My boyfriend is ignoring me

[waterlilly102]

So my boyfriend was supposed to drive out to come see me yesterday. He wasn't answering my text messages or calls for hours, so I didn't know if we were still on to see each other. Finally he got in contact with me telling me he was leaving. He ended up leaving his house very late in the day. We already had plans to see each other early so we could do the things we planned on doing. Anyway, he called me 20 mins later saying he had to pull over on the highway because his car was over heating. He said there's no way I can come see you, and was extremely nasty to me on the phone.

He said, why did you force me to come out to you, we just saw each other for the past couple days do you really need to see me again, you've been annoying me the entire day! And other very hurtful things. He lives 30 mins away from me and I have been driving to him for the past couple days. It takes up a lot of gas and he had the nerve to say I should have came out to him again. I couldn't help it and I started crying. I told him I'm sorry that happened and he hung up on me. He knew I was crying and was very upset.

So an hour later he texts me saying he got home and only asks me about when his car part is coming in the mail (I had to order it online for him), and that's it. Doesn't say anything else to me and ignores me for the entire night only to text me at 10:30 to say goodnight I love you. I decided to write him an email telling him about how I felt and what he did was wrong and really hurt me. My phone said that he opened and read it at 8am. It's now 2pm and I haven't heard a word from him since. I could see on social media that he's on his phone and is purposely ignoring me. I haven't texted him or anything at all today, but I don't know how long I can keep this up. What should I do at this point? It seems like he doesn't care about how I feel especially since he knew how upset I was (and still am).

[j.man]

Did you know his car was mas in bad shape?

[waterlilly102]

Yes, but he told me it would be ok for him to drive. He had been driving it fine for the past couple days anyway.

[jimthzz]

He was mad about the car, and it sounds to me, a little ignorant about how to fix it. He took it out on you since you insisted on he driving to you.

[melancholy123]

You are making this about you when it's about a broken car. He was mad because his car let him down so he took it out on you.

[ParisPaulette]

So maybe I'm the skeptic among the group here, but was he upset about agreeing to see you BEFORE coming out and having agreed. Plus it's New Year's Eve right? Why wouldn't someone want to spend time with their girl on New Year's Eve?

 

Sorry, OP. unless he was already reluctant to come out and you knew his car was in bad shape I'm not getting his anger and all the weirdness either. Are you sure he doesn't have other plans and he's trying to blow you off for them?

 

And really I do hate to be the skeptic here, but people don't normally suddenly drop all communication, then have their car break down then throw a tantrum over something they had agreed to do in the first place. Unless they have a guilty conscience and are covering something up.

 

Regardless right now dry your tears and make plans to go out without him. I would also drop all communication until he comes back to you, if he does. It's fine for someone to get upset when their car breaks down, but I took your post to mean his reaction was way out there from what it usually is and is unusual. If that's the case yeah, treat it as a red flag, but don't sit at home moping over him. Go out and have fun anyways.

 

If he didn't want to come see you he could have made other arrangements than the whole passive-aggressive, "I'm not gonna say anything then have a meltdown on a major holiday leaving my girl in tears, because I yelled at her." Give me a break.

 

At this point don't reach back out to him. I know that's hard, but focus on you and showing him that his actions do not get rewarded and don't you apologize to him when there's nothing to apologize about. If he'd said, "My car is broken down, Hon. I'm sorry, I should've told you I didn't think it'd make it and I'll make it up to you," my feeling is you'd have been disappointed, but not crying or making hims wrong. The attacking you was out of line and that's why you're upset. So put away all your electronic devices and go have fun even if you don't feel like it. It will show both of you that bad behavior doesn't get rewarded with being chased after.

[agent1607307371]

IA with ParisPaulette. Every time I've had someone pull that trick with me, they've had no intention of seeing me but no intention of actually just telling me that.

[DancingFool]

He is treating you like dirt. Time to demote him from bf to some jerk I had the bad sense to date some time ago and start your new year fresh. Literally.

[HeartGoesOn]

After reading your previous thread, it appears that you're an option rather than a priority. In short, you're 18, and it's time to venture out and find someone who treats you with much more respect than this (sorry for the label) clown.

[LovelyDani87]

30 mins away? You could have easily drove to him if you knew his car was not in great shape. I can understand where you may feel like he's being insensitive to your feelings but come on lol it's a 30 minute drive! Go to him! Happy New Year.

[Joanne1985]

I think maybe he was having a bad day and you made it all about you, I think he got fed up, sometimes people are under pressure that we don't see and we should accept that things like cars breaking down do happen and instead of crying to him maybe been a little more understanding. You seem like quite an emotional person, I don't understand why you would cry over him not texting for a couple of hours and his car breaking when he's the one that had to get it back home and he still made contact and said he loved you and you sent him an email that I think was probably quite emotional and about you. If you want to stay with this person I think you need to be more relaxed with him.

[msbrunette]

Uhh...while I understand it sucks that his car is breaking down and that its easier for you in that sense to go see him...he needs to take several seats and relax. That's no reason to take it out on you and make you feel like you're the only one that wants to see him. He needs to grow up and you need to stand up for yourself. You've already told him how you felt and he's been ignoring you. Let him simmer, once he'll feel like talking you'll have time to think if you want to be with someone who behaves this way. I don't even know why you ordered that car part for him after how he treated you that would have been the furthest thing in my mind. His attitude is crass texting " I love you " doesn't making things better. It's too easy. Actions speak louder than words.

[ssgirl1010]

I agree with the responders who are of the view that he didn't handle the situation probably.

 

Even if he was blowing off steam, because he was upset about his car, and taking it out on you, an appropriate response from him would have been "I am sorry. I was stressed and I lashed out."

 

I have learned the hard way that if a partner is not even willing to acknowledge their part in a conflict (however big or small) it is not a good sign.

[catfeeder]

He wasn't answering my text messages or calls for hours, so I didn't know if we were still on to see each other. Finally he got in contact with me telling me he was leaving. He ended up leaving his house very late in the day. We already had plans to see each other early so we could do the things we planned on doing.

 

This is the part the would have bothered me in the first place. If someone views me as an obligation, then as far as I'm concerned, they can skip me. Getting huffy with me from there, as far as I'm concerned, is something they can keep for themselves.

 

So ordering some part for his car is something he could do once he got home, because I would have been on my way to my own Plan B--given that I'd have something else lined up after being ignored by this clown all day.

 

Honey, you're not some old woman stuck in a lousy marriage. If this guy treats you like one, skip him and let him go find someone else who would put up with that.

 

Respect yourself. Make 2016 your best year ever.

[metrogirl]

Yeah the ordering the car part for him after he acted like a complete donkey really just saddened me. He doesn't respect or value you.

[Lady Amalthea]

His whole reaction sounds fishy to me as well... sounds like you can do much better OP.