When rejecting guys gets you the reputation of a b!!tch

[Seraphim]

It's not about neutering it's about being respectful , no means no , learn to take it properly. As I said it's not the pursuit it's after someone said no back the hell off. There's no reason to call somebody dirty names because they said no.

[j.man]

Well probably because how you dress matters to us. It doesn't matter what your intentions are when you dress but it is a communication tool for us. I dont know what else to tell you. Men take cues from women on how available they are. How you dress is a huge important bit of information to us. Sorry that reality doesn't fit in your perfect little world. But there is another world out there you women refuse to see. Its the side of men, and you haven't fully neutered us yet.

They're not complaining about being approached. They're complaining about being sexually harassed or called names after rejecting a guy. There is no clothing that screams "sexually harass me" or "please call me a *****." Don't lump "us" in with the guy who uses a woman showing cleavage as an excuse to grab her ass. It's not a guy thing. It's an ***hole thing.

[Seraphim]

My 17-year-old son knows that no means no. And he knows you don't call someone a biatch because they said no. And grown ass men don't know this. Sad.

[Fudgie]

In terms of clothing, I can see both sides of the issue.

 

1.) Yes, you are entitled to wear whatever the hay you want, provided you're not violating any applicable decency laws. Just because a woman wears a tight dress doesn't mean that she deserves to be groped upon. No matter what you are wearing, you do not deserve to be touched without your permission and consent. The end. That goes for both sexes.

 

2.) There is something to be said about dressing appropriately for an occasion and what you are looking for. Wearing something provocative can and will attract male attention. They are going to think you're cute, be drawn to you, and feel more comfortable approaching you to talk in a place like a bar, or a club, because that's what people do there! Man sees Woman, thinks Woman is pretty, and goes to talk to her. It's pretty standard in those environments.

 

I apologize, I haven't read the whole thread, I have no idea what you're actually wearing when you go out, but if you really don't want to be hit on, then consider wearing something to "Blend in" a bit better. Just common sense here.

 

Now, going by your first post, it doesn't sound like you're actually bothered by men hitting on you. You're bothered by their reaction (calling you a b__ch for rejected them). Am I right in saying that? I am curious as to why a person with a significant other would not be bothered by people hitting on them. Personally, I don't like to be hit on while I'm in a relationship because I'm not available and rejection sucks, so I'd rather not deal with it. Do you think you maybe enjoy getting hit on but wish that these men would take it better?

[DoF]

Really??? Even if I was to walk around half naked (not saying that I do lol), it would still be my prerogative, my right, and it doesn't give anyone the green light to act like a monkey in heat or be upset when I reject their unwelcome advances.

There is no need for aggression, cursing, name calling, just because they don't get what they want.

 

As for the "like attracts like"... I hope it was a joke. That's how I will take it anyway.

 

It's not a joke at all.

 

SOMETHING is attracting these dogs towards her. Can also be environment she chooses to be in....or people she is around....

 

There is MILLIONS of attractive women out there that don't deal with this sort of thing.

 

And if you think being nude or naked will not attract dogs, you are in denial, sorry.

 

The reason I said "dressing" is probably the issue is because it seems to me like our society has convinced women to show their entire bodies with little to no covering. Yoga pants are a great example, everyone and their mother is wearing them right now.......and it blows my mind (although, don't get me wrong, as a man I like it).

 

You are basically exposing EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOUR LOWER BODY. Everything is out there for us to see.

 

EVERYTHING you do has a LOT to do with who you attract (environment, people around you and clothing probably play the biggest role).

 

My wife is an extremely attractive lady and gets hit on all the time, but NEVER like what you described. Not ONCE. So I would highly suggest change of environment/location where this is happening.

[Seraphim]

It's not a joke at all.

 

SOMETHING is attracting these dogs towards her. Can also be environment she chooses to be in....or people she is around....

 

There is MILLIONS of attractive women out there that don't deal with this sort of thing.

 

Really? Have you been a woman lately ?

[DoF]

Really? Have you been a woman lately ?

 

I see where you are going with this, you are not a woman so have no clue.

 

I'm just telling you how it is from male perspective. I am one, I've been around many and I've seen my share.

 

Take it how you want it, I'm just trying to help you.

[DoF]

They're not complaining about being approached. They're complaining about being sexually harassed or called names after rejecting a guy. There is no clothing that screams "sexually harass me" or "please call me a *****." Don't lump "us" in with the guy who uses a woman showing cleavage as an excuse to grab her ass. It's not a guy thing. It's an ***hole thing.

 

I'm not disagreeing with you at all, what you said is correct.

 

HOWEVER, how and where exactly is this happening so consistantly? If we are talking about geographical location, then move.

 

If it's certain place (bar, club) then don't go there.

