Is he cheating?

[Chocolateo]

A few weeks ago I was in the car with my husband and using my husbands phone to send some details to a friend. I thought I had copied and pasted the details into a text but what came on the screen was a sexy message that I had never seen before. That he must have previously copied.

 

I showed him the screen and he didn't understand why it was there. He said that he remembers writing it to send it to me but he can't remember when or why he never sent it. He apologised about how it must have looked to me but assured me it was meant for me.

 

What do you think. I feel embarrassed to bring it up again.

[RainyCoast]

does he normally send you sexts similar to that one? if yes, i'd drop it.

[metrogirl]

So it was like a draft message that went unsent? If he likes to send you sexy messages, then I really wouldn't worry. You know him better than any of us, what do you think?

 

It would be suspect if I saw something like that in my boyfriend's phone only because I know him and he doesn't send anything sexy, doesn't say anything sexy and is overall very shy when it comes to dirty talk and so I know if he doesn't speak that way to me, he for sure won't talk to any other woman that way.

[Chocolateo]

Thank you for your responses.

Sorry I'm not sure that it was a sext message. It was just a very flirty sexy message. There was something about the way it was written that made me feel like it wasn't meant for me. I just can't imagine recieving that message from him.

[RainyCoast]

How did he react when you asked about it? was he calm, upset...?

 

anything suspicious in his behavior otherwise?

[Fudgie]

Does he send you flirty or sexy messages? What exactly about it (if you can remember) made you feel like it wasn't for you?

[Chocolateo]

Sorry for the overshare. I didn't wanted to write what it said but it just said "is there any way that I can turn you on?"

 

It just seems like the kind of message that you would write to someone that you were trying to make something happen with. He knows exactly how to turn me on. He hasn't come back from work for a while being in the mood. So I can't understand why he would write a messiahe like that if it was for me then not send it and not initiate anything either.

 

Am I over thinking things?

 

He was embarrassed when I asked him and he didn't really know what to say.

 

But then I think why would he give me his phone if he had something to hide.

[mhowe]

Because he didn't realize it was in draft. If he hasn't come back from work in the mood, perhaps he is turning someone else on?

[RainyCoast]

i think you're right, this was meant for someone else.

[Clinton]

I would be mildly concerned. Enough to watch for future signs that things are amiss. That's about all you can do.

[adna]

I would be very concerned, how old is he? Any history of cheating ? Just ask again,,why are you embarrassed to do that?

[Chocolateo]

He's nearly 30 no history of cheating and no reason for me to ever lose his trust before. We've been together for 6 years.

 

Because at the time I didn't know what to do I felt sick and like this isn't real or this doesn't happen to us. So when he apologised I just acted like I was fine with it and there must be an explanation. So I dropped it because we were on our way out to dinner with friends. We had a great night and since then it just never came up again.

[j.man]

I would be very concerned, how old is he? Any history of cheating ? Just ask again,,why are you embarrassed to do that?

Because she'd get nothing new from it. It's one of those things that's pretty blatant, but not really actionable beyond either leaving him or staying. He gave her his answer when she inquired. She can take it or leave it. If she asks for details, he'll give her details to support it being intended for her, whether those details are true or not. I doubt the OP would trust whatever explanation he gives, not that I blame her.

 

If OP doesn't trust the husband, then she needs to take action beyond simply asking again.

[Chocolateo]

What other action can I take? I don't want to ruin our relationship if he is telling the truth. But I really need to know.

[RainyCoast]

you already know. I'd just tell him i know and that he has two choices. he can blow it in a second by lying again or he can try coming clean. I'd tell him to make it quick because i don't intend to lose time being held for an idiot.

[Chocolateo]

i don't know what to do.

[Clinton]

The thing is, you have no proof anything happened. It looks bad but there's a chance he's telling the truth.

 

Would anyone actually end a relationship on such ambiguous evidence?

 

Keeping an eye out is about all you can do.

 

If he's lying he won't admit it and if he's telling the truth, harrassing him will drive a wedge between you two.

 

It's a tough spot to be in and I feel for you.

[RainyCoast]

if he is telling the truth

you said you can't imagine receiving a text like that from him.

[Chocolateo]

 

If he's lying he won't admit it and if he's telling the truth, harrassing him will drive a wedge between you two.

 

It's a tough spot to be in and I feel for you.

 

 

That's what's so difficult. I don't want to push it but I feel like I'm now always looking for signs. I've never felt like this before. I don't want to be the jelouse or suspicious wife trying to wait for him to slip up. What if he never slips up or what if he genuinely isn't doing anything.

 

The whole situation doesn't feel right to me but I don't want to believe it.

[Heather Dawn]

I'd be more than mildly concerned. You know the tone your partner uses with you - and if it sounds different, it probably wasn't for you.

[Chocolateo]

Where do I go from here?

I haven't told anybody in real life. I wouldn't want any of our friends to doubt him. I feel Lost and confused.

[Clinton]

We dont know him, you do. You know how hard you can push this and what the results will be.

 

And understand if he actually is cheating, the truth is unlikely to come from him.

 

It's a judgement call only you can make. It sucks but there it is.

[j.man]

Give it a little bit and see if you get any less anxious.

 

If nothing changes, step up. Be up front about it. Tell him you don't trust his explanation and haven't been able to shake it, but of course, as his wife, you really, really want to. I'd suggest marriage counseling as the solution. I mean... you're probably need it either way. It's not like him actually fessing up would send a wave of relief over you.

[Chocolateo]

Do you think I'm just overthinking everything and I should just take his word? He really hasn't given me a reason to doubt his commitment before. He apologised when it happened because he knew it looked bad. But he promised it was meant for me.

[mhowe]

If he has never sent you a text like that ---- I would simply say "it was meant for me --- but never before? Never since? And not even that one? Honey, would you believe you?