I haven't spoken to my grandfather in two years

[Lovelavie]

I have a big family on my dad's side. A huge one I'd say and we're all very close and loving. On my mom's side however, it's just her dad and his partner. He has 8 brothers but they all live in Portugal, so it's only my grandfather on her side.

 

My mom's mom died when I was 1 with breast cancer, I never got to know her, but I know my mom was very close to her. She never had a close relationship with her dad and they never got along. He was, however, always a part of my childhood and was always present. He lives with a woman who isn't his wife, but she takes care of him and makes him company. About two years ago, my mom and him got in a fight and she told us she wished he would die already. My grandfather is a very stubborn man, and so is my mom. He stopped coming to our Christmas parties and she cut contact with him and prohibited us to call him. I called him once and she looked at the phone bill and got mad at me and told me not to do it again. The only person who keeps contact with him now is my grandmother from my dad's side.

 

The thing is, it's been two years since we don't call each other and I know I should call but I just don't have the guts to because I've been postponing this for a really long time. I feel like it's never the right time to call. I feel scared but in a way it consumes me. I dream about it and I have no idea what to do. Time is passing by and he isn't getting any younger. However, my grandmother told me his partner is mad at all of us and told her that she doesn't want us to call, but my grandma is suspicious thinking she's doing this so she can get his inheritance, since he's leaving all of his goods to me, my brother and my mom. It's such a difficult situation and I feel confused here!!

[Seraphim]

I wouldn't call your grandpa because you're going to inherit something. In fact if your mom has cut him off I wouldn't count on it. Call your grandpa because you want to and you want to relationship with him. My last grandparent died almost 3 years ago and it leaves a hole in your life.

[Lovelavie]

I'm in no way thinking about the inheritance... What haunts me is not talking to him and then being too late to fix things. I'm just too coward to give him a call because it's been such a long time and I don't know what reaction I'll get...

[Seraphim]

I would just make the call. You never know until you do it. And when they are dead it's too late.

[alli]

Why don't you start by sending him a card & following up with a phone call in a couple weeks?

[melancholy123]

I say call him. He certainly isn't getting any younger and you will be mad at yourself if he dies and you never got around to contacting him. The worst thing he could do is hang up on you. With luck he'll be happy to hear from you, even if it's just a 2 minute conversation.

 

Would it work to write him a letter? Tell him you'd like to speak to him, that you miss talking to him.

 

If you are an adult your mother can't stop you from phoning anyone. If you have some money, pay her for the cost of the call.

 

I'd give anything to talk to my dad again...

[Zanetka]

I would say call.

 

My parents and my ''grandpa'' (he wasnt my biological grandpa) got in a fight when I was 12 and I always missed him so much growing up. When I was about 18 I started to try and find him, only to find out he had died the year before. I couldn't believe it. I sat in front of my computer with a picture of him and just cried and cried for hours. To this day, its my biggest regret. Why didnt I search him out earlier... it still haunts me. He was only 63. Don't let time go by. Just call.

[mhowe]

My mom and grand mom got in a fight when I was 18. I never saw her again.

 

However, had I tried to get in touch with her, it would have been a betrayal to my mother and our relationship would never have been the same.

[catfeeder]

As we grow into adulthood we often need to assume the position of 'adult' when our parents are too provincial or limited to help us surpass their level of maturity.

 

As an adult, you're perfectly capable of making your own decisions about the family members with whom you'll want to sustain a relationship. That's a private choice, it's yours alone.

 

If the phone is too intimidating for you, I'd send a nice card that simply tells him you've always loved him and are thinking of him. Include your phone number, but make room for the idea that his GF might intercept the card, so I'd consider a phone call from him as a terrific surprise even while I'd consider it my option to reach out and phone him within a few weeks of sending the card.

 

Head high, and welcome to adulthood.