trying a co-ed sport to meet women!

[musicman777]

Hey everyone, it's musicman again! Well after my upset and disappointment over the online dating stuff (I'm sure some of you remember my rather negative posts recently about that I'm going to try something new. I took a few days to think about things after my last "episode" over dating, stayed off the dating sites, and also spent some time avoiding a certain girl in person that gets me upset when I see her (because it's someone I almost dated, long story).

 

Anyway, I've been on "meetup.com" for a long while and get emails from them everyday. I got an email this morning about a local co-ed volleyball group that purposely forms teams with something like 3 men and 3 women on each team randomly (they specifically specified they will not form teams in fact without a minimum number of girls). I'm on the merge of doing it, I would say an 80% chance it's a sealed deal. I emailed the event coordinator today with some questions about age groups, what the pricing covers, and etc. Assuming there are not problems or bad signs of following through I'm going to do it!

 

I am taking some of your advice from my last post. I am ditching the online dating and trying to meet people in general. Now I don't expect this to be a magical miracle to find a girlfriend. BUT... I genuinely like playing volleyball and I think it would be a good way to meet people both men and women. It's not a bad thing though to be matched up with young, athletic women for fun games of recreational volleyball! I'm at least trying. If I don't land a date in this or find anyone interesting I definitely want to expand my social circle by doing this, if anything I may meet people that will help me find someone. I'm getting off of my butt and not wasting my days behind the computer screen. This is one of a few different physical activities I want to get into this year.

 

Well, that's that for now, just sharing my thoughts/story with other people!

[appies]

I think you have the right idea about it all. Sports in general are a great social opportunity. But you're right don't go out to expect a a bunch of single ladies, but you never know!

[Fudgie]

I think this could be really good for you! My boyfriend plays co-ed kickball in the summer. Actually, before we met up from OKC, he had just got done playing a game. A lot of people on his team are people he knows from work (male/female) but he has met a lot of cool people through it. The teams also usually meet up at a local bar once the game is done to drink and talk. It's a really good way to meet people.

 

The girl quota is true. Unless the team meets it by having enough girls show up, then it's a no-go.

[greta96]

I think it's a great idea, especially since you say you like volleyball!

Just go with an open mind, and don't make it a mission to meet women there, or you'll be disappointed and not enjoy the sport and that would be a shame. But if you go with the intent to expand your social circle (which you will) and have fun regardless, that's when good things start to happen.

I know from personal experience that when I try so hard to accomplish a certain thing, and make that thing my only focus (in your case, that would be meeting a woman), it never happens, but when I just go with the flow with the intent of having fun no matter what, that's when I get what I want.

Enjoy the experience and let us know how it goes

[Batya33]

That's a great idea! And then I would meet people through dating sites to supplement the other ways -do not date online -meet the person ASAP in person and add "volleyball" to your profile.

[DoF]

You are trying to force it.

 

Most people find their special someone when they are not looking.......

 

Take it easy. Focus on your self and do things you enjoy. And HOPE to meet someone while you do all that.

 

Forcing it doesn't work. And often makes you look desperate and unattractive.

 

 

 

By all means join the volleyball group though! Why not, sounds like fun.

[Batya33]

You are trying to force it.

 

Most people find their special someone when they are not looking.......

 

Take it easy. Focus on your self and do things you enjoy. And HOPE to meet someone while you do all that.

 

Forcing it doesn't work. And often makes you look desperate and unattractive.

 

 

 

By all means join the volleyball group though! Why not, sounds like fun.

 

That's entirely not true in my experience and others. There are a number of romantic stories about that and my story could be spun as a "when you're not looking" story.

 

What is true is the reverse -that desperate/needy people have a hard time meeting the right person. Luckily I didn't listen to that "don't look and you'll find someone" because I definitely would not be married with a child right now -would have run out of time had I not been proactive (as far as the biological child). Interestingly, on my first catch-up dinner with my future husband I wasn't looking at that moment - last thing I wanted was to be on a date that particular night (and it wasn't a date) but I know for sure that had I not been looking proactively in several different ways I would not have become the right person to find the right person.

[j.man]

I think it's a great idea. Just be careful. Meetup is not a dating site and you genuinely have people just trying to build a social circle for themselves. I personally use it extensively for soccer pickup games, many of which are co-ed. I've seen many times where a guy and a gal will suddenly start showing up and leaving together, so I'm assuming it works. I've also seen the creeper who comes in and is very obviously looking to score dates, asking multiple women out within the first couple weeks. You'll get a reputation among the group quick if you do that.

