Wife shopping with male coworker

[Blue_Skirt]

We have a saying over here that literally translated goes: Better and end with horror, than horror without an end.

[mtk2419]

Blue Skirt I like that!

[Blue_Skirt]

Blue Skirt I like that!

Yep, me too, so make a wise choice, what do you want:

a) And end with horror;

Or

b) Horror without an end.

Up to you!

[kbbcoop77]

Wow a lot of drama and only 6 weeks in? Jealousy, loss of trust, texting another man...yikes. It's what I don't miss in my last relationship the last couple years. Annulment might be a consideration if this doesn't get addressed like fast. Sulking in the bedroom..at 45 and 58..? No thanks, sounds like a young couple on the edge of a breakup to me, not what I would stand for at this stage in my life. No way Jose

[Dottieflanogon]

Why weren't you invited? Seems odd I would be very suspicious of this behavior - just the 2 of them? If there were other females or males joining them then I wouldn't see an issue

[James516]

Ignore that this is stereotyping - but what we know from Steve is that he likes to decorate, shop, make up little text cuss words, "speaks her language", and apparently is not with anyone. Has it been determined that Steve is straight?

If he is gay, this then becomes not about the threat of an affair and more about your wife is enjoying aspects that Steve provides that she may not be receiving in the marriage. Are things getting too routine at home as so often happens? Either way, you love your wife so you may want to look at enlivening the marriage life, if that may be a problem.

[mtk2419]

James516, we have a great life at home, we love to watch Netflix have some wine and I have my arm around my wife as we snuggle, it's all good though, it is possible that Steve is gay and that is a valid point to consider, not to stereotype either but he does drive a Smart car LOL!

[youareworthy]

Dear mtk2419,

 

I have to agree with Paris Paulette that I think more than an emotional affair has happened. I am unfortunately all too familiar with the workings of affairs, and this situation has all the hallmarks. I am sorry for you because there are some positive aspects to your relationship, but the negatives significantly outweigh the positives, as far as I can see.

 

Bottom line for me in this situation is: "Where there is deception, there is no REAL relationship." If you can get into therapy and address this immediately, perhaps there is a small glimmer of hope. But the problem is: once your wife is hiding things from you and/or lying to you, you will never know if anything she says or does is true or real.

 

"Where there is deception, there is no relationship." My gut is telling me that your wife is pretty entrenched in her ways, and fixing this is not likely.

 

I am very sorry for you, but I strongly urge you to talk to a lawyer and hire a private investigator. "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."

[PH Suite]

My wife is 45, flirty and very outgoing, when we went out last night she saddled up to the bar right between two guys and I had to stand behind her while she chatted with the gents, all the time while I was fuming about the shopping trip she had told me about.

 

You're acting like a doormat so of course she, and her male friends, will walk over you. Bad idea to have married someone who'd pull stunts like this. She's utterly disrespectful, and it makes both she and you look very bad.

 

Save yourself. Don't waste another breath on this woman. Annulment, absolutely! Gain self-respect and once you do you'll find a much higher class of woman.

[mhowe]

Ignore that this is stereotyping - but what we know from Steve is that he likes to decorate, shop, make up little text cuss words, "speaks her language", and apparently is not with anyone. Has it been determined that Steve is straight?

If he is gay, this then becomes not about the threat of an affair and more about your wife is enjoying aspects that Steve provides that she may not be receiving in the marriage. Are things getting too routine at home as so often happens? Either way, you love your wife so you may want to look at enlivening the marriage life, if that may be a problem.

 

Interesting take on this....not many straight men decorate their cubicle for the holidays. Nor do they have "bashfests" and catty chats about another female in the office. Perhaps it is time to meet Steve.

[mtk2419]

Mhowe, that is a good point, I have been doing a lot of online reasearch, I stumbled across something that fits my wife to a T, she plays the role of a Proffesional Victim. I have spent the last two nights sleeping in the extra bedroom sadly, she won't talk to me but we have been emailing each other (and I think that's weird when we are in the same house) and I have told her how I feel.

I told her that she constantly interjects drama into this relationship, and of course she says it my own insecurities. One of things she did when she divorced her ex was continue a sexual relationship for 5 years afterward, I did bring that up in reference to the fact that her ex still leans on her for emotional well being. But she immediately said that I was calling her a @$&@ which I never did.

She is a master of emotional deception, she immediately tried to turn the tables on me and suck me into her victim role, I shut her down right away and said you are interjecting more drama and deflecting away from the issue at hand.

And the Proffesional Victim never ever takes responsibility for their actions or say they are sorry, and she never does either, they just try to suck you into a game of I'm a horrible person and I'm no good and make you feel like you have done something wrong when you have not.

Thankfully I am on to that now, I feel empowered and in control, I told her I will not accept her going out alone with Steve or this marriage is over, and she is still emotionally nurturing her ex, feeling sorry for him and wanting him to come over for Thanksgiving, it has to stop.

[mhowe]

I would also stop emailing her in your own house and sleep in your own bed tonight. She is action g like.a spoiled child. Treat her as one.

[Fudgie]

If anyone should be sleeping in another bed, it should be her, not you.

 

Personally, I think you should get an annulment. At 6 weeks, this marriage is barely a day old. You could get this annulled really quickly and go on about your way.

 

But if you really want to stay or at least try, you need to draw the lines in the sand. You told her what you will and won't put up with. Now stick to it. If she continues, see a lawyer and get the papers for a divorce started. Do not sleep in another bed. Tell her to sleep in another bed. Don't allow yourself to be forced out of your bed or your house because of what SHE is doing. Do not let her bully you into thinking you're the bad one here. You're not.

