question about porn

[ftkdancer]

Hi. I'm sure this question has been asked many times, but here goes....is looking at porn, without your partner, cheating?

Thank you in advance, for your thoughts.

[emolimum]

I think thats too broad to answer. Some people think it is, some don't. It would really depend on your partner. You could ask them whether it would bother them or not.

[Capricorn3]

How can looking at magazines/movies be cheating? No, I don't think so.

[sara-pezzini]

Watching porn is just a means to an end, masturbate and it gets you there quicker than just the imagination does. Is imagining something cheating?

Of course not, neither is porn or masturbation....people who believe so lay strict rules on themselves and more importantly on others which i will never understand.

Your life, your body have fun with it! If i was with someone who thought that was cheating he'd be out the door! Come on now it's my life and body and who would he be to tell me i can't?

[ParisPaulette]

No, it's not. Porn is simply images of naked people used to arouse someone. It's not cheating unless you also consider masturb**ion cheating. At which point the person is cheating on a partner with themselves, I guess?

 

In short no. It takes live communication with a live person, even through electronic means, to be cheating. Now, that said if watching porn takes over one's life and replaces a sex life, replaces living and life in general--think the person who watches porn the moment they get home and won't go out and meet with family and friends instead or have sex with their partner--then one has an addiction problem.

 

But that's another issue altogether. Otherwise no, I don't think just porn now and again is a problem. The only exceptions I would ever have to that would be if I found a partner watching porn that depicted criminal activity or abuse of children or animals. That would say something seriously Fed about my partner and I'd leave them over that, but otherwise don't really care.

[beanpot]

I agree to the your life your body thing partially... yea do whatever you want if you are single. But if you are in a relationship, compromise is necessary. Different people will tell you different things, but honestly none of them matter. While looking at porn may or may not be cheating, what matters more is how it affects your partner.

[Clinton]

There are two types of men in this world, those who watch porn and those who lie about watching porn.

[Lester]

Hi. I'm sure this question has been asked many times, but here goes....is looking at porn, without your partner, cheating?

Thank you in advance, for your thoughts.

 

Yes, regardless of who's in the room.

You're the one being cheated.

[butterfly45]

I've no problem with my OH watching porn but have asked him not to watch solos, that's just my thing and what makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Unreasonable]

Not in a technical sense. But some women *feel* like it is, even if they, know, rationally, that its not. Makes them feel insecure, hurts their body image, third wheel, etc. You are *never* going to be able to talk this out of them. And if it makes them feel that, then it really doesn't matter if it is or isn't. You're with a woman who feels like you're cheating on her. So, should you find yourself with such a woman, you better be damn good at hiding it, stop doing it, or end the relationship for lack of compatibility.

[Hermes]

Brief and correct, Unreasonable.

 

IMO it's not the porn or watching it, it's the SO thinking he's comparing the (air-brushed) bodies to mine etc. etc.

Again it's insecurity in some, not in others.

[smithpeter]

Probably not cheating, but still it is behavior that could upset your partner.

[kronic]

I ing hate porn but im not gunna tell my bf not to watch it.. pretty sure hed rather watch porn then f me but whatever.

[ftkdancer]

Thank you to all who have shared their thoughts.I see both sides. However, I feel that if I'm not good enough, for him, then why am I with him?

I have watched porn, with others, and it did nothing for me.

[Unreasonable]

Thank you to all who have shared their thoughts.I see both sides. However, I feel that if I'm not good enough, for him, then why am I with him?

I have watched porn, with others, and it did nothing for me.

Good enough for what, exactly?

[saluk]

Thank you to all who have shared their thoughts.I see both sides. However, I feel that if I'm not good enough, for him, then why am I with him?

I have watched porn, with others, and it did nothing for me.

 

If he isn't paying attention to you that's a problem. Porn may be a small factor, and it may not, depending on how prominently it factors into his life. But you should focus on his behavior and availability toward you rather than whether or not he looks at porn when you aren't around. One key difference between looking at porn and cheating, is that there is no emotional attachment or connection, and nothing that can lead to more than just looking. Him looking at porn is not a reflection of you at all. If you think a guy in a movie is cute does that have anything at all to do with your boyfriend?

[Threelittleone]

Strictly speaking is porn cheating? NO.

 

However there are some extenuating circumstances where porn can be a violation of a marital or relationship boundary.

 

If your partner is a sex addict, or porn leads to ESTABLISHED cheating patterns then yes porn can be a problem.

 

Take me for example. I have been married for nearly ten years. Porn was never a problem till i found that porn LITERALLY lead him to cheating on me. This is very specific to him. Not all men are led to cheating by porn, So this cannot be construed as a fact across the board.

 

If cheating has led to an insecurity in the betrayed spouse then it is fully within your right to demand the wayward to quit porn because of your pain. He is also well within his right to refuse...

 

I think porn is a problem in my marriage. But i have also learned that putting the restriction on him to NEVER use porn is a bit controlling. Thats not who i want to be.... So i told him go for it... (It hurts me, and it can lead to him cheating again.) but thats not my job, to prevent him from cheating. Its his. I can't keep him from doing what he wants to do, but i can keep it from affecting me negatively. I change how i think. If he uses porn, sure i don't like it. I may get snappy, but he will do what he wants. You as the significant other need to decide what YOU will accept, and not accept.

[outrun123]

Porn is a problem, re wires the brain very slowly. Cheating though? well thats your opinion. Every relationship is different. Girls and guys are all going to go solo now and again but the need to look at a screen is up to that person. Most people do it and if your worth it to them they will stop. if not goodbye.

[starlight89]

I don't believe it is cheating but I also don't believe it is necessary for masturbation purposes. People who feel like they NEED to watch it in order to "get off" should probably take a step back from it.

 

If it bothers you OP, it bothers you and nobody should tell you how you are meant to feel about it.

 

He wont stop doing it though so you need to decide if you are okay with it always being a part of who he is or whether you would feel happier moving on. He will likely just hide it from you.

 

My bf never really watched it growing up. He never actively looked for it or even had internet access up until a few years ago. Now he does watch it occasionally and it bothered me. After 4years being in a porn free relationship with both of us just focusing on each other, I couldn't understand why he developed a taste for it all of a sudden and then kept going back to it (sometimes multiple times a day)

 

It hurt me a lot and he became distant and secretive with his phone. He stopped showing me affection and then ended up on these FWB sites.