Clinton Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 As to if I met my ex, I bumped into her in a bar. I actually sat a seat away from her without realizing who it was. She was talking to another girl with her back to me. I thought I recognized the other girl but I didn't recognize the ex. When I finally did, I tried to settle up and leave ASAP. But before I did, she turned around and said, arent you going to say hello. I said a gruff hi and when she asked how I was I said "great" and left. Got an email the next day asking if we couldn't be nice to each other when we bumped into one another. I replied back, I didn't hate her and said I hoped she was doing well and left it at that. Over is over and this was. Friendship is not something I pursue with an ex. She wanted it, I didn't. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Good story. 13 years is an incredible long time. I don't want friendship either with an ex. Do you feel it would be beneficial to text the ex that? For example "I'm not looking for friendship, maybe it would best to meet up If you ever become single, and we can go from there. Truth is I'm meeting cause I miss you, and have different motives." or maybe not and just meet her. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Also, If I saw her now. At least i wouldn't be as awkward seeing her out in person. Link to comment
Clinton Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm no expert on getting an ex back. No one is. It's all touch and feel and anyones best guess. If it was me, I'd meet, feel her out, and if you feel comfortable tell her that. And be prepared for rejection But if it goes badly, at least you can really begin to move on. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 good advice. Very straight forward. She knows how I feel, but it's all been over the phone/text. Seeing her in person adds a new dynamic Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 I mean last night when we were texting I mentioned I was still in love with her hahahaha. Newbie mistake I know. I said it to see if she would then decline to meet Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 It isn't a "newbie" mistake. It is game playing. And she will let you stroke her ego as much as you want. Why not? It costs her nothing. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 true. She doesn't really respond to my texts when I say that kind of stuff. She will kind of ignore it. I just figured it's pretty inappropriate to say that stuff and still meet me, when she has a BF. I wouldn't let my GF go near me if I was this guy. Then again she might not even tell him. What do I know Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 You are the one being inappropriate. Not her. You wouldn't "let" your gf ===== your ex clearly isn't sharing your "I love you" declarations with her bf. She is ignoring them and watching you act a bit foolish. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 For sure. I look like an idiot. Almost embarrassing meeting her. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 The thing is I meet girls pretty fairly easy and have gone on multiple dates. She prob thinks I'm desperate which isn't the case. I'm just genuinely hung up on the girl Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Desperate ---- hung up ------ same thing. You know she has a bf but won't stop contacting her. You tell her you still love her. You ask to meet her. Don't you think SHE thinks you are hung up on her? Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 You are correct. I'm starting to think It might be best to tell her to "text me If she ever becomes single, and we could go from there, and maybe grab coffee". I'm not looking to be the friendly ex bf hoping to get back with my ex gf who is seeing other people. How freaking pathetic Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Whatever I decided. Even If it doesn't go well. Will be last time I'd see her, and can then truly move on completely. Hell, I haven't seen her in over 2 months, maybe I'll realize I'm over it more than I think, and I'm just kind of hung up on the fact I can't have what I want Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm not looking to be the friendly ex bf hoping to get back with my ex gf who is seeing other people. That is exactly who you are. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 correct I am. your a female, what would you think in this situation if you're ex BF kept doing this? Keep in mind my ex was madly in love with me at one point Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Everybody has been madly in love with their bf/gf at some point. And then it passes. If I were her, I would feel sorry for you. That I had moved on, and that you would not. I would have told you that you really need to stop texting me. I would assume you are both young, and she doesn't want to come accross as "mean". So she "allows" you to stay in touch. But she is feeling pity ---- not attraction. She will always "care about you". Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I've been in your shoes and had several exes contact me to have coffee, dinner, meet up for a chat. Two of them were with someone else at the time; one was recently separated/heading toward divorce. Of the three, only one (the separated guy) actually wanted to date me again. The other two just wanted....what? An ego boost, maybe. One, my most recent ex, tried to make out with me AND suggested we have sex, which I did NOT do (when I agreed to meet him I didn't realize he was still with his previous ex, who he'd gone back to -- I thought they'd broken up again, and I found out halfway through dinner that he was still with her -- I was dumb and should have asked). The other (who I didn't know was seeing another woman at the time) would probably have slept with me too if I had agreed to it. I think the common denominator is that they were both having troubles in their relationships (and the third guy was recently separated and was waxing nostalgic about previous girlfriends). None of them was serious about getting back together with me. They were all just going through stuff, and they remembered me as someone kind and accommodating who would listen and be nice to them. I think if you tell yourself you have no expectations of this meeting, you are not being honest with yourself at all. That's OK. We've all done it. Really, it's not appropriate for you to be meeting her if she has a boyfriend, but aside from that, I think you're setting yourself up here. Maybe that's what you need to do, though. Sometimes, we need to learn the hard way, and if it will help you move on, then do it. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I didn't read this whole thread, but I don't see how getting together with an Ex who's adamant that they're happy in the current relationship / situation can possibly be beneficial to you. She clearly wants the ego stroke of knowing you still want her, and keeping you in that unrequited position will give her much more power than leaving her bf for you. I don't see the payoff....honestly, it sounds like you're setting yourself up to get rejected. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 We are both 25. You are right, I'm surprised she hasn't texted me that. This is a freaking pity party. What a waste of time and energy. I think I won't be meeting her, It's best to just be done with it. If I see her out in person I will be nice, and maybe say Hi. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I once broke up with a bf, and I was around the same age. Honestly, I just got bored with him. He told me "if you ever feel like calling, or are bored, or have nothing better to do ---- just call me". And I thought "damn dude, grab some self respect". Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Good advice. I don't think it's appropriate either. It's pretty degrading meeting an ex gf who is sleeping with another guy. So if it's so inappropriate why is she doing it? Could it be out of pity for me. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Pity, ego stroke --- you keep asking. Who knows. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Good advice. I don't think it's appropriate either. It's pretty degrading meeting an ex gf who is sleeping with another guy. So if it's so inappropriate why is she doing it? Could it be out of pity for me. She wants to use you to process something that's going on in her current relationship She wants to "win" by knowing she's doing better than you She wants to feel you out to know if she can jump back your direction if her relationship isn't as good as she said. None of these are good for you. Link to comment
jssteele89 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Haha. No they really aren't. I prob just need to meet someone new. Like I said she mentioned she was happy where she is now. So I'm assuming she is meeting me to see how I'm doing, and kind of get it out of her system and not have to worry about me. Who freaking knows. Kind of what a previous person said the attraction is kind of dead. I don't know, I'll think about it. Like I said seeing each other in person adds a whole new dynamic to it, Been over 2 months since we'd seen each other. Link to comment
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