Unattractive (physically) beating out the attractive (mentally)

[saluk]

My impression, you are maturing, Dougie_D. You've changed since coming on eNA, I can see a difference. Give yourself some credit, and keep on keeping on, learning and growing and living life.

 

Also consider there are female counterparts to you. Not all women are the same, not all men are either. For whatever reason, some bloom later, struggle gaining the experience they want. You may be attracted to certain types, but perhaps give some other less obvious ones another consideration, look for other appealing qualities that you've overlooked.

 

Yes, that! I am certain there are some crude goofballs out there who would go for you in a second. But for whatever reason you either haven't crossed paths with them, or overlooked them because they weren't a sorority type or punk rocker. Self improvement is important, and there's a good chance you have been going through this rough patch because it's necessary for you to have some personal growth that may have been lacking - but at the same time you can't just pretend to be someone that you aren't and hope that the pretty girl you think you want isn't going to see through the act. Real romance for me is when you go "wow, I'm not exactly sure why, but I really like this person. especially all those things about them that others might not care for or even know" - and they feel the same way about you. If both of you are wearing a mask - which happens a lot - it will fall apart once you see through it.

[tiredofvampires]

I think on some level you test people, too, Dougie. You "let it all hang out" in order to see if they'll "take you as you are", and you even admitted as much in one thread.

 

That's been backfiring, and one of the things you need to explore in therapy because it undermines everything you say you want.

 

There is nothing wrong with being a goofball and enjoying having fun on your own terms. But everything is circumstance-dependent, and a behavior that is fine in one place may come off as oblivious in another environment; same for comments you might make or jokes. So you may be blurring those lines in a way that's not serving you.

 

I don't think dancing by yourself to a song in a club has to be a deal breaker, but if you add in a number of other juvenile things during the course of the evening, a total impression is formed that won't work to your advantage.

 

AND AGAIN, IF YOU ARE NOT TRING FOR FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN A CLUB, YOU'LL BE A LOT BETTER OFF! If you went to a baking class, it'd be harder to pull an "unsmoothe move" where you "don't look sexy" -- since that's not what it's about when you're trying to make a flaky crust. You know?

 

But your stubbornness on this issue of going to places besides clubs is unrelenting, so that's HURTING YOU BIGTTIME. That is not going to change. You're fishing in the wrong rivers, period.

[tiredofvampires]

Well, I got a full time job now. So people can't fault me for having a job now. I can't change the past. It really bums me out that people seem to make a big deal of it. But this part of my life, shouldn't be such a dealbreaker for women.

 

I certainly don't think that you should quit your job. Self-sufficiency and supporting yourself in a stable arrangement is first. But I don't see that it prevents you from being in a LOCAL band where you play a lot of covers. There was this heavy metal band here that gigged periodically, and I'd get my metal fix with them at the clubs, but due to family and life pressures, they took a hiatus. They never toured, but they drew good crowds and most importantly HAD A GOOD TIMEP PLAYING. I hear they're thinking of resuming -- I hope! But they didn't have traveling aspirations and it was just a fantastic hobby. They all had regular full-time jobs (one is a guitar store owner/proprietor, so a local businessman who goes to trade shows -- but he's raising a young son with a wife, so that's his #1 priority).

 

So I don't think you have to see this as all or nothing. Why couldn't you do something like that?

[tiredofvampires]

Something's sticky with my keyboard, so I've been having trouble correcting typos and editing. Wanted to add this:

 

You don't have to be INTIMIDATING to be taken seriously. You just have to show that you can take things seriously when the situation calls for it. As in, serious conversations about less superficial topics. Life itself stuff, not pop star trivia stuff or light small talk constantly. You don't start a conversation with this stuff, but if you're being a jester all night and working from a very superficial set of conversational go-to's, it'll be clear that you're not capable of being serious.

 

You said once that you don't like to be serious, so that's exactly how you're going to be read. Is that a surprise? Maybe you don't know how to be serious, but in that case, it's understandable that people don't take you seriously, right?

 

Also if you've had women tell you you'd make a good boyfriend, why don't you ask them for their honest opinion about why they think that's not happening? Tell them to be brutally honest with you.

[Dougie_D]

In no particular order, IMHO: financial independence, travel, broadening what you read (fiction and non-fiction), a variety of volunteer work even if not all at once, cultural experiences -theater/symphony/opera/museums/galleries/architectural walking tours -whatever you're willing to try. Getting involved in some community activity like a sport, theater productions, free classes at the local library. Being a good and empathic listener and working on those skills every time you interact with someone - and that will come more easily once you broaden your life experiences.

