Where Do I go from here? I just want answers so i can decide what to do.

[jeepers]

I apologize for the how long this story is I posted about this a few months ago so i guess this an update: My ex boyfriend and i broke up about three months ago almost the same amount of time we were together. The break up was due to me being a drunken idiot. I didn't cheat or anything I blacked out on the way home and i cant remember much about the night other then i need to eat dinner before i drink and know my limits I'm to old the get that crazy but long story short he had to leave work to come rescue me which was not cool at all. I really loved this guy and he was serious about me within 2 weeks he told me he loved me, the following weeks i met his family and after a month he wanted me to move in. SUPER FAST RIGHT?! But i didn't feel weird-ed out by it at all which shocked me. But then all of this went down and he didnt want to talk about it he just wanted me out. It sucked but when i got my stuff from his place couple weeks later he said we would talk when i returned from a business trip. And I was really hopeful that we could solve this. When i returned i called that day, no response. He still had a camera of mine that was worth a lot of money so two weeks later I tried again, no response. I thought he was still mad so I waited 4 more weeks and reached out on facebook after the 2nd message he responded. He said it was his first time hearing of it. When i went to his work to pick it up i was expecting him to leave it somewhere and that would be it, I was surprised that he came out to talk to me. He told me that his phone broke and that he was using a different number and he showed me two phones. Its still doesn't make a lot of sense that he wouldn't have said "hey I forgot to give you your camera" He just said that i never came over to get it. I wasn't sure if i was ever going to get proper closure so i asked if he would have received my calls would he have wanted to talk about what happened. He said yes and that he would give me a call. But I wasn't expecting much. He texted me couple weeks later and it was small talk and i didn't hear from him for almost a month and unfortunately it bugged me .... A LOT. They say you are not supposed to do this but I totally did. I wrote him a letter. But it was a really nice letter with a card because he said the past few weeks were rough and i put all of the pictures he took for his work on a USB (I try not to be a bitter EX Girlfriend) I told him that I wanted answers and that its really hard for me to move on if i don't have them and that i didn't think it was fair for him to lead me on especially since i really do still care about him. I wasn't expecting an answer but i got one about 3 weeks later i guess that's how often people check their mail these days. He sent me a text this week telling me that he read it. And I asked him what he felt about it and he said that work has been crazy and he's right his work is nuts. We've texted a lot of small talk the past couple days. Example: How have you been? type of stuff. But this whole experience has been a crazy emotional roller coaster ride for me and at this point i really just want to know the answers to my questions so i can decide if this is something that I want to pursue. I really do miss him and our times together were awesome (we never fought) but how do i get the information i need so i can figure out what my next step is without pushing him to hard. Hes not a bad guy I know there is something that goes a little deeper then what he telling me but at the same time I want to take care of me too so both of us can be happy.

[Clinton]

Where exactly do you see a possibility of success here?

 

As far as answers as to why it ended, you'll never get them, or at least not real ones.

 

Best to just accept it ended and move on.

[DoF]

You can't break up with someone and continue contact. In order to start the healing process, you need to stop communication/contact all together.

 

Block him/ignore him all together so that you can start the healing process.

 

Since you are pretty young and due to your experience early on the relationship (speed of the relationship YOU allowed) I would highly recommend reading and studying "5 love languages" book. It's a great guide to relationships going forward and a wealth of information for just about anybody at ANY age.

 

Good luck

[mhowe]

What are your questions?

 

He broke up with you and asked you to move out because you had a blackout drinking episode and he had to leave work to deal with it. That says you aren't capable of being responsible for yourself and that surely isn't what he thought when he started dating you. He isn't leading you on at all. Meaningless small talk is all he is doing.

[jeepers]

If someone tells me no i dont want to be with you anymore I can turn it off, not an issue but if dont know and they are telling me something different and maybe they have felt the way that i have the past few months then maybe there is something we can do about it. I dont really care about being in a relationship. I have enough going on but for some odd reason he is really important to me. I havent ever felt like this so im going to try if i fail then whatever but at least i know i went for it. It doesnt really matter if i get hurt. It already hurts. I just feel like were both tip toeing around this. And I want to know how he feels. I dont want to have negative feelings or paint a bad picture of him in my head because i dont have the right information. Or maybe he is being mean but if he is at least i know and that makes it a whole lot easier.

[jeepers]

Nevermind, I'm an idiot. My questions are :

what did you want to talk to me about when i got back in town (are you having 2nd thoughts?)

When you didn't hear from me did you feel the way i felt when i couldnt get in touch with you?

