Birthday text from the ex - why do they bother?

[miss_sunshine]

Well it was my birthday over the weekend and I was not expecting to hear from my ex. Long story, short we were together over 11 years, we were weeks away from buying a house together and he left me saying he did not want to get married and have kids. I have since come to learn that he moved in with a girl from his work only months later and it is quite obvious he was cheating on me. We have had very minimal contact and I had not heard from him in at least 5 months and we had been broken up for almost a year and he sends me a birthday message. "Happy Birthday xxx. I hope you have a great day! (icon of a present).

 

I know I probably should not have replied but I simply waited until the next day and sent back a "Thanks". Why bother sending me a message? I know there could be many reasons but what is the point? He promised me the world, broke my heart in to a million pieces and never looked back. He is living with someone new, we don't speak, I did not send him a message for his birthday which was four months ago. I just think it is so selfish and it almost ruined my day but I did not let it. I guess it proves to me that he only ever thinks about himself and not about how anything might affect me. Shouldn't he just be happy with the new girl and moving on with his life and not even think about contacting me? Weird!

[rich46]

Quite simple really...guilt.

 

No point analysing it further. Saying a simple "thanks" is not a big deal as long as you don't let it affect you. Having said that, if he tests the waters again in a few months with a random text, then I wouldn't bother replying again.

[Andrina]

To me it's a rude intrusion on your life when you're trying to have closure. If he texts you again, I'd reply with "Please delete my number." You can even text him that now, if you don't want to receive an out of the blue message from him again.

[rich46]

To me it's a rude intrusion on your life when you're trying to have closure. If he texts you again, I'd reply with "Please delete my number." You can even text him that now, if you don't want to receive an out of the blue message from him again.

I disagree with this because it will give him the satisfaction of knowing that he still has an effect on you.

 

Just my opinion, but let it go this time and in future, simply ignore.

 

Oh and...happy birthday!

[miss_sunshine]

I thought as much that it would be guilt. I also think dumpers have no idea of the pain they cause either and that I still think of him daily even after a year. I thought on it for a few hours on the day and then I have let it go for the most part. All the other times he has reached out I have just ignored it but this time I felt a simple thanks shows I am moving on with my life, I am okay enough to respond and not just ignore him. I probably should have just ignored it, but saying thanks helps me sleep better at night so I guess that is the main thing. I will certainly not respond if he reaches out further as he has hurt me way too much and he treated me quite terribly in the end.

[rich46]

I thought as much that it would be guilt. I also think dumpers have no idea of the pain they cause either and that I still think of him daily even after a year. I thought on it for a few hours on the day and then I have let it go for the most part. All the other times he has reached out I have just ignored it but this time I felt a simple thanks shows I am moving on with my life, I am okay enough to respond and not just ignore him. I probably should have just ignored it, but saying thanks helps me sleep better at night so I guess that is the main thing. I will certainly not respond if he reaches out further as he has hurt me way too much and he treated me quite terribly in the end.

Yeah agreed, saying a simple "thanks" has showed that you have maintained your dignity, and it seems like you are doing very well.

 

Definitely a selfish act on his part.

[Heartbrok3n445]

I would block his number so he cant send you any texts in the future as it may ruin any other future events you may have!

 

It's good you didnt let it ruin your day and I think it was really rude of him to do that. He may have thought he was being nice but really, he should have thought of that before he did those horrible things to you!

 

I'd block his number to make sure you'll never have to receive anything from him again. And if not, I wouldnt reply to anything in the future.

 

He doesnt deserve a reply from you.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Xx

[miss_sunshine]

Thanks guys. His number is not actually in my phone but I still remember it when it pops up on my phone. Hard to forget a number you dialed for almost 12 years. I would like to block him but he still has one rather large item of furniture in my house which belongs to one of his friends. I am building a place so I will need it moved in about 8 months time so I might have to speak to him about that. Other than that I will not be making any contact with him or replying. He is very selfish. I hope it upset him when I never sent him a bday message, but who knows he is devoid of all emotion it seems now.

