BalticGirl Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Simple, casual and common situation, an advice from guys especially needed. Saw this guy for few times, last date we had was on Sat, where in my opinion we had a lovely time, he said the same too. However he looked a bit distance on his texts afterword’s and me being 21st century lady after he not replied for 24h hours asked him if he is just being busy or we should call it a day? He replied almost right away, saying that Not at all, he likes direct and that’s very good. However he just started a new job which is very stressful and taking all his energy at the moment and he is not very good in separating things. He said he had a lovely time and will see me again, but he is not ring and chat constantly guy. My reply was “ Fair enough ? Hope all goes well with your new job and maybe sometime in the future we can have some nice time” He replied: “definitely. I am just being direct too” Is he just being polite blah blah and should I just move on, delete his and forget all this? I do like this guy, I think we had a great time, and maybe I am sometimes wanting to push things slightly, but I think at the period of time when you just start to see someone it’s important to keep some sort of contact and maybe see person like once a week? Maybe I am wrong.. Please advise! Thanks in advance! Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 He is just being polite --- delete and move on. Did you sleep with him on the last date? Link to comment
missmarple Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Yes, he's just being polite. Move on. Link to comment
BigKK Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Yup, I'm surprised he called back to defend himself. I would usually just slow fade if it was the second date. I wasn't really feeling it, and the lack of communication, and saying I'm really busy...the girl kind of figured it out without having to actually talk about it. I wanted to date...just not her. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I don't think your contacting him had anything to do with being "modern" you simply decided to contact him after a day of not hearing from him. I would have been put off by a typed message that presumed that I wasn't interested just because I'd been out of touch for a short while. Too much work especially in a brand new dating interaction. It's lovely to be direct and also lovely to give people space to be busy and come to you when they are not busy. If you really wanted to put it out there I would have texted to see if he wanted to talk and felt things out on the phone rather than typing that message. Hard to tell whether he was going to ask you out again soon but I would assume that he is not "that" into you for the moment and might be choosing his new job over spending time getting together with you. Dating is hard and can be disappointing -lived that many times over. On to better things! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Does it really matter? Why are you worrying about exclusivity over a couple of good dates? Maybe after you have six months of good dates and you're introduced to each other friends and family then you can and maybe should stress if the interest drops off. But until then nope, you are stressing about nothing really. He either wants to date you and is telling you the truth or he doesn't. Putting your life on hold is ridiculous though when you don't even know this guy well enough yet to know what, how or even if he does lie. Keep dating other people, don't put him on the table right away as anything other than "guy I had a good time with and will go out again if he asks" and move on. Don't do that with anyone actually. Check out the article over on another poster's page about why dating is so hard. I think you'll find the article enlightening and that's the attitude you should adopt with dating. You're still getting to know each other and at this stage it's simply pointless to worry what his intentions are at all. Bottom line, don't wait around for them to ask you out. Stay active, meet up with and go enjoy friends and new dates, if something is going to happen it needs a whole lot more time than a few dates to get there. Link to comment
BalticGirl Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thank you all. Well not that it really matter big times, but after quite a few dates I had I actually felt like I could like this guy in the future. We had a great time together, he took me out for nice drinks and dinner ect. Insisted to put me on a cab home and paid for it (not that it matter much, but still nice) We met around 3 weeks ago, had a first date and no second one until after two weeks. He has mentioned me several times that work is insane atm before i even brought anything out. Last week, before we met we were texting on and off but it was not constant. He texted me some eveing saying " sorry, just crazy at work, I am not ignoring you" This is why i came up with a question here really.. Link to comment
notalady Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Sounds to me like he's keeping his options open and you're a back up option. He's not uninterested but also not that interested either. I'd move on. Link to comment
j.man Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Wanting to see someone once a week when dating is a perfectly fine expectation. The regular contact? Not so much. 21st century girl or not, you're gonna have to get used to some people not feeling obligated to keep in regular touch starting out simply because it's easier to do so today. But, as the others have said, dude's being polite. Link to comment
