Would love a man's opinion!

[Liefde]

The morning after pill!

 

I think here are more at play than just his tantrums.

[Capricorn3]

Last Saturday he called me a few hours before he was going out with his friends, & asked if I could come over until he had to leave. I couldn't, because I had something to take care of with my family, and he threw a fit. But yes, he has anger issues when he doesn't get his way.

Another example: one night, I asked if we could go to dinner and see a movie, just to have an easy relaxing night. We go to dinner, which I paid for... & as we're there, he gets a call from his friends telling him to come over & watch a fight. I didn't wanna go, because it wasn't my thing, & I was a little irritated that he'd blow off time with me to go do something completely different. I told him he could go, and that I'd meet him back at the house later. This caused such a tantrum that I ended up going with him.

 

If he doesn't get his way in any situation, it's a problem..

And you stay with this jerk, WHY? Seriously, I am trying to understand. He acts like an immature brat when he doesn't get his way, he certainly displays anger issues and you stay with him?? This is the type of person you should give a very wide berth and head to the hills. It will NEVER get better and usually gets worse over time. Don't allow him to treat you this way. Show him you have self-respect by walking away. The sooner the better. You can do a lot better.

 

(This entire thread scares me).

[Capricorn3]

The morning after pill!

Seriously!!?? She should let him have his way just to avoid him throwing another tantrum and then just take the morning after pill?? Do you have any idea how that stuff messes up your body? Wow, I have to say I am gobsmacked.

[Hollyj]

The morning after pill!

 

I think here are more at play than just his tantrums.

 

That is some of the worst advice I have read on this forum. Are you kidding!!!!!

[Liefde]

Up until today, I hadn't seen my boyfriend in two weeks, due our opposite and busy schedules. I called out of work today to spend some time with him before he started work. I brought him food, and honestly just wanted to enjoy each other's company while watching a movie. As soon as I get there he's all over me. I tell him I don't wanna have sex until I'm back on birth control. For the past few months, we have been having sex unprotected, 9/10 times, if we use a condom, it breaks. So we stopped using them and he insisted he'd just "pull out." I know it isn't smart at all, and didn't wanna continue, so today I simply said I wanted to wait until I'm back on birth control. (My appointment is tomorrow). He got extremely mad, and kept trying to have sex even though I told him no. He couldn't understand, and didn't want to listen to my reasoning at all. So I got up and left. Now, I understand he's my boyfriend and that I should be pleasing him but this was literally the only time I've said no. Am I wrong? Or how should I go about this? I'm honestly so mad, and hurt that he didn't respect me enough to listen, but feel like it's my fault.

 

Is the morning after pill really bad advise.

 

We are both 26, and have been together for a year. We have talked about what I'd do if I got pregnant. I honestly don't think I could ever handle an abortion, I'm in school to be a Pediatric Nurse, and I know I just don't have the heart to terminate a pregnancy. He is completely against having kids right now, & I know that if I kept it, he'd freak out. He has also told me that in his past he's had two pregnancy scares with his ex. I think he heard this as "I don't wanna have sex with you" but he also didn't wanna hear any explanation. It's like he got offended that I wouldn't have sex with him because its been two weeks. He couldn't understand that now, all of a sudden, I don't wanna have sex until we're safe about it.

 

I think here are more at play than just his tantrums.

[mhowe]

Yes...it really is horrific advice.

[Liefde]

 

 

Half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended: 3.2 million occurred in 2006 alone, the last year for which data are available.

Emergency contraception offers women a last chance to prevent pregnancy after unprotected intercourse.

Emergency contraception is especially important for outreach to the 4.5 million women at risk of pregnancy but not using a regular method by providing a bridge to use of an ongoing contraceptive method.

Although emergency contraceptives do not protect against sexually transmitted infection, they do offer reassurance to the 8.6 million women who rely on condoms for protection against pregnancy in case of condom slippage or breakage.

[mhowe]

Or...they can just tell their significant other "not happening tonight".

Problem solved.

[Liefde]

Up until today, I hadn't seen my boyfriend in two weeks, due our opposite and busy schedules. I called out of work today to spend some time with him before he started work. I brought him food, and honestly just wanted to enjoy each other's company while watching a movie. As soon as I get there he's all over me. I tell him I don't wanna have sex until I'm back on birth control. For the past few months, we have been having sex unprotected, 9/10 times, if we use a condom, it breaks. So we stopped using them and he insisted he'd just "pull out." I know it isn't smart at all, and didn't wanna continue, so today I simply said I wanted to wait until I'm back on birth control. (My appointment is tomorrow). He got extremely mad, and kept trying to have sex even though I told him no. He couldn't understand, and didn't want to listen to my reasoning at all. So I got up and left. Now, I understand he's my boyfriend and that I should be pleasing him but this was literally the only time I've said no. Am I wrong? Or how should I go about this? I'm honestly so mad, and hurt that he didn't respect me enough to listen, but feel like it's my fault.

 

Well with behaviour like this its hard to say where things will end.

OP you allowed it in the past now you say no how do you think he is going to react!

No you are not wrong but you should have said no from the start.

You should be mad at both of you for you help create this mind-set he have by allowing it in the past.

I really think you should look at your actions and decide what is yes and what is no!

You are taking far to many risks and it will cost you dearly in the future.

You should know better as you are learning to be a Pediatric Nurse.

[The Cold One]

He's just a horny idiot . and no, you did nothing wrong .

[superfan]

Wow....on so many levels.