 

I get paid enough to live where I'm at. I've already traveled overseas and all over the US (when I was on tour). Not much of a reader, but I tried in college. I volunteered before. I never liked it because I was stuck just handing out bags of goodies that crossed my path. I've been to theaters, museums before.

 

I've done all those things you said. Am I suppose to do keep on doing those things, even though they annoy me? I have desire to travel more, but I'm not in a rush. I rather travel with a girlfriend/wife/close friend the next time I travel.

 

I took an acting class and it was lame. It wasn't what I expected.

 

I don't really talk about my "life experiences"...because I can't give you details. For example, I went to Paris and went to the Louvre. If someone asked me what I saw, I wouldn't even remember. Same for when I visited a winery in Rhode Island somewhere??? Yeah, that was cool, but I have no idea what wine I was drinking.

 

Things can be interesting to me, ONLY at that moment. I don't remember all the details of my life experiences. Is that a big problem? Some people can be so detailed about their experiences... I just can't.

[Dougie_D]

Yes, that! I am certain there are some crude goofballs out there who would go for you in a second. But for whatever reason you either haven't crossed paths with them, or overlooked them because they weren't a sorority type or punk rocker. Self improvement is important, and there's a good chance you have been going through this rough patch because it's necessary for you to have some personal growth that may have been lacking - but at the same time you can't just pretend to be someone that you aren't and hope that the pretty girl you think you want isn't going to see through the act. Real romance for me is when you go "wow, I'm not exactly sure why, but I really like this person. especially all those things about them that others might not care for or even know" - and they feel the same way about you. If both of you are wearing a mask - which happens a lot - it will fall apart once you see through it.

 

Back in my day, I would tell you I was a bit more pickier and.. possibly shallower. But even though I changed that and are more open, it doesn't mean the same is with my counterpart. I know people hate to hear me say this, but it's the truth. I'm not a very attractive man. And I'm not talking about my body. I'm talking about my facial structure. It's unique. That's the word I hear from EVERYONE. Even my close friends.. that's why some have mention me to be an actor.

 

I need a strong woman who's not embarrassed from my flaws PHYSICALLY and doesn't matter if her friends think I'm a loser, ugly, etc... For some reason, I think women constantly want approval from their peers whether to be with a guy or not.

[Dougie_D]

I certainly don't think that you should quit your job. Self-sufficiency and supporting yourself in a stable arrangement is first. But I don't see that it prevents you from being in a LOCAL band where you play a lot of covers. There was this heavy metal band here that gigged periodically, and I'd get my metal fix with them at the clubs, but due to family and life pressures, they took a hiatus. They never toured, but they drew good crowds and most importantly HAD A GOOD TIMEP PLAYING. I hear they're thinking of resuming -- I hope! But they didn't have traveling aspirations and it was just a fantastic hobby. They all had regular full-time jobs (one is a guitar store owner/proprietor, so a local businessman who goes to trade shows -- but he's raising a young son with a wife, so that's his #1 priority).

 

So I don't think you have to see this as all or nothing. Why couldn't you do something like that?

 

Because I am not playing music for just a hobby. There are 3 different type of musicians. Songwriters, Studio, and Performers. I'm not a studio musician or a performer. I'm mostly a songwriter. Every single band I was in, we wrote our own songs. And most of the time I was the lead writer.

 

I mean, right now I create music on my own and the plan is to pitch my songs to artists, publishers, etc...

 

Being in a band would be FUN, but being in a cover band is completely out of the question. It would be extremely boring for me to play other peoples songs. ANYBODY can do that.

[saluk]

Back in my day, I would tell you I was a bit more pickier and.. possibly shallower. But even though I changed that and are more open, it doesn't mean the same is with my counterpart. I know people hate to hear me say this, but it's the truth. I'm not a very attractive man. And I'm not talking about my body. I'm talking about my facial structure. It's unique. That's the word I hear from EVERYONE. Even my close friends.. that's why some have mention me to be an actor.

 

I need a strong woman who's not embarrassed from my flaws PHYSICALLY and doesn't matter if her friends think I'm a loser, ugly, etc... For some reason, I think women constantly want approval from their peers whether to be with a guy or not.

 

If you can have an open mind, surely there are other women out there with an open mind as well who would not be put off by, and perhaps could even appreciate, your distinctive face. I wonder though if your mind is as open as you think it is?

[Fudgie]

Yeah, I'm wondering what sort of women you go for, physically.