musicman777 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 For Paris's post, does it matter? I would say to an extent if you liked the guy! OP, I'm in the same boat, but with a woman (I'm a guy). I know, the post-date texting rituals get VERY confusing. It's easy to misinterpret people being genuinely busy and doing things in their life for lack of interest. Like others here, I say give it time and space. Like Batya33 said, he gave you time and attention, he has a life, work, and other things going on. Maybe give him some space for a few days or a week, then contact him again and see how he feels. I would say if he continues to be distant afterwards after a good week, then I would let this one go. But like others here said, you don't have to put your life on hold for him. Link to comment
BalticGirl Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thank you all! I feel like older I get, less i understand guys... Both of us are pretty grown up and i dont see anything wrong in just being honest. If i would not want to see a person i would perhaps go saying that he/she is a lovely person, but I dont think this is gonna work. Rather than " i will see u again" and "definetelly" Link to comment
j.man Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thank you all! I feel like older I get, less i understand guys... Both of us are pretty grown up and i dont see anything wrong in just being honest. If i would not want to see a person i would perhaps go saying that he/she is a lovely person, but I dont think this is gonna work. Rather than " i will see u again" and "definetelly"It has nothing to do with guys. Right or wrong, it's a fairly common notion in the early stages of dating for both men and women to brush someone off with hints rather than flat out rejection. Reading hints plays a big role in interpersonal skills because, as you've seen, not everyone is keen on straight-forward communication. Even if this guy is interested, he should be spending more time sending you solutions to how you two can see each other and less time telling you how busy he is. Good luck with the next guy! Link to comment
kathy679 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 If a man really likes you he will contact you again. So don't do the chasing. Just sit back and do nothing. If he don't contact you you have your answer. But in the mean time carry on with your life Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thank you all! I feel like older I get, less i understand guys... Both of us are pretty grown up and i dont see anything wrong in just being honest. If i would not want to see a person i would perhaps go saying that he/she is a lovely person, but I dont think this is gonna work. Rather than " i will see u again" and "definetelly" For all you know he was being honest at the time and later changed his mind. He did not make a time/place plan to see you -if he had and then didn't show up that would be rude. Maybe by "see you again" he meant he will run into you again. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 BG, you've only been dating for 3 weeks, so it was still during the dating period. There was nothing "exclusive". You started the breakup by complaining about him not getting back to you in 24 hrs. That's not something to get upset about, unless you're in a relationship. You don't do your arguing using texts, and calls. It comes accross as cold, and impersonal. I see nothing wrong in his reply, considering there's nothing "exclusive". You could have easily had saved your discussion for the next date (in person). If you feel that he's lying about the job situation, or you're not getting the type of attention that you want, then move on. If not, then keep him in the loop, but keep dating others. Link to comment
BalticGirl Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Surprisingly on not, but he has texted me today... Saying what a nice day outside it is. Hmmm getting confused now... Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Texts like that take seconds...and is seriously not worth your consideration unless it included "let's meet up for a picnic". Link to comment
BalticGirl Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 I get that... Just wondering why would he contacted me at all if according to all those replies above he was just being polite and would not wanna be in contact really Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Think of it as being on the B team. He keeps you hooked because you think he is going to call...he may have sent the same text to all the girls on the B team, while he is headed out with the A girl for the day. Link to comment
BalticGirl Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Mhowe, I have pretty realistic mind in general, and I see what you mean. Many thanks for all your comments- sometimes you really do need this kick. However those words is not always helping. Not saying I got offended, but some might be. "Being in a B team" wow that did not sound very nice... Link to comment
notalady Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Sounds to me like he's keeping his options open and you're a back up option. He's not uninterested but also not that interested either. I'd move on. I will quote myself on this to answer your question as to why he's contacting you. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Here's an alternative mind blowing view. He's busy at work. Link to comment
BalticGirl Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Here's an alternative mind blowing view. He's busy at work. Being 28 and still trying and learning to understand guys... Really? That busy to plan something for the future? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Mhowe, I have pretty realistic mind in general, and I see what you mean. Many thanks for all your comments- sometimes you really do need this kick. However those words is not always helping. Not saying I got offended, but some might be. "Being in a B team" wow that did not sound very nice... Okay --- you are on the junior varsity team, not the varisity. Or, you are a benchwarmer, but there is a possibility you will get put in the game. Or, you are the understudy ------ not the featured actress. Any better? Link to comment
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