 

To me, it really appears to be one of those "friends first" things.

[DoF]

There is always an exception to every rule. I also think that you took my advice little bit too literally or perhaps my communication is poor (which is most likely the case).

 

I'm not saying "don't look". I'm just saying "don't look too hard/force it too much". Look but just have fun and if opportunity strikes, great.

 

Just don't make your life revolve around looking and take it to the extreme. NOTHING is good when taken tot he extreme.

[DoF]

I personally use it extensively for soccer pickup games,

 

x2

 

HUGE football fan and play it # of times a week as well.

[Batya33]

There is always an exception to every rule. I also think that you took my advice little bit too literally or perhaps my communication is poor (which is most likely the case).

 

I'm not saying "don't look". I'm just saying "don't look too hard/force it too much". Look but just have fun and if opportunity strikes, great.

 

Just don't make your life revolve around looking and take it to the extreme. NOTHING is good when taken tot he extreme.

 

Yes I responded to what you wrote which was different from what you wrote here. We agree that being needy/desperate is a turn-off. I am a big fan of being proactive to find a mate.

[Fudgie]

Yes you can definitely be proactive without coming accross as desperate/needy. Fine line to walk though. I have some female friends who struggle with that and I feel for them.

[Sportster2005]

That's a fantastic idea. I started running in a club almost two years ago. The two women whom I like(d) and desired the most stemmed from that. One was one I ran with regularly. We got to know each other, and I just asked her out. It was some great dates, but she wasn't in a place to date. The other one was introduced to me through someone I met running. It's the woman I am currently a 'friend' with. Yeah, that turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. But the point is, I met them IRL. And they turned out to be awesome.

 

I'm sure you will have similar experiences. Let us know how it goes.

[LoveSoDeep]

Yeah, I think it's a great idea to expand your social circle. If you happen to find a relationship from it great if not at least you'll enjoy playing the sport.

 

I did the same thing this year. I was playing soccer with some people from work. I ended up playing with mostly people who were younger than me and lots of the people who were close to my age were married or coupled up but it was still a blast. That is the one thing to keep in mind though: not everyone decided to play this sport to meet new people. In OLD it's safe to assume most people made a profile so that they could date (yes there are a few weirdo outliers but for the most part you don't join OLD to not date). It's just a slightly different mindset. I'm not saying don't do it - I think you should go for it, just keep that in mind.

[musicman777]

You are trying to force it.

 

Most people find their special someone when they are not looking.......

 

Take it easy. Focus on your self and do things you enjoy. And HOPE to meet someone while you do all that.

 

Forcing it doesn't work. And often makes you look desperate and unattractive.

 

 

 

By all means join the volleyball group though! Why not, sounds like fun.

 

Thanks but no I'm not trying to "force it". I agree with Batya's response. For one, I am doing this with the intent of joining a new, fun sport and possibly meeting new friends/contacts (not just for a date). I know it may come off as it at times, especially with me on these forums, but in reality I'm not desperate to find someone. I have zero intentions of going into this just right away approaching and asking out the prettiest girls there. What I WOULD like to do is befriend one (or more) of them and see where it goes. In the past, the people I fell for the hardest and had the best relationships with are one that typically started as friends first or got to know well over time. You know what is forced is this online dating stuff. Instant connections with people that turn out to flake away after 1 or 2 dates.

 

I'm not one of those people that believes in the fate of the universe and love cliches. The truth is, I sit at home almost 24/7. My job, I work from home. I go to college from home. Besides the grocery store, workouts at the karate club (which is mostly older folk), and going out occasionally to eat and watch a movie, I don't get out at ALL to meet women, or anyone for that matter guys included. This is a start, it is something. I've considered other sports, eg. "yoga", now THAT feels forced and awkward. This is fair game, a neutral sport to have fun in. It's only five weeks or something. We'll see where it goes.

 

I heard back from the coordinator and the pricing and stuff sounds good. It is mostly people in their 20's as well. The place is a bit of a ride from me, I would say about 45 minutes one-way, but it's only once a week. I'll let you all know how it goes.

[Batya33]

I know of several people who met people through sports or dance lessons.