 

I am not conventionally beautiful so I never expected a fit or very good looking man to be into me. Ever. I was always open to all physical types, from underweight to morbidly obese. And my exes reflect that.

 

I am a big believer in like attracting like. If you are not fit or good looking yourself, you can't really expect that in a partner.

[Dougie_D]

I think on some level you test people, too, Dougie. You "let it all hang out" in order to see if they'll "take you as you are", and you even admitted as much in one thread.

 

That's been backfiring, and one of the things you need to explore in therapy because it undermines everything you say you want.

 

There is nothing wrong with being a goofball and enjoying having fun on your own terms. But everything is circumstance-dependent, and a behavior that is fine in one place may come off as oblivious in another environment; same for comments you might make or jokes. So you may be blurring those lines in a way that's not serving you.

 

I don't think dancing by yourself to a song in a club has to be a deal breaker, but if you add in a number of other juvenile things during the course of the evening, a total impression is formed that won't work to your advantage.

 

AND AGAIN, IF YOU ARE NOT TRING FOR FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN A CLUB, YOU'LL BE A LOT BETTER OFF! If you went to a baking class, it'd be harder to pull an "unsmoothe move" where you "don't look sexy" -- since that's not what it's about when you're trying to make a flaky crust. You know?

 

But your stubbornness on this issue of going to places besides clubs is unrelenting, so that's HURTING YOU BIGTTIME. That is not going to change. You're fishing in the wrong rivers, period.

 

Hmm.. The purpose of me going to a baking class is to meet women, right? I'm not there to become a baker.

[tiredofvampires]

I'm talking about my facial structure. It's unique.

 

Everyone's face is unique. The parts and the sum of the parts.

 

You haven't noticed?

[Dougie_D]

People don't take me seriously because they think my theories are outrageous for some reason. Or that I rather make a joke about it. I see nothing wrong with that. Just because I joke about it, doesn't mean that I honestly think that way about it. People probably can't get my sarcastic/joke side.

 

But when discussing music, I'm serious. Yeah, I might joke about a lyric line, but over discussion, I'm pretty serious about things.

[saluk]

Hmm.. The purpose of me going to a baking class is to meet women, right? I'm not there to become a baker.

 

Yes and no. You will have a much better chance of meeting someone if you are genuinely interested in baking. The women there will also be genuinely interested in baking, and the baking process gives you something REAL that you can discuss and bond over. If you have a great time bonding with someone over baking and what you are learning in class, you can take them out and see if you can bond over other things.

 

Since you are into songwriting, maybe you could get into other forms of writing - spoken word, poetry, short stories. See if you can find a creative writing class or a writer's group of some kind. It's so much easier to connect with people when you are actually interested in what you are doing and have something in common.

 

And you don't want to join a cover band or tour - there are also non-touring non-cover bands. Maybe you could start one, write some songs and start recruit musicians. You can tour the bars and festivals that are local. (Easy for me to say I suppose since we have a strong music scene here in Seattle!)

[Dougie_D]

Yes and no. You will have a much better chance of meeting someone if you are genuinely interested in baking. The women there will also be genuinely interested in baking, and the baking process gives you something REAL that you can discuss and bond over. If you have a great time bonding with someone over baking and what you are learning in class, you can take them out and see if you can bond over other things.

 

Since you are into songwriting, maybe you could get into other forms of writing - spoken word, poetry, short stories. See if you can find a creative writing class or a writer's group of some kind. It's so much easier to connect with people when you are actually interested in what you are doing and have something in common.

 

And you don't want to join a cover band or tour - there are also non-touring non-cover bands. Maybe you could start one, write some songs and start recruit musicians. You can tour the bars and festivals that are local. (Easy for me to say I suppose since we have a strong music scene here in Seattle!)

 

 

I actually tried to set up a show in LA. But the bands here are dumb. They all want to play in there "scene venues/area".

 

I'm not sure if I would like a spoken word, poetry, etc... I write more Pop/Country lyrics. And for going to a songwriters meet-up, it never ends well. Meaning, I got nothing out of it, and the people who are there seem to have just started playing an instrument. Songwriting coventions, like TAXI, are pretty much a rip-off.

[saluk]

How many meetups did you try, and how long did you go to each one? Just like dating, and anything social, you have to keep putting yourself out there until you find the right people. And you have to keep an open mind and at least make an attempt sometimes to get along with people you may not initially be excited about.

