goddesstobe Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 If you cut through the bull, he dumped me after a year together because he wasn't into me. After two months, I'm mostly back to normal. I have been getting these raging urges to block and delete the festering wound that he's become from my life. This includes gifts he's given me. The blender and his old sweaters are great because they're utilitarian. But I want to return these three in particular because I can't bear to throw them out: 1. a small figurine he gave me to represent me. I have no use for a piece of plastic, but it's such a cute and innocent-looking cat that doesn't deserve to be thrown away. More importantly, he has a few others, so it'd be added to the collection. 2. a dish from his South Africa trip. He bought two, one for me and one for him and his broke. I don't use mine whereas he does, so he might as well get the unbroken one. Plus someone in South Africa took a lot of effort to make this thing. 3. a shirt he made for me a week before we broke up, when he went to a museum. It's not my style but I would've worn it to feel his love. Except now I don't want to feel his love anymore. He spent a lot of time and effort on it and I don't want to throw it away. When he broke up with me I tried giving him some stuff back but he insisted I keep them because they'd bring me wonderful memories one day. They do not. Moreover, I'm trying to be more minimalist. I read on the internet that returning these things might be constituted as rude. Would it? I feel like it would help me heal. I would leave them on his doorstep: "I didn't know what to do with these. No hard feelings : )" Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It isn't rude...it's petty. Donate them to a hospital thrift shop. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 No more contact, they were gifts, not his, yours. If he wanted them I think he would have taken them. Donate or trash. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It's not rude. Either mail them back to him or take them to the local thrift shop. Then forget about him! Link to comment
captcha45 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 don't give it back to him. it will just give him an excuse to contact you. trash. present for a friend. charity. doesnt matter Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Wow just throw them out or donate them. No reason to make excuses to contact or see him. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 The stuff is crap and not worth $20. If by sentimental you meant he once gave you a brooch that belonged to his grandma, sure...return it. That stuff is worthless and you are simply trying to get a reaction. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 The only thing I could see of value is the South African dish. He may want it back. I don't know. Personally, I'd put it in a padded envelope and mail it to him. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Keep them. You may reflect later on in life, and look at them with nice thoughts. Put them away in an attic if u have one. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 donate or trash. you may think returning them may be about "paying the effort put into them some respect" (which is easily done by giving it to charity) but it is likely about communicating to him just how "over" you are and...yeah, let's not go proving points to people we're over. The kitty will be fine in it's new home. Or the trash bin. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Why are they not squirreled away in a shoebox somewhere? I thought women loved compartmentalizing relationships down to shoeboxes? Link to comment
Clio Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I agree with mhowe that, even though you may have trouble admitting/seeing this yourself, deep down you are hoping for a reaction. The simple answer to not throwing them away is donating them to a thrift shop/charity. All these excuses you are making up in your mind in order to indirectly try to initiate contact is just that. Excuses. Denial and bargaining are parts of the break-up grieving process and we have all been through it. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 You want to hurt him by shoving the gifts back in his face. That is not the way. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Why do you need to give them back to him? Just put the stuff in a bag, take it to your nearest good cause thrift store and let them sell it to make money for a worthy cause. Done and done. He doesn't need to know you got rid of the stuff, you don't need to be in contact, you don't need to be rude--BTW giving someone back stuff after they broke your heart is actually not rude, it's called "I don't want this around reminding me you rejected me." As someone else said if someone gave you a really expensive family heirloom like their mother's wedding ring, yes those things should go back to the ex. But just stuff you have no use for anyways that's a bad reminder? Nope. There are a plethora of thrift stores out there that appreciate donations to help them raise money. It's tempting to do it as a way to show him you are now rejecting him, but all that does is cause arguments and at this stage arguing about anything should be done. Time to move on. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Why are they not squirreled away in a shoebox somewhere? I thought women loved compartmentalizing relationships down to shoeboxes? yeah spot on ..I have a cupboard full of penises in shoe boxes I am in the charity percentage no matter what, it looks like an excuse to contact him or tomake a point ..he already said he didn't want the stuff . Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 yeah spot on ..I have a cupboard full of penises in shoe boxes I can always count on you to crack me up, ppls! ♥ Link to comment
blanco Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 There were a few times in the last couple of months where I considered giving back things, but I didn't for the reasons others have mentioned: - They weren't hers. She gave them to me, but they never belonged to her. - Some of the things will probably be nice to look back at years from now when I feel indifference towards her as a romantic partner. - At the root of it all, I would have only been looking to get a reaction from her by giving them back. If it was really just a matter of being rid of them, I own a trash can, and I live within walking distance of a thrift shop. I know you feel hurt, but don't be petty. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 The only purpose of sending him any sentimental stuff would be to manipulate a reaction from him. That urge is the thing to break if you actually want to liberate yourself. The 'stuff' is meaningless beyond the meaning you assign to it, so just ditch it in the dumpster--and move your focus onto something constructive. Link to comment
goddesstobe Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Thanks guys, especially the ones that responded with compassion. I'm slipping back into indifference now. One thing I'd say about post-breakup stuff: I'm glad I didn't do every thing that I didn't do. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 yeah spot on ..I have a cupboard full of penises in shoe boxes I am in the charity percentage no matter what, it looks like an excuse to contact him or tomake a point ..he already said he didn't want the stuff . Do you arrange them by European or US sizes? ;-) I know she's fishing for a reaction, I just thought that's what people did, put stuff like that away in a memory box or a desk drawer or some place you don't look at much but have the option to come back to and reminisce if it every strikes your fancy! Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I once was asked by a guy on a date if I wanted the movie tickets stubs. I asked "what the hell for". He said "your "keepsake box". I laughed so hard I had soda coming out of my nose. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Thanks guys, especially the ones that responded with compassion. I'm slipping back into indifference now. One thing I'd say about post-breakup stuff: I'm glad I didn't do every thing that I didn't do. the good thing is you've hit the angry "I'm done with you" phase, typically followed by the "I deserve happiness" phase Also, EVERYONE gets these impulses to throw something in their ex's face (sometimes literally). Just vent here when that happens. Good luck, keep going, you got this sh*t! Link to comment
johnnib24 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just put them away outta sight outta mind. Maybe later on in the future you'll figure out what to do with them. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 But that would not be true, would it? Even reading your post, your anger about this festering wound is evident. You want to return these and tell him to shove it. Get the last word in. In your face buddy. But do not do this. We have all felt this way but it is a fleeting sense of revenge that does not help you move on. If you need to deglut things then give them away to the Salvation Army or even in the trash. I would worry less about the fate of a piece of plastic than about your own personal healing. Link to comment
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