snoopygal Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I'm going to try to make this short. I was dumped about a month ago. Still living together until my place is ready. I'm having a hard time with this. He's totally done, and it's killing me. I don't want to date seriously right now, but when is it OK to have a rebound to help you cope? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 It is never a good idea to use someone else to help you cope with your own problems. Link to comment
sologirl Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You poor thing,that's an awful situation to be in but mhowe is right,it wouldn't be right to use someone cos you could hurt their feelings. No harm to give yourself some time to heal as well. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 It's a bad idea, and the person will end up getting hurt. Link to comment
Patrick974 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You and the other guy used as a rebound wont be happy. Got "rebounded" and dumped a couple times and it has become a rule of mine to be cautious with ladies freshly singles. Link to comment
captcha45 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 A rebound won't work if you are aware it's a rebound....it'll just make you feel worse. A rebound is only ok if you think there is actually a chance it might work out. You should date because you like the person, not to get over your ex. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 A rebound won't help you cope ...are you just looking for sex? When I was much younger (21) and my girlfriend dumped me and I was crushed but I was much younger so dating did help. Currently I'm out of a 24 year relationship so I'm in zero hurry to date or get involved with anyone, enjoying the freedom and less stress. Basically it depends on your situation and what your after. Just make the new guy know what your intentions are, he may be just looking for fun too..who knows? Link to comment
crowleysgirl Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with dating around very casually if you are completely honest from the get go, but more than likely it won't really help you. And it definitely isn't a good idea to get into an actual relationship with someone for the sole purpose of getting over a previous relationship. It won't help you, and the other person will be hurt. If you can't become happy just with yourself on your own for awhile, you aren't going to be happy with anyone else either. Link to comment
snoopygal Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I didn't mean a relationship with anyone, I guess I meant casual dating. Just to have fun, and get my mind off of him. I've never dated casually before, I'm not sure if it would help me or hurt/hinder my healing process Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Having fun and dating casually is very different from having a rebound. A rebound implies you're going to rush out and jump into a relationship with someone and use them for the express purpose of making yourself feel better. Instead go out with friends, take up a new hobby, start hitting the gym. You have to live with the guy, but minimize the contact to bare bones variety and just be out living your own life. You don't even have to date at this point, just going out dancing with friends or taking up a new activity like dance lessons or art will help. Go hang out at friends' places or even just hit the road for a weekend trip, whatever. Be civil to your ex, but really muzzled and if he asks what your up to just say out and about then breeze on past him. You do not owe each other an explanation of anything at this point and you need to start living life on your own. Once you're out of the house hold off on a serious relationship for at least six months or more. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Why not take the time to heal before making any decisions of this sort? You may not favor "alone time" but it helps to get your head back on straight. Link to comment
rich46 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 If you do try it, then in all likelihood it will teach you a valuable lesson for the rest of your life. I rebounded once, a few months after a break up, and I felt terrible and actually ruined a good friendship in the process. The positive of that experience is that I learned my lesson, and will never do so again. It is natural to get the urge after a break up, as you crave the attention, just like a drug addict craves drugs when going cold turkey. Resist, and you will be stronger in the long run. Link to comment
blanco Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 My ex has used the rebound strategy as a means to coping with the end of her last several adult relationships. She swears by them, but she's also prone to emotional unavailability, so there's that to consider. She has always moved on from relationships quickly, even though she has tended to stay in them for too long. I know it can be a nice distraction from the unpleasant feelings that come from a breakup, but they seem to also prevent reflection and the opportunity for personal growth. And without that, the chances are high of repeating patterns in the next relationship that were problems in old one. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 its a bad idea, take this time tolearn what went wrong and learn more about yourself Link to comment
Vastaux Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Since when has Haveing a rebound ever been a good idea? Go out and have sex with different people all you want! But in my mind a rebound is a new relationship that is very soon after the last, that means you'll be screwing the new guy over as you know it's not gonna last. Like I said, go out and have sexy time with as many people as you need. Just don't get in a relationship and play safe. Edit: sorry just read your post about not wanting a relationship but casual. That's cool. I'm my mind casual sex is totally fine after a break-up. Especially if your the dumpee! Link to comment
Lucia Amman Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Casual sex or dating is great! Just do it. Be fair to the person you're dating/using for sex though. I've noticed there are plenty of decent people who want the same as you want now. Who are ok with any terms you come with. You might find people who are recently divorced as well and just want to have some fun, lighthearted dates. Nothing wrong with that! Link to comment
rich46 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Can't say that I agree with the last couple of posts, but each to their own. It all comes down to the individual I suppose, so impossible to give a definitive answer to the original question. Link to comment
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