 

Again, PLENTY of attractive women out there that don't get sexually harassed.

 

Nobody is saying sexual harassment is ok or she should be getting it.......

[Seraphim]

I see where you are going with this, you are not a woman so have no clue.

 

I'm just telling you how it is from male perspective. I am one, I've been around many and I've seen my share.

 

Take it how you want it, I'm just trying to help you.

But I don't need help knowing what respectful behaviour is.

[Fudgie]

I can say, personally, as a female (my picture is in my profile, you can be the judge on my level of attractiveness), I have managed to avoid many advances when I go out. Not all of them, but many. I don't dress provocatively or in tight things. I adjust my body language accordingly so I am not "open" with it. Open body language invites strangers of both sexes to talk to you. I like a number of city bars in my area but there are some that are really, really skeevy so I just don't go.

 

I recently started seeing someone so I am not interested in being hit on, and even when I wasn't seeing anyone, I didn't really want to be hit on either. So I am not hit on too much, maybe 1-2x per bar outing. I've not had my bum/privates grabbed in public (at work, YES but I am in a hospital, I'm talking bars/etc). I think if I marketed myself differently, I'd get more attention and thus, more guys would hit on me.

 

The thing is this, some guys are pigs, some are not. Some will accept rejection kindly, others will act like a spoiled child. What's the point in them hitting on you; you are going to reject them all. So why not reduce the # of bad reactions by reducing the # of reactions overall by making it a little less likely that they will hit on you?

[j.man]

Both a logical fallacy and attribution bias.

 

Just because many women go without being sexually harassed like this doesn't mean that the ones who do are doing something wrong, nor does it mean those who don't are doing something right. The only demonstrable constant in cases of sexual harassment and verbal abuse is that someone made the decision to sexually harass or verbally abuse.

 

It's not just women in miniskirts and low-cut tops getting harassed like this. Women wearing pantsuits in the corporate office catch it, too.

[DoF]

But I don't need help knowing what respectful behaviour is.

 

So remove yourself from that environment and don't come back.

[Seraphim]

So remove yourself from that environment and don't come back.

 

What environment? Women are not entitled to go any place they please and expect men to be respectful?

[DoF]

Both a logical fallacy and attribution bias.

 

Just because many women go without being sexually harassed like this doesn't mean that the ones who do are doing something wrong, nor does it mean those who don't are doing something right. The only demonstrable constant in cases of sexual harassment and verbal abuse is that someone made the decision to sexually harass or verbally abuse.

 

It's not just women in miniskirts and low-cut tops getting harassed like this. Women wearing pantsuits in the corporate office catch it, too.

 

Yes, HOWEVER, this usually happens from time to time, here and there.

 

IF it happens ALL THE TIME, then you either move, remove yourself from environment in which it happens in......or look in the mirror and see what can CONTRIBUTE (not CAUSE) to that kind of behavior from opposite sex.

 

Jesus, my wife goes to community college in the ghetto and has never dealt with ANYTHING close to what OP described.

[Seraphim]

So what a woman wears and where she is contributes to being called a biatch? Wow.

 

It's not the guy who called her a biatch who has the problem ?????

[DoF]

What environment? Women are not entitled to go any place they please and expect men to be respectful?

 

Go ahead, go to South Bronx or Detroit and walk around with your mini skirt.....you are simply asking for trouble.

 

Better yet, wear a bikini around jail with no guard supervision.

 

You are free to go ANYWHERE by all means, but be prepared to deal with the consequences of being in certain environment.

 

If you go to a club, well, let's see, we are talking about a place where most people go to get drunk, do drugs and hook up. Yes, most are not exactly the best type of people and the treatment they give is something that SOME women in that environment probably approve of and it gets those dogs results.

 

If it didn't, they probably wouldn't do it.

 

Hope you understand. I'm not trying to blame you or your friend, I'm just telling you that polishing up your clothing and environment you put yourself into MIGHT play a role in all this.

[Fudgie]

Can we all just admit that there's a middle ground here?

 

No one deserves to be sexually harassed anywhere. Men who sexually harass are pigs. Not all men are pigs.

 

But yeah, it doesn't make much sense to go out with tons of cleavage and God knows what else (sexy clothes) to a bar/club/etc (places known for meeting new sex partners) and then get angry when guys hit on you and then don't take it well when you reject them because you have a partner.

 

It's like going outside with a wad of cash hanging out of your pocket and then crying when someone tries to swipe it.

 

common sense.

[DoF]

So what a woman wears and where she is contributes to being called a biatch? Wow.

 

You are putting words in my mouth.

 

I never said that. What some idiot/dog considers a biatch is completely irrelevent and worthless.....it should also be ignored.

 

If you were to tell me that a smart/good man names a woman that rejected them a BIATCH, then we have a problem. But we already know that probably wouldn't' happen.