 

But the point is to broaden your interests. Maybe you could be interested in baking, even though you haven't done it before for instance. You seem very quick to dismiss things, like the acting classes. "Oh it's not what I thought, I don't like that, that's not for me" etc. I don't think you really know yourself well enough to be able to confidently say such a thing. You run from things that are even slightly uncomfortable. A lot of things are uncomfortable at first until you get used to it, like when you are learning to ride a bike and are always falling down and scraping your knee. If you are content to limit yourself this way that's fine. But I don't think you actually are content. Every post you make expresses discontentment. While it is usually focused on lack of female interest, it may be about more than that. And finding that person who appreciates you may involve stepping outside of your comfort zone.

 

I find it odd that you are OK going to a club and dancing crazy (that would be really hard for me) but can't find some meaningful way to interact with music, something you are actually passionate about. Or try other things that are perhaps on the same level as your dancing abilities. Forget the band, grab a guitar, and just start singing your songs in open mics!

[tiredofvampires]

Hmm.. The purpose of me going to a baking class is to meet women, right? I'm not there to become a baker.

 

That was just an example. There are a zillion meetup groups (we have discussed this) and classes and opportunities where you live to try something that would be a combination of trying something new that might be fun, and an opportunity to meet women.

 

There really is no good excuse you can give for not getting out and engaging with the world outside your small comfort zone, which is a total dead end for you socially. This is where the conversation degenerates with you. If you didn't like the volunteer work you did handing out goodie bags, try something completely different. Maybe musically related. If the idea of telling a woman, "I make a mean tiramisu" or "I'm an amateur sushi-making lover, wanna try my sushi sometime?" because you took the time to learn those things, which might be a fun challenge and make you more diverse in your skills/interests to someone, then find something else. There is always something else. If you don't like reading, what about a miniature golf club? If not those, what about just a group that goes to movies and restaurants around the city, just to meet people from different walks of life, which then makes for interesting stories? What about something like art or craft, where you make metal jewelry? There's always something else, and again, these are just examples. IT IS LITERALLY ENDLESS. Learning something together is a great way to make conversations and also feel a common goal is bonding you.

 

Unless you find a girl who wants to talk about record labels and celebrities all day, you're extremely limited right now. You'd probably have to find them on forums like this, but only dedicated to music fan/artist stuff.

 

Here's where the conversation with you always becomes futile. In every thread, you present yourself as wanting help, but by the end, it's clear that you want different results but staying exactly as you are. You asked how you could become more life-experienced, and you were given answers, and now it's down to you shooting down the ideas and sticking with your stale rut. If everything outside it bores you, your niche of potential women will be limited to the few that are attracted to what you are and don't be surprised if others find you, well, boring.

 

It's like the music thing -- if you want to play music, you'll find a way. If you are bored with covers, play your originals, or have an improvisational jam session. Or something else. There's always something else.

 

You have a choice. You can keep focusing on your face for the rest of your life and keep on right as you are, or you can make yourself desirable and interesting enough for someone to appreciate your face. It's really, really, REALLY up to you.

 

It should be good news to you that this isn't a matter of luck, or a cruel act of the universe, or the whimsy of women as a whole, or a female conspiracy, but something you have control over and could actually do something about.

 

If you are bored with the idea of change, then don't expect much of it.

[Dougie_D]

How many meetups did you try, and how long did you go to each one? Just like dating, and anything social, you have to keep putting yourself out there until you find the right people. And you have to keep an open mind and at least make an attempt sometimes to get along with people you may not initially be excited about.

 

But the point is to broaden your interests. Maybe you could be interested in baking, even though you haven't done it before for instance. You seem very quick to dismiss things, like the acting classes. "Oh it's not what I thought, I don't like that, that's not for me" etc. I don't think you really know yourself well enough to be able to confidently say such a thing. You run from things that are even slightly uncomfortable. A lot of things are uncomfortable at first until you get used to it, like when you are learning to ride a bike and are always falling down and scraping your knee. If you are content to limit yourself this way that's fine. But I don't think you actually are content. Every post you make expresses discontentment. While it is usually focused on lack of female interest, it may be about more than that. And finding that person who appreciates you may involve stepping outside of your comfort zone.

 

I find it odd that you are OK going to a club and dancing crazy (that would be really hard for me) but can't find some meaningful way to interact with music, something you are actually passionate about. Or try other things that are perhaps on the same level as your dancing abilities. Forget the band, grab a guitar, and just start singing your songs in open mics!

 

Well, my full time job has something to do with music but it's not anything creative.

In all honesty, I'm looking to surround myself with better songwriters, musicians, etc... But it's hard, because people in this industry don't like collaborate as much as you think.

