mhowe Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Showing too much interest too early is a red flag that the person is putting to much emphasis on the dating life and not enough interest in a balanced life. Which then leads to clingy, needy and obsessive behavior. Link to comment
Michael777 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Many posts in this thread prove my point - rationality is lost in the modern label of "stalking." The same as the 17th century label "witch." The truth is people are human beings . And for daring to raise the point I face ridicule or I'm asked "are you a stalker ?" Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Well, I've been stalked. I DID NOT blow his behavior out of proportion. I was truly frightened. OP, do not encourage him. And as for feeling sorry for him, HE did this! Not you. So he needs to know stalking and spying is NOT OK. Do not respond, and find some way to block him. If you tell your cell carrier you are being stalked they will change your number for free. Mine did. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Actually, he is a self absorbed human being who has no regard for anyone but himself. Therefore, only his needs matter. Hence the stalking behavior when his needs are not met. Link to comment
Michael777 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Mhowe How do you know he has no regard for anyone but himself ? He may love his Mum and Dad and his friends - what do you know of him ? Or are you just typecasting him ? Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Because if he had a modicum of respect for anyone but himself he would accept "no" for an answer instead of pushing his own agenda. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 If you treat him like a fellow human being and talk to him in a rational way he will probably behave rationally - if you ignore or block him he will feel he has nothing to lose. That's how "stalkers" are made. Please quote the studies that concluded that stalkers would not have frightened, injured and killed their targets if only they were treated like fellow human beings and were talked to rationally. Please read up on Theresa Saldana. Do you really think there was a way to reason with her attacker? How many women have been terribly frightened, injured or killed by their stalkers? How many men have been terrorized by a woman who perceived they had wronged them in some way? OP, no, you cannot reason with someone who has already shown they will damage you when he is given the chance. If you let him back, he will start the same behaviors again, only worse. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Another way to put it is he is a human being with real feelings - not a piece of trash to be trampled on. Yes, SHE is a human being with real feelings. Her "real feelings" are fear and anxiety, caused by her stalker ex. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 If you treat him like a fellow human being and talk to him in a rational way he will probably behave rationally - if you ignore or block him he will feel he has nothing to lose. That's how "stalkers" are made. Victim blaming!!!! "she didn't respond to my requests to talk, so I HAD to stalk her" Are you kidding???? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 If you treat him like a fellow human being and talk to him in a rational way he will probably behave rationally - if you ignore or block him he will feel he has nothing to lose. That's how "stalkers" are made. OH. MY. GOSH. NOOOOOO. Stalkers are made by ignoring other people's boundaries. If I choose not to talk to you, that choice is mine and you must respect it. Period. If you can not respect it, then I am forced to build a higher wall. Mind your business and I won't have to shut you out in the first place. Let me ask you a question: I was raised in a house in which locks were forbidden on interior doors. Did that mean that because other family members' things were unlocked, we were free to rummage through them? No, of course it didn't. Even our mother didn't open our drawers. Locks were not required for safety and protection of ourselves, our emotions, or our things. If we had trespassed upon each other, we would have retreated to our rooms and locked the doors. That is what stalkers do when they impose on others, force their victims to put up walls we would rather live without. Stalkers are thieves. What they steal is freedom to be open to our neighbors. Instead, victims hide behind fences and our friends are forced to walk through them to reach us. Disgusting. Link to comment
erin Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Depends on why you broke up with him, and whether you want him back or not. If you don't, then you can install the Call Blocker app on your phone, it works for texts too. every single one i have tried for my samsung 3 only blocks calls and not apps. would you know why this is and what i can do about it? my old phone could block both texts and calls. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 My old Samsung g3 blocked both. The g5 does not block texts. On my old G 3 I installed a security app that blocked everything beautifully. I think the icon was a shield; I found the two apps I tried by using Google play. Link to comment
Davidator Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I'm with Michael 777. He may just need some closure. Meet him in a crowded cafe and tell him everything strong. A girl broke up with me when I was 19... She had her good reasons obviously, but it was out of the blue for me. I waited for her outside school and she would ignore me, I called her and she didnt pick up... I'm glad that that was many years ago and people hadn't learned the ugly word "Stalker". I would have never hurt her, I was just needing closure (and yes, a lot of growing up, too). I would show some compassion to the guy with whom you once shared love. Just once and tell him so. Do it in a place with more people if you are scared and let him know it will be the last time. Give him all the time he needs that evening and then separate forever. If he still insists after that, you can contact the police or whatever you find adequate. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Yep, all Tracey Thurman needed to do was tell her ex husband "strong". Unfortunately when she tried he knifed her nearly to death. How about the OP's ex gives her what she needs and leaves her alone? Link to comment
natashay Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi guys. I wanted to update you all. I did give him a chance. Not much was said. I laid down ground rules and we had a few days of very small small talk. Yesterday he texts me while I'm at work saying he is coming to see me. I said no, but he became very angry about it. We argued and a lot of our past was brought up. He kept saying things like "I'm not going to be here for much longer." A few hours later he tells me he has been seeing a doctor for a pituitary adenoma (look it up) and has been told he has 5-10years left to live. I don't know what to do now. I'm completely torn. There is still a part of me that doesn't want anything to do with him. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 He is a liar. Tell him to enjoy his life and block him. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Another form of manipulation. Some threaten to commit suicide. Others make up grandiose stories because what they're go to strategies so far isn't working the way they want it to. A man who has 5 to 10 years, um, anyone can get hit by a bus tomorrow and die. Block him! Get a new number. Don't keep your life on hold for someone you don't want, regardless if he's a stalker or not. If he's not the right guy, keep moving. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 So he's not a "stalker" if you're allowing him in your life. If you're seeing him and obviously still want to be with him, why are you complaining he's a "stalker"? You obviously want his attention; that eliminates the right to call him a "stalker" when you encourage his attention and keep seeing him. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Seriously, some of the people on this thread need to do so research into stalking. This guy is controlling, had an anger problem, doesn't respect boundaries. OP, stalker a are dangerous and as others have stayed women have been killed by them. I just that you cut all contact and tell him any further contact from him you will consider harassment. Do this via text so there is a record of it. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Oh lord, this one reminds me of the poster who had a guy like this claim he was dying of cancer to get her to leave her boyfriend for him. He then became increasingly erratic in his behaviors, abusive, and used it to control her for several years until she found out the truth. And by then she was so damaged emotionally and mentally she was having a hard time accepting it. OP do not let this become you. First off, seriously why would you believe this. And even if he is sick, as I have stated countless times on this forum, it does not give a sick person to now break the rules of normal social conduct to lie and manipulate and cross others boundaries. I will state that once again, being sick, even yes with a fatal illness, does not excuse a person from behaving like a sane, normal, empathic human being. Also, totally not normal to demand they're going to show up at your workplace then get angry when you tell them not to do so. Do you want this guy to get you fired from your job? 'Cause it sounds like that's what he's sure trying to do to me. This is the last time I will post any advice on this, but OP you are playing a dangerous game in continuing to entertain this guy in any way, shape or form with contact. But just so you understand what you're most likely dealing with and your potential future, take a look at this thread from someone else who blew past all those red flags. This is your more likely future should you continue to stay in contact with this guy and choose to believe his sudden "convenient" illness. Good luck. Link to comment
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