 

First of all, you are not in the wrong. AT ALL. Your reasons to not want to have sex are perfectly valid - and SMART! Why risk having a child if you aren't ready? Beyond that though it doesn't matter WHAT the reason is. If you don't want to have sex, you don't want to have sex. Period. You don't owe him an explanation, nor do you owe him your body. Just because you are dating does not mean he is entitled to be physical with you whenever he pleases.

 

And yeah he CAN control his response.

 

Men are not incapable of controlling their physical response. Being frustrated at not getting to have sex when you are horny is one thing, but lashing out like a child is ridiculous.

 

The other night I said no to my husband. You know what he did? He kissed me and proceeded to snuggle instead. No pleading, no accusations, no tantrums. He just accepted the fact that I wasn't into it at that moment and that was the end of it. As any emotionally mature man would do.

 

Men and women both get horny. Sorry, but a man doesn't have special requirements to keep his equipment going. If he doesn't get laid when he wants, he can always masturbate.

 

It sounds like he acts like an entitled child in other aspects of the relationship as well. This tells you all you need to know. I would be walking away from this little boy and finding a man.

[starlight89]

He was horny, plain and simple. You two were at cross purposes on this particular day. He was being a , but he was full of baby gravy and it was clouding his judgement. It probably wouldn't have killed you to get him off in a way that wouldn't have risked you getting pregnant; women think they know what it's like to be horny, but they really don't. Blue balls are a real thing and they are honestly extremely painful. I guarantee you would have seen a personality change in him immediately afterwards. But he also has to realize that he's not always going to get his way and he needs to respect your boundaries sometimes.

 

this is no excuse for his behavior. She is allowed to say no. It is her body. Men do not have the right to sex any time they please, it is a mutual act and either party can say no anytime and "blue balls" is a BS excuse

[ParisPaulette]

Okay, the whole anger issue and throwing tantrums, THERE'S your problem, this whole should you or shouldn't you have slept with his in not the issue--it's just one more brick in the wall he's building of bullying and throwing a fit each time he doesn't get his way until you agree.

 

I'm sorry, this is coming out more and more, because the honeymoon phase has worn off and now he's let the mask drop. This didn't likely just "come out of nowhere" because those kind of behaviors don't. People who are bullies, who are aggressive when told no, people with poor impulse control, people who don't have respect for others close to them or not ALL have these behaviors, usually from childhood, but learn to hide them for a time, usually to get what they want. Then when they feel they've spent enough time they start to push boundaries to see what they can get away with.

 

So here's the real deal OP, how many boundaries are you willing to let this guy push. What are you willing to let him do to control you, to get what he wants with no regard or respect for you, and at what point would you bail if things escalate. Because escalate they will. And I say that because my first real relationship was with a guy who did this. And for about the first year he really downplayed/hid that part of his personality. Only later did I look back and realize in remarks and/or stories he'd related about other people that this was something he had done before. In fact, one day he did admit he'd withheld his anger and wanting to get his own way at first, just simply because he knew I'd have left him if he let it show too early.

 

I'm sorry, but these types of behaviors typically only get worse over time. This is who he is, and he's not going to change or get better, only worse with each and every time you give in to his bullying. And of course I'm going to tell you I hope you walk away, because that type of relationship causes serious emotional damage over time. And that's not counting if it escalates into the physical which may or may not happen--mine finally did which is when I left. But until I left I put up with a whole slew of tantrums, anger, passive aggressive and outright aggressive behaviors before the night he decided to "pop me one to show me my place."

 

It's time to sit down and seriously ask yourself whether you want this sort of person in your life AND whether or not you'd ever want a child to now be tied to this man by way of simply being her biological father should you get pregnant. Imagine him throwing a tantrum when your child does something he doesn't like the same way he does with you now. Is that the guy you'd want to be the father to your kids, should you have them, and as a nursing student you are bound to know the whole "rhythm" method isn't called "rhythm and blues" for nothing. With some people it works and others it doesn't, and no one knows which. Some people can also run across a busy highway and not get hit, others aren't so lucky, so why do it in the first place? Why gamble with someone's life like that?

 

You know in your heart it's time to table what was and just look at and deal with the guy in front of you now, because that's who he is. And no, "life" doesn't make someone act like that. A sense of self-entitlement, anger issues, and the idea that everyone else is there to please them does. And I say that because it isn't just the whole tantrum thing either. You paid for a dinner together and he got up and left to go out with friends then threw a fit. I'm betting he didn't even say thank you or a simple "Let's eat dinner then we'll go over there" like any normal sane human being would. He really didn't care that you wasted money and he upset the plans you'd both made then bullied you into doing what he suddenly, out of the blue, wanted to do.

 

And you need to look at whether or not this is the person you want in your life. And sure he's liable to promise to change when or if he sees you're serious about leaving. But what you have to remember is that it won't likely last, because what you're describing here is not someone having a bad day, but behaviors that intrinsic to his character. As a nursing student you'll learn all about the warning signs of certain personality and emotional and mental issues soon enough if you haven't already. And you'd do well to apply that information in your personal life as well as when you have patients walk through the door either with those issues or suffering because someone they're with has them.

 

Just take a good long logical look, not at your heart, but what do you see and feel and know? And I think you'll see what's there in front of you and what to do. Good luck and I really do hope you can de-escalate this before worse comes to pass, but seriously do not risk a pregnancy with this man.

[Waraqqa]

Emotional support is different from sex. One requires much more activity than the other.

 

Haha yes, in addition to the fact that emotional support will not result in an unwanted pregnancy. That's too high a price to pay for being "supportive".