When I came out to LA I was part of something. I interned with a label and became a junior manager at a management company. I was put on tour with a band. But when I came back the band pretty much broke up and the management company crumbled. I still helped out with other projects but the pay is very little since I worked with small bands. So I got my full time job. At first I enjoyed it, but after 2 years, I'm over it. I've shifted into creating and working on my own material rather than help out others. So that's where I'm at.

[Dougie_D]

That was just an example. There are a zillion meetup groups (we have discussed this) and classes and opportunities where you live to try something that would be a combination of trying something new that might be fun, and an opportunity to meet women.

 

There really is no good excuse you can give for not getting out and engaging with the world outside your small comfort zone, which is a total dead end for you socially. This is where the conversation degenerates with you. If you didn't like the volunteer work you did handing out goodie bags, try something completely different. Maybe musically related. If the idea of telling a woman, "I make a mean tiramisu" or "I'm an amateur sushi-making lover, wanna try my sushi sometime?" because you took the time to learn those things, which might be a fun challenge and make you more diverse in your skills/interests to someone, then find something else. There is always something else. If you don't like reading, what about a miniature golf club? If not those, what about just a group that goes to movies and restaurants around the city, just to meet people from different walks of life, which then makes for interesting stories? What about something like art or craft, where you make metal jewelry? There's always something else, and again, these are just examples. IT IS LITERALLY ENDLESS. Learning something together is a great way to make conversations and also feel a common goal is bonding you.

 

Unless you find a girl who wants to talk about record labels and celebrities all day, you're extremely limited right now. You'd probably have to find them on forums like this, but only dedicated to music fan/artist stuff.

 

Here's where the conversation with you always becomes futile. In every thread, you present yourself as wanting help, but by the end, it's clear that you want different results but staying exactly as you are. You asked how you could become more life-experienced, and you were given answers, and now it's down to you shooting down the ideas and sticking with your stale rut. If everything outside it bores you, your niche of potential women will be limited to the few that are attracted to what you are and don't be surprised if others find you, well, boring.

 

It's like the music thing -- if you want to play music, you'll find a way. If you are bored with covers, play your originals, or have an improvisational jam session. Or something else. There's always something else.

 

You have a choice. You can keep focusing on your face for the rest of your life and keep on right as you are, or you can make yourself desirable and interesting enough for someone to appreciate your face. It's really, really, REALLY up to you.

 

It should be good news to you that this isn't a matter of luck, or a cruel act of the universe, or the whimsy of women as a whole, or a female conspiracy, but something you have control over and could actually do something about.

 

If you are bored with the idea of change, then don't expect much of it.

 

I have to get something out of my meet-up groups. People go to acting class because they want to be actors. People go hiking because they are uncomfortable doing it alone for some reason. If I want to hike, I don't need a group to help me out. Same with movies. I don't need a group to go the movies with. I've gone to the movies by myself many times. The cooking classes would be great if I want to make that same dish at home. But I'm not. I'm creative. I want to make my own dish. But I don't cook in general. How embarassing is it just to learn one dish?

[tiredofvampires]

I have to get something out of my meet-up groups. People go to acting class because they want to be actors. People go hiking because they are uncomfortable doing it alone for some reason. If I want to hike, I don't need a group to help me out. Same with movies. I don't need a group to go the movies with. I've gone to the movies by myself many times. The cooking classes would be great if I want to make that same dish at home. But I'm not. I'm creative. I want to make my own dish. But I don't cook in general. How embarassing is it just to learn one dish?

 

Well, if you prefer to do everything alone, you will be alone.

[Fudgie]

Cooking is a cumulative skill. You learn one dish (for example, learning how to cook different styles of egg) and then you expound upon that. I've been cooking since I was 6-7 and I've learned from recipes. Nowadays, I follow some recipes but I also just make my own stuff because I've developed a good sense of what spices go with what.

 

Anyway, so that's why people go to cooking classes, to learn so they can expound about that skill.

 

Are there any skills or hobbies you want to take up? What are you interested in, besides music?

[Batya33]

I can read books alone and talk to a friend on the phone or email about the book but that doesn't mean I wouldn't also like a book club. Not sure of the logic of "I can do ___ alone so why do it with a group".

 

When I took an improv class I didn't want to be an actor/comedian I just wanted to learn more about doing improv and have a fun afternoon.

[Dougie_D]

Well, if you prefer to do everything alone, you will be alone.