[ChasingHope]

Good for you for acting with dignity--I don't think anyone could have handled it better. He probably spent the last 4 months wondering why you didn't wish HIM happy birthday.

[poppy2014]

haha, i hate this.

 

its like " oh hey, i can see you're doing fine without me, heres a little reminder that im still here"

 

JOG ON PAL!

[Draven8]

I'm sorry, probably makes him feel better to be nice now.

 

Even if it is too late. He's trying to be a big shot.

 

Let him do what he wants and put it behind you and you keep on keeping on.

[lostandhurt]

Probably guilt and regrets.

 

He screwed up and now is not nearly as happy as he thought he was going to be. You have a life and are off living it.

 

I guess he learned the grass is NOT greener.

 

This would be a good time to text him to have his friend contact you about getting his furniture out of your place.

 

Lost

[Draven8]

Probably guilt and regrets.

 

He screwed up and now is not nearly as happy as he thought he was going to be. You have a life and are off living it.

 

I guess he learned the grass is NOT greener.

 

This would be a good time to text him to have his friend contact you about getting his furniture out of your place.

 

Lost

 

Yeah that's a great idea. While at this bump in the road, get that dealt with. Means no more heart ache to worry about in the future.

[PaintWithLight]

Thanks guys. His number is not actually in my phone but I still remember it when it pops up on my phone. Hard to forget a number you dialed for almost 12 years. I would like to block him but he still has one rather large item of furniture in my house which belongs to one of his friends. I am building a place so I will need it moved in about 8 months time so I might have to speak to him about that. Other than that I will not be making any contact with him or replying. He is very selfish. i hope it upset him when I never sent him a bday message, but who knows he is devoid of all emotion it seems now.

 

He is sniffing around for breadcrumbs. And your comments in bold shows he knows there is still some emotional charge there. Your response "Thanks" was short and dignified but you know you need to stay away and out of contact completely, right? Your sour grapes thoughts about not sending him a b-day messages shows you are still to vulnerable.

 

The truth is he probably didn't even miss your b-day message. He is not the guy that you imagined him to be. He disconnected from the relationship a long time before you got the news. NC is key for you to heal. His friend's furniture is not reason enough to allow him random access to you. If he txts again, block him and let his friend sort of the furniture on his own.

[meozorchild]

Do not message him not to contact you! That is childish and immature, the opposite of what you did one you politely thanked him.

[miss_sunshine]

I definitely will not message him to say not to contact me. No way I will give him the satisfaction that he still has some hold over me. I am sure that him contacting me most probably meant nothing in the scheme of things. I just have to keep on moving on with my life.

[burningred]

Ya, dont ever text him again babydoll. Take it from me. We have been broken up with our exes for almost the same length of time. I gave in to my weakness and i feel like dying right now. So please, dont ever give him the satisfaction. Please take it from another woman who got betrayed and still stupid enough to hope, to love.

[boltnrun]

My ex only contacts me when he's fighting with his girlfriend.

[miss_sunshine]

Thank you both, I definitely will not reply if he contacts me again. I'm sure it does make him feel like a big shot and like he did the right thing contacting me.

[4evalone]

I blocked my ex from everything possible (whatsapp/facebook/sms/called), but I can't block emails. So she managed to wish me a belated happy birthday and I replied "thanks". 2 more emails came. First was to ask me out, second was to vent about her job! Any sort of response is a good one to the crazy ex!

[boltnrun]

My ex texted me to say he was thinking about me. When I ignored that one he sent another that said he hoped I had a good day. I replied "thanks". Nothing since then. Perhaps he got the hint that I'm not interested in helping him make his on-off girlfriend jealous.

 

Whatever it is these people want, it has nothing to do with wanting to do good for you or to make you happy. There's almost always a selfish motive. Block, ignore, and have a good laugh.