Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Approximently seven years ago, this incredibly handsome young man friended me through social media. I thought nothing of it, so I accepted. The same day he messaged me. At first I was hesitant to respond because I noticed he was in a relationship. But, this boy was attractive and charming and I was captivated. One day of messaging this boy, turned into weeks, months, and eventually years. 7 to be exact. Even though I knew he was taken, I could not help myself from wanting to talk to him everyday, all day. His girlfriend was away at college and we became very close friends through text messaging and social media. I am sure people who see this will automatically think hes a player, but it wasnt like that. We never intended for things to go as far as they did and we never would dream of hurting his girlfriend. I'm writing this today because we haven't spoke in a month. His girlfriend is back home from college and basically I feel sad because I'm starting to question my entire friendship with this person. How could he go from talking to me all day to nothing at all? I believe he's trying to make some lifestyle changes for the better and maybe me not being in the picture is one of them. I just feel used and basically like he passed the time with me when his SO was away for school. But the person he is, he wouldn't try to hurt anyone. Maybe I'm taking it too personal. I knew he would never leave his gf for me and I never wanted him to. But was it all lies? Was our whole friendship a waste? I miss this guy terribly but I won't contact him. Anyone who is listening, try to understand my intentions were pure. I am sure he thinks of me. Nobody has ever found out about our secret and I think one of the reasons he liked me so much is because of my loyalty. Does he think of me? When he hears those songs? When he drives around those long nights for work? When he falls asleep next to her at night? Does he remember the way I made him feel... I don't want to be with him. All I want is to know what was the point of it all. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 That's easy. He had you to fill the void. Now she has returned and the void no longer exists. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 She never found out and sadly I don't believe she ever will. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 So our friendship didn't mean anything apparently. He texted me a few times when she was home, but I didn't keep the conversation going. Should I forget about him ? Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You weren't real. You were a text game. Did you ever meet him in real life, over seven years? Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Yes. A handful of times. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 He confessed that he had feelings for me but he knew it was so wrong. He felt bad about it and I did also. His girlfriend is wonderful but I couldn't ignore him whenever he contacted me. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Anyone feel free to comment. I've been having a hard time. Thank you. Feel like I lost my best friend. Link to comment
j.man Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 What choice do you have? It's over. You were obviously much more into the "friendship" than the guy was. Not chasing after emotional connections with men who are spoken for will take you a long way in not getting burned like this. Link to comment
Doofus Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 How old are you all? When did he and the gf start dating? This isn't making any sense to me, tbh. If he was dating the gf before you and he started texting and his gf is in college, then his gf presumably was, what? 11 or 12 when they started dating?? Or is she 22 now? In which case did this happen before when she came home from college? How old are you? Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 We started talking when he was 15. He's 22 and I am 23. He and his girlfriend started dating in middle school. Then she went off to college and he was contacting me all day, every day and even sometimes when she was home. Just to check on me, I assume. I don't believe I was just a void. I believe he liked me too, but he would never do that to his girlfriend. He told me he had feelings for me but that it was bothering him because his gf didn't deserve any of it and that was that. Basically it ended there. He doesn't ever talk to me now. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Sounds like he liked having you around to talk dirty to and met you a few times to have sex and then his life got in the way of the fantasy and he ended it OR he has several older women he play this game on and never ever had a gf off at college and you were just one of many women he has played. It seems like you put your life on hold for 7 years. Did you date at all during that time? Are you married? in a relationship now? And lets be honest here. He cheated on his girlfriend with you for years. He is not a wonderful person, he is a cheater and a liar. Lost Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I dated people, but I didn't care about anyone besides him. I told this guy everything... It was really hard to be the other woman. Especially because I've never seen myself as that type of person. I fell for him and couldn't help it. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 How old are you all? When did he and the gf start dating? This isn't making any sense to me, tbh. If he was dating the gf before you and he started texting and his gf is in college, then his gf presumably was, what? 11 or 12 when they started dating?? Or is she 22 now? In which case did this happen before when she came home from college? How old are you? This was my question, as well. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 So I guess he just used me too. Let's not sugar coat it. Maybe I was just that insecure. 😢 Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 He never opened up to me, but when he ended it, he said I wasn't the only one affected by it all. I know it hurt him to let me go. He didn't do this with anyone else. He's just not that type. He'swith humble. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I disagree—I think your story is, in fact, typical. I think you need to get out of your own head for a while. This all sounds very dramatic, and it seems as though you view it as a romantic movie. I don't think it's as simple as you being insecure; I think that there is some part of you that preferred a "safe" connection with someone. Meaning you never had to worry about getting too close or anything coming of it, because it wasn't possible. Maybe work on getting past any barriers you might have to real intimacy. Link to comment
j.man Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 He emotionally cheated on his girlfriend, so I'm not about to say dude's a good person. But you're also not a victim. You weren't "used" in the sense you're implying. All the cards were on the table from the beginning. Nobody forced you to keep talking to him, and his relationship with another woman was never a secret, The most important takeaway is to not get yourself involved in situations like that. There are always going to be guys who cheat. You can't control that. You can control whether you're the woman they cheat with. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You say its not a typical story. Yes it is. Men and women have emotional affairs just like this where they don't actually go on dates - but they share emotionally and therefore emotionally cheat. It doesn't matter if its by handwritten letter, phone, computer, or at the coffee shop. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I have a family of my own now and would never cheat them, but sometimes It bothers me that I never really knew where I stood with him. For years I praised him so not having him anymore as anything hurts a little. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 You're all right. Thank you Link to comment
jimthzz Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Your case is as typical as they come. What makes you think otherwise is that it is you involved. Your best course of action is to stay away from attached people and find a healthy relationship with a person located where you live so you can see them, meet their family, friends, and know that they are legit. Don't be willing to intrude on a relationship based on a whiffle fed to you by some guy. Keep your standards high. Link to comment
Sensibleheart9 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I resent him now and I don't know if that's the right thing to do. Link to comment
East4 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Since most of your communication was done over the internet/text, it is doubtful if you at all got to know the real person this guy was. The way you are idealizing him in your post points to one long lasting fantasy world that you chose to live in for 7 years. What a waste of time. I agree with bulletproof that perhaps you have some fears to meet people in real life and you substitute a real relationship for some cyber, imaginary relationship. The guy didn't use you, you were a willing participant in this affair. You had 7 years to quit and you didn't do it. There was something in it for both of you and the guy-he had a texting/FB buddy to supply attention to him, while his girlfriend was away. You on the other hand had a constant supply of fantasy fog, that gave you a feeling that you had something real, while in fact it was an imagination. Perhaps you can explore why you were willing to waste 7 years sitting on a computer or typing on your phone. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I resent him now and I don't know if that's the right thing to do. whatever it takes for you to give up the attachment and move on. Link to comment
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