Crawling out of my skin missing my ex?

[Person1001]

Its been about 3 weeks since the break up, I cut all ties to him, but I have spoken/messaged him about my stuff. He called me a couple days after promising to change and all this other stuff (pretty much BS). Then we were messaging again and he told me how much I hurt him by breaking up. I broke up w/him because he gave off vibes that he no longer cared about me, he told me he loves me, but I didn't see action to back up the words. He wanted to marry me, but didn't make any effort to save up $ or even plan out his future so we could be together and not struggle through life. When I told him this he was concerned then went back exactly to the way he was, putting no effort in, not going out of his way for me, he is a lazy person in general (no interests at all and no ambition, he was kind of boring). He also started going out w/out me, which in the beginning he never really did, I decided one day to go out w/out him to a place where we used to go and he didn't like it because I did it last minute. When I approached him again about my concerns he flipped out and told me I should find someone else w/qualities a, b, c etc. My family treated him very well, he never thanked them for that and they saw that he was taking me for granted (I felt like he was w/out anyone telling me anything) and that he didn't value me. I just want him so bad, but I know he will just take me for granted and use me. He would tell me he never dated a girl like me, so genuine and loving, but made no effort not to lose me. I working (currently seeking a better job), I have started to work out, I spend time w/family going out and I go out w/friends. I have interests and I'm still passionate about them.

[Movingforward3]

I am trying to understand. You hate your ex and you miss your ex. I don't see how you reconcile the two. Either, you give him a way back or you walk away. Don't be in contact unless you want resolution.

[melancholy123]

Sounds like you've had your epiphany but you really need to stop communicating with him. You'll move on faster if you break ALL contact.

[dave_1966]

Did you have single female friends who helped you along with your decision?

[ParisPaulette]

Don't feel bad about missing him. You're doing the right thing, but no one ever said it was the easy thing. This guide can help give you steps and tips to help yourself along the way.

 

The fact is this guy and you are totally incompatible in your love language. As much as you may miss him, I think you miss the idea of him or what he could be, because frankly he sounds boring as hella. It's one thing to have troubles, but to be a robot mouthing the right things with no intention behind them? Not a good thing at all. And you weren't happy and you can't force the guy to get a new personality, so sooner or later this was going to happen. And sooner is always better than later.

 

Nonetheless a breakup is a rough thing to do always and you need to heal and let go. That doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen. Read the breakup guide, keep posting here, go out with your friends and do activities to keep busy. You will pull through.

[Person1001]

I made the decision myself, I never shared my personal relationship stuff w/any friends, I did share w/my close family.

[Person1001]

I think in the beginning he was able to portray a personality that he was not, after 5 months or so I have a feeling he could no longer hide the real him and act like a different person. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, my feelings and personality was pretty close from the start to the end of the relationship (He did notice I became very sad during the last week, I was sad due to knowing the relationship was at it's end).

[Hermes]

Aaah Person, what seems is not "is". These people are dangerous, they are a "false self".

 

For some reason an old novel comes to mind: "Something in Disguise".