You have told me that you still want to talk about it if im still feeling this way i want to learn from it and move on. How did it make you feel that night? what did I do? Was this a breaking point for you were our times together bad or was it just this one incident?

Do you still feel the way about me that I feel about you?

after I knew those things i think i would feel alot better

[jeepers]

they why would he say all those things why lead me on?

[mhowe]

He told you "we can talk about this" to get you off his back.

How do you expect him to think about that night?

The meaningless small talk is showing you he doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want to get back together.

 

The one incident....was a huge incident. A braking point for almost everyone. No, he doesn't look t you the same way he once did. How could he?

 

Why should you have negative feelings about him? He at least rescued you from that incident. Just because he resigned from being your keeper doesn't mean he is a bad guy.

 

Instead of looking to him for answers, I would suggest taking a long hard look at yourself.

[jeepers]

I accepted this break up went to get my stuff told him he deserved better and went to leave I did not push him I knew I messed up. I didnt beg and i didn't argue and the only reason I tried to contact him more then once was so i could get my stuff back. I told him in my letter that he shouldnt contact me anymore and not to lead me on. He is the one that keeps opening up the lines of communication

THATS WHY IM CONFUSED!

[mhowe]

He is having meaningless small talk. Which means nothing.

Simply stop responding to the "how are you" texts.

 

There isn't much here to be confused about.

[BigKK]

He is opening them up simply as small talk. It doesn't MEAN anything.

 

You want some hard closure...some people never get it.

 

Hell maybe your 'incident' was a great excuse to dump you. Perhaps he wasn't into you, not as attracted, found someone better, and then you act crazy...and bang perfect, cya later!!

 

He's never going to tell you the truth if it was any of those, so don't expect to get it.

 

He's only contacting you out of boredom or to setup you up as an occasional booty call...but I'd say he's just bored and doesn't care much for you

[thejigsup]

He is playing you as the "drunk chick" who would be easy to use for sex if he keeps the least little bit of contact going. He would f**k you, but after your little incident, he has no respect for you. Move on and stay sober.

[SophieGrace]

After the blackout incident, he didn’t want to talk about it “he just wanted (you) out.” When you returned from your two-week trip, you called him twice and FB messaged him twice. He could have called you any time in that 6-week period, and he didn’t.

 

Then when you went to get the camera, you asked him again if he would talk and he said he’d call you… and again, he didn’t.

Two weeks later he texted you small talk and that’s it. Then nothing for a month.

 

So you send him a card telling him you “want answers because it was hard for you not to have them and you (don't) feel it was fair of him to lead you on.”

 

Crickets for three weeks, then he texted you small talk.

 

Now you want to know if you should pursue it. I would advise you don’t. This man is not interested in you any longer. If he were, he would do the pursuing. You have told this guy several times you wanted to talk. He clearly doesn’t. He doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about him. There really is no more information to be had. His lack of action is your closure.

[thejigsup]

There's nothing like getting black-out-drunk to kill ANY romantic feelings. Like I said, stay sober.

[catfeeder]

The guy viewed the experience and it's implications about your dependency on him as bad enough to not want to deal with back then, and he doesn't want to rehash it. He doesn't want an enemy in the world--so he makes attempts to be kind, but when it comes down to going through the whole mess over again, he opts to pass.

 

So what would be in it for you to press for a conversation that he does not WANT to have? Sure, he may have said he would someday, but when it comes down to it, he does not WANT to.

 

So let it go. If the guy ever reflects and has some great epiphany someday, he knows how to reach you and will have no problem letting you know. Otherwise, chalk it up to an idea that if the two of you were ever a meant-to-be deal, you will both meet on higher ground someday--but in the meantime, it's up to each of you to reach that place on your own.

 

I've used that 'higher ground' theory to move motivate myself into moving forward and surprising everyone, including myself, with my resiliency and my ability to bounce back from a bad experience. I used it to throw myself into self improvement, the gym, good efforts to cultivate new interests and a healthy social life, and this took my laser beam focus off of my ex and moved it onto building the kind of life for myself that I could be proud of.

 

Consider that telling the guy that you can't move on does NOT increase his respect for you, it only confirms your dependent nature, which is a real turn off. You can't undo what's already been done, but you can stop dwelling there and you can move yourself ahead of that place to put it behind you.

 

When you're in hell, don't stop and stagnate there. Push beyond it so you can look back and thank yourself. You will find that this guy becomes less and less relevant over time, and that's the place you'll need to be in should he ever wish to rekindle anything beyond a hello.

 

Head high, and move forward.