 

It's not the guy who called her a biatch who has the problem ?????

 

Of course it is.......that's common sense.

 

The only thing you can do is take a closer look at what YOU might be doing wrong. That's THE only thing within your control.

 

Since the sexual harrasment seems to be quite extreme on your end, its time for a change of environment/location.

[Seraphim]

Well, I don't go to bars or wear anything inappropriate , I haven't been in a bar in years and years. But when I was younger being sexually harassed was a very common event and not just in bars everywhere. And if you didn't submit to being sexually harassed you were called a biatch. And that's disgusting. This is a common complaint with almost every woman. Ask any woman on this forum and she can probably name at one point in her life where she's been sexually harassed.

 

1. I was 17 years old taking the train to school and on the train platform there's a guy wanking his weenie staring at me . Oh my God I was going to school I asked to be sexually harassed should I just not go to school then?

[j.man]

Yes, HOWEVER, this usually happens from time to time, here and there.

 

IF it happens ALL THE TIME, then you either move, remove yourself from environment in which it happens in......or look in the mirror and see what can CONTRIBUTE (not CAUSE) to that kind of behavior from opposite sex.

 

Jesus, my wife goes to community college in the ghetto and has never dealt with ANYTHING close to what OP described.

What does "the ghetto" have to do with it? As many as 1 in 3 women experience sexual harassment in the workplace-- the workplace. It's not "from time to time."

 

I love her to death, but my girlfriend pretty much dresses like she's a librarian from the 70s. She gets hit on constantly if I'm not walking with her-- and even sometimes if I am. It's great you've got your wife as an anecdote, but the countless statistics speak for themselves.

 

But you're right. If women would only stay inside all day and stop contributing to all this harassment walking on the sidewalk, they wouldn't have to complain about things like this.

[greta96]

Awsome, a man bashing thread.

 

But yeah guess what, the OP does have slight attitude in her post. But hey, maybe that's just my opinion.

 

Also, going from name-calling to assault, to rape is a huge stretch. Maybe the OP needs thicker skin.

 

It is not meant to be a man bashing thread, and if anyone needs a thicker skin it's you, the overly sensitive men out there, who think any kind of rant against things that happen in a woman's life because of *certain* men has to be an attack against mankind and become overly defensive.

I never said ALL men are like that. I have lots of great men in my family, amongst my friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and none of them would dream of acting the way the trolls I am referring to do.

Your post only proves what I'm trying to say all along - women don't have a voice out there, anything spoken against *some* men is taken as a personal attack and bashing against "all* men, and that was not my point when I made this post. I am allowed to vent about what happens in my life, that disrupts my daily life and spoils the time I spend out with my friends, and as you can see in this thread, it isn't only happening to me.

[Seraphim]

Can we all just admit that there's a middle ground here?

 

No one deserves to be sexually harassed anywhere. Men who sexually harass are pigs. Not all men are pigs.

 

But yeah, it doesn't make much sense to go out with tons of cleavage and God knows what else (sexy clothes) to a bar/club/etc (places known for meeting new sex partners) and then get angry when guys hit on you and then don't take it well when you reject them because you have a partner.

 

It's like going outside with a wad of cash hanging out of your pocket and then crying when someone tries to swipe it.

 

common sense.

 

Yes ,I understand that not all men are pigs. It is the pigs I'm talking about though. We are not complaining about being hit on. We are complaining about men that don't take the damn hint that no is no and just go the hell away and there's no need to call us a .

[DoF]

Well, I don't go to bars or wear anything inappropriate , I haven't been in a bar in years and years. But when I was younger being sexually harassed was a very common event and not just in bars everywhere. And if you didn't submit to being sexually harassed you were called a biatch. And that's disgusting. This is a common complaint with almost every woman. Ask any woman on this forum and she can probably name at one point in her life where she's been sexually harassed.

 

1. I was 17 years old taking the train to school and on the train platform there's a guy wanking his weenie staring at me . Oh my God I was going to school I asked to be sexually harassed should I just not go to school then?

 

If I may ask, where do you live?

 

We live in the "spillage of NYC" suburbs and again, wife, female friends never experienced anything you described. And I will be the first one to tell you that people around here are not exactly "great".....quite the opposite.

[greta96]

Ok awsome. My advice to Greta is when she hits the town, all men should stay home.

 

I have an answer for this, but I'll be nice and not write it.

[Seraphim]

If I may ask, where do you live?

 

We live in the "spillage of NYC" suburbs and again, wife, female friends never experienced anything you described. And I will be the first one to tell you that people around here are not exactly "great".....quite the opposite.

 

I went to high school in Calgary why? I experienced sexual harassment in any city I've ever lived in. It's not the place it's douche bags that can't leave people alone.