blue balls' if they had not even fooled around? I was speaking in general. However, she said when she got there he was all over her, so I don't know how far it went before she shut it down. Link to comment
ovoxo Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 We are both 26, and have been together for a year. We have talked about what I'd do if I got pregnant. I honestly don't think I could ever handle an abortion, I'm in school to be a Pediatric Nurse, and I know I just don't have the heart to terminate a pregnancy. He is completely against having kids right now, & I know that if I kept it, he'd freak out. He has also told me that in his past he's had two pregnancy scares with his ex. I think he heard this as "I don't wanna have sex with you" but he also didn't wanna hear any explanation. It's like he got offended that I wouldn't have sex with him because its been two weeks. He couldn't understand that now, all of a sudden, I don't wanna have sex until we're safe about it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I was speaking in general. However, she said when she got there he was all over her, so I don't know how far it went before she shut it down. She stated that she went there with the intention to hang out, not fool around. We are not required to satisfy our men, everytime we see them - I'm not saying that this is what you are implying. We are not call girls. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 ovoxo; this is potentially horrible advice, but I just read that the pulling out method is about as effective as wearing condoms. I used that method with my ex for over four years and never got her pregnant, and I know for a fact that neither of us are infertile. Absolutely it's better safe than sorry, though. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 We are both 26, and have been together for a year. We have talked about what I'd do if I got pregnant. I honestly don't think I could ever handle an abortion, I'm in school to be a Pediatric Nurse, and I know I just don't have the heart to terminate a pregnancy. He is completely against having kids right now, & I know that if I kept it, he'd freak out. He has also told me that in his past he's had two pregnancy scares with his ex. I think he heard this as "I don't wanna have sex with you" but he also didn't wanna hear any explanation. It's like he got offended that I wouldn't have sex with him because its been two weeks. He couldn't understand that now, all of a sudden, I don't wanna have sex until we're safe about it. Do what YOU want to do. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 She stated that she went there with the intention to hang out, not fool around. We are not required to satisfy our men, everytime we see them - I'm not saying that this is what you are implying. We are not call girls. I'm not saying you are required to satisfy your men every time you see them; I'm just saying he was obviously very horny that day and that they were at cross purposes. It's difficult for a man who's really in the mood to step back and think rationally. But most of us guys have had to learn to deal with being horny and our women just not being willing at that moment for one reason or another, which is why I said that he needs to learn to respect boundaries better and realize that he won't always get his way. However, men have needs as do women, and sometimes you just have to give your partner what he/she wants even if you aren't really into it at that moment. That includes time and attention, but it also includes sex and/or sexual satisfaction. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I can't think of anything that kills the desire more than one person feeling entitled to sex and getting angry over it. I get he was horny, blue balls. . whatever. It's all very real. But maturity teaches you to respect the other person especially when they have a very valid reason. Yes, there was a compromise available but I don't know what came first, the opportunity for compromise or the temper tantrum. Getting hostile over it is the surest way to never get it again. Just my 2cents Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I'm not saying you are required to satisfy your men every time you see them; I'm just saying he was obviously very horny that day and that they were at cross purposes. It's difficult for a man who's really in the mood to step back and think rationally. But most of us guys have had to learn to deal with being horny and our women just not being willing at that moment for one reason or another, which is why I said that he needs to learn to respect boundaries better and realize that he won't always get his way. However, men have needs as do women, and sometimes you just have to give your partner what he/she wants even if you aren't really into it at that moment. That includes time and attention, but it also includes sex and/or sexual satisfaction. If I am not in the mood, I am not going to feel obligated to perform. it should be mutual. Link to comment
TMifune Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 ...but I don't know what came first... I see what you did there!! Link to comment
ovoxo Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 There wasn't even a moment to compromise. He got angry way too quick, which completely turned me off, and he couldn't talk to me about it like an adult. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I can't think of anything that kills the desire more than one person feeling entitled to sex and getting angry over it. I get he was horny, blue balls. . whatever. It's all very real. But maturity teaches you to respect the other person especially when they have a very valid reason. Yes, there was a compromise available but I don't know what came first, the opportunity for compromise or the temper tantrum. Getting hostile over it is the surest way to never get it again. Just my 2cents That's very true, which is why I've learned in my life that gentle persistence is better than being aggressive--usually. Obviously, you still have to come off as manly and someone who takes what he wants if you want women to be attracted to you. But you also have to be able to take "no" for an answer without getting all pouty or throwing a tantrum. That is where maturity comes in. My ex used to tell me that she liked how I wouldn't get angry when she turned me down; I would simply slowly work on her until she was in the mood herself. 18-24 year old guys generally aren't real great at this though. Link to comment
Krankor Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 If I am not in the mood, I am not going to feel obligated to perform. it should be mutual. Hollyj; let's say that you've had a really bad day and are really feeling in need of emotional support from your boyfriend. However, he's just in the mood for some alone time that day to drink some beer and play videogames. Should he realize that you are really in need of something from him and put his own wants aside at that moment, or should he not feel obligated to give you love and support despite how you are feeling that day because "it should be mutual"? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 It probably wouldn't have killed you to get him off in a way that wouldn't have risked you getting pregnant; women think they know what it's like to be horny, but they really don't. So, she should have been at his beck and call as if she were an escort, rather than his girlfriend? Women are not robots! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 How could he have had 'blue balls' if they had not even fooled around? I think from having had to store it up for a while. (?) Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 So you don't want an unplanned pregnancy and he gets mad at that? Why on earth would you even entertain this guy. If sex is what it's all about is that the relationship you want? I mean, yes I get wanting to have sex if you haven't seen each other for two weeks. But when you told him no he had the nerve to get mad at you and keep trying???? WTH, why do you think that's okay. You were right to leave. P.S. Two, not one but two, of my friends have gotten pregnant from that whole pulling out method. 'Cause those little sperm guys are there before they make their final exit, ahem. And yeah, I got pregnant after a condom broke and repeated assurances he hadn't gotten me pregnant. Well, he did. And I ended up a single mom. I love my son, but I will be the first to tell you when they say you won't get pregnant unless they're psychic and are making money hand over fist being psychic they are just lying through their teeth. Come on. Sorry, you kind of need to find another boyfriend. Getting together to you means spending time and talking, getting together to him obviously means one thing and one thing only. And trust me, he will not do the right thing by you if you end up pregnant. He'll likely get mad and tell you he wants nothing to do with it. I'm not faulting the guy for wanting some loving, I get that. But his reactions and the fact he's put you at risk for unplanned pregnancy in the past is the problem here. Had he suggested, "Okay, then here's what we CAN do to make both of us happy," I'm sure you'd willingly have done that. And it all would have been good instead of you having to leave while he threw a tantrum. THAT'S what isn't cool and I think you'd do well to look at this guy's maturity level. No means no. He isn't the one who has to have a baby or an abortion, so of course it's nothing to him. Link to comment
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