[mtk2419]

Excellent points thank you.

[mtk2419]

Holy crap her ex just send me a friend request on Facebook! Speak of the devil.

[Fudgie]

Holy crap her ex just send me a friend request on Facebook! Speak of the devil.

 

That would really wig me out.

 

You don't have to accept if you don't want to. However, if you're up for it, you could message him and engage in a conversation. Should be interesting. If you can do so calmly and respectfully and he responds, go for it. See if you can get a glimpse into their relationship and what HE (the ex) thinks of it, what sort of nonsense she's feeding him (she probably is).

[Blue_Skirt]

Holy crap her ex just send me a friend request on Facebook! Speak of the devil.

O dear, the Holy Facebook. Are you all teenagers over there?! Be a grown man and get that “marriage” annulled.

[mtk2419]

I swear I can't take it anymore, I told my wife that I did lover her and she gave me the cold shoulder and wouldn't look at me but said I love you too.

And now she was going to the store and said she dressed as unattractively as possible as not to draw any attention to her self which has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

Why am I still here!!

[Fudgie]

Why am I still here!!

 

I would ask yourself: why are you putting up with this treatment? Tell me one good reason why you aren't going to go to the county clerk tomorrow and ask about the annulment process (work obligations aside).

[ThatwasThen]

Interesting take on this....not many straight men decorate their cubicle for the holidays. Nor do they have "bashfests" and catty chats about another female in the office. Perhaps it is time to meet Steve.

 

I have a feeling Steve just does all that to "mirror" Op's wife and take advantage of any time he can get with her. I wouldn't be surprised if she hated the other female co-worker and he just jumped on board to keep Mrs. Op engaged.

 

Op: What would your wife do if you invited Steve over for a Christmas cocktail at your place?

[PH Suite]

Steve does seem totally gay. Doesn't excuse or mitigate her behavior.

 

Ultimatums are a waste of time. She's a perfect example of age not equaling maturity. She's childish. Kick her out and annul.

[annie24]

Steve does seem totally gay. Doesn't excuse or mitigate her behavior.

 

Ultimatums are a waste of time. She's a perfect example of age not equaling maturity. She's childish. Kick her out and annul.

 

Yes, either gay or so in love with her that shopping for christmas desk decorations is something he gladly goes along with.

[mtk2419]

Thatwasthen, good point, we did have a conversation about Steve coming over to watch football, not going to name teams but he may be gay but does follow the same college team and is from the same state as me originally.

I am almost certain that he does whatever he can to get into my wife's good graces and be connected to her.

We have been talking, and I have had some jealous episodes in the past and now I'm having second thoughts about everything as if I should not have taken such a hard stance on this, is that wrong? Or should I stick to my guns.

But here is the real scary part, we had to run some errands today, she asked me if I wanted to go and like a dummy I said yes, I should have stayed home, she has been holed up in the bedroom all weekend, so I went, we were at the store and I was looking at my phone keeping up with the NASCAR race, and she said who are you texting smartly? I said no one and beside I can text whoever I want to.

And she replied maybe you need to be texting a good divorce lawyer! I said maybe a bad one will do, so I left the store and went out to the car.

When we got home after another silent ride she went straight upstairs to bed, I went up there and we talked and I got the guilt trip of how I had ruined the whole weekend, I did blow up Friday night about it and I told her I was ashamed of my actions, we talked and she said I need to get help with my jealousy issues.

I went downstairs and she started texting the hell out of me, one thing she said that hurt like hell was that when she went shopping with Steve he was excited when she picked out a reindeer for our house, more so she said than when she picked out a Santa for our house on our shopping trip and how I reacted to it.

About two months into our relationship almost two years ago I went up to another town in the mountains about an hour from our house, I did have an ex girlfriend there, but I didn't go see her, I just like the town, at the time my wife was just my GF, and it wasn't really a committed relationship yet, but tonight she kept on and on wanting to know what I did up there, this is something we talked about a long time ago and put it behind us.

And the whole texting got really ugly, she was drinking and eventually she said F you to me over and over. I did tell her in emails earlier in the day that she may be entering an emotional affair,she took that as if I was saying she cheated on me, and I also told her that she is a Proffesional Victim, who turns things around, she didn't like that either, but it's true, she did it tonight.

So now it sounds like I am competing with Steve for her attention, but oh no this isn't an emotional affair, I'm screwed, lost and don't know what to think. I feel like I started this over something that may have been very innocent, not sure now.

[annie24]

I think you guys need to stop this texting and emailing and have face to face conversations. Definitely see a marriage counselor and see if you can TALK out some of these issues.

[mtk2419]

I think about being by myself a lot, I have actually enjoyed my time alone as my wife has been holed up in the bedroom, I have watched some football finally and some wonderful movies and some nasty food, yum!

But this is sad, I take some responsibility for it, at first I took a hard stance against Steve, I have softened on that, he may be attracted to my wife but the reality of it is I have to trust her and her actions, she may like the attention, it's probably innocent, I seriously don't think she is screwing him. Our sex life is dynamite.

But we do have some serious issues, today when my wife was getting ready to go to the store she said I am dressing as unattractively as possible, and I said what does that mean? I said that has nothing to do with the issue at hand, it's about someone being attracted to you not you being attractive.

And as much as I think about being alone I like being with someone, it's great to have someone to do things with and we do have a lot in common.