 

It's more about that I feel like I can't do my own thing when I'm in a group. I have a more wonder/explorer personality. I rather explore on my own or with 1 or 2 people. Not 20 or so. But not many people like to just explore. They want to hit the tourist sites. When I was Venice, I left my tour group to do what I wanted to do. I was 17 at the time. It's just what I like to do. In NY, my friend and I went to parties instead of going whatever was on the school agenda.

[tiredofvampires]

It's more about that I feel like I can't do my own thing when I'm in a group. I have a more wonder/explorer personality. I rather explore on my own or with 1 or 2 people. Not 20 or so. But not many people like to just explore. They want to hit the tourist sites. When I was Venice, I left my tour group to do what I wanted to do. I was 17 at the time. It's just what I like to do. In NY, my friend and I went to parties instead of going whatever was on the school agenda.

 

I find it really ironic that you're talking about being a "wonder/explorer" type while staying in your cocoon of doing absolutely nothing to explore new things and environments. And that's utter nonsense about people not liking to explore. At least they're out there, while you're on ENA instead. (And btw, lots of meetups are intimate sized groups; but you wouldn't know that because you haven't tried.)

 

Anyway, you completely missed the point. If you like to do your own thing so much, and prioritize that over mingling with people and perhaps meeting a lady who would be interested in you and like you in the process, then there's your answer.

 

Hike by yourself, go to the movies by yourself, explore amazing cities by yourself -- and stay single, without a crack at meeting someone. Enjoy your life as a loner in the wild. But then don't blame your singledom on your face.

 

Sounds like that's a good trade-off to you.

 

You do have to MEET UP with new people to start anything.

 

You can't have it all ways. As my dad used to say, **** or get off the pot. You're at that inevitable "bottom of the barrel of lame excuses" point on your thread, Dougie.

 

Do yourself a favor and call yourself out on this crap.

 

LIKE I SAID -- THESE ARE ALL CHOICES YOU MAKE.

[Moontiger]

It's more about that I feel like I can't do my own thing when I'm in a group. I have a more wonder/explorer personality. I rather explore on my own or with 1 or 2 people. Not 20 or so. But not many people like to just explore. They want to hit the tourist sites. When I was Venice, I left my tour group to do what I wanted to do. I was 17 at the time. It's just what I like to do. In NY, my friend and I went to parties instead of going whatever was on the school agenda.

 

Friendship are, in some ways, training for romantic relationship. All relationships involve compromise and not just doing your own thing. That seems to be your primary focus. There is nothing wrong with exploring and doing things diffrently (it can be refreshing even) but you seem to take it to an extreme, boarderline anti-social.

[abitbroken]

I have to get something out of my meet-up groups. People go to acting class because they want to be actors. People go hiking because they are uncomfortable doing it alone for some reason. If I want to hike, I don't need a group to help me out. Same with movies. I don't need a group to go the movies with. I've gone to the movies by myself many times. The cooking classes would be great if I want to make that same dish at home. But I'm not. I'm creative. I want to make my own dish. But I don't cook in general. How embarassing is it just to learn one dish?

 

Cooking is a life skill. You will save tons of money cooking at home and packing a lunch instead of constantly eating out. Your skin will improve and your waistline may shrink if you put down the salty fast food and eat what you make. Not just cooking, but learning to eat right is something every single person should do. Its like the baby steps - you bought a mattress, mom and dad aren't paying all your bills anymore, being able to cook is another step. When you have friends - its nice to have people over and everyone brings a dish or rotate who cooks. Its a great way to meet new people when a friend brings someone new over and its a more mature way to socialize. A lot of women really like the fact, also, when a guy can cook - doesn't have to be French Gourmet - but he can invite her over to a meal he cooked once they get dating.

 

As far as going to the movies - its not about going to the movie, but going to the same movie to have a common thing to talk about and then immediately going for coffee or dessert or a meal to TALK about the movie. There are groups that go out to foreign films or art house films, or something niche, which inspires a lot of discussion. I was part of a movie group and kept in touch for quite awhile.

 

So stop shooting everyone down. Type in your zip code and see what meetup groups are near you and pick one or two to check out. You might be surprised what common interests people have.

 

But I will say I hesitated to post here because your threads usually boil down to you wanting to figure out if you are A type or B type and how to be more funny, less funny, taller or shorter in order to meet women. And again and again - people say find things that make yourself happy - confident people are people other people want to get to know. You are a little behind on the independence from parents thing - but are making strides and catching up = so keep going. Learn to cook! And don't make any more excuses on why you can't possibly meet anyone - friend or for a date.