Is he cheating?

[adna]

Do you think I'm just overthinking everything and I should just take his word? He really hasn't given me a reason to doubt his commitment before. He apologised when it happened because he knew it looked bad. But he promised it was meant for me.

 

No I wouldn't believe if this was not something he used to do before

[ParisPaulette]

I would first address what he said it was. Sit him down and say, "Look, you haven't been in the mood lately, that text shows you have some sort of insecurity or worries you aren't turning me on. Let's discuss this and see if we can get back to where you do know exactly what to do to turn me on. Care to hear what those things are or try them out now?"

 

Be playful and flirty about it. If he can't give you a straight answer, hems and haws about it, says it was just a joke or tries to brush it off with anything that doesn't sound plausible then worry. Otherwise he'll take you up on the offer.

 

If it still seems off, then next place to go is the phone records to see who he's been texting or calling. If you're really concerned hiring a PI is a good thing too. Normally if a couple isn't married and you have to start snooping it can signal the end, but in cases of marriage where there's more to lose hiring a professional who knows what they're doing is a good step.

 

But before you do any of that I would just bring it up on face value of you being concerned he doesn't know how to turn you on and his sudden drop in desire. Present it as you're worried he's got some concerns about the relationship and needs to open up and talk these over with you, that you're his partner and want to help. Do it totally lighthearted, but warm and see what happens there. That will probably give you more information than simply wondering what to do will.

[Fudgie]

I love PP's advice. I can't agree more.

 

I just wanted to touch on the subject of snooping. I don't believe in snooping, as an unmarried woman. If you have to stoop to that when you're not married, it's really bad and you're better off taking a hike. But when you're married, you're legally, financially, and societally bound to this person in a binding agreement. You live together, you may have children together, the govt sees you as a unit, and your property is considered joint. I would never advocate that someone just ups and leaves a marriage when they suspect infidelity and have addressed the spouse and he/she won't talk. There's just SO much at stake when you're married. Look into the phone records (if you can) and/or get a PI.

[RainyCoast]

that text shows you have some sort of insecurity or worries you aren't turning me on.

suppose that could have been the meaning of the text, theoretically.

 

suppose the meaning of the text was supposed to be "lately i have been feeling like i no longer turn you on"

-why would he not just put it that way?

-why, when she confronted him, woul he tell her it's for her but then drop the subject matter? if the text was a version of "we need to talk about your sex drive/my insecurities" why not proceed to talk about it once she read the text and the cat was out of the bag??

-do you think it's true? i mean not to extort private info, i mean is it possible (are there reasons) that he would want to initiate a conversation about your sex life with that text? something that would make that kind of a message plausible?

 

 

of course, OP, you could use this interpretation of the text to your advantage. you could avoid asking "are you sexting other women" by asking "would you like to talk about that feeling that you don't turn me on that you've mentioned in that text?".

 

then sit back and listen what he has to say and how he says it. but i have a feeling you'd hear a load of hysterical crock at best.

[jobelle]

I am sorry you are going through this. Really tricky situation. PP's advise sounds good so you can gauge his reaction. But ultimately you should go with what your gut feeling tells you. Good luck.

[itsallgrand]

Myself personally, I would go with Clintons advice. You want to know. You know something is not right. Whether it is cheating, or something else, you know something is off.

If you need to know, observe. Don't become the suspicious wife, but, observe. Listen. Watch.

It will show itself rather quickly. It will come out.

 

If you do not need anything further to feel like you are confident he is cheating and hurting you, then you could simply call him out on it and make your decision. But you have doubts yet, and that makes sense, because you are only going off one small bit of information here.

 

I will say this. Don't doubt yourself. His response sounded off because it was a sketchy response! You know that. And you know now that he is holding something back. So just be aware of that.

 

that's only my opinion and how I would personally deal with it. I have been in one relationship where I suspected he was cheating. This is pretty much what I did. And I started to contact him a little out of the routine. that's how i found out , for sure. I didn't treat him differently until I knew for sure...then, he had used up his chances to come to me with whatever was not working for him, and I felt 100% in walking away. In fact, by that time, I didn't even have to think about it.