Unattractive (physically) beating out the attractive (mentally)

[Doc Blaze]

I just spent 30 mins reading through a bunch of your old threads dougie. If you skim through your old threads, you mention even your real life friends telling you why you are not attracting girls and what you need to do. mixed with the 13 pages of threads 100 hundreds of posts, you really should take time and reread a lot of things that people have said to you. there is a lot of good advice. one of your first threads was about looks...posted in 2007, this thread is about looks posted in 2015. The only thing holding back dougie is dougie.

[tiredofvampires]

Since you think it's all about looks anyway, Dougie, and that you don't need to be more "interesting" or that women lie about such things (even when examples are given from real life here to refute that) --

 

Why don't you just devote yourself to making yourself the most incredible hunk YOU can be. That means you make your body top notch. You've been carrying around excess weight for the better part of a decade and said in this thread that you can't "lose it overnight". You don't need 8 years to become extremely ripped, or at least very toned. You aren't obese, so you just need about 3-4 months. Get your body looking tip-top, defined, no flab. Get your teeth whitened, get your hair styled, be the sharpest dressing man you can be. All advice you've gotten in the past and not followed. But hey, if you think your looks are where it's at, you have a ways to go to perfect them.

 

And what are you waiting for? This is the easy part. It's hard to become a person who is interesting, socially at ease, with given personality traits, and a new outlook on life and self. That's very tough stuff to change and you need a lot of grit for it.

 

But anyone can go out and change their external presentation, and unless you have a physical disability or an illness, there is nothing stopping you from getting a fantastic body.

 

So why not take the challenge -- make your looks as good as they can be, maybe even get a woman friend to rate your makeover or guide it for you (women LOVE to do this), and then when she pronounces you as good as good can be, go strut your stuff and see how you do.

 

ANYONE can do this, you don't need a gym membership (I don't have one and I look fit at 47 and I'm low income). So you can mostly solve your problem, according to what you think the problem really is.

 

You've had a lot of posters say you're not bad looking, and in my view, you have enough potential that I'd give you a second look if you appeared to take care of yourself. The part where I'd drop out is that the conversation wouldn't hold my attention, and our interests/values would not jibe.

 

But you'll never know until you do it all, right? So what's stopping you from being a slick-looking hotshot?

 

*waits for the excuse*

[tiredofvampires]

Tov being a good looking guy is not the same like being a good looking girl. The latter doesn't even have to talk and half a dozen guys will be chasing her. A guy no matter how good looking he is , he will need to cultivate his social skills a lot in order to find even an average looking girl. So if he isn't the type of guy who will hire an escort and he lacks interpersonal skills he will have to compromise with an average or even ugly girl . Men generally are more likely to beg for sex (not in a relationship - I mean in the first stages of dating)

 

Ps sorry for any spelling mistake. Writing from phone

 

I do understand what you're saying, but I also think (besides the gross generalizations that overlook too many individual cases, which are not rare events) this misses a very crucial but hidden point that is never made.

 

And that is: if a woman is good-looking and she immediately has guys chasing her, that is because MEN ARE NOT DISCRIMINATING. That's not the "fault" of the attractive woman. That's because, in more crude and sexist lingo, "Men are all dogs -- all they want is tail." So they are accountable for this dynamic just as much as a woman gifted with good genes is. Men are not at a disadvantage because of women -- they are at a disadvantage because of their own priorities. If men didn't hinge so much on a pretty face, this whole phenomenon would not exist. So I don't see this "imbalance" of opportunity that you're referring to as an advantage women have; it is very much a two-to-tango phenomenon that perpetuated just as much by men. Their instinct may or may not be under their control as a biological urge, but nonetheless, we could say that men participate in this imbalance by giving inordinate amounts of value to a woman's looks.

 

If women are more selective, that may mean they are actually doing what men should be doing more of. That would balance the scales in a more appropriate way than asking women to date a quota of unattractive men just to give the poor guys a chance (which is patronizing as hell, too).

 

So you see, it's all about how you're framing this. If you're a man: DON'T beg for sex, DON'T chase the pretty woman just because she's pretty; DON'T settle for someone just because you're hard up, DO look for social skills, brains, and all the "tests" women put men through before you chase after someone. If you apply these principles, you'll find yourself right on par with opportunities as most women in the world are. Do what women do, and you'll get their results.

 

On paper, you have that solution. It's just that most men (as we continue generalizations) can't help themselves. So that's the story, and if that's built into men, well, don't blame women for your "short straw".

[tiredofvampires]

One other thing, Dias, and that is, the flip side of this "I'm at a disadvantage as a man" argument is that you could say the person with the most disadvantage of all is the unattractive female. You might say, GENERALLY, this is the order of who has it toughest (from least to most):

 

Attractive female

Attractive male

Unattractive male

Unattractive female

 

By the same token that a man will instantly gravitate towards a pretty women (excusing her other traits which could be unattractive), he will instantly reject her based on looks if they don't appeal to him. If she's not attractive to him, there ARE no second chances or hoops she can get through. Whereas, a less-than good-looking man will stand more of a chance of female interest if he fulfills these other criteria (social, personality, etc.) well. So you could say, unattractive men at least get more of a shot at it, if they have other compensatory advantages.

 

Women are more forgiving with looks, men are more forgiving with personality. And so even steven; except that one could argue, though I won't press it, that being more forgiving with personality is more generous, because it allows you more time than a first glance to become appealing.

 

So you could say women have an equal disadvantage in the straw-pull. It's just a different one. And what that means is that where it comes to looks, the very thing that helps women most also hinders them the most, depending on what they look like. So, not quite the bargain you make it out to be.

 

Just another reason for men to abandon any sort of "I have it worse/harder, given my gender" argument, regarding dating. Dating woes are built in with all the equality of inequalities human beings possess. Just as men and women are complementary in all the other ways.

[kamurj]

The thread has run its course, closed.